"To believe in this living is just a hard way to go"

It's a terrible cliche that it's lonely at the top, but I'm starting to realize what that means. It's hard to believe that it's been almost six months since I became the president of the sorority.

It really changes your perspective on everything, including yourself.

Now, I have the burden of doing what's right for the group when it's not right for all the individual members. I have to enforce standards that my friends don't always live up to. I have to be strong for 23 women. I have no one to be strong for me.

There are days when I would just break down and cry if I had the time. There are days I wish I could just turn my phone off and sleep worry-free for just one night. But time is a luxury I don't have.

There are definite rewards, so I want to make that clear before I continue, but when it all comes down to it, good times are a reward for the sisters, and bad times go to me. I just have no one I can talk to about this, but I need to express it.

It has definitely changed me. I can't be who I want to be because that might interfere. The line between who I am and who I want to be is being overpowered by who I ought to be. I'm just not sure what I want right now I guess.

I took a quiz that said I'm Lynette from Desperate Housewives. I've seen bits and pieces of this show, but the quiz mentioned sacrifices and not being appreciated. That's me a lot.

It's like I'm not even here sometimes - even I can't really see me. I work so hard to do so many things for so many other people that I've put my own life on hold for the past three years. Now I feel like I've cheated myself, withheld me from me, and that's not right.

There are days when being a leader is one of the most rewarding experiences of my college career. Somedays, I just don't see why anyone would voluntarily do it. I guess that's why past presidents kept insisting that I really didn't want it. But then, I've been neglecting what I want for a while.

I wish we were stronger. We used to be. Now things have changed. Little things that used to not matter are a big deal, and things that shouldn't be issues are. Somehow along the way, we've all lost something. I know we can get it back, but I fear my loss is permanent.

I've given so many pieces of myself to others that I really don't have anything left, and yet I keep trying, bending over backward, to do something else for someone else. I'm the most obligated person I know.

My heart is in it, which is perhaps a problem. I've never really been able to separate my emotions in the way I would like. I wish I could keep business business and personal personal, but I'm not so talented.

I entangle myself. I'm emotionally involved in the sorority. I'm emotionally involved in my jobs. I couldn't give up if I wanted to, and I don't want to, although I know far too well that one of the jobs has to go soon.

I'm so needed right now, and it's killing me. I'm not wanted anywhere, but so many people rely on me, and I can't bear to let anyone down. Except myself. I've let myself down more times than I'd care to count.

I used to think I was a good person, that there was deep within me a genuinely good person. But I've failed so much that I'm not convinced anymore. Perhaps being good is an allusion. I imagine it's just relative, though I'm not sure to what.

The Devil situation certainly isn't helping matters. If there's one dark corner of my life I'd like to forget, that's it. I don't like to think of myself as being weak or vulnerable. I don't like feeling completely powerless. I don't always have to be in control as long as I'm not completely helpless.

I'm not afraid of many things. But that time in my life was dark, and I think it hardened me, made me different, made me something I don't like. I know it's just self-preservation and you do what you have to do, but that doesn't always mean you're proud of how you handle things. Hindsight it always 20/20. I wish I had done something, anything, instead of just freezing, trying to convince myself that it wasn't real when I knew that it was.

I don't like to admit needing anyone, but right now, I need someone to be my strength, because I'm stretched too thin trying to hold everything else together. I need someone to help hold me together.

For those reading this, please leave me a comment or something. I could use a reminder that I'm not the only one who cares about me.

"Just give me one thing I can hold on to
To believe in this living is just a hard way to go"

The Devil Came from Alabama

We won! I cried. Yes, I cry at football. Laugh it up.

Then we partied in Red Boiling Springs. Good times.

Good times, that is, until The Chad mentioned The Devil. Apparently, he still exists. He told The Chad not to mention us because "She might hate me."

Really?! You think?! I went on some diatribe about how much I can't stand him, although I was careful to leave out details for people who probably couldn't handle them.

Time to sharpen the knife and break out the air pistol. This can only end badly.

It hasn't really sunk in yet, although I had a brief brush with reality at work when I had time to think about it, and I cried. But they were not good football tears of joy like before.

The very approprite song of the day: "Goodbye Earl" by the Dixie Chicks
Mary Anne and Wanda were the best of friends
All through their high school days
Both members of the 4H Club
Both active in the FFA
After graduation Mary Anne went out lookin'
for a bright new world
Wanda looked all around this town
and all she found was Earl

Well it wasn't two weeks
after she got married that
Wanda started gettin' abused
She put on dark glasses and long sleeved blouses
And make-up to cover a bruise
Well she finally got the nerve to file for divorce
She let the law take it from there
But Earl walked right through that restraining order
And put her in intensive care

Right away Mary Anne flew in from Atlanta
On a red eye midnight flight
She held Wanda's hand as they
worked out a plan
And it didn't take long to decided

That Earl had to die
Goodbye Earl
Those black-eyed peas
They tasted all right to me Earl
You're feeling weak
Why don't you lay down
and sleep Earl
Ain't it dark
Wrapped up in that tarp Earl

The cops by came to bring Earl in
They searched the house
high and low
Then they tipped their hats
and said "Thank You ladies
if you hear from him let us know"

Well the weeks went by and
Spring turned to Summer
And Summer faded into Fall
And it turns out he was a missing person
who nobody missed at all

So the girls bought some land
and a roadside stand
Out on Highway 109
They sell Tennessee ham
and strawberry jam
And they don't
lose any sleep at night 'cause

Earl had to die
Goodbye Earl
We need a break
Let's go out to the lake Earl
We'll pack a lunch
And stuff you in the trunk Earl
Well is that all right
Good let's go for a ride
Earl hey

Here's Hoping We Avoid Interceptions

Wow! I've had two Lindsey phone calls in the past two days! And it's not even my birthday!

I'm about to jump in the shower and go to the Vandy/MT showdown that's got very little chance of ending well for the Blue Raiders. Vandy has yet to lose, and we have yet to win. Sigh.

I can't wait to see the old gang again tonight! Amber, Patrick, Lindsey, Cox, Nick, Amanda, and Kristin, just to name a few, are all coming in to watch the game. And to get hella drunk afterward. I'm all about that!

Afterward, we're all going to Cox's in Red Boiling Springs for some post-game goodness. I don't have to work until 10:30 a.m. tomorrow, so thanks to Whit for letting me come in an hour late. It helps with the debauchery.

"I'm gonna build me a boat with these two hands"

Ahhhhh!

Wait. That wasn't good enough. I can do better.

AHHHHHHHH!

That's more like it.

Why is it that I can't get a moment's peace no matter what I do? I mean, I'm seriously considering that coma thing again. Maybe I've never blogged about that. I've always had this theory that a safe coma would be kind of nice: No one would bother me, I could get some sleep, you know, normal coma stuff.

There is that threat of not waking up, though. I'm almost to the point of accepting that.

Granted, this has been a long time coming. Now I'm just sitting up listening to depressing music and wishing I could just cry, but I don't have time. And I haven't the energy, either.

I'm too busy trying to placate the rest of the planet. Sometimes, I wonder why I even get out of bed. I guess that explains why I sometimes don't.

So tonight I completely obliterated a target with the air pistol. Now there's a very large hole in the paper where the target used to be. At least I'm a decent shot.

I feel so overwhelmed right now. I was like that last night, too, so I went to Manderson's and threw darts for an hour. Enemies beware: I'm much better with the air pistol than with the darts.

It's so hard to be strong for everyone else. I'm used to being strong for a few people, but having to keep myself together for a large group isn't something I'm equipped to do. I just need a shoulder, and I want a drink. Which is why I didn't drink last night at Manderson's: It would've just been to feel better, and I don't want to drink to feel better. I only want to drink to get drunk or to have a good time. It's better that way. So last night I threw darts, and tonight I used the air pistol and danced. I wish I had some math homework to do - that always relaxes me.

In the meantime, I'll just be lying in bed, trying to let my mind go to sleep so my body can follow suit. To quote Chris Knight:

Someone cryin' in the hall
Good Lord help us all
While we try to stay afloat
If you would, Lord, send a boat

Spice Rack Strikes Back

Hmm...what did I do today?

Class, tap, pilates. My legs are killing me, but in a good way.

Then I went to the office and worked/threw football for, oh, five hours now. My right arm is starting to get sore. The good news is that I'm getting better at throwing with my left arm. I hope to have my left spiral down in a few weeks. As Jon said, I've got the right one down. Damn right. At least I don't throw like a girl.

Feeling jockish because I've impressed guys with my football skills. Feeling half-naked because I'm still just in tight workout pants and a sports bra.

I made some reference to being Sporty Spice, but I quickly switched to Posh Spice - she gets to marry David Beckham. I could make some reference to bending it like Beckham, but I won't. A while ago at Starbucks we all decided to come up with spice names for ourselves. Mine was Spice Rack. Don't you wish you thought of it first?

I got my car back yesterday. It's fixed now. Well, as fixed as it's going to be. I'll do without AC - I don't much care for spending $1000 on it.

"I never knew what you all wanted, so I gave you everything"

Today sucked.

It started out all right. I got the highest grade in the class on my test I took Friday, which is amazing, because my "studying" consisted of far too much drinking and hanging out with Robert, which both, while enjoyable practices, don't usually result in good test scores. I should've learned a lesson from this, and instead I was rewarded.

Then it all went downhill. Drama, drama, more drama - it's quite frustrating. I don't much feel like going into it, but I will say this: Thank God we have an air pistol. I'm gonna shoot the hell out of a target tonight.

Do you ever just need to be held? That's me now. But, alas, it is not in the cards, so I'll settle for the air pistol, some ice cream, a long drive, and getting walked on by the cat.

Please, hug me the next time you see me. And if you're feelin' lucky, go for the ass grab. Well, maybe not - it depends who you are.

I bought some more Cool Water incense today. I also bought Exotic Rain. The good incense store is back, so that was good. I also got my new cherry phone faceplate put on, and I bought some bondage. I could specify, but it's more fun not to.

Currently listening to: "Pacing the Cage" by Jimmy Buffett
Currently feeling: Like disappearing for a while

My Alcohol Has A Liver Problem

Yes, I'm still alive. Quite possibly still drunk from this debaucherous weekend. God bless ending a rough week with some alcohol.

