Sunday, January 29, 2006

Getting in Touch with My Inner Misogynist

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I had no choice but to spend my quiet evening alone with drunk people. This could have gone down one of two ways: 1) At my house, directly outside my bedroom door, with nowhere for the noise to go but into my ears. Someone probably would have seen Salazar and, being intrigued by the fact that I have a pet snake, would have insisted on taking him out for some drunken snake ogling. Eventually, people would have passed out on various living room furniture items, no doubt having to move important things of ours in the process. 2) At the SigEp house, where I could expect to put a reasonable distance between the drunken noise and me (and also free up my bed for someone). I chose option 2, which helped me discover why I sometimes hate females.

I arrived to overhear a group of smokers talk about streaking to the quad and getting overly enthusiastic when someone named Lynn arrived. At first I thought this might be short for Lindsey, but she later said it was her name. Anyway, when I say "group of smokers," I mostly mean "drunk bitches I don't know."

I went outside to the fire when they decided to burn a couch (it was warm), and the Blonde One was smashing beer bottles on the concrete because apparently that seemed like a good idea. She was wearing heeled sandals. This will matter later.

The Shouldn't Be Naked One was in her bra. Apparently, she was losing a game of Strip Don't Make Bad Decisions. Lynn just kept hitting on Robert and/or trying to stroke his ego, I imagine because there was a big burning couch getting in the way of her trying to stroke anything else. OK, I could be stretching here - but I had to go for the good joke, and she was stroking his ego a bit.

I played the role of silent observer, much like a reaper on Dead Like Me: I'm not there to get involved, just to watch and snark. I made the comment to Robert that if I ever got that drunk that he should take me out and shoot me. But it got worse.

We went inside, and that's when I discovered there was a game of Strip Flip Cup, which they tried to rope me into playing, but I refused because 1) Hell no! and 2) I wasn't wearing a bra. However, for my own benefit, I thought it'd be good if I at least observed these shenanigans. You know, like those "Don't Follow Me" prisoners who came to your elementary school.

The Shouldn't Be Naked One ended up in her panties, which is a sight I'd like to forget as soon as humanly possible. Lynn kept trying to be nonchalant about hitting on Robert, and the Blonde One soon had a blood-soaked foot and shoe. It's amazing how perceptive you are when you're the only sober one. It must work in the way that blind people have enhanced other senses: Everyone else's perceptions go way down, and mine go way up. It's quite interesting.

The Blonde One was amused, saying she had no idea how the cut happened because she didn't feel it.

Here's a thought. Now, I'm not a genius, although I'm pretty damn close. Perhaps it occurred during the bottle-smashing. If I were her, I would think twice before wearing strappy sandals and smashing beer bottles on concrete. It just seems like that kind of behavior might lead to...I don't know...SHARDS OF GLASS GETTING STUCK IN YOUR FOOT!

I would like to add that Robert said he'd never seen these chicks before, which made me so completely disgusted that they would put themselves in such a stupid, compromised position that I couldn't watch anymore. My give a damn was more than busted, as was my ability to feign interest. I retired to Robert's room for some television and blogging (I started this last night).

I'm not sure what happened next, but I imagine it went something like this: One of them probably acted like she was too drunk/tired/stupid to drive so she could stay over, and I'm sure seeing what a catastrophe that would have been, as they had already proven themselves unworthy of being able to handle a can of beer without throwing it on one another, one of the sober brothers was commissioned to drive them as far away as possible...or at least home. I do know they got a ride home, because a serene calm and quiet came over the house circa 5 a.m. And I was happy again, and free to fall asleep to Dead Like Me, after Robert vented about having to take care of drunk bitches.

The moral of the story: Know your fucking limit, and stick to it. Don't make an ass of yourself, and sure as hell don't let yourself end up naked or almost naked around complete strangers. I saw more of that chick's not-so-goodies that I'm amazed I didn't wake up screaming, "For the love of God and all that is holy, put some pants on!" Yes, this chick took off her BRA before she took off her PANTS! Who does that?

It's people like this who give women a bad name. Sure, I drink. I don't run around in my underwear with beer dripping off of my bare breasts, talking far too loudly because it's oh-so-obvious that I'm too drunk to function. I don't smash beer bottles on the concrete in sandals and then wonder why my foot is a lovely shade of blood red. Hell, I don't even touch Robert in public. So I'm three-up on these winners, these fine X-X chromosome combos.

So, in conclusion, moments like last night make me realize that I do have a superiority complex, although I think it's warranted when faced with instances. I think if Lindsey, Amber, and Khall (who is link-free) had been around, there would have been a collective head explosion.

Credit where credit is due: JR, you were right. You're always right. So I guess that makes me...not as right. Let's not get carried away here.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

I'm Kind of a Moderate Deal

According to Aunt B, I might suck (which I have always suspected), but more importantly, I might not suck. Yes, I got some link action, and it was good. It was great!

Aunt B is also up for a Koufax. I guess she and Lindsey will have to knife fight for it. How cool are my Internet pals? I'm getting linked by popular blogs. It'll come in handy when my real friends abandon me because I'm too [insert your own flaw here].

Frodo started a Facebook group titled "I Don'T Know If You Know, But I'm Kind of a Big Deal" and asked me to join. Yes, that T is actually capped - I can type, OK? I've been dubbed "the big I want Bill Clinton deal" - this, of course, I found very amusing.

Wait, I think I can make that sentence sound MORE awkward: This very amusing of course I found. We're all Yoda inside.

"He keeps sending me angels just like you"

I had a great evening hanging with my parents, Mike and Fran, Michelle and Jason, and Brandon and Benjamin (Mike and Fran's grandkids - don't worry, they totally don't act like grandparents). The twins are 5, really cute - one of them asked me if I had a husband. Still taking applications. IQs less than 130 need not apply.

We hand a grand time listening to Sammy play, and he did "Sultans of Swing" - I didn't even know he knew that, so I was pleasantly surprised.

Yes, it's Friday night, and I opted to hang out with my parents instead of hitting up Greek Row like the rest of campus. I'm not really into Greek Row - all those frat houses so close together - it kind of freaks me out. Also, any time I have a Friday night off, I always hang out with my parents. They're tons of fun.

And every now and then someone reminds you that becoming what you swore you'd never be really isn't all that great. And sometimes, it's three somebodies in roughly 24 hours. So spending the rest of my night off in the confines of my own home is probably a good idea. As a side note, I would like to mention that Tuesday night's venture to the SigEp house ended in four-hour conversation on Descartes, Brave New World, and the time-space continuum, so not all of my evenings result in playing in newly formed lakes. Just thought I'd throw that in.

