Wednesday, August 31, 2005

This Public Service Announcement Is Brought to You by Common Sense and Lack of Desperation OR Just Another Reason Why I'm Still Single

Here is something I cannot stand:

"hey babe. whats good? how r u? hit me back asap. i'd like 2 get 2 no u better."

Grievance The First: "hey babe" Babe? Excuse me? Did I lose a few decades or something? Now, this doesn't apply to all of you, as people who know me can pretty much get away with calling me whatever they want, but complete strangers beware: I am not, nor ever will be, your babe.

Grievance The Second: whats good? I don't know whats good, and I don't know what's good, either. The answer, of course, cannot be your grammar or spelling, nor can it be your general grasp of the English language. It's paltry at best.

Grievance The Third: how r u? I'm fine, but I'd be better if you'd take the time to spell out three-letter words. It helps your case. I mean, if you can't even take the time to type out the word "you," what does that say about your character? Are you that negligent in all aspects of your life? Luckily, I don't care.

Grievance The Fourth: hit me back asap Hit you back? Why? Are you going to hit me first? God, I hope not, because I'm quite certain the best case scenario would be a slow, painful death at the hands of my father and one of his guns. However, by this point, I'm really wanting to hit you, so maybe I'll take you up on that offer.

Grievance The Last: i'd like 2 get 2 no u better The only correct part here is "no" - as in, that's the answer you'll get from me. I'm amazed you didn't say "gooder." So many errors, so little time.

Please keep these simple guidelines in mind when attempting to contact me, as I am obviously an elitist who insists my companions not totally fuck up a five-sentence message.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

21 Classmates - 3 Classmates + Sacrifice = Fun!

Well, I survived my first two days of class, and I've come to one conclusion: My stat teacher is NUTS!

But he's nuts in a good way, which is great because that's my 8 a.m. class on Tuesday and Thursday.

So we're in class doing some basic permutations and combinations and whatnot, and he comes up with a problem:

Suppose we have to sacrifice 3 students to the God of Statistics so that everyone else can do well on the test. It's like the one we just did, but this time they all have the same job: sacrificial victims.

Dr. Walsh makes math fun!

Then I had Dr. Kholodnyi, who is my adviser and is teaching my Calculus Part The Last class of only six people. And we talked about improper integrals and summations of infinite series and whatnot, and it was all fun. I mean, where else but in math (of all things) can you add up a lot of zeroes and get one? If you think really hard about that, you'll get it. I'll even give you a clue: probability density function.

I'm having dinner with Katie and Alison (one of the founding sisters) tonight. That should be big fun!

More on all this's food time!

Current mood: Chipper
Currently listening to: "Here by Me" by 3 Doors Down

Monday, August 29, 2005

I Didn't Buy Drunken Bitch Insurance

School starts tomorrow. Ugh. Here's what my day looks like:
6:30 am - Get in shower. Hot oil hair. Wash hair. Condition hair. Wash self. Rinse out conditioner.
7:00 am - Put on clothes. Gather all school shit, plus all sorority shit for meeting.
7:15 am - Leave for school.
7:30 am - Curse the terrible parking. It's 7:30 am! Park at Murphy Center because I don't feel like driving around other lots.
8:00 am - ASCI 4200: Intro to Math Investments. I cannot pronounce my teacher's name. I can't even spell it.
8:55 am - Class is over, unless this guy is like all math teachers and tries to keep us longer. I'll really be cursing at this point. I'd like to think I'll be productive during this window, but I'll probably just nap in the Mass Comm building.
10:20 am - Honors biology. One of these days, I won't get mono and killer migraines, and I'll actually FINISH this fucking class. Round four, here I come! Seriously, I've taken the first test three times.
12:25 pm - Class is over. I know it will be. Then I'm gonna kill some time in the Sidelines office typing up the meeting agenda. Then I'll head over to Student Orgs to make many copies.
1:50 pm - Thank God, it's time for tap dance with Claire. And I know Angela won't keep us the whole time, which is kind of a shame, because my next class is immediately following this one, and it's in the other dance studio.
3:00 pm - Pilates. Woot! Again, Angela won't keep us the whole time today.
4:00 pm - Fill out story assignment sheets and photo assignment sheets.
5:00 pm - Give out assignments to my writers.
5:30 pm - Eat something. I'm starving by this point.
7:30 pm - Arrive for sorority meeting.
7:45 pm - Start meeting.
9:00 pm - End meeting. Go to Starbucks to get my tips and my success profile thing I have to fill out by Tuesday. Damnit.
10:45 pm - Arrive home. Read The DaVinci Code. Lose mind.

So, in order to soften the blow, here's some cool shit: I met Aron Ralston today (if you don't know who he is, just Google it - I'm sure you'll get plenty of results).

And, finally, the story of the weekend and the reason for this blog title.

After work on Friday I was on the phone with Claire and about to turn into my driveway when I noticed a car pulling out of it, stopped by the mailbox. The car had no headlights on. I should also mention that the crackhead/meth lab neighbors (these are wild speculations, but if you ever talked to them, you'd see how I draw these conclusions) had several people over, and we have adjacent gravel driveways, so they aren't realy separated.

I stopped in the road, waiting for the car to pull out. After waiting a while, I turned on my signal to indicate to the driver that I was trying to pull into the driveway. Instead of pulling out, however, the car opted to back up to let me in. Still no headlights.

I pulled in and parked in my front yard so the car could still get out. Well, as it was backing up, it hit the neighbors' blue truck (they got a new temporary tag, by the way, so it expires Sept. 3 - it always bothered me that until recently the tag had expired June 25).

Well, I get out of my car to go inside, because work was HELLISH. Then this woman gets out of the car, obviously missing some teeth and obviously under the influence of at least alcohol and possibly more.

