Friday, November 17, 2006

A Feast on Both Your Houses!

Do you believe there is intelligent life on other planets?
I'm not convinced there's intelligent life on this planet, though I admit it's likely. Thinking that this one spinning ball of gravitational crap is all there is in an endless universe is a little self-centered, even for me.

iWhat is one thing you said you'd never do, but you eventually did?
Get a tattoo. I used to say that I'd only get one if I could have anesthesia, but I'd never trust a tattoo artist to administer anesthesia, so I'd never get a tattoo. I now have two.

Who is the teacher that influenced you the most in school?
Probably Mrs. Stephens. She never let me settle for less than the best I could do.

Main Course
If you could trade places with anyone for one day, who would it be and why?
That chick Prince William is dating. Spending a day with the heir to the throne with a British accent wouldn't be half bad.

What is your favorite dish to prepare?
Homemade fried chicken, with green beans, mashed potatoes, biscuits, and cherry cobbler for dessert.

Monday, November 13, 2006

The Silver Lining

I'm getting $500 this Thursday to cover my down payment. Starbucks has this CUP Fund thing that is for partners who experience financial needs beyond their means due to circumstances beyond their control. Actually, I donate $3 from every paycheck to the CUP Fund, and I'm glad. Even when things are bad, I always figure there's someone out there who could use that $3 more than I could.

Now, I am that person. I faxed my application today, explaining my ridiculous car situation. They called back within two hours.

And that, my friends, is why I woke up at 3:15 this morning to go to work in Manchester. It's nice to respect your employer.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

We Interrupt This Car Payment to Bring You An Eviction

Woohoo! In the endless cycle of suck that is my life, I got a little notice on my door today. As you probably recall, I have this cat who is a complete bastard, and this cat likes to wreak havoc on my apartment while I'm at work. Or at the store. Or doing laundry. Pretty much whenever I'm not there.

He is especially good at terrorizing the place right before the people come to spray for bugs or something, as they tend to do.

Well, this cat bastard is causing unsanitary conditions. No shit! That's why I keep calling him a bastard. As soon as a clean up after his bastard self, he goes and terrorizes something else, or pees on my bed, or rips up the garbage and drags it all across the apartment. Then I clean up after him. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Anyway, I have been trying to get rid of this cat for at least a month. I can't seem to get in touch with anyone at any humane society, and if I do, they're not taking cats.

I have two weeks. Two weeks to get rid of the bastard cat, at which point I'll be able to clean my apartment (again), but this time it will stay clean.

Otherwise, I'm getting evicted.

Fuck. This. Shit.

For those who are just tuning in, this is me giving up. This is me losing all hope and any type of control. I am officially declaring myself a failure at all things that don't involve racking up debt or overusing the word "bastard."

And, just for those wondering, of course I always pay my rent on time.

So let's recap: I'm buying a car (yay), I might be getting evicted (not yay), and I have a cat to get rid of.

Fuck. This. Shit. Again.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Feastless Friday

So there's no feast for a while. I haven't done a meme or survey of any kind, so I'm yankin' this one off of Jess's page. It feels good to be back online.

1. Do you drink milk?
No. I hate milk. It's weird and disgusting that humans are the only animal that drinks milk after infancy and drinks another animal's milk, especially milk made for an animal with four stomach chambers.

2. Do you prefer apple or orange juice?
Orange juice with no pulp, preferable mixed with some type of tasty liquor and grenadine.

3. Do your computer speakers plug into the back of your computer or your monitor?
This is Dan's computer. It's somehow connected to this stereo thing, so all the computer sounds come out of that. Isn't that cool? I have no idea how that happens...

4. How many clocks are in your house?
My apartment has one bedroom and three clocks. I like clocks.

5. How about the room your in right now?
Dan's room has one clock, but the computer and my cell phone also state the correct time. His clock is five minutes fast. It always makes me panic.

6. How often do you check your email?
Now I check it a few times a day. If I'm not at Dan's, I don't check it.

7. Do you live by yourself?
I pay rent for a single apartment. I haven't slept there in about a month, but I do pay rent.