On tonight's agenda: get something to drink - I'm thirsty as hell; watch some Buffy or Dead Like Me; read something: most likely Heidegger's Being and Time or The Tao of Physics; finish this blog and catch up on the blog roll; meditate. It should be a productive evening.

Well, I haven't gone to bed yet, so I think it's still Friday, and it's time for Friday's Feast. Check out JR's feast here.

Choose one: Popcorn, Pizza, Pretzels, Peanuts, or Pasta.
I'm tempted to say pizza because that sounds really good right now, but sometimes I'm not in the mood for pizza, and I'm always in the mood for popcorn drowned in too much butter.

Describe your personality in terms of a particular vehicle.
A lamborghini:
1) No one can afford it
2) It demands attention
3) It makes you smile
4) If any car has an ego, it's this one
5) No matter where you saw it, you'd always think, "You don't belong here"

If you won a shopping spree, from which store would you want it to be?
Victoria's Secret

Main Course
Which television show re-runs do you enjoy watching?
Buffy, Dead Like Me, Becker, Family Guy

If you could look into the future, how far down the road would you like to see? 10 years? 100 years? A million?
10 years: I can't wait to see how cool I look as Mrs. Prince William...OK, enough with delusions of grandeur. I'd go 10 years ahead, just to check out how I did with my life, see what my loved ones are up to, and to see how that doctoral dissertation is coming.

Song of the Day: "Sending Me Angels" by Delbert McClinton. It goes back to the people reminding you of what you're becoming and all that. Let's not get too sappy with the explanation.

I walked down to the river
Stood on the shore
Seems like the devil's always tryin'
To get in my door
Just when I thought I
Couldn't take it anymore
Here he came again
My friend

He keeps sending me angels,
From up on high
He keeps sending me angels,
To teach me to fly
He keeps sending me angels,
Sweet and true
He keeps sending me angels,
Just... like... you...

As I stand on this mountain
Face to the wind,
Amazed by the number of times I have sinned,
And the countless number of enemies
That should have been friends
Here he comes again,
My friend

He keeps sending me angels,
Here they come a-flyin'
He keeps sending me angels,
To keep me from cryin'
He keeps sending me angels,
Sweet and true
He keeps sending me angels,
Just... like... you...

Some say that it's comin'
I say that it's already here
The love that's among us through
The joy and the fear
When I look into your eyes
Everything is so clear
My friend, oh here he comes again

He keeps sending me angels,
From up on high
He keeps sending me angels,
To teach me to fly
He keeps sending me angels,
Sweet and true
He keeps sending me angels,
Just... like... you...

Thursday, January 26, 2006

OK, I Guess I Do Bend That Way

Something neat happened in Pilates today: I discovered that I have what is known as perfect flexibility. Cool, huh? At least I'll always have that to fall back on pull over my head if things get rough.

On tonight's agenda: Eat Hot Pocket (currently doing - what are YOU going to pick?), take bubble bath, dress self, go to party.

I had nothing to wear, so I bought a shirt, a tank top, some earrings, and a thong. All that cost me $30. Then I bought some perfume I really wanted, which cost me $50. So when you see me, tell me I smell good. I guess I mean when you smell me.

I'm actually full of shit. I have plenty to wear, but I haven't done laundry in a while, and I didn't feel like looking through all my clean clothes trying to pick something out.

Tomorrow night, I'm going home to hang with my parents for a bit. It'll be a blast (it always is), and I'm getting fed! Woot!

Even more proof Lindsey is the greatest person ever: She got nominated for a Koufax. Congrats to her on making everyone else's blog in the vast expanse of Internet (with a few exceptions) look like shit. Some people find God, Lindsey finds Carmex. But she does it the kind of wit and style that I can't even come up with a word for, so I won't try.

But does Lindsey have perfect flexibility! I think not!

Here's a random picture of me, looking like a complete idiot and having no clue someone was photographing me (apparently I'm mid-sentence or mid-laugh), but my cheekbones look great, so, you know, go with it - it's me all GRSSKed out.

That was taken in December. Good times. Well, the bubble bath waits for no woman. Bored? Check out JR's blog for some cricket news. Who doesn't like a cricket update? And then there's TV on the Fritz's account of crashing a Raider Republicans meeting. Good stuff.

"I change my spots over and over, but they never seem to fade away"

Warning: I wax introspective.

It recently (within the past 24 hours) occurred to me that my life has become incredibly stagnant, and while I've suspected it, it really didn't bother me until now. So I went for a drive, listened to some Counting Crows (hence the blog title), got a little teary (good for the soul), and just thought about shit.

I think it's time to shake things up a bit.

I'm changing, into someone or something I'm not sure I like. Now, granted, this isn't always the case. Over the past year or so, I've added some great traits to my growing list of shit I like about myself, but that doesn't make all the bad stuff go away. It doesn't mean I don't make bad decisions, that I don't have regrets, that I don't wish that I thought I could be better. I used to know it. I used to be it.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Tagged by Cox

OK, so Cox went on a list spree, so I guess I'll do the same. Also, note: I've posted several times today, so be sure to check out the insanity below. Don't just stop at the lists.

9 lasts.
1. last cigarette: Probably some time in November, after sex. I don't smoke, but every now and then I'll smoke after sex.
2. last beverage: Mountain Dew
3. last hug: Robert I think. Let's go with that.
4. last movie: Wedding Crashers
5. last phone call: Received: Tanya. Made: Robert.
6. last cd played: Something I burned
7. last bubble bath: A week or two ago
8. last time you cried: When I got hit with the door - that shit hurt.
9. last love: I'm going to follow Cox's lead on this one and say it's irrelevant.

8 have you evers.
1. have you ever dated one of your best friends? Yes, and that ended badly.
2. have you ever skinny dipped? No, but I wouldn't be opposed to it.
3. have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: Nothing comes to mind
4. have you ever fallen in love: Stumbled would be a bit more accurate
5. have you ever lost someone you loved: Yes
6. have you ever been depressed: Yes yes
7. have you ever been drunk and threw up: Only thrice
8. have you ever been heart broken: Yes

7 states you've been to.
1. Kentucky
2. Florida
3. Alabama
4. New York
5. Wisconsin
6. New Jersey
7. Georgia

6 things you've done today.
1. Woke up
2. Called Robert to wake him up
3. Brushed my teeth
4. Brushed my hair
5. Got dressed
6. Blogged

5 favorite things in no order.
1. Friends
2. Family
3. Alcohol
4. Good books
5. Sex

4 people you can tell anything to in no order.
1. JR
2. Cox
3. The Tina
4. My Mom

3 wishes.
1. Happiness (for self and loved ones)
2. Wisdom
3. Unlimited wishes

2 things you want to do before you die.
1. Dance in the rain
2. Cruise the Mediterranean

1 thing you regret.
1. Waiting until I was 19 to live my life for myself

Nobody's Gonna Rain on My Parade

If you thought MUDWrestleMania was good, just wait until you read this.