"Hey! I just hit this truck!"

Yes, I saw you hit that truck. I'm not really concerned with it, as it is not mine.

"It's not my truck," I replied.

"Well, I'm pretty pissed! Do you have insurance?"

Not for you hitting other trucks. I do have insurance, but it only covers me and my vehicle. I didn't ensure all of Murfreesboro. And if I'd hit a parked truck, I'd be pissed, too. I should also mention that she wasn't standing too well.

"Yes, but it's not my truck."

"Well, it's going to be your ass!"

Um, yeah, not seeing how that'll happen, being as though I wasn't driving any of the vehicles involved in the accident, nor do I own any of them. However, if you're really set on filing a claim, I should let you know that in order to do so, you must have a police report. If you'd like me to call the police, I'd be happy to tell them how you were on my property without my permission driving a car while intoxicated without having your headlights on when you backed into a parked truck. Then, if you'd like to turn it over to your insurance (if you have it), I'm sure they'd be glad. They could probably use a laugh. By the way, did I mention I'm an insurance minor? Yeah, you picked the wrong person to be an idiot to.

She said some more things in an effort to threaten me, but I just went inside to recap it for The Tina and Brian Doesn't Know. Then a knock came on the door, and one of the Crackfest 2005 participants was standing there, apologizing repeatedly about the incident and inquiring about it. The Tina and I were happy to reiterate it. The drunk bitch had apparently gotten out of the driveway finally. Maybe she careened into something shortly thereafter. It wouldn't surprise me.

"I'll pay for any damage to his truck," the guy said.

Again, I don't give a shit about the truck. It's not mine. I have no emotional stake in what happens to the truck. Just because I witnessed the hitting of the truck doesn't mean I'm involved. I'm not. I don't care. Just keep your dumbass drunk friends from acting like idiots around me, and I'm usually pretty happy.

So now, my favorite question I've been asked lately is "Do you have insurance?" I still laugh whenever I think about it.

Today, The Tina told me that the female neighbor had banned the drunk bitch from their home and kept apologizing. I really hope I don't run into her, because she wants to apologize to me, too. Apparently, the drunk bitch tried to tell the female neighbor that I hit her, which would have been quite an accomplishment as I would have had to drive through my yard, turn around (my turning radius is not great), and rear-end her. Brian was parked behind Tina in the driveway, so there wasn't any room for me to do this if I wanted to.

Luckily, female neighbor knew drunk bitch was full of shit, as apparently her car had left a bit of paint residue on the truck bumper. She then came out with a hammer and said she'd just take it out of her car because she knew the drunk bitch didn't have insurance.

So the moral of the story: Buy insurance. And if they have insurance for wrecks that happen in your vicinity, I'd be impressed.

"You had a wreck near me? No problem - it's covered!" Thanks to Manderson for that contribution.

Saturday, August 27, 2005


I haven't been blogging lately, but I have good reason: I haven't been blogging. That's basically it.

Class starts Monday. What a shame. And I've been told I can't ask off work until my birthday (which is December 20 for all you people to forget). What fascism.

I'm bumming in the Sidelines office waiting for pages to be done for me to do heads and cuts. I have to leave for work in an hour and a half. This isn't looking good.

I'm thinking I might buy a Go Greek shirt. They used sigma as the "E," so it really says "Go Grssk." I've been telling people to "Go Grssk," and they're much more willing to do that than Go Greek.

Read Lindsey's blog. I have nothing new.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Pop Goes the Journalist

As tempting as it is to blog about my weekend o' leadership at Presidium 2005, I just can't pass up a guy who got to be exploded on his way into the beyond.

God bless Hunter S. Thompson, whose writing entertained me until he died and whose antics entertained me long after.

At least he went out with a bang.

Friday, August 19, 2005

If You're Wondering Why I'm Wearing A Buddha Necklace And A Tank Top with A Hand Gun, You're Going to Have to Figure That out on Your Own

OK, I get all kinds of weird-ass blog surveys and the like, so I'm making my own up. Because I can. If you feel obliged to do my blog survey, you're seriously messed up in the head...and it would make my day.

Today I feel: Exhausted, physically, spiritually, emotionally, grammatically (sigh - that was for you, Manda)
Yesterday I felt: A day younger
The last time I felt like this: I was falling in love (please tell me someone got that). Actually, I haven't felt "younger" in a while. I'm old. Very, very old.
The last nude/semi-nude person I saw was: Tina. I could explain that, but I'd rather you draw your own wrong conclusions. It's funnier that way.
Something you may not know about me: That Josh Gracin song "Nothing to Lose" drives me so crazy that I know I've contemplated killing him. I think it's because my sorority listens to it all the time, and it lost it's zest (if it ever had any) about 10,000 times ago.
Something you ought to know about me: Tickling me is a sure way to seal a fate worse than death. You think it's cute, I think it's grounds for a "temporary insanity" defense.
The last really unhealthy thing I did: Ate half a pack of double stuff Oreos in one sitting, dipping each in chocolate milk. I'm not sure how many I ate, but I do know it was at least 15.
When I'm really depressed: I listen to Counting Crows, especially "Another Horsedreamer's Blues," and sometimes it's sad country music.
I have never: Danced with the devil in the pale moonlight.
I have often: Danced around the kitchen when nobody was home, usually to hip-hop stuff.
I am terrified of: Volcanoes. Ahh!
I wish: Gas were cheaper. A lot cheaper.
I'm an elitist about: Intellectual matters, especially grammar and spelling.
I violently dislike: Waking up before 2 p.m.
I think it'd be great if: I came into a large sum of money.
I think it'd be greater if: I had already graduated, married a rich, handsome, out-of-my-league British man (ahem, Prince William) who found the cure for cancer while buying me lots of cars and dancing with me in the rain on the beach.
If I need to cry: I watch the Buffy season 5 finale - works every time.
If I could be anywhere right now: I've really been wanting to go to one of these places lately: Manhattan, England, Las Vegas, Hawaii (volcano-free island).
When I wake up tomorrow: I'm going to get my paycheck, put it in the bank, and go to Presidium, a weekend student-org orientation.
But I would rather: Sleep until Sunday.
Something unique about my best friend: Leslie recently married an Army guy I've dubbed "Osh" and will be living with him in Manhattan, Kansas, dancing her heart away (hopefully).
The last movie I watched: Million Dollar Baby.
The last time I fell asleep doing something: I was trying to fall asleep. Mission accomplished!
The last time I showered: Was of course today. I have to shower far too often because my car has no air conditioner.
When I take a bubble bath: I like to read books on Taoism. Then I sleep naked. There's no correlation.
When I'm so over a blog survey: I stop doing it.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Blog Actually OR Dude Where's My Blog?

