Friday, June 23, 2006

"I've almost given up thinking you're ever gonna call; I don't believe in magic anymore"

I've been thinking quite a bit lately, a dangerous task I know. Walk with me for a bit down this memory trail.

I could count on one hand the number of guys who said they'd love me forever, and, truth be told, I'd still have a few fingers left over. So what does that mean? Was I lied to? If so, what would prompt someone into telling such a lie? Maybe at the time they really did think they would love me forever, and if that was the case, what changed? When did "forever" become synonymous with "until you're in a different time zone?"

I've had contact with two of them the past week, and I just don't know how to handle it. How can you have your past hurled at you and be expected to touch it, let alone understand it and try to find the elusive silver lining.

It's all disillusioning, especially when factoring in the possibility that no one will love me forever, that I'll just go about my days alone, blogging ridiculously long sentences in celebration of the current pity party. I'd like to think I'm better than that. I'd like to think a lot of things.

I've loved a lot, perhaps too much as my scarred heart indicates. And sometimes I think I will love some people forever. How do you live when that's the case? How do you drag yourself out of bed knowing that your best days have come and gone?

But I do drag myself out of bed every day, usually at least an hour before I want to. I get dressed, drive through the Tennessee heat with no air conditioning sweating out my impurities all the way to work. Then I put a smile on my face (I'm good at faking that) and spend eight hours making other people happy. It's not much, but it's something.

I leave you with Feast Ninety-Nine.

On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being highest, how much do you like your job?
Right now I'd give it a 9.

When was the last time you think you were lied to?
I'm not sure, but I'm guessing sometime around February was the last time I was lied about.

Share some lyrics from own of your favorite songs.
I can only assume this means "one of your favorite songs." My favorite song is "Your Latest Trick" by Dire Straits. Enjoy these lyrics:
My door was standing open
Security was laid back and lax
But it was only my heart got broken
You must have had a pass key made out of wax
You played robbery with insolence
And I played the blues in twelve bars down Lover's Lane
And you never did have the inteligence to use
The twelve keys hanging off my chain

I don't know how it happened
It all took place so quick
But all I can do is hand it to you
And your latest trick

Main Course
What do you do/take when you are in pain?
It depends on the strength of pain. If it's mild, I just lie in bed and cry a bit. If it's bad, I take Vicodin. Relax, it's a prescription from the last time I was in bad pain. God bless the ER.

Fill in the blanks: My __________ is very __________.
My family is very fucked up.

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