I heart SigEp. Here's what their Bid Day shirts said:

Our drinking club has a fraternity problem.

SigEp wins for best shirts!

Also, this just in: I am so turned on by hot guys breaking down doors. And Cherries and Handcuffs (my new MySpace name).

My sister had a birthday. She's still older than I am. And I drunk-dialed her from the SigEp house. Then I drunk text-messaged her.

Malibu and Bondage

I'm far too busy. Three of four classes were cancelled today, so I took the day off. It helped.

Tomorrow my mom is coming to take me to lunch and drop off my car for some radiator fixing!

I bought some new handcuff earrings and bellyrings today. Apparently I want my image to be "I'm Wendy, and I'm OK with bondage." Also there was a thong sale, and I fell victim.

Drinking Malibu and Code Red Mountain Dew, listening to "Every Rose Has Its Thorn."

I'm pathetic.

My Frat-tastic Day OR I Heart AGR OR MUDWrestleMania

Friday, I slept through my first class. I didn't mean to, but I did. Then, after my second class, I went to get my check and then was going to go to the bank so I could pay my electric bill, but I had a FLAT TIRE!

So I called Brian Doesn't Know, but he didn't answer (he was at work), so I called The Tina, who called Nathan (an AGR), and he and one of his brothers came and put my spare on, and then Brent (an AGR) fixed it at Wal-Mart. God bless frat guys - this is the second time in a few months that the AGRs have fixed my car woes.

Remember: Save a horse, ride an AGR!

Then Jon from way back in English my sophomore year and I had lunch and played catch-up. It was big fun. Jon is awesome!

Then I went to work freaking out because I didn't make it to the bank, but Whitney let me go. Word!

After work, me and some Sidelines kids went to the AGR party because the party we were going to go to was over (although I did get a Cuban cigar along the way - totally by accident), where we ran into Robert and some of the Sig Eps. I got stud numbered so I could go through the house. Bitchin' - I feel so popular. In order to get into the rooms of the house during a party, you have to have one of the brothers' stud numbers Sharpied on you.

Brian doesn't know
That The Tina and me
Were in his room at the party...

So we hopped to the Pike house, but their party was already over. Next on the list: random Greek Row wandering. Then Robert said I had to come to the Sig Ep house (not an option), which I didn't mind because the parties were winding down.


At the Sig Ep house, I'm drinking whiskey and I got Robert some Budweiser because I knew he'd have cheap beer (he did). I took a shower while Milad (I'm sure I didn't spell that right) shaved, and Robert was in there, apparently making sure Milad wasn't watching me shower. What a swell guy!

Some random chicks were all, "Do you want to run naked out there with us?"

I said to ask me when I was done with my bottle of whiskey. Well, they went to the big mud pit and wrestled in underwear and one had on a tank top. Some of the guys wrestled, too.

I told Robert I wouldn't wrestle in my pretty thong. Around 5 a.m., I put on one of his shirts and some boxers, and we went and wrestled in the mud topless.

TOPLESS!

It was big fun. Also, this just in: I'm crazy. So I get out and these boxers are barely hanging on to me now, and I'm COMPLETELY mud-covered. I looked really good, though, like a human statue. The mud was cold so the girls were cold, but you couldn't really see anything because I was so covered in mud - you could just see the shape. I wish I had a picture of it.

Then we hosed off our hands and feet and took a shower, but when we got in the shower, we realized we didn't have a towel. Milad finally got us one after I made the excellent point of, "You've already seen me topless so what does it matter?" because he was in the hall when we came back in all muddy, and I'm pretty sure he could just imagine me sans mud.

Robert and I watched some of Eurotrip and went to sleep around 8 a.m. Then I woke up at 11 and left the Sig Ep house at 11:30. I'm sure I'll regret later.

We Interrupt This Blog to Bring You a Complete Mental Breakdown

There's nothing like breaking down crying in the Sidelines office at 11:20 in the morning to get the day started off right. It's all uphill from here.

Currently listening to: More overspill chatter from the adviser
Currently feeling: Like ripping my arm off so I have something to throw

The Botched Execution of a Non-Plan OR Our Failed Attempt at Petty Larceny

Saturday night after work I hung out with some friends who shall remain nameless for the purpose of this blog.

For a few months now, we'd been discussing the haunted church of Chapel Hill. For the full story, click here.

The short rundown is that this church is haunted, and it has a haunted Bible in it - one that cannot leave the church. Stories we'd gathered about the Bible included a worst-case scenario of someone dying a month or so after touching the Bible and someone's car not starting until the Bible was removed from it. Yes, taking this Bible must be some back-asswards rite of passage.

Well, I met these nameless friends after work, and as soon as I come in, they say we're going to church.

Now, I haven't gone to church in a while, so I'm really confused about Saturday night church. Then they say it's the haunted church, and we're going to take the Bible.

We all pile in someone's vehicle (I have to ride bitch in the front seat), and we're off to Chapel Hill.

On the way, I decided to do some investigating on this little adventure.

"Does anybody have a flashlight?"

Nope, but someone did have a GameBoy Advance. We can light our way via Zelda - apparitions be damned!

"What are we going to do with the Bible?"

Well, no one thought that far ahead. I suggested dropping it off at a different church. I mean, we can't actually KEEP the Bible if we do get it. That's just inherently wrong.

"Do we have any weapons?"

Nope.

"Jesus! This is a poor planning! You should've let me draw a diagram or something before."

Next item: How we're going to enter the church. GameBoy Advance Friend suggested I go in the back of the line, to which I responded, "FUCK YOU!" Yeah, I'm not going in last.

We then pondered our scary movie characters, and somehow I ended up being the slut, although I was quick to correct that I was not the slut but the tease - a totally different character. The slut's gonna die - the tease might have a shot. I got that title because I was wearing a tank top and black pants that make my ass look GREAT! I mean, really, it's amazing.

I, of course, was fixated on all the ways this haunted caper could go wrong. We passed a sign reading "Narrow Bridge" and I responded with "It won't be there on the way back!"

This went on for however long it look to get to Chapel Hill and was great fun. When we actually got to Chapel Hill, one of the two cops was parked in front of the Dollar General, and we had to drive by him/her at least three times.

We couldn't find the church! We did, however, pass a Church of Christ, the marquee of which kept going off when we drove by. That was weird.

We stopped at a gas station for cheap gas ($2.83!) and asked about the church. The chick working told us one of her former coworkers had gone with friends, and six of them couldn't lift the Bible. They had also videotaped the event, and a woman was up in the pews.

[Insert ghostly woooing here]

That sounds like a Lindsey blog title. Anyway, we couldn't find the church, but we now have precise directions and plan on going back to temp the fates once more.

Currently listening to: "Justy My Imagination" by the Cranberries
Currently feeling: Tired. Oh so very tired.

This Post Brought to You by Sidelines

Thanks to Manderson for giving me permission to reprint my column on my blog. Don't forget, kids, I don't own my brain - Sidelines does! Also, Manda wrote the headline, if anybody cares.

Evacuees not just victims, but people; Finger-pointing, blame unneccesary

After the disastrous Hurricane Katrina has left, people have started attempting a new life. This, of course, means that government officials have been touring the wreckage, saying all sorts of stupid things.

Politicalhumor.com has listed such quotations, begging the question, "Why are these people in charge?" It really puts the whole disaster thing into perspective.

"I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees." This one belongs to none other than our commander in chief, George W. Bush. This, of course, is laughable. Granted, the notion that Bush is somehow responsible for the hurricane is far-fetched at best, but warnings came. Do a simple Google search of "levee warnings Katrina," and the faithful search engine returns about 214,000 hits. But nobody anticipated it.

"What I'm hearing which is sort of scary is that they all want to stay in Texas. Everybody is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this [insert chuckle here] - this is working very well for them."

The chuckle really gets me. This was former first lady Barbara Bush, and normally I'd be inclined to leave her out of this, but I couldn't ignore this one. I highly doubt evacuees are actually thinking, 'That cardboard box wasn't work well for us - let's just live in the Astrodome!' This is why rich people should never be in charge of anything that involves people who aren't rolling in money. They just don't have the capacity to understand or even attempt to fathom the horrors that these people deal with on a daily basis. It's nice that Texas has opened its doors to those in need, but I'd hardly consider being uprooted to the Astrodome because your city has just been obliterated to be "working very well."

"Considering the dire circumstances that we have in New Orleans, virtually a city that has been destroyed, things are going relatively well." Federal Emergency Management Agency Director Michael Brown gave us these words of wisdom. So, yes, aside from the death, destruction and mayhem, it is a beautiful day in the neighborhood. By the way, Brown also said that residents who didn't evacuate bore some responsibility for their fate. That's right, folks, if you don't listen to government warnings, your fate is a watery grave.

"Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job." This was Bush to Brown. How cute. He has a nickname for him. Pardon me for not rushing to pat him on the back. I'm a little distracted by all the cadavers.

"There may be a need to look at tougher penalties on those who decide to ride it out and understand that there are consequences to not leaving." Sen. Rick Santorum, a Republican from Pennsylvania, said. There are penalties for those who didn't evacuate - they lost pretty much everything, if not everything. I think they've learned their lesson. Get them help and quit pointing fingers.

"We finally cleaned up public housing in New Orleans. We couldn't do it, but God did." Rep. Richard Baker, a Republican from Louisiana, said, though I can't imagine what would make him think it was a good idea. That's right, kids, the hurricane was just God's way of cleaning up New Orleans. Hurricane Katrina brought about the kind of devastation we are not used to dealing with, and perhaps that's what led to all the ridiculous quotations. However, it seems far more likely that the people in charge just don't want to get their feet wet or get their hands dirty.

Helping people varies by the individual, but huge governments ought to do more than discuss legislation, point blame and tell the press how sad they are that New Orleans will never be the same again.

If there ever was a time that was completely inappropriate for PR spin, this is it. This isn't about trying to make one group look good and one group look bad. It's hard to come out on top when everything is under water. But genuine compassion goes a long way. Taking time to play with children in the Astrodome would probably mean more to them than a robotic government action of forcing canned goods and grief counselors upon them. The victims of Hurricane Katrina aren't just victims - they're people.