After I got back Sunday from the retreat, I took a much-needed nap, then went to the Greek SpeakOut, had dinner with my sisters, and went to the SigEp house (after a shower, which will later prove to have been a waste of time).

The cable and Internet at the house were out, so we watched Wedding Crashers, which I liked way more than I thought I would. It was monsooning outside, and Baker came in to ask us if we'd seen Lake SigEp yet. "The front or the back?"

Now, if you're familiar with the SigEp house, you know they have a lot of land. Well, that land was under water. The front and back yards had formed lovely lakes, parts of which would have been well above my head level.

After a smoke break, we all just stared out at the front yard, and after a very pregnant pause came the question: "You guys want to go play in it?"

"I'm thinking that's a very bad idea...and I'll regret it if I don't do it."

I was getting psyched to go watch, when I was informed that I, too, would be participating in the stupidity. Well, I'd shown up in slacks, a tight shirt, and my boots, so I insisted on different clothing (not the kind I'd better myself through). Robert gave me some stuff to wear, and after being reassured I could utilize the shower afterward, we headed down to the front yard.

It didn't take long to lose feeling in my feet and legs, and after standing there long enough to get really cold and wet and try to take a few pictures, we ran back up to the house, cursing loudly and piling into the shower with our clothing on (there were four of us: Robert, Frodo, House, and me). The area we were in was up to Robert's waist, and he's 6'4", so you can imagine how cold I was. Even after a very long shower (we kicked them out of the shower once we were all body temperature again), it still took a while to regain feeling in my legs again.

Lather, Rinse, Retreat As Needed

I haven't blogged in a while, I know. I spent the weekend on a Greek Presidents' Retreat, doing leadership things and all that. It was exhausting but good. I get a little weird on those things sometimes. First off, I'm incredibly self-aware. Here's why.

There is definitely a "type" of person involved here. It's sometimes intimidating, and sometimes it just makes me want to throw things and call my parents and thank them for raising me right (which, actually, I did on Saturday - thanks again, Daddy. You're the best!).

There's definitely a difference between my sorority and the others, and that's one of the reasons I joined mine. Anyone who knew me in high school (I'm looking in the general direction of JR and Cox probably never imagined I'd even join a sorority, much less end up being the president. This goes likewise for my non-Greek college friends, which pretty much translates to Sidelines kids and Vanessa. Even being at the SigEp house as often as I am, I get a lot of, "You're in a sorority?" It's nice. I'm glad I don't have that stereotypical sorority girl image.

Still, it's like growing up all over again with a perfect sister. She's always going to be the one people already know when they meet me: "Oh, you're Misty's sister?" She's always going to be the one known for being pretty. She's always going to be the one people think of first. I'm like the afterthought of the Caldwell sisters. I'm the one who was really good at school and who did all the plays. The parents liked me because I could talk to them, and when we got together with other families, I always preferred to sit at the parents' table. I just couldn't stand the idle teenage talk.

Likewise, sometimes I feel like my sorority is just an afterthought for some of these Greeks. I don't know why that should bother me if it does. I guess being trapped at a 4-H camp for a weekend will do that to you. Granted, after hearing things like, "You can better yourself through good attire," I'm glad I'm not a typical sorority girl. I can make that sound not retarded, too - it's a gift after hanging out with Greeks so long: When you dress up, you usually feel good about yourself, and when you feel good about yourself, you're probably more likely to be more productive. However, whether or not that was the motivation behind the comment is something I doubt. I don't care about clothing usually. But I have been known to wander around my house in my bra and underwear freaking out that "I have nothing to wear!" when I have more clothing than I have room for in my bedroom. So I guess we all have a little shallow in us when the situation is right.

I often wonder whether I'm a good leader or not. I guess having to make hard decisions will bring about those questions. I can make the easy decisions - who can't? But when the chips are down, when your integrity is on the line, and when the integrity of the organization is on the line, what do you do? How do you tell yourself it's worth it? How do you make the choice between doing what's right and doing what's easy? Yes, I know, I sound all Harry Potter on this one, but I'm struggling here. Being with all these other groups and hearing about all their local and national advisers made me realize that the whole "buck stops here" thing really applies to me - it stops with me. I mean, I love Truman, really I do - he's my favorite - but I don't the buck to always stop at me. It needs to go to someone else every now and then. There needs to be someone above me to help me, someone consistent who will be around in case I accidentally graduate.

Currently feeling: Overwhelmed
Currently listening to: "Alcohol" by Brad Paisley

Thursday, January 19, 2006

"Are you self-employed?" or When Refunds Go AWOL

Tuesday night, after meeting, I hung out with Robert and the guys for some much needed kicking back. We went to Chad's for some poker (yes, Robert drove this time), and the power went off for about an hour. Poker by candlelight. It's interesting to watch. I drove back - keeping my mirrors intact. It was quite an accomplish with the snow and all the freezing going on. Good for me.

Today I woke up against my will at a time I deem much too early (1:15) and went home, changed for work, and went to work. During my shift, I got a lovely sales call. Here's the gist:

Me: Smyrna Starbucks. This is Wendy. How may I help you?

She: [incoherent, heavily accented speech]

Me: I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong number.

She: No, can I speak to the owner.

Me: Well, we don't really have an owner. We have a manager, but she's not in right now. Can I take a message?

She: No, no message. Is this Starbucks Coffee?

Me: Yes.

She: 620 Sam Ridley. [she even spouted off the zip code here - I don't even know that]

Me: Yes, it is.

She: Who is this?

Me: This is Wendy.

She: Are you self-employed?

Me: No, I work for Starbucks. [No shit, we've already established this. I mean, seriously, did you call me at home or on a cell phone? No, you called where I work to ask me if I'm self-employed. This is really stupid.]

She: Do you have health insurance [incoherent] government?

Me: Yes, I have health insurance.

