For Half of My Favorite Cheese

That's a reference to Colby, by the way. I love Colby Jack - it's the best!

So on his blog, Colby listed what he's learned about women/relationships thus far. Being a woman, I like to think I know us pretty well. So here's my list, dedicated to Colby, as well as any other man willing to admit that we're complicated.

Remember that you'll only have one relationship - at most - that will never end. So don't beat yourself up over the ones that fail. Some are to teach you what you're looking for in a mate, some are to teach you what you AREN'T looking for in a mate, and some are just to teach you life lessons.

Refrain from idealistic expectations, because you'll never find a perfect woman. At some point, she will disappoint you - and likewise you will disappoint her.

Don't expect her not to change, because she will. Sometimes this means she'll grow into a person you no longer want to be with, whereas before you seemed perfect for each other. This doesn't mean there is something wrong with you or her - it just sometimes doesn't work.

Open her door. This includes opening her car door first as well. Odds are, if she's from around here, she grew up that way. If not, it will be a nice surprise.

Never tell her what she's feeling is wrong, because she will assume that you don't care about her or her feelings (i.e. "Why do you feel fat? You're not fat.")

Just because she tells you her problems doesn't mean she wants you to solve them. Just listen. We like that.

When you say something like "I'll call you tomorrow," or "We should hang out Friday," we interpret that to mean that you actually will call or that we actually will hang out. It's called having plans, and it apparently has two separate meanings for men and women. If you mean "If I'm bored and think about it, I might call you," then don't tell us that you will. Tell us you might. When we get mad about it, it's because you didn't follow through on what you said.

We know you have ex-girlfriends, but we really don't want to hear "My ex this," and "My ex that," all the time. We know they exist, but that doesn't mean we're willing to acknowledge that.

Compliment us, but be sincere about it. And overusing words like "sexy" and "hot" isn't always the best route to take. If we look goods, odds are we know that, because we probably spent a lot of time to look that way. Try complimenting us when we don't expect it, or compliment our personality, mind, or something that isn't just related to our looks.

If you insist on going to a strip club with the guys, expect a little grief from us. It's not that we don't trust you - we don't trust women who take off their clothes for money. Some women, like myself, would rather go with you. Others would rather you not go at all. Do what you want, but be sure to tell her. If you lie about it, she'll think you have a reason to.

Always be honest. As stated above, if you lie about something minute, she will assume it's because you wanted/needed to hide it from her. We'd rather hear it from you than hear one of your guy friends mention it later.

By definition, we will dislike your ex. Do not be surprised by this. We don't expect you to befriend our exes.

Be good to your mom and sisters - this is how you will treat us later in life. If we see you yelling at your mother all the time, we assume you'll probably lash out at us.

"Do I look fat in this outfit?" is almost always a trick question. Never say "Yes" or even pause. Your immediate response should be to tell us how beautiful we look.

We know you don't really understand why we spend 10 minutes deciding between the black pumps or the black stilettos, but if we ask your opinion anyway, say something. If you really don't care, at least look at our feet for a while and then pick the pair we seem to like better. Usually when we can't decide, we at least have one pair that we slightly favor over the other. If you just say something to shut us up, you could end up picking the opposite pair, making us dig through our closet even longer to pull out other shoes.

Accept that sometimes we take a long time to get ready. Just take it as a compliment.

Sometimes we just throw on whatever's clean or comfortable. Don't say something like, "What happened to you?" That will never end well.

Romance isn't dead. Give it a shot every now and then.

Take us out. Usually, after a month or so, you figure you've got us reeled in and you needn't try to impress us anymore. This is wrong. We like when you try to impress us, and we like when you plan a night or day out. Free and cheap stuff is great, too - a picnic in the park or a day reading by the pool is still more fun if you do it with someone else.

You might always be ready to have sex, but we're not. Most of us take some warming up. And don't expect us to scream all the time. We're not porn stars. They get paid to scream.

At least TRY to dance, and quit using that lame, "I'm white - I don't dance" excuse. We're not asking for Fred Astaire - just try to reduce the number of times you step on our feet.

We don't expect you to keep in mind every single date that something happens, but at least be able to ballpark how long we've been together.

Do not forget Valentine's Day. Ever.

We dwell on arguments. We don't get that you don't. We need to talk about it before it's resolved in our head, whereas sometimes you just need to shift your focus elsewhere for a while to be over it. Let us do this. We can't stop being mad at you until we fully understand why we were mad at you and how we're going to stop being mad at you.

Say you're sorry, but only if you mean it.

We bring up past disagreements in the midst of current arguments. We just do. As much as you dislike it, just expect it. Usually it's because we never fully resolved them in the first place.

Well, that's all I've got for now. I'm sure I'll think of more once I post this. C'est la vie.

Currently feeling: Bored
Currently listening to: My ridiculously fast typing