CNN's Anderson Cooper probably put it best with this response to Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-LA), after she went on thanking politicians for encouraging words and harping about Congress "going to an unprecedented session to pass a $10 billion supplemental bill."

Cooper's response: "I haven't heard that, because, for the last four days, I've been seeing dead bodies in the streets here in Mississippi. And to listen to politicians thanking each other and complimenting each other ... it kind of cuts them the wrong way right now, because literally there was a body on the streets of this town yesterday being eaten by rats because this woman had been laying in the street for 48 hours. And there's not enough facilities to take her up. Do you get the anger that is out here?"

Precisely my point.

Check it out online here.

I got a comment from a reader. Naturally, he criticized the headline (something many readers do), which, as I mentioned before, I didn't write. My favorite part is how he thinks I'm married and keeps referring to me as "Mrs."

I've Just Been Diagnosed with a Lindsey Complex

...and the only cure is more cowbell. Please, someone had to have gotten that.

Tonight we had a celebration for Khall's new job with the AP - they're associated!

In the midst of the debauchery, I thought it would be a great idea to call Lindsey sometime around 2:30 a.m. to tell her what I'd just discovered: I have a Lindsey Complex.

It's true. Every day I read her blog and think, "Wow. I'm such a self-centered asshole." Then I keep reading and marvel at her way with words. Yet again, thoughts come to mind: "Lindsey is so much better than me," and "I should be more like Lindsey."

So, tonight, I offer my tribute to Lindsey. It also comes with a disclaimer: Don't worry, Lindsey, this isn't a half-assed attempt to get in your pants. It's just a friendly reminder that, you know, you're better than most people.

Here are a few reasons why Lindsey is better than most people and why we should all strive to be more like Lindsey (provided, of course, that we maintain some sense of self).

*Lindsey hired me as a copy editor, promoting me from smart-ass columnist to smart-ass columnist and style dictator.

I remember when I handed in my style quiz. She said, "Wow, you marked some shit up." That's right. I marked some shit up.

*When Patrick was editor and he gave us a style quiz (no books allowed), Lindsey and I tied for first place, finding all but two errors. Yes, my friends, Lindsey knows her style and grammar, and frankly, that matters to me.

*Lindsey can design damn near anything and do it better than damn near anyone.

Ask to see some of her stuff if you don't believe me. It's Quark-tastic. OK, pretend like I didn't type that. Let's move on...

*Lindsey named one of her ferrets Gonzo. That's just cool.

*Lindsey let me read her copy of The Passion, a fabulous Jeanette Winterson book. Lindsey has great taste in books, so anything she likes is a must-read.

*Lindsey is a great writer, and I don't just mean newspaper articles. She has a natural talent that cannot be taught.

*Lindsey reads my blog and leaves the occasional comment so I know she stopped by. I'm OK with that. I also get referrals from her blog, so thanks for linking me.

Well, I could keep going, but I fear a restraining order would follow. Lindsey, the remaining Sidelines kids miss you. We think of you often, and sometimes just sit around talking about your greatness. I swear - that's actually happened.

Here's hoping Memphis is treating you well, and if not, you will always have a home in the Boro.

Aww...tear.

"It seems like the daylight is coming and no one is watching but me"

I'm creating a wish list. Maybe someday I'll get to check some stuff off. We'll see.

1. I wish I were more intelligent.

Since I got to college, I feel that my IQ has dropped significantly. Naturally, I've learned a lot, but I just don't feel smart. I know I am, but I could be better. I try to surround myself with people who are smarter than I am, but they are gone now, working in the real world, overseas, in grad school, making the world safe for whatever is endangered: freedom, ideology, revolution, progress, change.

2. I wish I took more time to myself.

I do this for a while, but it soon takes a back seat to everyone else in my life. Why do I feel I am the least worthy of my time?

3. I wish I read at least one book for pleasure each month.

I usually have so much to do between school and both jobs that I barely have time to not do my homework and sleep through class. There are so many books that I want to read, along with all the ones I want to read again. I imagine being a workaholic will pay off someday, but I'm not convinced that it will be worth it.

4. I wish I were beautiful.

It's shallow, I know, but I grew up with a perfect sister, so I'm taking a little license here. Contrary to what my narcissism suggests, I don't think I'm that great. I'm not that impressed with myself. I wish I were, though. There are days when I'm completely satisfied and others when I know I'm just not there yet. I'm working on it, though.

5. I wish to publish something.

I've always loved writing, and it's one of the things I think I'm good at. I have inhibitions about sharing it with others, though.

6. I wish to get my PhD in mathematics.

I'm fascinated the more I learn, and I don't think I'll be satisfied until I make a valiant effort at learning all I can, or, at least, all I can at this moment.

7. I wish to get married someday.

I think it would be nice to have someone. I really don't know what that's like - being with the right person. I know what it's like to be with the wrong person, which is why I'm not married yet. I want to have a career, but I also want a family. I imagine some would say it's in our nature to further the species, but I think it comes down to one thing: It's not that I need someone to complete me, but I want someone to complement me. It's a different concept. However, it's becoming increasingly obvious to me that there is a good chance this will not happen. It seems to fit with anyone (at least, that has been the case thus far), I would have to alter who I am, and I'm not willing to sacrifice myself. I at least hold myself in that high of a regard. I have an ability to end comfortable relationships because I know they aren't right for me, and I find that trait to be a useful one.

8. I wish to dance in the rain.

I swear, I'm going to do this someday. I might as well, because I've been harping about it since at least middle school.

Bonus points for knowing what song the title comes from.

Who's the Big Winner? Galileo! Galileo!

I had a LONG afternoon at work, followed by entirely too much fun working drive-thru with Kevin and coming up with ridiculous coffee songs to the tunes of such favorites as "Any Man of Mine" and "Bohemian Rhapsody." Kevin broke out with "Soy to the World," and I about lost it. I think my "Bohemian Rhapsody" was the big winner.

Who's the big winner?

Mikey's the big winner!

Hey, JR got it.

If I could remember all the lyrics to one of the crazy coffee songs, I'd post it. Perhaps I'll write one sometime. I mean, really, what else am I going to do?

I slept through stats today and was half an hour late to calculus. Luckily, Dr. Kholodnyi didn't care. Here's my Calc IV homework: ∫sin²θdθ on the interval of π/4 to π/2. Argh. It's more complex than most integration because it's a product and has to be integrated as such. It's painstakingly tedious. Gone are the days of ∫ 3x²dx. How I miss you, x³.

There are fraternity boys in the house. I should be more bothered by people randomly coming into my house and bitching about crime log at 1:24 a.m., but I'm not. I'm used to the masses thinking that rules and public flow of information should not apply to them. Oh, will they ever learn? This is not just a shot at the Greekdom that tends to dominate crime log, but it is rather amusing that the groups who end up in the situations always blame those who find out instead of those who are actually at fault. Sigh.

In other news, Arnold's going to use that veto power he has to stop the same-sex marriage bill. Oh, people of California, why did you elect the Kindergarten Cop?

At least Bush didn't let Katrina cramp his vacation style. That was my sarcastic voice.

Before I go, with all the list-making going on, I had to add a few more things about me, an ode to the tomboy in me, or, more accurately, the part of me that is less indicative of me having a vagina. VAGINA! That was for you, Lindsey.

* I scream at my television when I watch football. I don't think there's anything wrong with this.

* I sometimes do it while watching NASCAR. This is slightly embarrassing.

* I don't think I could handle it if I actually got to meet Tom Glavine, El Duque, Frank Wycheck, or Drew Bennett.

* I know I couldn't handle it if I got to meet Don Schula.

* If you want to get me really riled up, bring up Eddie George and Steve McNair playing together. I once went on a tangent that had my dad frightened.

* I once had to work during the Super Bowl. I brought a radio and an assortment of chips and asked every drive-thru customer what the score was. I now ask off well in advance for Super Bowl Sunday.

* My uncle taught me how to throw a spiral on the beach when I was 13.

* I've been told I drink liquor "like a champ."

* I can eat more steak than my father.

* In high school, I challenged the men in my family to a catfish eating contest and won.

* To the surprise of many, I don't chase my shots. I never have, and I never will.

Check out the new photo. I picked it only because I like the way my lips look in it. Is that weird?

Happy Anniversary/Antianniversary to Michaela

Well, I feel I should make some sort of list, because I like doing that. So here are some things that have actually happened to me lately.

1. I've become convinced that someone in the Sidelines office is out to get me by erasing my board every day.

2. I let Michaela mix me a really strong drink. This was a bad idea.

3. On the same night, Michaela and I declared that we were spouses.

4. Still the same night, we divorced over Star Wars Monopoly.

5. I walked from Murphy Center to Mass Comm in a sports bra.

6. I threw a half a block of Post-Its at the wall six inches away from me.

7. I spent 12 hours in the Sidelines office on a tab that didn't get printed due to miscommunication with the printer.

8. I got invited to a TKE party by a complete stranger.

9. I went to Marble Slab Creamery twice in one week.

10. The second time I bought a quart.

11. I bought Katie dinner twice in one week.

12. I donated to Hurricane Katrina victims.

13. I spent more than $8 on dinner at Mrs. Winner's.

14. I went to bed before 2 a.m.

15. I didn't make it to my first class today because I was too tired. I woke up at 8:30, and I considered it "sleeping in."

If You Would, Lord, Send a Boat

This was shamelessly stolen from Manda's blog, and she shameless stole it from someone I don't know.

Go to your media player/mp3 player and put it all on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and after each one press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

What do you think of me?
"Fuck Her Gently" (Tenacious D)
You don't always have to fuck her hard. In fact, somtimes, that's not right to do. Sometimes you've got to make some love, and fuckin' give her some smooches, too...(other verses)...And then, I'm gonna fuck you hard!

Will I have a happy life?
"Angels in America" (Counting Crows)
She says I'm OK.

What do my friends really think of me?
"Simple Man" (Lynyrd Skynyrd)
Don't you worry, you'll find yourself. Follow your heart and nothing else.