She: Is it paid by the government. [incoherent]

Me: No, my mother pays for it.

She: OK, thank you.

Yeah. Won't be answering the phones there anytime soon. Sheesh. Are you self-employed? How are you going to call my place of employment to ask if I'm self-employed? I just don't get people sometimes.

At work, Vince was talking about a professor he knows who plans to never retire. So I responded in this fashion:

Me: So he's just going to go to school every day and wait to die?

Vince: Yes.

Me: That's what I do!

In other news, of course we weren't going to get through the night without something about which to panic, and, no, it isn't my awkward syntax.


Do you hear that, Business Office? Why is MTSU trying so hard to fuck me out of my money? First, it's going to take me an extra two years on top of the five I'd already planned on to graduate, then they tried to take my financial aid, and now my financial aid refund is AWOL. I know MIA is slightly more accurate, but when else am I ever going to get to say something inanimate is AWOL?

On my MTSU account, it says my refund was sent via direct deposit on Jan. 14. However, it has yet to appear on my bank account - even as a PENDING TRANSACTION! Brandy is Awesome has the same bank as I do, and her money was there Monday night. Where is mine? I need it! I already spent some of it on books because I saw when MTSU supposedly sent it to the bank, and it's ALWAYS available the first day of classes. Now I need to get the Business Office to cut me a check or something so I can get to my bank (which is where my money goes to die, by the way) before all my other transactions go through and fuck me out of even more money in overdraft charges. Fuck MTSU. Fuck whatever is keeping me from getting my damn money - I can't pay the electric bill until I get it. I can't pay anything until I get it. I can't get my migraine medicine refilled until I get it.

How in the hell do you lose $1300? Where does it go? Are they keeping it in a mattress somewhere? If it left MTSU Saturday, even though Monday was a bank holiday, it should be pending by today if not already credited. Something is seriously wrong here. It's like trying to get a kidney transplant from the DMV.

I'm going to try sleeping again. I wasn't tired before, but I have class from 8 until 5:45 tomorrow, so I should probably try harder, or at least just give in and light my sleeping incense (Cool Water).

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Et amici sunt wet

I got to school this morning around 7:22 a.m., and I got the BEST parking space of my college career! It was so great, I never wanted to leave it. I just wanted to bask in its glory all day.

It was pouring rain, so I had to go all over campus in a monsoon. Not fun. When I finally got home at 6 p.m., I stripped to my socks and underwear and threw my clothes in the dryer before even eating. I was that wet.

I've officially declared my double major in math and philosophy. Woohoo! I have to have 12 hours of a foreign language, but I wanted to take Latin again anyway, and it's ridiculous that MTSU doesn't require foreign language. Et amici sunt agricolae. My friends are farmers also.

Oh, and here's what my Tuesday/Thursday schedule looks like (for those interested):
8:00-9:25 Foundations of Higher Mathematics
9:40-11:05 Applied Calculus IV
11:20-12:45 Insurance in Estate Planning
1:00-2:25 Jazz Dance
2:40-4:05 Recent Continental Philosophy
4:20-5:45 Pilates

That's right, my friends. No breaks. But I know I can snack during calc. and philosophy, so I'm not worried.

And now, Tolstoy Tuesday:


The drops spill
onto my forehead
and leave trails
along my face
as though tears
were streaming
from my eyes
over you

On the rest of the night's agenda: Get redressed. Have sorority meeting (no, guys, we don't have them naked). Get corkboard. Drink too much and attempt to throw darts. Let Robert laugh at me. Possibly throw dart at Robert. I'm kidding about that last part.

Monday, January 16, 2006

If Only Google Could Find Parking Places

Thanks to the 30 or so people who, since I last posted, Google searched for sex blogs and subsequently visited my dimly-lit corner of the Internet.

After my last post, something just occurred to me that I've discussed on here before: Aside from the usual links I get from friends and whatnot, most of my referrals come from people searching for porn. It never ceases to amuse me.

I'm off to make some green beans for The Tina and me, and then I'll start working out a parking strategy for tomorrow morning. It's the first day back, and I need to start early. You can never plan too soon where you're going to park.

I Love and Sex You...and I Link You

I did the daily Site Meter check, and I've found recently that I get referrals from NashvillesNews. There's actually not an apostrophe on the Web site. I'm aware there ought to be. Anyway, my curiousity got the best of my Tiny Cat Pants (yes, I finally broke down and linked a complete stranger - check it out), and I hopped on over to the site to see what was linked.

It was my last Tolstoy Tuesday, "For Bambi," under the category "Love and Sex."

Now, I never mentioned this before, but the post was because Bambi just lost her brother. He was young - my age. I didn't mention it because I don't do well with death, especially the death of young people. Anyway, Bambi, I love you, but I don't "love and sex" you.

As I got even more curious, I clicked under categories, figuring I'd find something like "Self-absorbed and Introspective." There was "Rants and Raves," but nothing like "All about Wendy." Then I cliked "Love and Sex" only to find 30 posts...

...and they were all mine!

So I'm the sole Love and Sex voice of Nashville. I'm not sure how to handle that. I'll just accept the ego boost.

And, you know, I guess Theology on the Fritz is on the fritz. I knew it was too good to be true.

Half Baked

It's MLK Day, so thanks for the day off from school. It's nice, and gives me time to buy supplies. On today's agenda: sorority budget meeting. I feel really good that that's something I started. Good for me - I'm at least responsible with money that isn't mine. And usually I'm responsible with my own. I don't have enough to be irresponsible with, or I probably would be.

I was home a few days ago, and my sister pointed out that when she was my age (we're 15 months apart, by the way, so you can take this with the grain of salt that I tend to), she had already graduated and taught for two years. When my mom was my age, she had my sister.

I guess it just took me a while to realize that as much as other people did or had already done when they were my age, I really don't care. I'm not anyone else. I don't want to be my sister at my age. I don't want to be my mother at my age. I think I'm going to try being me at my age for a while: frustrated with school to the point of nearly being burnt out, working five days a week because bills rack up regardless of how many tests you have, being the president of a sorority when in high school you swore you'd never join one. You know, just being me, appreciating the irony of it all, and trying not to fuck it up more while learning some valuable lessons.

I'm just cookie dough right now. Let me bake in peace and quit opening the oven to see if I'm done yet. I'll be done with the timer goes off. Chill the fuck out. I'm going to be a bigger, more delicious cookie than most - I'm going to take a little longer.

