Thursday, April 23, 2015


Math people will understand why that title is clever. Here is a short list for you to enjoy.

25 things I have done that are more enjoyable than PDE homework/tests (in random order):
1. root canals
2. giving up sugar and dairy for a month
3. second-degree burns
4. having your jaws wired shut for a month
5. endometriosis
6. colonoscopies
7. really bad hangovers
8. slicing into a nerve in your thumb
9. totaling your car a month before it is paid off
10. pulling your gluteus medius
11. using your bare arm to catch a pan from a 500-degree oven
12. hot grease popping onto your face
13. tearing all of the cartilage in your knee
14. severe ear infections
15. E. coli
16. UTIs
17. the Nashville flood
18. waiting in line at the DMV
19. being on hold with the IRS for 90 minutes and then being told you have the wrong department
20. breaking your little toe
21. waking up from anesthesia in the middle of a procedure
22. finding a scorpion in your bedroom
23. getting dumped for a teenager when you're 28
24. trigger-point injections
25. watching the Vols lose to the Gators...AGAIN

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Grad School: Training for Masochists

So I decided to start blogging again. I don't really write much any more, because I don't have the time, which is a shame. But maybe if I throw some words at the Internet every now and then, that will work. I'm in graduate school now, so the college dropout part no longer applies. I'm working on a PhD in applied mathematics at Arizona State University. Grad school is a great way to take yourself down a few notches. There's nothing like always being the smartest one in the room to feeling like a total dumbass all the time. Apparently this is normal, and good, or something. I teach now, which is cool. My classes last semester and this semester have been awesome - I have great students.

So, for those who want to know the highlights of the last four years of my life, here they are:

- Started dating and got dumped by a recovering morphine addict who left me for a teenager. I cannot make this shit up. I haven't dated anyone since.

- Went back to college and got my degree. Magna Cum Laude, bitches!

- Skipped my graduation ceremony to go to the beach with my mom and Mike. It was awesome.

- Totaled a car a month before it was paid off. Seriously, I cannot make this shit up.

- Bought a car with cash. No car payment!

- Lived in my dad's basement, much like Batman. I'm also wearing Batman pajamas right now, in case I have to unexpectedly fight crime in my sleep.

- Performed in four ballets.

- Performed in four modern dance shows.

- Choreographed for three modern dance shows.

- Had my lower wisdom teeth out.

- Had a root canal.

- Did some math research that got recognized by MIT. Went to multiple conferences to present this research, including one in Paris.

- Learned a lot of French.

- Went to Paris, where French was a handy language to know.

- Moved to Arizona.

- Lost a good friend to cancer.

- Reconnected with my dad's family.

- Got really into karaoke.

- Got really into wine.

- Won the Barrett Award at UT.

- Won Chilihead of the Month at Chili's. I have the plaque hanging on my wall. You can pry it from my cold, dead hands.

- Read a lot of books.

- Got my fourth tattoo.

- Did all kinds of crazy stuff to my hair. My favorite was blonde with pink streaks. I'm doing that again soon I think.

- Got an iPhone. My first reaction was, "It's like I'm living in the future!"

OK, that's enough for now.