Do people secretly lust after me?
"Disease" (Matchbox 20)
I can't leave without you, tell me, what am I supposed to do about it?...(other verses)...You taste like honey, honey, tell me, can I be your honey?

How can I make myself happy?
"Miami" (Counting Crows)
Make a circle in the sand. Make a halo with your hands.

What should I do with my life?
"Anna Begins" (Counting Crows) - This song is SO ME that it's frightening.
We're always changing...(other verses)...I am not worried, I am not overly concerned.

Why must life be so full of pain?
"Call Me the Breeze" (Lynyrd Skynyrd)
I ain't got me nobody.

How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
"Black and Blue" (Counting Crows) - Yikes. This song is about suicide.
I'm tired of feeling nothing, goodbye.

Will I ever have children?
"Could I Be You" (Matchbox 20) - I can't make this work. Let me try again.
"So Sad, So Lonely" (Matchbox 20) - This is a stretch.
I don't need no backup plan.

Will I die happy?
"Mr. Bojangles" (Harry Chapin)
Dance.

Can you give me some advice?
"The Kids" (Eminem) - Perfect!
Children, drugs are bad.

What do you think happiness is?
"The Ballad of Curtis Lowe" (Lynyrd Skynyrd) - This is my dad's ring on my phone.
Play me a song Curtis Lowe.

What's my favourite fetish?
"Damn" (Matchbox 20) - Good song, doesn't answer the question.
"Turn Me On" (Norah Jones) - Better.
I'm just sittin' here, waiting fof you to come on home and turn me on.

Currently listening to: "Send a Boat" - Chris Knight
Currently feeling: Exhausted

I'm about to Go All Home Alone on Your Board-Erasing Ass

It's Labor Day! That means I don't have class, which is always good. I slept until 1:15. I have to work from 5 to close. Yikes. At least it's time and a half.

Well, a lot has happened lately: New Orleans is more or less obliterated and Rhenquist finally kicked it. If Scalia is the new chief justice, I'll be crying.

I'm out for blood. Some jackass has been erasing the story board in the office. Now, this board has not been erased since we've been in this office, nor was the old office board ever erased. I use this board to write out story ideas and to note who is writing which story for which issue. I had copy schedules for an 8-page tab, Wednesday's issue, and Thursdays issue. While I had some of them transposed onto story assignment sheets, I was coming up to finish it all on Tuesday. Well, no. Because I got up there, and everything was erased, including my board of every sport event in September. And we don't even HAVE an eraser up there. What a determined little prick.

Well, I tried my best to remember everything, but I could only recall two things I'd assigned for Thursday, and I know I had at least 7 on the board (see - it's also used for brainstorming). I then wrote all kinds of notes on the board, including "DO NOT ERASE OR WENDY WILL INJURE YOU!" and a lovely picture of a stick guy coming out of a volcano with the caption "This is your brain on fire. Any questions?"

Well, the next day, it was all erased again. I've been given permission to maim the culprit once he or she is caught, and I'll be catching the bastard this week. I have a plan to ensure the person is caught red-handed, so ha! If this is you, be afraid, as I will personally remove your legs (and any other valuable appendages) with a pair of rusty pliers. And don't you dare ask for morphine, either. I'm not feeling nice right now.

Last Wednesday night, the Sidelines kids had a delicious dinner, followed by Michaela mixing me a really strong drink. That was bad. Very very bad.

I need a new radiator. I went to get my transmission serviced last Wednesday (Manderson was going to pick me up while they worked on my car), but then these guys said they couldn't do it because of the radiator. Apparently, the radiator is leaking, and flushing the transmission involves removing the cap, which would have been all kinds of bad.

I did get my oil changed, though. The guy comes in and was all, "Do you know what kind of car you drive? I know it's a Saturn." NO SHIT, GENIUS. It says "Saturn" all over it - of course you know it's a Saturn. No, I don't know what kind of car I drive. I drive a total fuckin' mystery. It's red - does that count?

Why the hell would he even suggest that I might not know what kind of car I was driving? Do I look like some kind of idiot? Hell, if I'd had some ramps and an oil pan and a wrench and some extra time, I'd have changed the oil myself. This is why I hate going into car places. It's like I'm wearing some sign that only men can see that says, "I have ovaries. I don't know how my car works."

Then he comes in with my air filter.

"This is your air filter."

I'm aware of that. I'm also aware that it needs to be replaced. I don't need to see it, just change it. I mean, I don't need a doctor to show me my liver and say, "This is your liver. Don't drink anymore."

I don't need to see it. Just fix it. Then, for the umpteenth time, he interrupted my reading to bring me out to look at my radiator.

Again, I don't want to see it. I don't care what it looks like. Fix it, and send me on my merry way.

Well, I had to call Manderson and tell him not to come get me because they weren't doing the transmission after all. Bastards. Now I have to get a new radiator this week. The fun never ends.

Neighbor update: The truck's temporary tag is expired. Again.

Currently listening to: Destiny meowing and Buffy chirping
Currently feeling: Like I wish I had a new car

Whoopee, We're All Gonna Die!

Can anyone guess where the title comes from?

So we're all gonna die. Anarchy will come. We're running out of oil. Well, we've been running out of oil, but now it's painfully obvious. Luckily, some of my co-workers and I have a fail-safe plan for survival. Woot!

Here's a fun tidbit from me and Tracie:
Me: If we run out of oil, we shouldn't bother repopulating. Who wants to live without oil?
Tracie: But what would we do for fun then?
Me: We're not running out of Latex.

So I went to get gas on my break from work, but THEY WERE OUT. Every fucking pump. I had to call The Tina to bring my a gallon of gas so that I could get home. Then I found it for just $2.99, but there was a $20 limit. And I had to prepay inside, even though I was using a card.

Send help. Or gas. Or oil. Surely someone around here can refine it.

This Public Service Announcement Is Brought to You by Common Sense and Lack of Desperation OR Just Another Reason Why I'm Still Single

Here is something I cannot stand:

"hey babe. whats good? how r u? hit me back asap. i'd like 2 get 2 no u better."

Grievance The First: "hey babe" Babe? Excuse me? Did I lose a few decades or something? Now, this doesn't apply to all of you, as people who know me can pretty much get away with calling me whatever they want, but complete strangers beware: I am not, nor ever will be, your babe.

Grievance The Second: whats good? I don't know whats good, and I don't know what's good, either. The answer, of course, cannot be your grammar or spelling, nor can it be your general grasp of the English language. It's paltry at best.

Grievance The Third: how r u? I'm fine, but I'd be better if you'd take the time to spell out three-letter words. It helps your case. I mean, if you can't even take the time to type out the word "you," what does that say about your character? Are you that negligent in all aspects of your life? Luckily, I don't care.

Grievance The Fourth: hit me back asap Hit you back? Why? Are you going to hit me first? God, I hope not, because I'm quite certain the best case scenario would be a slow, painful death at the hands of my father and one of his guns. However, by this point, I'm really wanting to hit you, so maybe I'll take you up on that offer.

Grievance The Last: i'd like 2 get 2 no u better The only correct part here is "no" - as in, that's the answer you'll get from me. I'm amazed you didn't say "gooder." So many errors, so little time.

Please keep these simple guidelines in mind when attempting to contact me, as I am obviously an elitist who insists my companions not totally fuck up a five-sentence message.

21 Classmates - 3 Classmates + Sacrifice = Fun!

Well, I survived my first two days of class, and I've come to one conclusion: My stat teacher is NUTS!

But he's nuts in a good way, which is great because that's my 8 a.m. class on Tuesday and Thursday.

So we're in class doing some basic permutations and combinations and whatnot, and he comes up with a problem:

Suppose we have to sacrifice 3 students to the God of Statistics so that everyone else can do well on the test. It's like the one we just did, but this time they all have the same job: sacrificial victims.

Dr. Walsh makes math fun!

Then I had Dr. Kholodnyi, who is my adviser and is teaching my Calculus Part The Last class of only six people. And we talked about improper integrals and summations of infinite series and whatnot, and it was all fun. I mean, where else but in math (of all things) can you add up a lot of zeroes and get one? If you think really hard about that, you'll get it. I'll even give you a clue: probability density function.

I'm having dinner with Katie and Alison (one of the founding sisters) tonight. That should be big fun!

More on all this later...it's food time!

Current mood: Chipper
Currently listening to: "Here by Me" by 3 Doors Down

I Didn't Buy Drunken Bitch Insurance

School starts tomorrow. Ugh. Here's what my day looks like:
6:30 am - Get in shower. Hot oil hair. Wash hair. Condition hair. Wash self. Rinse out conditioner.
7:00 am - Put on clothes. Gather all school shit, plus all sorority shit for meeting.
7:15 am - Leave for school.
7:30 am - Curse the terrible parking. It's 7:30 am! Park at Murphy Center because I don't feel like driving around other lots.
8:00 am - ASCI 4200: Intro to Math Investments. I cannot pronounce my teacher's name. I can't even spell it.
8:55 am - Class is over, unless this guy is like all math teachers and tries to keep us longer. I'll really be cursing at this point. I'd like to think I'll be productive during this window, but I'll probably just nap in the Mass Comm building.
10:20 am - Honors biology. One of these days, I won't get mono and killer migraines, and I'll actually FINISH this fucking class. Round four, here I come! Seriously, I've taken the first test three times.
12:25 pm - Class is over. I know it will be. Then I'm gonna kill some time in the Sidelines office typing up the meeting agenda. Then I'll head over to Student Orgs to make many copies.
1:50 pm - Thank God, it's time for tap dance with Claire. And I know Angela won't keep us the whole time, which is kind of a shame, because my next class is immediately following this one, and it's in the other dance studio.
3:00 pm - Pilates. Woot! Again, Angela won't keep us the whole time today.
4:00 pm - Fill out story assignment sheets and photo assignment sheets.
5:00 pm - Give out assignments to my writers.
5:30 pm - Eat something. I'm starving by this point.
7:30 pm - Arrive for sorority meeting.
7:45 pm - Start meeting.
9:00 pm - End meeting. Go to Starbucks to get my tips and my success profile thing I have to fill out by Tuesday. Damnit.
10:45 pm - Arrive home. Read The DaVinci Code. Lose mind.