Yeah, let's drop that analogy before it gets

Well, it's T minus 2 hours before budget meeting, and I still need to clean the living room and get some snacks for the girls, so I'd better hop to it.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Lordy, lordy! Look Who's Forty!

It's me! That's right - here's the story.

I went to Kroger tonight to get some Gatorade for Tina (she's still a little sick), some Cadbury chocolate/roast almond bars for me, and some IBC cream soda for me.

At night, they usually just have the U-Scan open, so I went there to do my checkout. As I scanned my IBC, it informed me that I needed to show the cashier my ID.

I was a little weirded out by this, so I just turned around and said, "It wants me to show you my ID for cream soda. I'm 23 - I'm old enough to buy cream soda." I said this all very comically, mind you - I wasn't at all annoyed. I was actually amused. Wouldn't want underaged kids running around hyped up on sugar water. Actually, I agree with that. Moving on...

She said she didn't know why it did that, but that it also required ID for root beer. Odd. She then entered some random birthday for me: Sunday, January 2, 1966. I'm more than qualified to purchase cream soda. In fact, according to my birthdate, it's time for my must-be-some-practical-joke-from-the-powers-that-be sexual peak (how is it 18 for men and 40 for women? I know stats on this vary, but this makes the blog funnier, so I'm accepting 40). Bitchin'!

When I got home, it occurred to me: This is the PERFECT way for underaged kids to get beer! Get some cream soda, find some clear-bottled beer (MGD? High Life? I don't drink beer, and if I do, it's Bud bottles - NOT clear), and switch a few out. Go through the U-Scan, bag the goods, then turn around and say, "Hey, this wants my ID for cream soda. I'm 19. That's old enough for cream soda, right?"

I'm so good sometimes I amaze even myself

**Note: Don't actually do this. It's wrong. Get your parents or older siblings to buy your booze like the rest of us had to. Or date someone older - that works well, too.**

So my uncle moved back in with my aunt Thursday. Interesting.

I have a great idea for a social experiment for a drive-thru, but, alas, that blog will have to wait, as I have previous arrangements with IBC, Cadbury, and at least one of the following: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dead Like Me, Love Actually, and The Tao of Physics. Guess which is the only one you can't watch on a laptop computer?

If you said Buffy the Vampire're an idiot. Hit yourself for me - my arms don't reach.

For those keeping count, I blogged 169 times in 2005, which was 48 more times than JR. Sweet! You know, I used to look at 48 and see 4x12 or 24x2, but now all I see is 16x3. How did that happen? At what point did I start automatically dividing by three? I don't get my brain sometimes.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Checkpoint - No Interruptions

Last night I went to the SigEp house to have a few beers and throw some darts. I'd like to add that I've gotten a lot better at darts. I'm still not that great, but I'm not nearly as bad as I was.

For my last game, Tom and I were playing cricket. He had closed everything but bulls and was racking up a shit-ton of points on me. I closed bulls and proceeded to get 150 points on him in bulls, but it wasn't enough to win the game. He was doing so well that he was all, "If I get to 400 points, you're getting naked!"

To which I responeded: "Excuse me?! You have not EARNED the right to see me naked." Ha. It was amusing. He got to 464, and I had 150. Mercy rule be damned! And no, no nudity, because who the fuck gets naked playing darts? I would never agree to that, especially halfway through when I'm already down 200 points.

Anyway, Frodo had been giving me a hard time all night, which he can do, because I know him. And Tex had been chiming in, which he can do, because I know him, too. But this Tom character was new to me, and I don't much fancy a new guy dropping a dart behind the desk and then wanting me to pick it up.

Here's where the blog has to detour: In season 5 of Buffy there's an episode called "Checkpoint" during which Buffy has to talk to the Watchers' Council. She says no interruptions, and when she's interrupted, she throws a sword past this guy's head, and it sticks into the wall behind him. "I said no interruptions." It's pretty freakin' bad ass.

Well, I'd had about enough at that point, so I pick up a dart, hurl it past Tom's head, and it sticks into the wall behind him. Priceless.

He was all, "Oh, shit!"

Frodo later said he saw it coming because he'd been thinking Tom was getting kind of ballsy with what he was saying to me because he didn't know me that well. And I think we all learned a valuable lesson about how to talk to Wendy.

Tom later told me that Robert is his big brother. That's amusing. I'm sure Robert would have agreed the dart throwing was justified.

I Wax Philosophical...for Financial Aid

I can stay in school!

I checked online today, and I've been removed from financial aid suspension and placed on financial aid probation for summer 2006. I've only taken summer classes once, and when I did, I aced them both. Bonus!

This is excellent news because a) I don't have to drop out; b) I don't have to beg my parents for money; c) I can actually afford books; d) I might make a sizable dent in that pesky credit card bill. I'm not holding my breath on d though. More likely, I'll use the money leftover to purchase Starbucks stock at a discount so that when I can no longer get financial aid because I've been in school too long, I'll be able to use the stock.

I need some opinions here, and I know you kids have them, so tell me if I'm crazy: Because it's going to take forever and a day to graduate, I'm thinking I might change my philosophy minor into a double major, because a) I'm going to have to take some bullshit classes just to stay full-time to keep insurance; and b) If I add another major this late, I'll be qualified to get financial aid longer. Decisions, decisions.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Hurry up and Wait

Well, I've officially appealed my financial aid, and, yes, I just got home. Now I just have to wait until noon tomorrow to find out if they've approved it. If not, I have until 4:30 to pay. Neat.

Thickness of medical records: approximately 2.5 - 3 inches. Nice.

Grade point average: more than 3.0, which, though is bad for me, is still probably one of the best they saw today.

Here's something I don't get: Why do they care if I want to take out a student loan to pay for my school? Hell, the banks should LOVE if I want to keep taking out loans and then dropping most of my classes. At this rate, I'll be taking out loans FOREVER! I understand if a scholarship student parties all semester and fails everything. They deserve a little dose of reality.

I, however, have had a 4.0 three of the past four semesters. Get off my case, man. I should've pulled a Red and been like, "Stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time." But I digress.

This whole thing should have been two different days: loan day and scholarship day. Approve all loan kids. I mean, really, without student loans, so many people would have to drop out of school. At least the scholarship kids can just get loans.

That's it. Nap time. I've been up since 8.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Leave a Message at the Static

Whilst in White House dropping my phone in water, I dropped my phone in water. Yikes.

It works OK sometimes, but other times it randomly turns itself off and on, and the ring sounds weird. Ahh!

I called customer service completely freaking out!