Tuesday night, I spent some quality time eating lots of Oreos and watching Dude Where's My Car? with Tracie. Good times were had by all.

I bought Love Actually for a bargain - $7.99! Sweet! Then I watched it. Dude!

Today I did some work. I slept until 2:05, and then I really fought waking up. God, I'm gonna miss summer.

My loan was processed - Word! Now, in less than two weeks, I'll be able to fix the air conditioning in my car.

Thursday I'm off at Starbucks, but I've got a Sidelines meeting. Then, it's quality father-daughter time. My mom is in Knoxville, and my sister isn't home much, so we're having dinner, and I think I'm going to rent Million Dollar Baby, because he'd like it, and I'm not sure my mom would.

I'm really excited about this. I don't get to see my parents nearly as much as I'd like to.

This weekend I'll be unbloggable because I'm going on that Presidium weekend retreat thing/student org. orientation. Yes. Not sure how I feel about it yet - will update once I return.

Song of the huge block of time since I last picked a song: "I'm Trying" by Diamond Rio/Chely Wright:

She said I'm not pointing fingers
He said yes you are
'Cause you wouldn't bring it up if you weren't
If I told you I'd been walking
Out in the dark night thinking
Would you take as truth this alcoholic's word
I can't change what's done is done
But I can tell you this
Not a day goes by that I
Don't curse myself and all my sins
And I need you to hold on to
While this part of me is dying
And though I haven't kicked the demons
That haunt me
I'm Trying
I'm Trying

She sat down on the floor
And said I wish I was stronger
Right now I feel fragile as glass
I want to believe you
Believe what's held you has freed you
And I hate these doubts
That keep on coming back
My parent's think I'm crazy
For staying here this long
But there's nothing more I want for us
Than to prove to them they're wrong
I don't want to be afraid
I don't want to think you're lying
And though I haven't found the faith
That I need
I'm Trying
I'm Trying

He asked do you want me to leave
'Cause if you do you know I will
But she said much to his disbelief
No I love you still
Oh I love you still

He said I don't know why I've been the fool
But I can tell you this
Not a day goes by that I
Don't curse myself and all my sins
Then he dropped down to his knees
By now they both were crying
He said I haven't been the man I want to be
But I'm Trying
I'm Trying
I'm Trying believe me
I'm Trying

Currently Feeling: Like I'd love to sleep in tomorrow
Currently listening to: Tina and Brian playing Baldur's Gate

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Play It Again, Sam

I'm giving in and doing the playlist thing, although my playlist really changes with my mood. At the moment, I'd like to be listening to any of these songs. Naturally, I've included some lyrics to boot.

1. "Maggie Mae" - Rod Stewart
All you did was wreck my bed, and in the morning kick me in the head
2. "Anna Begings - Counting Crows
She can't stop shaking, I can't stop touching her
3. "Box No. 10" - Jim Croce
I've been sleepin' in the hotel doorway, and tonight they say it's gonna rain
4. "Warehouse" - Dave Matthews Band
That's our blood down there, seems poured from the hands of angels
5. "Sultans of Swing" - Dire Straits
And an old guitar is all he can afford, when he gets up under the lights to play his thing
6. "Like A Stone" - Audioslave
The sky was bruised, the wind was bled, and there you led me on
7. "Gimme Three Steps" - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Wait a minute mister, I didn't even kiss her
8. "Creep" - Radiohead
You're just like an angel, your skin makes me cry
9. "Time After Time" - Cyndi Lauper
Sometimes you picture me, I'm walking too far ahead
10. "Sing for the Moment" - Eminem
There's no control, he just lets his emotions go
11. "The Way You Move" - Outkast
But I know y'all wanted that 808, can you feel that b-a-s-s bass
12. "Forgot about Dre" - Instrumental version
13. "Adagio for Strings in G Minor" - Tomas Albinoni
14. "Dirrty" - Christina Aguilera
I need that to get me off, sweat until my clothes come off
15. "Miss You" - Blink 182
I need somebody and always, this sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting everytime
16. "Get Low" - Lil Jon and the Eastside Boyz
To the window, to the wall
17. "Your Latest Trick" - Dire Straits
Most of the taxis and most of the whores, are only taking calls for cash
18. "Shallow Days" - Counting Crows
I like what she says, but not what it means
19. "Wild Horses" - Rolling Stones
Let's do some living, after we die
20. "Dear Joan" - Tabitha's Secret (Rob Thomas' pre-Matchbox 20 band)
I guess I'll grow tired, it's just what's expected of me, to tear your heart from the inside to the outside