So, in order to soften the blow, here's some cool shit: I met Aron Ralston today (if you don't know who he is, just Google it - I'm sure you'll get plenty of results).

And, finally, the story of the weekend and the reason for this blog title.

After work on Friday I was on the phone with Claire and about to turn into my driveway when I noticed a car pulling out of it, stopped by the mailbox. The car had no headlights on. I should also mention that the crackhead/meth lab neighbors (these are wild speculations, but if you ever talked to them, you'd see how I draw these conclusions) had several people over, and we have adjacent gravel driveways, so they aren't realy separated.

I stopped in the road, waiting for the car to pull out. After waiting a while, I turned on my signal to indicate to the driver that I was trying to pull into the driveway. Instead of pulling out, however, the car opted to back up to let me in. Still no headlights.

I pulled in and parked in my front yard so the car could still get out. Well, as it was backing up, it hit the neighbors' blue truck (they got a new temporary tag, by the way, so it expires Sept. 3 - it always bothered me that until recently the tag had expired June 25).

Well, I get out of my car to go inside, because work was HELLISH. Then this woman gets out of the car, obviously missing some teeth and obviously under the influence of at least alcohol and possibly more.

"Hey! I just hit this truck!"

Yes, I saw you hit that truck. I'm not really concerned with it, as it is not mine.

"It's not my truck," I replied.

"Well, I'm pretty pissed! Do you have insurance?"

Not for you hitting other trucks. I do have insurance, but it only covers me and my vehicle. I didn't ensure all of Murfreesboro. And if I'd hit a parked truck, I'd be pissed, too. I should also mention that she wasn't standing too well.

"Yes, but it's not my truck."

"Well, it's going to be your ass!"

Um, yeah, not seeing how that'll happen, being as though I wasn't driving any of the vehicles involved in the accident, nor do I own any of them. However, if you're really set on filing a claim, I should let you know that in order to do so, you must have a police report. If you'd like me to call the police, I'd be happy to tell them how you were on my property without my permission driving a car while intoxicated without having your headlights on when you backed into a parked truck. Then, if you'd like to turn it over to your insurance (if you have it), I'm sure they'd be glad. They could probably use a laugh. By the way, did I mention I'm an insurance minor? Yeah, you picked the wrong person to be an idiot to.

She said some more things in an effort to threaten me, but I just went inside to recap it for The Tina and Brian Doesn't Know. Then a knock came on the door, and one of the Crackfest 2005 participants was standing there, apologizing repeatedly about the incident and inquiring about it. The Tina and I were happy to reiterate it. The drunk bitch had apparently gotten out of the driveway finally. Maybe she careened into something shortly thereafter. It wouldn't surprise me.

"I'll pay for any damage to his truck," the guy said.

Again, I don't give a shit about the truck. It's not mine. I have no emotional stake in what happens to the truck. Just because I witnessed the hitting of the truck doesn't mean I'm involved. I'm not. I don't care. Just keep your dumbass drunk friends from acting like idiots around me, and I'm usually pretty happy.

So now, my favorite question I've been asked lately is "Do you have insurance?" I still laugh whenever I think about it.

Today, The Tina told me that the female neighbor had banned the drunk bitch from their home and kept apologizing. I really hope I don't run into her, because she wants to apologize to me, too. Apparently, the drunk bitch tried to tell the female neighbor that I hit her, which would have been quite an accomplishment as I would have had to drive through my yard, turn around (my turning radius is not great), and rear-end her. Brian was parked behind Tina in the driveway, so there wasn't any room for me to do this if I wanted to.

Luckily, female neighbor knew drunk bitch was full of shit, as apparently her car had left a bit of paint residue on the truck bumper. She then came out with a hammer and said she'd just take it out of her car because she knew the drunk bitch didn't have insurance.

So the moral of the story: Buy insurance. And if they have insurance for wrecks that happen in your vicinity, I'd be impressed.

"You had a wreck near me? No problem - it's covered!" Thanks to Manderson for that contribution.

GO GRSSK

I haven't been blogging lately, but I have good reason: I haven't been blogging. That's basically it.

Class starts Monday. What a shame. And I've been told I can't ask off work until my birthday (which is December 20 for all you people to forget). What fascism.

I'm bumming in the Sidelines office waiting for pages to be done for me to do heads and cuts. I have to leave for work in an hour and a half. This isn't looking good.

I'm thinking I might buy a Go Greek shirt. They used sigma as the "E," so it really says "Go Grssk." I've been telling people to "Go Grssk," and they're much more willing to do that than Go Greek.

Read Lindsey's blog. I have nothing new.

Pop Goes the Journalist

As tempting as it is to blog about my weekend o' leadership at Presidium 2005, I just can't pass up a guy who got to be exploded on his way into the beyond.

God bless Hunter S. Thompson, whose writing entertained me until he died and whose antics entertained me long after.

At least he went out with a bang.

If You're Wondering Why I'm Wearing A Buddha Necklace And A Tank Top with A Hand Gun, You're Going to Have to Figure That out on Your Own

OK, I get all kinds of weird-ass blog surveys and the like, so I'm making my own up. Because I can. If you feel obliged to do my blog survey, you're seriously messed up in the head...and it would make my day.

Today I feel: Exhausted, physically, spiritually, emotionally, grammatically (sigh - that was for you, Manda)
Yesterday I felt: A day younger
The last time I felt like this: I was falling in love (please tell me someone got that). Actually, I haven't felt "younger" in a while. I'm old. Very, very old.
The last nude/semi-nude person I saw was: Tina. I could explain that, but I'd rather you draw your own wrong conclusions. It's funnier that way.
Something you may not know about me: That Josh Gracin song "Nothing to Lose" drives me so crazy that I know I've contemplated killing him. I think it's because my sorority listens to it all the time, and it lost it's zest (if it ever had any) about 10,000 times ago.
Something you ought to know about me: Tickling me is a sure way to seal a fate worse than death. You think it's cute, I think it's grounds for a "temporary insanity" defense.
The last really unhealthy thing I did: Ate half a pack of double stuff Oreos in one sitting, dipping each in chocolate milk. I'm not sure how many I ate, but I do know it was at least 15.
When I'm really depressed: I listen to Counting Crows, especially "Another Horsedreamer's Blues," and sometimes it's sad country music.
I have never: Danced with the devil in the pale moonlight.
I have often: Danced around the kitchen when nobody was home, usually to hip-hop stuff.
I am terrified of: Volcanoes. Ahh!
I wish: Gas were cheaper. A lot cheaper.
I'm an elitist about: Intellectual matters, especially grammar and spelling.
I violently dislike: Waking up before 2 p.m.
I think it'd be great if: I came into a large sum of money.
I think it'd be greater if: I had already graduated, married a rich, handsome, out-of-my-league British man (ahem, Prince William) who found the cure for cancer while buying me lots of cars and dancing with me in the rain on the beach.
If I need to cry: I watch the Buffy season 5 finale - works every time.
If I could be anywhere right now: I've really been wanting to go to one of these places lately: Manhattan, England, Las Vegas, Hawaii (volcano-free island).
When I wake up tomorrow: I'm going to get my paycheck, put it in the bank, and go to Presidium, a weekend student-org orientation.
But I would rather: Sleep until Sunday.
Something unique about my best friend: Leslie recently married an Army guy I've dubbed "Osh" and will be living with him in Manhattan, Kansas, dancing her heart away (hopefully).
The last movie I watched: Million Dollar Baby.
The last time I fell asleep doing something: I was trying to fall asleep. Mission accomplished!
The last time I showered: Was of course today. I have to shower far too often because my car has no air conditioner.
When I take a bubble bath: I like to read books on Taoism. Then I sleep naked. There's no correlation.
When I'm so over a blog survey: I stop doing it.

Blog Actually OR Dude Where's My Blog?

Tuesday night, I spent some quality time eating lots of Oreos and watching Dude Where's My Car? with Tracie. Good times were had by all.

I bought Love Actually for a bargain - $7.99! Sweet! Then I watched it. Dude!

Today I did some work. I slept until 2:05, and then I really fought waking up. God, I'm gonna miss summer.

My loan was processed - Word! Now, in less than two weeks, I'll be able to fix the air conditioning in my car.

Thursday I'm off at Starbucks, but I've got a Sidelines meeting. Then, it's quality father-daughter time. My mom is in Knoxville, and my sister isn't home much, so we're having dinner, and I think I'm going to rent Million Dollar Baby, because he'd like it, and I'm not sure my mom would.

I'm really excited about this. I don't get to see my parents nearly as much as I'd like to.

This weekend I'll be unbloggable because I'm going on that Presidium weekend retreat thing/student org. orientation. Yes. Not sure how I feel about it yet - will update once I return.

Song of the huge block of time since I last picked a song: "I'm Trying" by Diamond Rio/Chely Wright:

She said I'm not pointing fingers
He said yes you are
'Cause you wouldn't bring it up if you weren't
If I told you I'd been walking
Out in the dark night thinking
Would you take as truth this alcoholic's word
I can't change what's done is done
But I can tell you this
Not a day goes by that I
Don't curse myself and all my sins
And I need you to hold on to
While this part of me is dying
And though I haven't kicked the demons
That haunt me
I'm Trying
I'm Trying

She sat down on the floor
And said I wish I was stronger
Right now I feel fragile as glass
I want to believe you
Believe what's held you has freed you
And I hate these doubts
That keep on coming back
My parent's think I'm crazy
For staying here this long
But there's nothing more I want for us
Than to prove to them they're wrong
I don't want to be afraid
I don't want to think you're lying
And though I haven't found the faith
That I need
I'm Trying
I'm Trying

He asked do you want me to leave
'Cause if you do you know I will
But she said much to his disbelief
No I love you still
Oh I love you still

He said I don't know why I've been the fool
But I can tell you this
Not a day goes by that I
Don't curse myself and all my sins
Then he dropped down to his knees
By now they both were crying
He said I haven't been the man I want to be
But I'm Trying
I'm Trying
I'm Trying believe me
I'm Trying

Currently Feeling: Like I'd love to sleep in tomorrow
Currently listening to: Tina and Brian playing Baldur's Gate

Play It Again, Sam

I'm giving in and doing the playlist thing, although my playlist really changes with my mood. At the moment, I'd like to be listening to any of these songs. Naturally, I've included some lyrics to boot.