"I know this is going to sound neurotic, but I'm expecting a VERY IMPORTANT phone call. I need this phone."

He said I could have my calls forwarded, but I have no other phone. He suggested I call warranty and have them send me a new one, which will take A FEW DAYS.

I called them, but apparently I can't call from the phone that I need work on. Lovely. The recording said, "Please hang up and call from a different phone."

If I had a different phone to call from, I wouldn't be FREAKING THE FUCK OUT about this one, now would I? Sheesh.

This all occurred after talking to Dr. Green, who said it may be as late at 2008 before I graduate (how poetic - that was so not on purpose) because of how classes fall in that lovely department and how fucked I am for missing ACSI 4200, which, by the way, he went back and changed the W to an F! Sigh. I hate people sometimes.

Tomorrow is the financial aid appeal. Here I come, baby! After that, I'll probably curse my phone or find it miraculously recovered. Hopefully the Tina will be home tonight and we can 1) call about my phone and 2) dye my hair.

If you try to call me and can't reach me, leave a message. I'll use other phones to check messages at least until the water damage is done.

Currently feeling: Frustrated
Currently listening to: Some Crazy Bastard Wants to Hit Me

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Take THAT, Anonymous!

It's been a while since I answered the question, "What has George W. Bush done for me lately?" Here it is.

A new federal law states that when you annoy someone on the Internet, you must disclose your identity. Here’s the relevant language.

“Whoever…utilizes any device or software that can be used to originate telecommunications or other types of communications that are transmitted, in whole or in part, by the Internet… without disclosing his identity and with intent to annoy, abuse, threaten, or harass any person…who receives the communications…shall be fined under title 18 or imprisoned not more than two years, or both.”

Hat tip: MooreThoughts.

"Dawn's in trouble - must be Tuesday"

"For Bambi"

Sometimes leaving comes too soon
And "good-bye" is seldom a word
Easily said, if at all.

Constant reminders linger
Making the pain too real,
The memories too clear,
And the present too sublime.

Shakespeare failed to mention
That sorrow outweighs sweet
When it comes to parting

But the dawn will beat the night,
The sun will trump the moon,
And another day will come
For you again.

Monday, January 09, 2006

"I am ready, I am fine" OR "My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me"

"Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are." - Whistler, Buffy, "Becoming: Part One" (Season Two)

This is it. This is that point in my life when everything changes. I haven't decided yet what that means, but I think it's good. I'm ready for it to be good. I think I'm finally ready for my life to happen. I'm finally old enough and wise enough to be me at my age. Ready or not, here I come.

Sometimes I think the greatest parts of life are the curve balls - those unexpected things you can never prepare for. Thursday I'll be going before an appeal committee to try and get my financial aid reinstated so that I can stay in school and let MTSU screw me out of a degree a little longer. If they deny me, I'll probably have to drop out for a while, and that scares me, because I'm not sure I'd go back (I wouldn't be able to afford it for one thing). Something else scares me, too: I'm not sure I'll be able to handle two more years of school. Then again, I've had a lot of things happen to me that I thought I couldn't handle, and I managed to do just fine, or at least survive, so I figure I'll probably survive this, too, however it turns out.

I've done a lot of thinking lately, something I'm really good at, by the way. Here's some of what I came up with.

While talking to Cox last night, I made the revelation that it seems like I'm in a constant competition with myself to see if I can disappoint myself even more, and I'm always succeeding admirably. What has happened to me? I used to be so different, and now I've chipped away at so many aspects of myself. It's disheartening.

I can chalk this up in part to my recent health fiasco, which sent me into a hard depression for about a month.

Part of it I can attribute to people: I have a different circle here, and this is going to sound shallow, and I don't mean it to, but here goes. In high school I hung out with all the gifted kids, with a few exceptions for my theatre friends. As JR once said, "If you are stupid, surround yourself with smart people. If you are smart, surround yourself with smart people who disagree with you." This, I think, is part of the reason why I get along so well with Robert - he's a smart person who disagrees with me. Translation: He makes me think, and I like that. My brain likes that.

But I digress. I have plenty of smart friends, but it's not the same, and I don't mean to stroke my own ego here, either: I feel that I've gotten dumber since going to college. Ideally, this just means I've realized there's so much I don't know and I've had some kind of awakening, but I don't know about all that. Mostly I just think I used to be so much better.

There's a difference between intelligence and applying oneself, and I have to make that distinction. I know plenty of intelligent people who fail to apply themselves, and vice versa.

Well, that's enough self-loathing. Let's move on to happy things.

Have you seen The Shawshank Redemption? It's my favorite movie, and at the end, Red is on the bus going to see Andy, and he says he's so excited he can barely sit still. That's me right now - I can hardly contain myself.

I think I'm finally getting my shit together. I've dropped the paper (after last semester's disaster nothing short of Sonny coming back or a hostile take-over will lure me back into the office), so for the first time in three years, I'll be going to school with only one job! This alone is exciting.

On top of that, part of my comfort zone is going to be around again: Cox has moved back to Murfreesboro, and JR is probably back on American soil right now. These are the moments I love in life - when things you look forward to actually happen.

Current mood: Ecstatic

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Doh! A Deer! A Female Deer!

OK, that was really just to try to come up with a clever title. Sorry, Bambi, but I know you laughed at it.

Today's blog is just a lovely excerpt from a phone conversation I had with Bambi today, who was deliriously tired and hungry and on her third trip to Wal-Mart. It's not so much an excerpt as overhearing her mother laughing hysterically over God only knows, with Bambi telling her something to the effect of, "Take two aspirin and call me in a week!" It was amusing.

But not as amusing as overhearing this...

"Don't do that - there's an airbag in there!"

And that's what it sounds like when Bambi and her mom don't sleep and go to Wal-Mart. It sounds quite similar to when I'm trying to keep up with my three-year-old cousin. Even more proof you're only as old as you feel.

And yet I still feel 23. Sigh.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Maybe You Should Drive

No, this post is not an homage to the Barenaked Ladies.

Thursday I was off work, so I spent the day being productive (nap, shower, etc.). After all that napping, it was time to get out. So I did. AND I almost beat Robert at darts. Though I imagine almost doesn't really count, now does it?

We left Chad's house and were en route to the SigEp house when the road took a harsh turn to the left.

Now, let me paint this for you. If you can imagine what would happen if some cartoon character had erased the road straight ahead and put in its place a telephone pole, a guy wire, and an open plot of land, you would have the correct mental image. Think, "Oh shit, where'd the road go?"