Saturday, August 13, 2005

I'm Just A Fruit-loop from Athens

For a while now I've been compiling a list of all the weird things people search for that result in my blog, which people then click. Here are a few of my favorites to date:

crazy pussy (Yahoo search)

big black coxs (Yahoo)

fuckin vagina (Yahoo - number one result!)

virgin deflowering (Yahoo - I get this one a lot)

Fucking (Yahoo - yeah, I don't get it either)

Orgasm . comm. (Yahoo - at least this one kind of makes sense)

Tina vagina breasts ass (Yahoo - number one result!)

buying electric skillet in athens, Greece (Yahoo)

girls who want cock in Dyersburg Tn (Yahoo - number one result and my personal favorite)

lyrics "in my underwear" flamingo (Google - WTF?!)

how to dispose of a dead parakeet (Yahoo - number one result!)

fruit-loop from athens Ga (Yahoo video search)

Yeah. Weird. That's about all for now, except that it's officially the 13th, so it's my one-year tattoo anniversary! I should've registered for this occasion...

Friday, August 12, 2005

Revenge of the Stick

Why is it that none of the really bad drivers have "How's My Driving?" bumper stickers?

Case in point: I was driving to Hendersonville Wednesday night after my econ final (which I think I did decently on at least), and this semi was bright-lighting me and tailgating me. Now, I'm not one for slow driving, so this was really unnecessary, especially because there were two lanes to the left that would've been more than conducive for passing. Well, I got the chance to get into the next lane, so I let him pass, which he took as the perfect opportunity to brake-check me. Asshole.

Then Thursday afternoon I was driving to work behind the most erratic driver on this planet. It was rush hour, so things were flowing at a stop-and-go rate at best. Everytime we got to go again, this two-tone-van-driving careener veered toward one of the other lanes before quickly jerking himself back into place. I looked in his side mirror, and he kept obsessively wiping his face. This dude was obviously on something, so I called the fine Metro police and gave them a vehicle description and license plate number just as he took the Fesslers exit. So I told them that, too. I mean, this guy was half in the shoulder when we were in the right lane, and no one drives THAT badly unless they're on crack or transporting a bunch of it via their van.

After work I went to Kroger for some food and was being followed by a Rutherford County Sheriff's Deputy. OK, I was being tailed by this guy - I couldn't even see his headlights in my rearview because they were so low. When I turned my signal on to go home, he CROSSED THE DOUBLE YELLOW LINE and sped past me. Apparently, this fine upholder of the law can't be bothered to follow it if it means he has to wait about 5.8 seconds for me to turn.

These three characters ought to get together sometime and run people off the road.

Wednesday night Claire dyed my hair! I'm excited - I've never let anyone other than my hair person do it. Then she, Jessie, and I got some major junk food and watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

Claire had Fun Dip, and she lost the stick. This distressed her - she kept looking for it.

Then, just as she was about to LOSE THE WILL TO EAT FUN DIP, she found it. In the pouch or whatever you call a container for Fun Dip. So it was fun again.

Claire and I are going to take tap dance together next semester. Should be big fun!

Currently feeling: Like stretching
Currently listening to: "Fly" by the Dixie Chicks

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

All The Cool Kids Are Doing It

Well, I contemplated doing this after Lindsey posted her 100 things, but I thought that might be weird. However, since Cox already took the plunge, I'm on board. So here goes.