8. What's the most you've ever won on a scratcher?
I think three dollars.

9. What's the nearest food to you right now?
Some candy in the living room.

11. Do you know what a plecostamous is?
Apparently it's a creature that eats Question 10.

12. Have you ever watched a sunrise rise over the ocean?
No, but I've watched it set over the ocean.

13. How many messages are in your inbox/outbox on your phone?
Text messages inbox: 61; outbox: 25

14. Do you prefer wooden or mechanical pencils?

15. What's on your feet right now?
My purple "Feel Better" socks from Emily:) and my tennis shoes

16. Do you have one best friend, or a lot of good friends?
I have a best friend and also many good friends.

17. Snapple or SoBe?
I haven't had Snapple or SoBe in at least five years, so I'm not going to answer this one.

18. Where do you buy birthday/Christmas cards?
I usually don't buy cards. When I do, it's generally from Wal-Mart or a grocery store.

19. What's your take on "puppy love"?
It's a song in Love Actually.

20. Do you enjoy breaking hearts?
I can't imagine anyone does.

21. What date/time was the last text you recieved?
2 hours ago

22. When's the last time you sent a text?
4 minutes after the last one I received

23. What was your favorite childhood tv show?
Full House

24. What's your favorite planet, besides this one?

25. Does anything special happen for you on March 15th?
Yes, each year I re-enact the death of Caesar, speaking only Latin for 24 straight hours. Or maybe I don't. But I generally make it a point to tell people it's the Ides of March.

26. If you could get back in touch with one person you've lost touch with, who would it be?
Cadence. Cadence is fun!

27. What type of internet connection do you use?
It's Comcastic!

28. Do you vote for city-related issues?
If it's on the ballot of a presidential or senatorial election, yes.

29. Do you say 'ya'll', 'you guys', 'dudes', or something else when addressing more than one friend at a time?
Kids. I call groups of people "kids." Even when they're all older than I am.

30. Would you want marijuana legalized if it meant alcohol would be illegal?
Fuck no!

31. Have you ever been to the Vatican?
No, but I think it'd be cool.

32. Have you ever waved at someone who was waving at you, only to realize they were waving at someone else?

33. What did you do?
Seeing as though they weren't waving at me, no one noticed, so I went about my day.

34. How many remote controls are in your house, and what are they for?
My apartment has two: TV and DVD player, neither of which I can use. Dan's has a lot. You can even open the DVD player with the remote, which is the epitome of lazy. But we do it anyway.

35. Do you mainly use your house phone or your cell phone?
I don't have a house phone.

36. How many 2005 calenders are in your house?
I don't think I have any. Dan has a desk one. I have a datebook on my phone, and a planner.

37. Do you take baths or showers?
Mostly showers, but I enjoy the occasional bubble bath.

38. Do you take quizzes in magazines?
No, but my sister does, and it's fun to read them.

40. Do you buy bananas when they're green so they won't go bad as fast?
I don't like bananas.

41. Do you do anything for a bad sunburn?
I have this prescription silver sulfate burn cream stuff that's awesome.

42. Do use mouthwash? If so, what kind?
Green Listerine after flossing.

43. What noises reach your ears right now?
The electrical buzz of a computer, and the clicking of my typing.

44. Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon?
I've never been west of the Mississippi, except for Wisconsin, which is too far north to count.

45. Have you ever been to a national park (i.e. Yellowstone, Yosemite, etc)?
The Smokies

46. How old are your parents?
My mom just turned 48, my dad is 49

47. Does anyone have the keys to your heart?
I don't even have keys to my own car. Which is another way of saying I refuse to answer such a cheesy question.

48. Have you ever had to run for your life?
Yes, there were stampeding horses. It was frightening. Thankfully, I made it.