As much as I like to speed, I wasn't really speeding here. I was probably going about 35, but this was at 3 a.m., and the road wasn't lit, and while 35 isn't that fast, it certainly is too fast to take a 90-degree turn. I have no doubt that had I tried it, I would've completely lost control of my car. I'd probably be blogging from that elusive coma right now.

So I did the only thing I knew to do: Drive straight between the telephone pole and the wire. I must admit I'm impressed I didn't hit the pole - I've got mad careening skills. However, the wire hit my passenger side mirror, and that's upsetting. I like my mirrors.

I was a bit shook up by the whole thing (mainly because I had a passenger, and I usually try to avoid imminent doom when someone else's life is in my hands - at least I avoided the pole). I talked to my dad on my break from work, and he said it sounded like I did the right thing, which I agree with. There's nothing else I could've done - I knew making the turn was impossible.

Moral of the story: Next time when Robert offers to drive, he gets to.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

No. 8 - Not Dale Jr.

8) Get my abs back - Seriously, the rest of my body is embarassed to be seen with my stomach.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Resolved Like Carpet Cleaner

I don't usually do this, but here goes.

My New Year's Resolutions:

1) Get my financial aid reinstated - I only have until January 12 to accomplish this, but if you know me, you know I'll be a complete basket case about it until I actually go before the committee and explain how my uterus hates me. I think I should work on my sales pitch.

2) Figure out my schedule with my adviser - I've been through so many advisers that I have no idea what's going on here. I do know what I need to graduate, and hopefully I'll be able to come up with a plan I can stick to, and hopefully it won't take two more years like I think it will. All this fall/spring only shit is just frustrating me, but maybe Dr. Kholodnyi knows a way around it.

3) Dance in the rain - Damnit, I will do this! It's been my goal since I was 15 or something, and I've never done it.

4) Stop living in my head so much - I mean, there's a whole world outside of my head, and yet, most of the time, I just retreat to my psyche to cause trouble for myself. That needs to stop.

5) Reduce my debt - Hopefully, I'll have more money to help accomplish this, although with one less job, I'm not really seeing it.

6) Enjoy my life - I'm 23. It's about time I slowed down and started liking my life a little more instead of just rushing through it to get from obligation to obligation.

7) Write more - This means I'll have to be inspired more, so hopefully I will be.

Well, there you have it. These are the things I intend to do this year. I guess I'll accomplish at least one. Let's hope so.

Strawberries and Champagne

It's Tolstoy Tuesday again, so here goes:

"Mind Wandering"

I walk with myself
Among memories of years past,
Hopes of years to come,
And without resolve
For all things current.

And moving on...

So the sorority did this damned thing, and I reckon I can do it, too. If you want to do it, feel free, but I am certainly not tagging anyone.

B- BIRTHDAY:: December 20
C- CURRENT CRUSH:: I'm kind of digging myself right now
D- FAVORITE N0N ALCH. DRINK:: What's that? Oh, OK, Mountain Dew.
E- EATING CURRENTLY:: Nothing, but I'm drinking D.
F- FAVORITE FOOD:: Steak and chocolate, but not together.
H- CURRENT HATRED:: The electric bill
I- I THINK ABOUT:: Everything, and far too much
J- CURRENT JOB:: Shift supervisor at Starbucks
K- ANY KIDS:: Not at the moment, no.
L- I LOVE:: You. Aww. OK, kidding. Well, maybe not, it depends who you are. I love my bed.
M- FAVORITE MOVIE:: The Shawshank Redemption
N- YOUR PHONE NUMBER:: will never be posted online
O- OTHERWISE KNOWN AS:: Crazy Hooker, Cherry, Wenders Tenders, Wend, WendyBird
P- FAVORITE PERFUME/COLOGNE:: Body by Victoria or DKNY Be Delicious...for a guy to wear: AXE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Q- A LITTLE QUIRK ABOUT YOURSELF:: I have three different razors, and they all shave different things.
R- LAST ROAD TRIP:: I guess when I went to East Tennessee this summer.
S- DO YOU SMOKE:: Only when I'm on fire, or when I'm really drunk.
T- FAVORITE TV SHOW:: Buffy the Vampire Slayer!!!!!!!!!
U- COLOR OF YOUR UNDERWEAR:: Black right now
X- X-RAYS TAKEN:: Too freakin' many
Z- ZODIAC SIGN:: Sagittarius/Capricorn cusp

1. Gum:: Hubba Bubba Strawberry Watermelon
2. Restaurant:: The Melting Pot
3. Drink:: Malibu and Coke
4. Season:: Summer
5. Type of weather:: Sunny and hot
8. Late-night activity:: If I put it the DoD will block me
9. Sport:: Football
10. Movie:: The Shawshank Redemption, which I've already answered, by the way
11. Store:: Victoria's Secret

_______When was the last time you_______
12. Cried:: New Year's Eve
13. Played a sport:: Does football in the Mass Comm Building count?
14. Laughed:: Last night while reading an e-mail from JR
15. Kissed someone:: New Year's (midnight)
16. Had sex:: Friday when I woke up
17. Felt depressed:: A few weeks ago
18. Felt overworked:: Yesterday at work
19. Faked sick:: I've been actually sick too much to fake it

___What was the last_______
21. Word(s) you said:: Sadly, I'm fairly certain it was "me"
22. Thing you ate:: Barbecue sandwich
23. Song you listened to:: "Boats to Build" by Jimmy Buffett and Alan Jackson
24. Last thing you drank:: Still drinking that Mountain Dew
25. Place you went to:: Home, where I currently am
26. Movie you saw:: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
27. Movie you rented:: Probably the Family Guy movie

_______Who was the last person you_______
28. Hugged:: Jennifer
29. Cried over:: JR, but they were happy tears when I realized how soon he's coming back, and I'd been drinking for hours and had PMS (New Year's Eve)
30. Instant messaged:: Laurie - she's alive!
31. Danced with:: Lexi and I swing danced at Starbucks on New Year's Day
32. Shared a secret with:: Tina
33. Slept in a bed with:: Jennifer
34. Fought with:: I don't really fight with people
35. Went to a movie with:: Zac
36. Saw:: The take-out guy at the barbecue place
37. Were angry with:: Robert, also New Year's Eve, and it was stupid and I'm over it
38. Can't take your eyes off:: I'm going with the safe answer here: myself