1. My sister and I are both cusps: I'm a Sagittarius/Capricorn and she's a Virgo/Libra.
2. I'd rather have wet hair than use a blow dryer, even in winter.
3. I learned to do my hair my practicing on my Barbies as a child.
4. I haven't seen my dad's parents since I was 13, and that was at a funeral. I hadn't seen them before that since I was 5.
5. All of the women in my family (nota bene: "my family" means "my mom's side" unless otherwise specified) are allergic to sulfa drugs. I realized my allergy my freshmen year of college when I started having tremors after taking pills.
6. Though only at Emory one semester, I had three different rooms: One with a girl who dealt drugs out of my room (the police came one night and ruined my dinner plans by saying "Move out before she gets back"), one alone (during Sept. 11 - not a good time to be alone and living next to the CDC), and one with Jalia.
7. My favorite song is "Your Latest Trick" by Dire Straits.
8. I can see about 30 seconds of any Buffy episode and tell you its title.
9. I'm also really good at telling which episodes the opening credit shots come from.
10. I have a huge crush on Nicole Kidman.
11. I think I'm the least attractive, at this age, of all of the women in my family. My mom and her sisters were all beautiful, and my grandmother was a knockout. My sister, of course, is pretty.
12. But I'm the only one willing to leave the house without makeup.
13. My aunt Beth is one of the strongest people I know. I admire her way more than I say.
14. Sometimes I feel really pretty when my hair is in a ponytail. I prefer to wear it up.
15. If I don't set a clock, I'll sleep until at least 3 p.m.
16. I've had mono three times: once when I was 13, once last fall, and a relapse in June.
17. My first migraine lasted two months. This was in February.
18. The scariest two hours of my life were spent waiting to find out that I didn't have meningitis.
19. My sister is the friend I've had the longest.
20. She and I are completely different.
21. When I lost my virginity, the first person I told was my mother.
22. I still haven't told my sister.
23. My aunt Sandi is closer in age to me than my mother. She has two daughters: Kendall, age 6, who looks and acts just like my sister at her age, and Sydney, age 3, who looks and acts just like me at her age, only with blonde hair and blue eyes.
24. I catch myself saying British phrases like "That's a capitol plan" and "Bloody hell."
25. For an admitted narcissist, I'm terribly self-conscious.
26. I feel lonely in large groups.
27. I can eat more steak than my dad.
28. I can drink as much as or more than people twice my size.
29. I'm attracted to intelligence.
30. I don't like guys with really big muscles.
31. I often think about what my wedding will be like.
32. There are two people who know what I want my engagement ring to look like. They are Leslie and Tina.
33. My favorite movie is The Shawshank Redemption.
34. I cry every time I watch "The Gift" - the Buffy episode when she dies.
35. I love football.
36. I used to want to marry Prince William.
37. I wouldn't be opposed to it now.
38. My church caused me a few years in therapy.
39. I don't voluntarily go to church anymore.
40. I wrote all of my college essays about going to Leslie's church when I was 16: It was the first time I'd ever been allowed to lead prayer (women couldn't at my church).
41. I want to study Taoism. I think I'd really like being a Taoist.
42. I once ate a three-pound lobster.
43. I was in Neal McCoy's "They're Playin' Our Song" music video when I was 12. I got paid $100 to jump on a bed.
44. I love to write, and have often been told I should be a writer.
45. But I really love math.
46. I graduated high school 7th out of around 400, although due to ties, I was really 5th. I did this without studying.
47. I've always been a good speller.
48. I think everyone else ought to be good at it, too.
49. I love to dance.
50. But not in a club setting.
51. The only time I ever saw my dad cry was when Nic-Nac, our cat of 15 years, died of lung cancer.
52. If you tickle me, I will make every effort to kill you.
53. I really want to shoot a handgun.
54. I'm pretty good with a bow and arrow.
55. I can change my own oil and filter.
56. I tell my mom everything.
57. I am just like my dad.
58. I am an excellent card player: I learned to play Rook when I was 3, spades when I was 6, and hearts when I was 11.
59. My dad taught me how to play by counting cards.
60. I still do it.
61. I used to be very depressed.
62. But my anxiety was so high that no one noticed.
63. I love to read.
64. My favorite book is Catch-22. I read it once a year.
65. I have an autographed copy that's leather-bound with gold-leaf pages. I bought it with my first Starbucks paycheck. I don't read that copy.
66. I love New York City, especially Manhattan.
67. I'm a great cook.
68. I've been cooking for Thanksgiving since I was 13.
69. At one point, my parents thought I should be a chef.
70. It's not uncommon for me to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting.
71. I hate milk and haven't drunk it since I was 3. I taste it every few years to make sure I still dislike it.
72. I am more scared of volcanoes than of anything.
73. I hate bugs.
74. But spiders aren't bad.
75. I am the president of my sorority.
76. I dislike most "sorority girl" types.
77. I'm quite good on a mechanical bull.
78. I've been dying my hair since I was 14.
79. I respect my parents more than anyone.
80. I've always loved classic cars.
81. My parents were both music majors, and my sister sings. I do nothing musical.
82. My senior year of high school, I played James in James and the Giant Peach.
83. That spring, I played Mrs. Macafee in the musical Bye Bye Birdie.
84. Being a '50s housewife was harder than being a little British boy.
85. I have performed two plays that I either wrote or co-wrote.
86. I volunteered with Planned Parenthood for a year and a half, doing peer education through theatre.
87. I took four years of Latin.
88. I can still only say stuff about farmers and war, with one exception: Hic ego multas puellas futui (Here I fucked many girls).
89. I can't fall asleep before daylight.
90. I love chocolate.
91. For the state quiz bowl tournament my senior year, I was the only girl on the team. My coach wanted me to bring my mom so I wouldn't be alone, but she had a business trip. He let me take my best friend Leslie instead.
92. I credit Mrs. Stephens with helping me realize my potential as a writer.
93. My high school physics teacher was nuts, so I was a student aide in AP U.S. History so I wouldn't have to take it. This means I studied my script or colored in a coloring book all semester.
94. My instincts are quite good and usually right.
95. I never thought I was rich because my parents never spoiled me.
96. I miss my high school boyfriends parents a lot.
97. The first thing I ever did for myself was get my navel pierced.
98. I cried when Princess Diana died and when Matthew Shepard died.
99. My first concert was Garth Brooks at Murphy Center.
100. This took me less than one hour, perhaps because I type about 100 words a minute.

"Let's Do Some Living After We Die"

Today I present my top Buffy/Angel moments. Why, you ask? Well, if you know me, I'm obviously far too obsessed with the show (I constantly refer to Sarah Michelle Gellar as "Buffy"), but Tina has ordered Angel on DVD, so now I'm becoming obsessed with TWO shows. And we won't even talk about Charmed.

First, at work today, Whitney asked me if I was getting a tan. Yes, my left arm is darker than my right - that's what happens when you have no air conditioning in your car and you must have your windows down because 98 degrees feels pretty damn good compared to the triple-digit helter-skelter in your car. Did I use that phrase right? I don't care - I just wanted to use it.

Spoiler alert! (although by now, since both series have ended, it's probably a moot point) These are in the order in which they aired.

Episode Title: "Angel" (Buffy season one)
Episode writer: David Greenwalt
The moment: At the end of the episode, once Buffy has discovered that Angel is a good vampire with a soul, they see each other at the Bronze. Sophie Zelmani's "I'll Remember You" is playing in the background.

Angel: Look, this can't...
Buffy: ...ever be anything. I know. For one thing, you're,like, two hundred and twenty-four years older than I am.
Angel: I just gotta...I gotta walk away from this.
Buffy: You okay?
Angel: It's just...
Buffy: ...painful. I know. See you around?
[Camera pans down to Angel's chest, where we see a burned image of Buffy's cross necklace. Awww...tear.]