1. "Maggie Mae" - Rod Stewart
All you did was wreck my bed, and in the morning kick me in the head
2. "Anna Begings - Counting Crows
She can't stop shaking, I can't stop touching her
3. "Box No. 10" - Jim Croce
I've been sleepin' in the hotel doorway, and tonight they say it's gonna rain
4. "Warehouse" - Dave Matthews Band
That's our blood down there, seems poured from the hands of angels
5. "Sultans of Swing" - Dire Straits
And an old guitar is all he can afford, when he gets up under the lights to play his thing
6. "Like A Stone" - Audioslave
The sky was bruised, the wind was bled, and there you led me on
7. "Gimme Three Steps" - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Wait a minute mister, I didn't even kiss her
8. "Creep" - Radiohead
You're just like an angel, your skin makes me cry
9. "Time After Time" - Cyndi Lauper
Sometimes you picture me, I'm walking too far ahead
10. "Sing for the Moment" - Eminem
There's no control, he just lets his emotions go
11. "The Way You Move" - Outkast
But I know y'all wanted that 808, can you feel that b-a-s-s bass
12. "Forgot about Dre" - Instrumental version
13. "Adagio for Strings in G Minor" - Tomas Albinoni
14. "Dirrty" - Christina Aguilera
I need that to get me off, sweat until my clothes come off
15. "Miss You" - Blink 182
I need somebody and always, this sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting everytime
16. "Get Low" - Lil Jon and the Eastside Boyz
To the window, to the wall
17. "Your Latest Trick" - Dire Straits
Most of the taxis and most of the whores, are only taking calls for cash
18. "Shallow Days" - Counting Crows
I like what she says, but not what it means
19. "Wild Horses" - Rolling Stones
Let's do some living, after we die
20. "Dear Joan" - Tabitha's Secret (Rob Thomas' pre-Matchbox 20 band)
I guess I'll grow tired, it's just what's expected of me, to tear your heart from the inside to the outside

I'm Just A Fruit-loop from Athens

For a while now I've been compiling a list of all the weird things people search for that result in my blog, which people then click. Here are a few of my favorites to date:

crazy pussy (Yahoo search)

big black coxs (Yahoo)

fuckin vagina (Yahoo - number one result!)

virgin deflowering (Yahoo - I get this one a lot)

Fucking Eighting.com (Yahoo - yeah, I don't get it either)

Orgasm . comm. (Yahoo - at least this one kind of makes sense)

Tina vagina breasts ass (Yahoo - number one result!)

buying electric skillet in athens, Greece (Yahoo)

girls who want cock in Dyersburg Tn (Yahoo - number one result and my personal favorite)

lyrics "in my underwear" flamingo (Google - WTF?!)

how to dispose of a dead parakeet (Yahoo - number one result!)

fruit-loop from athens Ga (Yahoo video search)

Yeah. Weird. That's about all for now, except that it's officially the 13th, so it's my one-year tattoo anniversary! I should've registered for this occasion...

Revenge of the Stick

Why is it that none of the really bad drivers have "How's My Driving?" bumper stickers?

Case in point: I was driving to Hendersonville Wednesday night after my econ final (which I think I did decently on at least), and this semi was bright-lighting me and tailgating me. Now, I'm not one for slow driving, so this was really unnecessary, especially because there were two lanes to the left that would've been more than conducive for passing. Well, I got the chance to get into the next lane, so I let him pass, which he took as the perfect opportunity to brake-check me. Asshole.

Then Thursday afternoon I was driving to work behind the most erratic driver on this planet. It was rush hour, so things were flowing at a stop-and-go rate at best. Everytime we got to go again, this two-tone-van-driving careener veered toward one of the other lanes before quickly jerking himself back into place. I looked in his side mirror, and he kept obsessively wiping his face. This dude was obviously on something, so I called the fine Metro police and gave them a vehicle description and license plate number just as he took the Fesslers exit. So I told them that, too. I mean, this guy was half in the shoulder when we were in the right lane, and no one drives THAT badly unless they're on crack or transporting a bunch of it via their van.

After work I went to Kroger for some food and was being followed by a Rutherford County Sheriff's Deputy. OK, I was being tailed by this guy - I couldn't even see his headlights in my rearview because they were so low. When I turned my signal on to go home, he CROSSED THE DOUBLE YELLOW LINE and sped past me. Apparently, this fine upholder of the law can't be bothered to follow it if it means he has to wait about 5.8 seconds for me to turn.

These three characters ought to get together sometime and run people off the road.

Wednesday night Claire dyed my hair! I'm excited - I've never let anyone other than my hair person do it. Then she, Jessie, and I got some major junk food and watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

Claire had Fun Dip, and she lost the stick. This distressed her - she kept looking for it.

Then, just as she was about to LOSE THE WILL TO EAT FUN DIP, she found it. In the pouch or whatever you call a container for Fun Dip. So it was fun again.

Claire and I are going to take tap dance together next semester. Should be big fun!

Currently feeling: Like stretching
Currently listening to: "Fly" by the Dixie Chicks

All The Cool Kids Are Doing It

Well, I contemplated doing this after Lindsey posted her 100 things, but I thought that might be weird. However, since Cox already took the plunge, I'm on board. So here goes.

1. My sister and I are both cusps: I'm a Sagittarius/Capricorn and she's a Virgo/Libra.
2. I'd rather have wet hair than use a blow dryer, even in winter.
3. I learned to do my hair my practicing on my Barbies as a child.
4. I haven't seen my dad's parents since I was 13, and that was at a funeral. I hadn't seen them before that since I was 5.
5. All of the women in my family (nota bene: "my family" means "my mom's side" unless otherwise specified) are allergic to sulfa drugs. I realized my allergy my freshmen year of college when I started having tremors after taking pills.
6. Though only at Emory one semester, I had three different rooms: One with a girl who dealt drugs out of my room (the police came one night and ruined my dinner plans by saying "Move out before she gets back"), one alone (during Sept. 11 - not a good time to be alone and living next to the CDC), and one with Jalia.
7. My favorite song is "Your Latest Trick" by Dire Straits.
8. I can see about 30 seconds of any Buffy episode and tell you its title.
9. I'm also really good at telling which episodes the opening credit shots come from.
10. I have a huge crush on Nicole Kidman.
11. I think I'm the least attractive, at this age, of all of the women in my family. My mom and her sisters were all beautiful, and my grandmother was a knockout. My sister, of course, is pretty.
12. But I'm the only one willing to leave the house without makeup.
13. My aunt Beth is one of the strongest people I know. I admire her way more than I say.
14. Sometimes I feel really pretty when my hair is in a ponytail. I prefer to wear it up.
15. If I don't set a clock, I'll sleep until at least 3 p.m.
16. I've had mono three times: once when I was 13, once last fall, and a relapse in June.
17. My first migraine lasted two months. This was in February.
18. The scariest two hours of my life were spent waiting to find out that I didn't have meningitis.
19. My sister is the friend I've had the longest.
20. She and I are completely different.
21. When I lost my virginity, the first person I told was my mother.
22. I still haven't told my sister.
23. My aunt Sandi is closer in age to me than my mother. She has two daughters: Kendall, age 6, who looks and acts just like my sister at her age, and Sydney, age 3, who looks and acts just like me at her age, only with blonde hair and blue eyes.
24. I catch myself saying British phrases like "That's a capitol plan" and "Bloody hell."
25. For an admitted narcissist, I'm terribly self-conscious.
26. I feel lonely in large groups.
27. I can eat more steak than my dad.
28. I can drink as much as or more than people twice my size.
29. I'm attracted to intelligence.
30. I don't like guys with really big muscles.
31. I often think about what my wedding will be like.
32. There are two people who know what I want my engagement ring to look like. They are Leslie and Tina.
33. My favorite movie is The Shawshank Redemption.
34. I cry every time I watch "The Gift" - the Buffy episode when she dies.
35. I love football.
36. I used to want to marry Prince William.
37. I wouldn't be opposed to it now.
38. My church caused me a few years in therapy.
39. I don't voluntarily go to church anymore.
40. I wrote all of my college essays about going to Leslie's church when I was 16: It was the first time I'd ever been allowed to lead prayer (women couldn't at my church).
41. I want to study Taoism. I think I'd really like being a Taoist.
42. I once ate a three-pound lobster.
43. I was in Neal McCoy's "They're Playin' Our Song" music video when I was 12. I got paid $100 to jump on a bed.
44. I love to write, and have often been told I should be a writer.
45. But I really love math.
46. I graduated high school 7th out of around 400, although due to ties, I was really 5th. I did this without studying.
47. I've always been a good speller.
48. I think everyone else ought to be good at it, too.
49. I love to dance.
50. But not in a club setting.
51. The only time I ever saw my dad cry was when Nic-Nac, our cat of 15 years, died of lung cancer.
52. If you tickle me, I will make every effort to kill you.
53. I really want to shoot a handgun.
54. I'm pretty good with a bow and arrow.
55. I can change my own oil and filter.
56. I tell my mom everything.
57. I am just like my dad.
58. I am an excellent card player: I learned to play Rook when I was 3, spades when I was 6, and hearts when I was 11.
59. My dad taught me how to play by counting cards.
60. I still do it.
61. I used to be very depressed.
62. But my anxiety was so high that no one noticed.
63. I love to read.
64. My favorite book is Catch-22. I read it once a year.
65. I have an autographed copy that's leather-bound with gold-leaf pages. I bought it with my first Starbucks paycheck. I don't read that copy.
66. I love New York City, especially Manhattan.
67. I'm a great cook.
68. I've been cooking for Thanksgiving since I was 13.
69. At one point, my parents thought I should be a chef.
70. It's not uncommon for me to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting.
71. I hate milk and haven't drunk it since I was 3. I taste it every few years to make sure I still dislike it.
72. I am more scared of volcanoes than of anything.
73. I hate bugs.
74. But spiders aren't bad.
75. I am the president of my sorority.
76. I dislike most "sorority girl" types.
77. I'm quite good on a mechanical bull.
78. I've been dying my hair since I was 14.
79. I respect my parents more than anyone.
80. I've always loved classic cars.
81. My parents were both music majors, and my sister sings. I do nothing musical.
82. My senior year of high school, I played James in James and the Giant Peach.
83. That spring, I played Mrs. Macafee in the musical Bye Bye Birdie.
84. Being a '50s housewife was harder than being a little British boy.
85. I have performed two plays that I either wrote or co-wrote.
86. I volunteered with Planned Parenthood for a year and a half, doing peer education through theatre.
87. I took four years of Latin.
88. I can still only say stuff about farmers and war, with one exception: Hic ego multas puellas futui (Here I fucked many girls).
89. I can't fall asleep before daylight.
90. I love chocolate.
91. For the state quiz bowl tournament my senior year, I was the only girl on the team. My coach wanted me to bring my mom so I wouldn't be alone, but she had a business trip. He let me take my best friend Leslie instead.
92. I credit Mrs. Stephens with helping me realize my potential as a writer.
93. My high school physics teacher was nuts, so I was a student aide in AP U.S. History so I wouldn't have to take it. This means I studied my script or colored in a coloring book all semester.
94. My instincts are quite good and usually right.
95. I never thought I was rich because my parents never spoiled me.
96. I miss my high school boyfriends parents a lot.
97. The first thing I ever did for myself was get my navel pierced.
98. I cried when Princess Diana died and when Matthew Shepard died.
99. My first concert was Garth Brooks at Murphy Center.
100. This took me less than one hour, perhaps because I type about 100 words a minute.