49. Is there an empty place in your heart?
Sounds like a surgical problem. I hope not.

50. Have you ever been to a family reunion?
Nope, and I'm never going.

51. Have you ever scraped a pipe?

52. Do you prepare soup in the microwave or on the stove?

53. Is it sunny out right now?
Yes, and it's 75 degrees!

54. Do you have a catnip plant in your house?

55. Do you use surge protectors?
I'm sure Dan does.

56. Do you pay attention to the stock market?

57. Do you take precautions against contracting West Nile Virus?
Yes, I don't get bitten by infected mosquitoes.

58. Do you meditate?
Not as much as I'd like to.

59. If your lover cheated on you and profusely apologized, would you accept them back into your life?
I really can't adequately answer this question without being in the situation. I'm pretty sure I'd make his life miserable for a while afterward.

60. Do you eat carbs?
Yes, too many of them.

61. If you could be one animal for the rest of your life, what would you pick?
A human. Wait! I already am one!

62. Are you the kinda person who will search the entire room for the remote because you don't wanna change it on the TV?

63. Has your insurance gone up because of something on your DMV record?
I have a speeding ticket

64. Have you ever gone to work/school drunk?

65. Is it all about YOU?
Yeah, it really is, even when it's not. I'm working on that though.

66. Are you allergic to any insect bites?
Not that I know of.

67. Are you allergic to any kind of food/medicine?
Sulfa drugs

68. Have you ever swam in Lake Tahoe?
Nope, and I've never swum in it either.

69. If you could hug one person right now, who would it be?
Dan (awww). It's only been two hours.

70. Are you in debt?
Wow. Am I in debt? Only about 30 grand right now, but I'm about to add to that with a car.

71. When you say "often" do you pronounce the "T" or leave it silent?
I leave it silent.

72. If you could have a plane ticket to anywhere right now, where would you go?
Greece. I get two tickets, right? I don't want to go to Greece alone. If it were just me, I'd take Hawaii, so I could see Jessie.

74. How many pairs of socks do you own?
Wow. I can't count that high. I can tell you I have fewer than 10 pairs of normal white socks.

75. How often do you do laundry?
I usually have to wash work clothes once a week, and I generally need to wash socks and thongs about that often. Dan did laundry while I was at work last night, so I don't have to do it this week.

76. What do you think of Arnold Schwarzenegger?
He was good in Eraser.

77. Do you own your own car, pink slip and all?
Hahahahaha! I don't even have anything to qualify as "my car" right now. I'm about to buy one. Right now, I'm driving my mom's car. It owns me.

78. Has anyone ever given you jewelery on Christmas?
Yes, my parents gave me diamond earrings. I have several things from my parents, from rings and necklaces to belly button rings.

79. Do you count down the days till anything?
Christmas, my birthday, my next day off, vacation...pretty much everything. I even count down the hours until I get off work.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

I'll Think I'll Run out of Gas on the Way to Boston, Because I Can't Marry a Lesbian

Last night, I got my mom's oil changed and got her a new air filter, all of which cost $70.99, which I think is nuts. So today I checked my bank account online to see TWO CHARGES PENDING FOR $70.99!

I'm aware that this freak thing happens every now and then, but really, why is it on my account? I called customer service, but it may be a day before they can fix it. My bank can't do anything until it posts, at which time I can dispute the second charge.

So, my friends, tonight my account will most likely overdraw, leading to inevitable overdraft charges that I shouldn't have to pay because this is clearly not my fault. And, by the time they straighten it out, my paycheck will already be pending, and a sizable chunk of that will be used up in these overdraft charges.

And I, my friends, will run out of gas sometime on Thursday. But fear not - I have a blanket in my mom's car, and I guess I'll bring a change of clothes or something because, you know, I'm obviously going to have to sleep there.

I hate banks. And debit cards. And credit cards. And pretty much anything having to do with money. Except money. I like money.

Let's have a shoutout to Michael, whose words of encouragement I value greatly. Michael - YOU ROCK. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OK, that was the shout. Out.

Tennessee: What the fuck?!

I heard this song while driving home from work the other night, and it seemed to fit me. So here's your song of the sporadic moment: "Boston" by Augustana.

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...
Boston... where no one knows my name...

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

You Are Here. Your Comfort Zone Is Way the Fuck over There.

Let's have a little blog time devoted to the comfort zone.