Episode Title: "Becoming, Part 2" (Buffy season two)
Episode Writer: Joss Whedon (the genius himself)
The moment: Buffy comes to fight Angel to the death before he wakes up Acathla, a demon who will suck the world into hell. Meanwhile, Willow is trying to perform the curse to restore Angel's soul, unbeknownst to Buffy. Just as Buffy is ready to kill Angel (after a kick-ass sword fight), the curse works, but Acathla has already begun waking up. Naturally, Angel doesn't remember anything that has happened since he lost his soul. Buffy and Angel's love theme, "Close Your Eyes," plays during all of this (thanks for the score, Christophe Beck). I always cry when I watch this.

Angel: What's happening?
Buffy: Shh. Don't worry about it. I love you.
Angel: I love you.
Buffy: Close your eyes.
[Buffy plunges the sword into Angel, sending him and Acathla to hell. She then cries a lot and Sarah McLachlan sings "Full of Grace" as Buffy leaves town.]

Episode Title: "Enemies" (Buffy season three)
Episode Writer: Douglas Petrie
The Moment: Buffy and Angel trick Faith into revealing the Mayor's plans for his Ascension. This, unfortunately, requires Angel to get physical with Faith. Buffy goes to him later, saying she needs a break after watching all of it. The dialogue happens when she turns to walk away. Insert love theme again.

Angel: You still my girl?
Buffy: Always.

Episode Title: "The Prom" (Buffy season three)
Episode Writer: Marti Noxon
The Moment: Buffy and Angel break up because Angel realizes that she'll never have a normal life with him. At her prom, he unexpectedly shows up, and they dance to "Wild Horses." I get kind of teary at this one, too.

Episode Title: "I Will Remember You" (Angel season one)
Episode Writer: David Greenwalt (damn him and his makin' me cry)
The Moment: Angel becomes human when a demon's rejuvenating blood enters an open wound on his hand. He and Buffy are able to spend a day together in the sunlight, having sex that doesn't turn him evil, lying in bed (she can hear his heart beat), and she says it's the first time she's ever felt normal. Then Angel goes to fight something and realizes that if he were to remain human, one of them would die. Not wanting to risk Buffy's life, he sees the Oracles, who vow to restore his vamp self and erase everyone's memory of the day. He tells Buffy this, and she can't stop crying because they only have one minute left. She keeps saying, "I'll never forget." Alas, she does. Insert many tears from me here.

Episode Title: "Chosen" (Buffy season seven - last episode ever)
Episode Writer: Joss Whedon
The Moment: Angel comes to aid Buffy, and they stand in the graveyard talking. She says she's like cookie dough - not done baking. And of course I cried here - I cried for this whole episode.

Angel: Any thoughts on who might enjoy — Do I have to go with the cookie analogy?
Buffy: I'm not really thinking that far ahead. That's kind of the point.
Angel: I'll go start working on the second front. Make sure I don't have to use it.
Buffy: Angel. I do...sometimes think that far ahead.

Monday, August 08, 2005

"Another One Bites The Dust"

Here's what happened when I got home from work, after I'd come into the house and went to play with Angelus.

Me: "Jesus, Tina, there's a dead bird!"
Tina: "Really?"

Apparently, the death of Angelus was a recent happening. Why do these things die when I'm going to find them? Luckily, Tina was around to properly dispose of it (translation: Ensuring I didn't have to). Oddly enough, she was on the phone with Brandy Is Awesome, so I yelled in the general direction of the phone, "Don't worry, Brandy, I don't need you to come get it out of the cage!"

So yeah. Dead bird. We now both agree that Buffy really does kill her parakeet counterparts. We also suspect she may be a he. Why can't birds be like humans: If they don't call you and have a penis, they're male.

We watched some of Angel season one today. This one episode, "I Will Remember You," is a crossover in which Sarah Michelle Gellar plays a fairly large roll. So Angel becomes human. Wow. And they're so happy. Then he becomes unhuman. And I cried a whole lot, especially for a Spike supporter.

I would blog more, but I have to go to Nippers Corner tomorrow to get some White Mocha before I go to work, lest we run out any many customers threaten to kill me or something.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

No Wonder I Dated Him

"People Who Have Trouble with Math" from Stephen's blog

Check in out.

For Half of My Favorite Cheese

That's a reference to Colby, by the way. I love Colby Jack - it's the best!

So on his blog, Colby listed what he's learned about women/relationships thus far. Being a woman, I like to think I know us pretty well. So here's my list, dedicated to Colby, as well as any other man willing to admit that we're complicated.

Remember that you'll only have one relationship - at most - that will never end. So don't beat yourself up over the ones that fail. Some are to teach you what you're looking for in a mate, some are to teach you what you AREN'T looking for in a mate, and some are just to teach you life lessons.

Refrain from idealistic expectations, because you'll never find a perfect woman. At some point, she will disappoint you - and likewise you will disappoint her.

Don't expect her not to change, because she will. Sometimes this means she'll grow into a person you no longer want to be with, whereas before you seemed perfect for each other. This doesn't mean there is something wrong with you or her - it just sometimes doesn't work.

Open her door. This includes opening her car door first as well. Odds are, if she's from around here, she grew up that way. If not, it will be a nice surprise.

Never tell her what she's feeling is wrong, because she will assume that you don't care about her or her feelings (i.e. "Why do you feel fat? You're not fat.")

Just because she tells you her problems doesn't mean she wants you to solve them. Just listen. We like that.

When you say something like "I'll call you tomorrow," or "We should hang out Friday," we interpret that to mean that you actually will call or that we actually will hang out. It's called having plans, and it apparently has two separate meanings for men and women. If you mean "If I'm bored and think about it, I might call you," then don't tell us that you will. Tell us you might. When we get mad about it, it's because you didn't follow through on what you said.

We know you have ex-girlfriends, but we really don't want to hear "My ex this," and "My ex that," all the time. We know they exist, but that doesn't mean we're willing to acknowledge that.