"Let's Do Some Living After We Die"

Today I present my top Buffy/Angel moments. Why, you ask? Well, if you know me, I'm obviously far too obsessed with the show (I constantly refer to Sarah Michelle Gellar as "Buffy"), but Tina has ordered Angel on DVD, so now I'm becoming obsessed with TWO shows. And we won't even talk about Charmed.

First, at work today, Whitney asked me if I was getting a tan. Yes, my left arm is darker than my right - that's what happens when you have no air conditioning in your car and you must have your windows down because 98 degrees feels pretty damn good compared to the triple-digit helter-skelter in your car. Did I use that phrase right? I don't care - I just wanted to use it.

Spoiler alert! (although by now, since both series have ended, it's probably a moot point) These are in the order in which they aired.

Episode Title: "Angel" (Buffy season one)
Episode writer: David Greenwalt
The moment: At the end of the episode, once Buffy has discovered that Angel is a good vampire with a soul, they see each other at the Bronze. Sophie Zelmani's "I'll Remember You" is playing in the background.

Angel: Look, this can't...
Buffy: ...ever be anything. I know. For one thing, you're,like, two hundred and twenty-four years older than I am.
Angel: I just gotta...I gotta walk away from this.
[kissing]
Buffy: You okay?
Angel: It's just...
Buffy: ...painful. I know. See you around?
[Camera pans down to Angel's chest, where we see a burned image of Buffy's cross necklace. Awww...tear.]

Episode Title: "Becoming, Part 2" (Buffy season two)
Episode Writer: Joss Whedon (the genius himself)
The moment: Buffy comes to fight Angel to the death before he wakes up Acathla, a demon who will suck the world into hell. Meanwhile, Willow is trying to perform the curse to restore Angel's soul, unbeknownst to Buffy. Just as Buffy is ready to kill Angel (after a kick-ass sword fight), the curse works, but Acathla has already begun waking up. Naturally, Angel doesn't remember anything that has happened since he lost his soul. Buffy and Angel's love theme, "Close Your Eyes," plays during all of this (thanks for the score, Christophe Beck). I always cry when I watch this.

Angel: What's happening?
Buffy: Shh. Don't worry about it. I love you.
Angel: I love you.
Buffy: Close your eyes.
[Buffy plunges the sword into Angel, sending him and Acathla to hell. She then cries a lot and Sarah McLachlan sings "Full of Grace" as Buffy leaves town.]

Episode Title: "Enemies" (Buffy season three)
Episode Writer: Douglas Petrie
The Moment: Buffy and Angel trick Faith into revealing the Mayor's plans for his Ascension. This, unfortunately, requires Angel to get physical with Faith. Buffy goes to him later, saying she needs a break after watching all of it. The dialogue happens when she turns to walk away. Insert love theme again.

Angel: You still my girl?
Buffy: Always.

Episode Title: "The Prom" (Buffy season three)
Episode Writer: Marti Noxon
The Moment: Buffy and Angel break up because Angel realizes that she'll never have a normal life with him. At her prom, he unexpectedly shows up, and they dance to "Wild Horses." I get kind of teary at this one, too.

Episode Title: "I Will Remember You" (Angel season one)
Episode Writer: David Greenwalt (damn him and his makin' me cry)
The Moment: Angel becomes human when a demon's rejuvenating blood enters an open wound on his hand. He and Buffy are able to spend a day together in the sunlight, having sex that doesn't turn him evil, lying in bed (she can hear his heart beat), and she says it's the first time she's ever felt normal. Then Angel goes to fight something and realizes that if he were to remain human, one of them would die. Not wanting to risk Buffy's life, he sees the Oracles, who vow to restore his vamp self and erase everyone's memory of the day. He tells Buffy this, and she can't stop crying because they only have one minute left. She keeps saying, "I'll never forget." Alas, she does. Insert many tears from me here.

Episode Title: "Chosen" (Buffy season seven - last episode ever)
Episode Writer: Joss Whedon
The Moment: Angel comes to aid Buffy, and they stand in the graveyard talking. She says she's like cookie dough - not done baking. And of course I cried here - I cried for this whole episode.

Angel: Any thoughts on who might enjoy — Do I have to go with the cookie analogy?
Buffy: I'm not really thinking that far ahead. That's kind of the point.
Angel: I'll go start working on the second front. Make sure I don't have to use it.
Buffy: Angel. I do...sometimes think that far ahead.

"Another One Bites The Dust"

Here's what happened when I got home from work, after I'd come into the house and went to play with Angelus.

Me: "Jesus, Tina, there's a dead bird!"
Tina: "Really?"

Apparently, the death of Angelus was a recent happening. Why do these things die when I'm going to find them? Luckily, Tina was around to properly dispose of it (translation: Ensuring I didn't have to). Oddly enough, she was on the phone with Brandy Is Awesome, so I yelled in the general direction of the phone, "Don't worry, Brandy, I don't need you to come get it out of the cage!"

So yeah. Dead bird. We now both agree that Buffy really does kill her parakeet counterparts. We also suspect she may be a he. Why can't birds be like humans: If they don't call you and have a penis, they're male.

We watched some of Angel season one today. This one episode, "I Will Remember You," is a crossover in which Sarah Michelle Gellar plays a fairly large roll. So Angel becomes human. Wow. And they're so happy. Then he becomes unhuman. And I cried a whole lot, especially for a Spike supporter.

I would blog more, but I have to go to Nippers Corner tomorrow to get some White Mocha before I go to work, lest we run out any many customers threaten to kill me or something.

No Wonder I Dated Him

"People Who Have Trouble with Math" from Stephen's blog

Check in out.

For Half of My Favorite Cheese

That's a reference to Colby, by the way. I love Colby Jack - it's the best!

So on his blog, Colby listed what he's learned about women/relationships thus far. Being a woman, I like to think I know us pretty well. So here's my list, dedicated to Colby, as well as any other man willing to admit that we're complicated.

Remember that you'll only have one relationship - at most - that will never end. So don't beat yourself up over the ones that fail. Some are to teach you what you're looking for in a mate, some are to teach you what you AREN'T looking for in a mate, and some are just to teach you life lessons.

Refrain from idealistic expectations, because you'll never find a perfect woman. At some point, she will disappoint you - and likewise you will disappoint her.

Don't expect her not to change, because she will. Sometimes this means she'll grow into a person you no longer want to be with, whereas before you seemed perfect for each other. This doesn't mean there is something wrong with you or her - it just sometimes doesn't work.

Open her door. This includes opening her car door first as well. Odds are, if she's from around here, she grew up that way. If not, it will be a nice surprise.

Never tell her what she's feeling is wrong, because she will assume that you don't care about her or her feelings (i.e. "Why do you feel fat? You're not fat.")

Just because she tells you her problems doesn't mean she wants you to solve them. Just listen. We like that.

When you say something like "I'll call you tomorrow," or "We should hang out Friday," we interpret that to mean that you actually will call or that we actually will hang out. It's called having plans, and it apparently has two separate meanings for men and women. If you mean "If I'm bored and think about it, I might call you," then don't tell us that you will. Tell us you might. When we get mad about it, it's because you didn't follow through on what you said.

We know you have ex-girlfriends, but we really don't want to hear "My ex this," and "My ex that," all the time. We know they exist, but that doesn't mean we're willing to acknowledge that.

Compliment us, but be sincere about it. And overusing words like "sexy" and "hot" isn't always the best route to take. If we look goods, odds are we know that, because we probably spent a lot of time to look that way. Try complimenting us when we don't expect it, or compliment our personality, mind, or something that isn't just related to our looks.

If you insist on going to a strip club with the guys, expect a little grief from us. It's not that we don't trust you - we don't trust women who take off their clothes for money. Some women, like myself, would rather go with you. Others would rather you not go at all. Do what you want, but be sure to tell her. If you lie about it, she'll think you have a reason to.

Always be honest. As stated above, if you lie about something minute, she will assume it's because you wanted/needed to hide it from her. We'd rather hear it from you than hear one of your guy friends mention it later.

By definition, we will dislike your ex. Do not be surprised by this. We don't expect you to befriend our exes.

Be good to your mom and sisters - this is how you will treat us later in life. If we see you yelling at your mother all the time, we assume you'll probably lash out at us.

"Do I look fat in this outfit?" is almost always a trick question. Never say "Yes" or even pause. Your immediate response should be to tell us how beautiful we look.

We know you don't really understand why we spend 10 minutes deciding between the black pumps or the black stilettos, but if we ask your opinion anyway, say something. If you really don't care, at least look at our feet for a while and then pick the pair we seem to like better. Usually when we can't decide, we at least have one pair that we slightly favor over the other. If you just say something to shut us up, you could end up picking the opposite pair, making us dig through our closet even longer to pull out other shoes.

