I'm Feeling Extra Neurotic Today

No more excuses - I'm going to blog regularly now. I mean, what else do I have to do, aside from having scopes shoved into every orifice I have? So let's go back a week or so and discuss THE REALLY STUPID THING I DID.

OK, I realize this is kind of vague, because yours truly does a lot of stupid things, but this one is up there. So I posted a note on Facebook, and I tagged someone, but I only tagged that someone because I thought I could make the note invisible to all but said person. I even set the note setting to only be read by the tagged individual. However, because Facebook and bad things happen to me, EVERYONE read it.

It wasn't that personal per se, but if I had intended it to be read by all I wouldn't have tagged my recently married ex, because, you know, that's tacky, and I may be neurotic and narcissistic, but I am NOT tacky (at least, not on purpose).

Well, as soon as I got a comment on it, I panicked and went to the note to untag, but it'd already been done. Now, I feel really bad about this, but we did date 2 1/2 years, so he already knows I'm neurotic, so I'm sure it wasn't that surprising. And I know he'll never in a million years read anything I've ever written again, but if anyone could get the word out that I feel like an asshole, it'd be appreciated.

Tomorrow marks 70 days in bed! Maybe I should have a party for myself. I'm bored. I hurt all the time. Everything hurts. And on top of this medical mystery that is my pain, I hurt in my heart, and while I do have chest pains, that's not what I mean.

Tuesday I get to have a cystoscopy. That means that Dr. Jackson is going to stick a scope in my bladder, and while I've been assured it won't hurt, I have my doubts. I hurt when there aren't any scopes in my bladder, so I can't imagine this will be pleasant. They also aren't going to sedate me, and that's just mean. That's the best thing about that colonoscopy: fentanyl, the drug of drugs.

Lately I've been in a funk. I don't think this is my fault at all. Anyone going on 10 weeks in bed is going to be in a funk. If I'm not back at work by August 24, I'm going to lose my insurance, which is so not what I need right now. So in this funk I've come to the conclusion that no one will ever love me, and I will die alone. Joy.

Currently listening to: "Romeo and Juliet" by Dire Straits
Currently Feeling: Listless