Compliment us, but be sincere about it. And overusing words like "sexy" and "hot" isn't always the best route to take. If we look goods, odds are we know that, because we probably spent a lot of time to look that way. Try complimenting us when we don't expect it, or compliment our personality, mind, or something that isn't just related to our looks.

If you insist on going to a strip club with the guys, expect a little grief from us. It's not that we don't trust you - we don't trust women who take off their clothes for money. Some women, like myself, would rather go with you. Others would rather you not go at all. Do what you want, but be sure to tell her. If you lie about it, she'll think you have a reason to.

Always be honest. As stated above, if you lie about something minute, she will assume it's because you wanted/needed to hide it from her. We'd rather hear it from you than hear one of your guy friends mention it later.

By definition, we will dislike your ex. Do not be surprised by this. We don't expect you to befriend our exes.

Be good to your mom and sisters - this is how you will treat us later in life. If we see you yelling at your mother all the time, we assume you'll probably lash out at us.

"Do I look fat in this outfit?" is almost always a trick question. Never say "Yes" or even pause. Your immediate response should be to tell us how beautiful we look.

We know you don't really understand why we spend 10 minutes deciding between the black pumps or the black stilettos, but if we ask your opinion anyway, say something. If you really don't care, at least look at our feet for a while and then pick the pair we seem to like better. Usually when we can't decide, we at least have one pair that we slightly favor over the other. If you just say something to shut us up, you could end up picking the opposite pair, making us dig through our closet even longer to pull out other shoes.

Accept that sometimes we take a long time to get ready. Just take it as a compliment.

Sometimes we just throw on whatever's clean or comfortable. Don't say something like, "What happened to you?" That will never end well.

Romance isn't dead. Give it a shot every now and then.

Take us out. Usually, after a month or so, you figure you've got us reeled in and you needn't try to impress us anymore. This is wrong. We like when you try to impress us, and we like when you plan a night or day out. Free and cheap stuff is great, too - a picnic in the park or a day reading by the pool is still more fun if you do it with someone else.

You might always be ready to have sex, but we're not. Most of us take some warming up. And don't expect us to scream all the time. We're not porn stars. They get paid to scream.

At least TRY to dance, and quit using that lame, "I'm white - I don't dance" excuse. We're not asking for Fred Astaire - just try to reduce the number of times you step on our feet.

We don't expect you to keep in mind every single date that something happens, but at least be able to ballpark how long we've been together.

Do not forget Valentine's Day. Ever.

We dwell on arguments. We don't get that you don't. We need to talk about it before it's resolved in our head, whereas sometimes you just need to shift your focus elsewhere for a while to be over it. Let us do this. We can't stop being mad at you until we fully understand why we were mad at you and how we're going to stop being mad at you.

Say you're sorry, but only if you mean it.

We bring up past disagreements in the midst of current arguments. We just do. As much as you dislike it, just expect it. Usually it's because we never fully resolved them in the first place.

Well, that's all I've got for now. I'm sure I'll think of more once I post this. C'est la vie.

Currently feeling: Bored
Currently listening to: My ridiculously fast typing

Thursday, August 04, 2005

"Where Were They Going without Ever Knowing The Way"

Yes, I did buy the Tao Teh Ching today, and, yes, I know it's sometimes spelled Tao Te Ching. I'm excited - I've wanted to read this for a while. For those unfamiliar with ancient Chinese texts, it translates to "The Classic of the Way and Its Virtue." See, now you've learned something new. Or old. It's like 2000+ years old.

Several of my MySpace pals have done this thing where you Google search "[Your name] is" and then see what comes up. I'll just put the best ones. This should be good.

Wendy is...

back from Europe. That's funny, I don't remember going.

flying to Dallas. After just getting back from Europe? Damn, talk about jet lag.

dead, and only Wendy remains. That's good news. I'd hate to be dead and have only someone else remain.

supported by an all star cast of Nashville musicians. This will come in especially handy if I start bursting into song.

the powerful central character, abandoned by her lover and flung into a journey of self-discovery, with floorboards lurching violently beneath her feet and mysterious strangers drawing her into pools of dark, murky water. Yikes! Can't I just go back to Europe?

an extremely valuable, nay addictive service. I hope I'm at least turning a decent profit.

crossing the Atlantic to share her artistic passion once again in a new six-part series. So basically I'm a world traveler. Neat.

very much aware of and rooted in the Australian quilting tradition. What? No I'm not!

possessed of — or possessed by — a barbaric coquettishness. Barbaric coquettishness? How am I gonna pull that off?

a strong proponent of healthy sexuality. No argument here.

going to die Tomorrow. Then I'm not studying for my econ final.

a shamanistic totem object. We're all shamanistic totem objects inside.

now making grand plans for 2005. These include inviting pirate radio DJs to remix her forthcoming single ‘Grease Monkey’, and playing live shows in dancehalls with a band consisting of kids from the streets of New York. Further UK shows are also planned. This explains the all star cast of Nashville musicians.

not an isolated incident. There are more of me?


the master she is because she seeks truth in her work and finds it again and again. Yeah, I didn't read anything after "master."

Currently feeling: Hungry
Currently listening to: Bits and pieces of Charmed from Tina's room

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

"I Don't Have Much Money But Boy If I Did"

Well, today I slept until 4 p.m. It may have something to do with watching 24 for 14 straight episodes yesterday. Let me say this: If I ever get kidnapped, I want Jack Bauer to rescue me.

I've been inspired by Tracie, so I've decided to post my worth up here (note: So far, I'm worth more than all of my friends. Oh yeah!

I am worth $1,816,386 on

Think about that when you try to use a cheesy pick-up line to get in my pants.