Accept that sometimes we take a long time to get ready. Just take it as a compliment.

Sometimes we just throw on whatever's clean or comfortable. Don't say something like, "What happened to you?" That will never end well.

Romance isn't dead. Give it a shot every now and then.

Take us out. Usually, after a month or so, you figure you've got us reeled in and you needn't try to impress us anymore. This is wrong. We like when you try to impress us, and we like when you plan a night or day out. Free and cheap stuff is great, too - a picnic in the park or a day reading by the pool is still more fun if you do it with someone else.

You might always be ready to have sex, but we're not. Most of us take some warming up. And don't expect us to scream all the time. We're not porn stars. They get paid to scream.

At least TRY to dance, and quit using that lame, "I'm white - I don't dance" excuse. We're not asking for Fred Astaire - just try to reduce the number of times you step on our feet.

We don't expect you to keep in mind every single date that something happens, but at least be able to ballpark how long we've been together.

Do not forget Valentine's Day. Ever.

We dwell on arguments. We don't get that you don't. We need to talk about it before it's resolved in our head, whereas sometimes you just need to shift your focus elsewhere for a while to be over it. Let us do this. We can't stop being mad at you until we fully understand why we were mad at you and how we're going to stop being mad at you.

Say you're sorry, but only if you mean it.

We bring up past disagreements in the midst of current arguments. We just do. As much as you dislike it, just expect it. Usually it's because we never fully resolved them in the first place.

Well, that's all I've got for now. I'm sure I'll think of more once I post this. C'est la vie.

Currently feeling: Bored
Currently listening to: My ridiculously fast typing

"Where Were They Going without Ever Knowing The Way"

Yes, I did buy the Tao Teh Ching today, and, yes, I know it's sometimes spelled Tao Te Ching. I'm excited - I've wanted to read this for a while. For those unfamiliar with ancient Chinese texts, it translates to "The Classic of the Way and Its Virtue." See, now you've learned something new. Or old. It's like 2000+ years old.

Several of my MySpace pals have done this thing where you Google search "[Your name] is" and then see what comes up. I'll just put the best ones. This should be good.

Wendy is...

back from Europe. That's funny, I don't remember going.

flying to Dallas. After just getting back from Europe? Damn, talk about jet lag.

dead, and only Wendy remains. That's good news. I'd hate to be dead and have only someone else remain.

supported by an all star cast of Nashville musicians. This will come in especially handy if I start bursting into song.

the powerful central character, abandoned by her lover and flung into a journey of self-discovery, with floorboards lurching violently beneath her feet and mysterious strangers drawing her into pools of dark, murky water. Yikes! Can't I just go back to Europe?

an extremely valuable, nay addictive service. I hope I'm at least turning a decent profit.

crossing the Atlantic to share her artistic passion once again in a new six-part series. So basically I'm a world traveler. Neat.

very much aware of and rooted in the Australian quilting tradition. What? No I'm not!

possessed of — or possessed by — a barbaric coquettishness. Barbaric coquettishness? How am I gonna pull that off?

a strong proponent of healthy sexuality. No argument here.

going to die Tomorrow. Then I'm not studying for my econ final.

a shamanistic totem object. We're all shamanistic totem objects inside.

now making grand plans for 2005. These include inviting pirate radio DJs to remix her forthcoming single ‘Grease Monkey’, and playing live shows in dancehalls with a band consisting of kids from the streets of New York. Further UK shows are also planned. This explains the all star cast of Nashville musicians.

not an isolated incident. There are more of me?

AND MY FAVORITE...

the master she is because she seeks truth in her work and finds it again and again. Yeah, I didn't read anything after "master."

Currently feeling: Hungry
Currently listening to: Bits and pieces of Charmed from Tina's room

"I Don't Have Much Money But Boy If I Did"

Well, today I slept until 4 p.m. It may have something to do with watching 24 for 14 straight episodes yesterday. Let me say this: If I ever get kidnapped, I want Jack Bauer to rescue me.

I've been inspired by Tracie, so I've decided to post my worth up here (note: So far, I'm worth more than all of my friends. Oh yeah!

I am worth $1,816,386 on HumanForSale.com

Think about that when you try to use a cheesy pick-up line to get in my pants.

Currently feeling: Groggy
Currently listening to: "Romeo and Juliet" by Dire Straits

"For A Dreamer Night's The Only Time of Day"

I'm going to try something new for the next week or so: Using song lyrics as titles. The problem I see with this is that I might have something really cool happen and not be able to use a witty title, but we'll strap TNT to that bridge and run swiftly in the opposite direction later.

The above quote is from a song from a musical. Yes, it's embarrassing. Leslie would get it right in a heartbeat. AND somewhere in this blog is a hint. I didn't mean for that to happen, but it did. OK, enough delusions of thinking anyone cares. Except for Manda - she cares. She got the "Boom Boom Ba" reference a few blogs ago ("Can You Heart My Heart Beat in This Bond?"). Word up.

Today I did tips and got my review, and I'm getting a raise - woot! I then took a nap, took an Econ test, and saw I had a missed call from Greg. So I called him back:

Greg: So, what are you doing tonight?
Me: I guess I'll be finishing your shift.

I could use the hours, and he's been really sick. Working when you're sick is no fun, and I of all people know that. So I had some delicious sorority dinner and dessert that was not licked off of Katie despite my insistence that it was going to be, and I changed and went to work. I got to work the drive-thru, which rocked my world.

I'm off until Friday (unless Greg is still ailing and needs to leave a few hours early, in which case I''ll still get to sleep all day so I don't care). Kammi and I are going to hang out tomorrow/today (it's almost today - the sky is getting light like the sun is going to ruin the darkness).

Tina and I had too much fun with Brian's Facebook, and I signed his wall with a lovely verse of "Brian Doesn't Know" - if you want the verse and don't have Facebook, just ask. I'll be happy to share my brilliance with you.

Then I had a drink (who knew) and watched some TV with Tina until Brian called about half an hour ago because he couldn't sleep, so Tina went over to the AGR house, and I decided to blog.

I now have a big crush on Christian Bale. If the whole Johnny Depp/Orlando Bloom/Nicole Kidman thing doesn't work out, it's nice to have a backup. Of course, Christian Bale's married. But a girl can dream, right?

For those inquiring minds who want to know where the blog title a few blogs ago came from, it's an excerpt from "She Don't Want Nobody Near" by Counting Crows. To all who didn't care - eh, I'm sure you have valid reasons.

And now, a new edition: mood and music.

Currently feeling: Cunning
Currently listening to: "All Eyes on Me" by Goo Goo Dolls

So, song of the day is "All Eyes on Me."

Daylight burns your sleepy eyes
It's hard to see you dreaming
You hide inside yourself
I wondered what you're thinkin'
And everything you're chasing
It seems to leave you empty

And it won't take long to burn
All eyes on me
Through the nothing that you've learned
All eyes on me
And the things you choose to be
All eyes on me

But your eyes look away
It's so hard to be someone
Strung out from today
And all that you knew slips away

You drown in deeper oceans
Inventing new religions
They smile and stab my back and
I lie and have to laugh

And it won't take long to burn
All eyes on me
Through the nothing that you've learned
All eyes on me
And the things you choose to be
All eyes on me

But your eyes look away
It's so hard to be someone
Strung out from today
And all that you knew slips away

And you hid in your room
And the light burns away
And you move from the truth
It's all so far from you

Things That Make You Go ...

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Wendy
2. Superfly
3. Girlfriend (Megan only - Woot!)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE:
Yeah, I don't have three screen names. How about three Web sites (Is there no end to my vanity?)?
1. http://visa717.blogspot.com
2. http://www.myspace.com/visa717
3. http://www.livejournal.com/users/visa717

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My abs
2. My rack
3. My tattoo/piercings

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My ears
2. My nose
3. My egocentricity

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Welsh
2. Cherokee
3. Irish

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Volcanoes
2. Failure
3. Losing a family member

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Toothbrush/toothpaste
2. Deodorant
3. Smiling/laughing

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Tank top
2. Thong with a zipper
3. Zipper belly button ring

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS (at the moment):
1. Counting Crows
2. Dave Matthews Band
3. Dire Straits

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (at the moment):
1. "Your Latest Trick" by Dire Straits
2. "Anna Begins" by Counting Crows
3. "Adagio for Strings in G Minor"

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Going to Hawaii (Oahu - volcano free!)
2. Going to Vegas
3. Sex up against a wall

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP
1. Love
2. Great sex
3. Johnny Depp (If I can't have this, communication is a must)

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (NOT IN ORDER)
1. I have my nipples pierced
2. I can change my own oil and filter
3. I haven't had sex since April

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERABLE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Nice arms (not too big, but toned)
2. Nice eyes (I tend to go for guys with blue eyes, but that's not a must)
3. Guys who play with my hair

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Dancing/Pilates (so my abs continue to be my favorite part of me)
2. Writing
3. Taking bubble baths

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Take a nap
2. Get paid (damn you Friday - you're so far away)
3. Johnny Depp (or someone else - but not just anyone)

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Actuary
2. Writer
3. Billionaire's wife

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Disney World
2. Greece or Mediterranean cruise
3. Oahu or some equally nice beach

3 KID'S NAMES:
1. I'm
2. Not
3. Pregnant (so I'm not going to think of names now)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Get married
2. Dance in the rain
3. Drive a Lamborghini

THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I like violent movies
2. I think Nicole Kidman should be my girlfiend
3. I think about sex way more than I ought to

THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
1. I have 13 pairs of black shoes
2. I think a pint of Ben & Jerry's is the solution to any problem
3. I freak out if I see a bug (spiders don't count as bugs)

FIVE CELEBRITIES I'D TOTALLY MAKE SWEET SWEET LOVE TO\ FUCK:
1. Johnny Depp (whenever, but especially Chocolat)
2. Orlando Bloom (in Pirates)
3. Nicole Kidman (whenever, but especially Moulin Rouge)
4. Christian Bale (in Batman Begins
5. James Marsters (in Buffy, especially Seasons 2 and 6)

Wow. That's what happens when I get bored.