_______Have you ever_______
39. Drank:: No, not me...of course
40. Danced in the rain:: NO DAMNIT AND I REALLY WANT TO
41. Kissed someone:: Yes
42. Done drugs:: Nothing bad
45. Had a movie marathon:: Yes
46. Gone too far on a dare:: I'm not really into dares
47. Spun around till you got dizzy:: Yep

_______My life_______
48. Name:: Wendy
49. Age:: 23
50. Gender:: Female
52. Nationality:: American
53. Religion:: Raised Church of but that sounds good
54. State or province you live in:: Tennessee

55. I'm feeling:: Like I want to take a bubble bath
56. I'm listening to:: My abnormally fast typing
57. I'm doing:: Your mom
58. I'm talking to:: The voices in my head - the won't shut up while I'm doing these damn questions...OK, kidding, I'm talking to no one.
59. I'm craving:: Sex (that's what you get for asking)
60. I'm hating:: the financial aid people
61. I'm dreading:: my financial aid appeal

62. Love is:: not always enough (sadly)
63. My first love:: There are various degrees of this, but I'm going with Travis or Nick. Travis = engaged. Nick = married.
64. Love or lust:: Love
65. Best love song:: "All I Ask of You" is the first that comes to mind
66. Best love quote:: The last thing Buffy says to Angel: "I do sometimes think that far ahead" OR from Love Actually: "To me you are perfect and my wasted heart will love you until you look like this [picture of mummy]"
67. Possible to be in love w/more than one person at the same time:: If you'd asked me this a week ago, I would've said no. However, I see it, so, yes, but I don't understand.
68. When does love hurt:: All the time, but that's no reason to be afraid of it.
69. Are you in love:: I'm in a situation. A nice one. If my situation were a cottage, I'd rent it for the summer.

_______Opposite sex_______
70. Turn ons:: Tall, nice arms, sense of humor, intelligence (sometimes to the point of arrogance - I like that, and I don't know why)
71. Turn offs:: Abuse (in all forms)
72. Do your parents' opinion on your gf/bf matter to you?:: We've never really conflicted
74. What is the sweetest thing a girl/guy can do for you?:: Hold me when I cry
75. Where do you go to meet new people?:: Nowhere, people go places to meet me
76. Are you the type of person to give and ask for numbers:: Not especially

_____Picky Picky_______
77. Dog or cat:: Cat
78. Short or long hair:: Long on me
79. Sunshine or rain:: Sunshine
80. Hugs or kisses:: Depends on the reason
81. Xbox or ps2:: Xbox
83. Cars or motorcycles:: Cars (fast ones)
84. Coke or Pepsi:: Coke
85. House party or club:: House party
86. Sing or dance:: Dance
87. Freak or slow dance:: Pole Dance...depends on my mood

88. How are you today:: Bored, clearly
89.What pants are you wearing right now:: Jeans
90. What shirt are you wearing right now:: My Lucky Charms shirt and a blue cherry sweater
91. What does your hair look like at the moment:: Like it needs to be washed, which it does. It's in a wavy ponytail
92. What song are you listening to right now:: Nothing, which I've already answered
93. How is the weather right now:: Colder than yesterday
94. Who are you talking to on the phone:: No one
95. Last dream you can remember:: Something about work

96. Clothes:: Comfortable...cute every now and then...I like breast shirts
97. Hair:: Long and blonde
98. Shoes:: My go-go boots or tennis shoes...or sandals
99. Sweater or Hoodie:: Depends what else I'm wearing
100.'s done: Bubble bath, here I come!

Monday, January 02, 2006


Well, there was, but we found him. Tina and I are a bunch of regular crocodile hunter types.

She called me and asked if he'd died, and I said no, and she said something to the effect of "So, he escaped?"

"Oh shit. I'm on my way."

(to the group) "I'll be back - I have to go catch a snake." I said it just like I had to go to the store or something. You know, like this was an everyday occurrence for me. Hell, it might become one.

So I get home and the Tina is on the phone with Brian Doesn't Know, and we're wondering how to find this Son of a Bitch (the snake - Brian Doesn't Know is not a Son of a Bitch), because the cat was no help to us.

Well, we decide to let the chinchillas out to help us find the Little Bitch, but Cole was reluctant to come out on account of he'd already seen Salazar slithering about the house. Well, Cademon started hopping around the living room really enjoying his out-of-the-cage time.

Then I got the BRILLIANT idea to check by the hot water heater, and sure enough, there he was, coiled up right next to it, just bein' his bitchy escaping snake self. What a Bitch!

Then we had to catch the chinchillas and put them back in the cage, and I proceeded to keep repeating, "You little bitch!" to Salazar while the Tina punished him with water. But not animal cruelty-type punishment. Just a dip in his water rock thing.

Damn, I wish Lindsey was still guest blogging, because this is definitely NiT worthy.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

A Night to Forget...I'm Trying

I was right - it was a night to forget, or at least one I'd rather forget, with little bits of good spotted about, thanks mostly to Bambi. Happy New Year to all you people out there. But first, the countdown to JR has begun - eight days!

Do I have resolutions? Possibly, but I haven't made them yet. Do I have goals? Yes, but I can't achieve them. How am I? Steady, but I'm starting to shake. Did anyone catch that reference? So what do I have? A song that's been stuck in my head for at least 12 hours.

She said "I’m not pointing fingers"
He said "Yes you are
'cause you wouldn’t bring it up if you weren’t
If I told you I’d been walking
Out in the dark night thinking
Would you take as truth this alcoholic’s word?
I can’t change what’s done is done
But I can tell you this
Not a day goes by that I
Don’t curse myself and all my sins
And I need you to hold on to
While this part of me is dying
And though I haven’t kicked the demons
That haunt me
I’m trying
I’m trying

She sat down on the floor
And said "I wish I was stronger
Right now I feel fragile as glass
I want to believe you
Believe what’s held you has freed you
And I hate these doubts
That keep on coming back
My parents think I’m crazy
For staying here this long
But there’s nothing more I want for us
Than to prove to them they’re wrong
I don’t want to be afraid
I don’t want to think you’re lying
And though I haven’t found the faith
That I need
I’m trying
I’m trying

He asked "Do you want me to leave
’cause if you do you know I will"
But she said much to his disbelief
"No I love you still
Oh I love you still"

He said "I don’t know why I’ve been the fool
But I can tell you this
Not a day goes by that I
Don’t curse myself and all my sins"
Then he dropped down to his knees
By now they both were crying
He said "I haven’t been the man I want to be
But I’m trying
I’m trying
I’m trying believe me
I’m trying"