I don't think I'm the kind of person who really is overly concerned with things. I'm not the most laid-back person by any means, but I'm certainly no crisis waiting to happen either. I think I'm somewhere in the middle.

So let's focus on the kinds of things that take me out of my comfort zone. I should note that I've been out of it for a while. It's unpleasant.

Item Numero Uno: People speaking foreign languages around me. I didn't take Spanish. I didn't take French. I didn't take anything anyone still speaks. So don't have a conversation around me in another language. It's just rude.

Item Number the Second: People I don't know en masse. This includes people I've met only a few times. If I don't know you, then you don't know me. And if you don't know me, then you're undoubtedly assessing me, ranking me by your own scale from "too fucked up to function" to "I need to have more friends like this." I don't like trying to impress people, and I really don't like feeling that I have to try to impress people.

Item Three: Church. Still. Just thought I'd throw that one out there. Did you like how I used the number 3, as if it were some obligatory reference to the trinity? Yeah, that wasn't an accident.

Item Four: Possibly the most insecure thing: my financial situation. I'm poor. I'm no longer government poor, but I am so indebted that there isn't a way out in at least five years, and that doesn't even count those student loans. That means every single paycheck I get in the next 60 MONTHS is already obligated to something else. And I STILL have to buy a car...

Why the sudden listing? Well, I love asking myself questions and answering them, so I'll jump right in here: I've been out of my comfort zone lately. I've felt out of place at work, I felt more than out of place last weekend, and the thought of adding a car payment to my already paper-thin budget makes me want to file bankruptcy and suffer the consequences. But I think 23 is too early for that milestone.

No, I don't think life is supposed to be easy. I don't think I should get everything I want at all times, and I don't think gas and food should be free.

But it shouldn't be this hard. There are some things in life people should never have to go through, and even more things you shouldn't have to face at least until your late 30s. So why me? What did I do?

I ask this because I do think I'm being punished. I don't steal, I don't lie, I don't sleep around, I don't do drugs. I don't even smoke.

But I'm not healthy. I'm healthier than I was, but I'm still only 85% or so. I don't have a degree. I'm almost 24, and I'm unmarried, no kids, and I haven't seen the ocean in six years. Sometimes I wonder if it's still there, or maybe it, too, is losing it's drive, contemplating it's existence, thinking maybe I'm not here.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

I Didn't Make the Grade in 'Classy'

Well, I wasn't able to get my car, because, apparently, my credit is SO BAD that applying for a loan with my sister as a co-applicant...I WAS DENIED! Sigh. I hate my life.

Then I got to spend a terribly awkward weekend with Dan and his Vanderbilt friends. Yes, they've all graduated. Yes, they're all younger than I am. And, yes, they all thought Borat was "the best thing ever."

By the way, if you're thinking of seeing that movie, go ahead and stab yourself in the throat. Unless, of course, you're into misogyny and racism. Then it's right up your alley. Wow. At first I spelled that as "ally" - how embarassing.

At least I don't enjoy shitty movies.

So back to the awkward weekend: It was far too reminiscent of my brief hellacious stint at Emory, and while I didn't dislike these friends of his, I got the impression that they didn't particularly care for me. Perhaps it was the overuse of the word "classy."

Am I insane here? Somebody give me some insight. I'm aware that upon meeting people for the first time, you may not "get" their sense of humor or what-have-you, but aren't there general rules of etiquette that keep you from saying things like, "Our rule for dates is it's OK if we've met the person, so we're sorry we met Wendy last night," or "We're too classy to drink [what you drink]."

I mean, help me out here. Am I just nuts? Do I have unrealistic expectations for people? Or is this a legitimate cause of concern?

It's entirely possible that this is normal and acceptable communication in this circle of friends that I'm unfamiliar with, so I'm keeping an open mind. But I refuse to make trips to the liquor store to get port. I mean, there comes a point when you just need to take shots of Jack Daniels until you pass out. And that point is now.

And now I'm about to force Dan to watch both Kill Bill movies with me, because after this weekend, I need to watch some death. Lots of death.