Lather, Rinse, Retreat As Needed

I haven't blogged in a while, I know. I spent the weekend on a Greek Presidents' Retreat, doing leadership things and all that. It was exhausting but good. I get a little weird on those things sometimes. First off, I'm incredibly self-aware. Here's why.

There is definitely a "type" of person involved here. It's sometimes intimidating, and sometimes it just makes me want to throw things and call my parents and thank them for raising me right (which, actually, I did on Saturday - thanks again, Daddy. You're the best!).

There's definitely a difference between my sorority and the others, and that's one of the reasons I joined mine. Anyone who knew me in high school (I'm looking in the general direction of JR and Cox probably never imagined I'd even join a sorority, much less end up being the president. This goes likewise for my non-Greek college friends, which pretty much translates to Sidelines kids and Vanessa. Even being at the SigEp house as often as I am, I get a lot of, "You're in a sorority?" It's nice. I'm glad I don't have that stereotypical sorority girl image.

Still, it's like growing up all over again with a perfect sister. She's always going to be the one people already know when they meet me: "Oh, you're Misty's sister?" She's always going to be the one known for being pretty. She's always going to be the one people think of first. I'm like the afterthought of the Caldwell sisters. I'm the one who was really good at school and who did all the plays. The parents liked me because I could talk to them, and when we got together with other families, I always preferred to sit at the parents' table. I just couldn't stand the idle teenage talk.

Likewise, sometimes I feel like my sorority is just an afterthought for some of these Greeks. I don't know why that should bother me if it does. I guess being trapped at a 4-H camp for a weekend will do that to you. Granted, after hearing things like, "You can better yourself through good attire," I'm glad I'm not a typical sorority girl. I can make that sound not retarded, too - it's a gift after hanging out with Greeks so long: When you dress up, you usually feel good about yourself, and when you feel good about yourself, you're probably more likely to be more productive. However, whether or not that was the motivation behind the comment is something I doubt. I don't care about clothing usually. But I have been known to wander around my house in my bra and underwear freaking out that "I have nothing to wear!" when I have more clothing than I have room for in my bedroom. So I guess we all have a little shallow in us when the situation is right.

I often wonder whether I'm a good leader or not. I guess having to make hard decisions will bring about those questions. I can make the easy decisions - who can't? But when the chips are down, when your integrity is on the line, and when the integrity of the organization is on the line, what do you do? How do you tell yourself it's worth it? How do you make the choice between doing what's right and doing what's easy? Yes, I know, I sound all Harry Potter on this one, but I'm struggling here. Being with all these other groups and hearing about all their local and national advisers made me realize that the whole "buck stops here" thing really applies to me - it stops with me. I mean, I love Truman, really I do - he's my favorite - but I don't the buck to always stop at me. It needs to go to someone else every now and then. There needs to be someone above me to help me, someone consistent who will be around in case I accidentally graduate.

Currently feeling: Overwhelmed
Currently listening to: "Alcohol" by Brad Paisley