Currently feeling: Groggy
Currently listening to: "Romeo and Juliet" by Dire Straits

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

"For A Dreamer Night's The Only Time of Day"

I'm going to try something new for the next week or so: Using song lyrics as titles. The problem I see with this is that I might have something really cool happen and not be able to use a witty title, but we'll strap TNT to that bridge and run swiftly in the opposite direction later.

The above quote is from a song from a musical. Yes, it's embarrassing. Leslie would get it right in a heartbeat. AND somewhere in this blog is a hint. I didn't mean for that to happen, but it did. OK, enough delusions of thinking anyone cares. Except for Manda - she cares. She got the "Boom Boom Ba" reference a few blogs ago ("Can You Heart My Heart Beat in This Bond?"). Word up.

Today I did tips and got my review, and I'm getting a raise - woot! I then took a nap, took an Econ test, and saw I had a missed call from Greg. So I called him back:

Greg: So, what are you doing tonight?
Me: I guess I'll be finishing your shift.

I could use the hours, and he's been really sick. Working when you're sick is no fun, and I of all people know that. So I had some delicious sorority dinner and dessert that was not licked off of Katie despite my insistence that it was going to be, and I changed and went to work. I got to work the drive-thru, which rocked my world.

I'm off until Friday (unless Greg is still ailing and needs to leave a few hours early, in which case I''ll still get to sleep all day so I don't care). Kammi and I are going to hang out tomorrow/today (it's almost today - the sky is getting light like the sun is going to ruin the darkness).

Tina and I had too much fun with Brian's Facebook, and I signed his wall with a lovely verse of "Brian Doesn't Know" - if you want the verse and don't have Facebook, just ask. I'll be happy to share my brilliance with you.

Then I had a drink (who knew) and watched some TV with Tina until Brian called about half an hour ago because he couldn't sleep, so Tina went over to the AGR house, and I decided to blog.

I now have a big crush on Christian Bale. If the whole Johnny Depp/Orlando Bloom/Nicole Kidman thing doesn't work out, it's nice to have a backup. Of course, Christian Bale's married. But a girl can dream, right?

For those inquiring minds who want to know where the blog title a few blogs ago came from, it's an excerpt from "She Don't Want Nobody Near" by Counting Crows. To all who didn't care - eh, I'm sure you have valid reasons.

And now, a new edition: mood and music.

Currently feeling: Cunning
Currently listening to: "All Eyes on Me" by Goo Goo Dolls

So, song of the day is "All Eyes on Me."

Daylight burns your sleepy eyes
It's hard to see you dreaming
You hide inside yourself
I wondered what you're thinkin'
And everything you're chasing
It seems to leave you empty

And it won't take long to burn
All eyes on me
Through the nothing that you've learned
All eyes on me
And the things you choose to be
All eyes on me

But your eyes look away
It's so hard to be someone
Strung out from today
And all that you knew slips away

You drown in deeper oceans
Inventing new religions
They smile and stab my back and
I lie and have to laugh

And it won't take long to burn
All eyes on me
Through the nothing that you've learned
All eyes on me
And the things you choose to be
All eyes on me

But your eyes look away
It's so hard to be someone
Strung out from today
And all that you knew slips away

And you hid in your room
And the light burns away
And you move from the truth
It's all so far from you

Monday, August 01, 2005

Things That Make You Go ...

1. Wendy
2. Superfly
3. Girlfriend (Megan only - Woot!)

Yeah, I don't have three screen names. How about three Web sites (Is there no end to my vanity?)?

1. My abs
2. My rack
3. My tattoo/piercings

1. My ears
2. My nose
3. My egocentricity

1. Welsh
2. Cherokee
3. Irish

1. Volcanoes
2. Failure
3. Losing a family member

1. Toothbrush/toothpaste
2. Deodorant
3. Smiling/laughing

1. Tank top
2. Thong with a zipper
3. Zipper belly button ring

1. Counting Crows
2. Dave Matthews Band
3. Dire Straits

1. "Your Latest Trick" by Dire Straits
2. "Anna Begins" by Counting Crows
3. "Adagio for Strings in G Minor"

1. Going to Hawaii (Oahu - volcano free!)
2. Going to Vegas
3. Sex up against a wall

1. Love
2. Great sex
3. Johnny Depp (If I can't have this, communication is a must)

1. I have my nipples pierced
2. I can change my own oil and filter
3. I haven't had sex since April

1. Nice arms (not too big, but toned)
2. Nice eyes (I tend to go for guys with blue eyes, but that's not a must)
3. Guys who play with my hair

1. Dancing/Pilates (so my abs continue to be my favorite part of me)
2. Writing
3. Taking bubble baths

1. Take a nap
2. Get paid (damn you Friday - you're so far away)
3. Johnny Depp (or someone else - but not just anyone)

1. Actuary
2. Writer
3. Billionaire's wife

1. Disney World
2. Greece or Mediterranean cruise
3. Oahu or some equally nice beach

1. I'm
2. Not
3. Pregnant (so I'm not going to think of names now)

1. Get married
2. Dance in the rain
3. Drive a Lamborghini

1. I like violent movies
2. I think Nicole Kidman should be my girlfiend
3. I think about sex way more than I ought to

1. I have 13 pairs of black shoes
2. I think a pint of Ben & Jerry's is the solution to any problem
3. I freak out if I see a bug (spiders don't count as bugs)

1. Johnny Depp (whenever, but especially Chocolat)
2. Orlando Bloom (in Pirates)
3. Nicole Kidman (whenever, but especially Moulin Rouge)
4. Christian Bale (in Batman Begins
5. James Marsters (in Buffy, especially Seasons 2 and 6)

Wow. That's what happens when I get bored.