Are You There God? Or Is George Carlin the One Doing All This Shit to Me?

OK, is this some cruel cosmic joke? It's not news that my grandfather died, and that is certainly a tragedy. Then my laptop got all kinds of fucked up by about 24 different viruses and threats. It's on life support. It stops functioning at least once a day. AND NOW MY CAR WON'T START.

I drove home from work and parked as usual. Then I decided to go to the store to get stuff to make pie because I can't eat after midnight due to the procedure I'm having done. But my car wouldn't start.

When I try to start it, the dome light and dash lights flicker and it makes a continuous clicking sound. My CD player also clicks (there's a CD stuck in it - it's been there since 2007 - and if you try to eject it, it clicks). Naturally, seeing as I have lights, I assumed it wasn't the battery. Also, that battery is barely a year old. Tried to jump it anyway but nothing happened. The connectors were corroded, so we tried to clean them as best we could, but still nothing.

I work a double on Friday, so this really needs to get resolved Thursday so I can get to work. But when I wake up today, I'm headed to the hospital for injections and IV sedation. That means I can't drive for 24 hours, so I can't get a rental and if I can magically start my car I can't take it anywhere.

This comes right after I just put money into savings. I have savings. For the first time in about five fucking years. Possibly six. And I'm going to have to spend it to fix my stupid car so I can go to stupid work and oh I'm just so mad I could spit acid. Which might come in handy if it's battery acid.