Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Excuse Me While I Remove the Stick from Your Ass and Beat You with It

We've been facebook'd.

It's true. After embarking on a valiant quest to create as many groups as possible and take over thefacebook, some ^punk SGA members kids have created a group aptly named Sidelines... Painful To Read. Oh, where to begin?

It has been my experience at the nationally recognized award-winning newspaper that people don't like us because they don't fully understand the job of a newspaper. suck. Allow me to elaborate.

The vast majority of our naysayers are under the unfortunate blatantly wrong misconception that we actually control the news. This is asinine at best and a sign of brain damage at worst.

I'm so tired of hearing people say shit like, "Why did you run that story about the burning cross?"

Here's a better question: "Why did you light a cross on fire in the first place, you self-absorbed prick? Not everything is about you. Sometimes it's about a big-ass cross some jackass set on fire in front of a fraternity house. And, no, we don't care how you feel. Not even a little."

I mean, if we ignited something, I'd expect it to be in the paper. In fact, I'd be a little miffed if it weren't. The same goes for something being ignited on my property.

You don't need us to make you look bad. Most of you are good enough at that on your own. Shit, a burning cross. We'd never do that.

The other gist the kids are trying to get accross is the ever-popularover-used and generally dumbass Republican concept Conservative viewpoint that there is a "liberal media bias."

OK, first off, let's just suspend reality for a minute and say that, yes, the media is actually an entity - some big fat guy - and this guy has a political agenda.

Is it really that surprising that the guy would lean a little to the left? In order to be in this business at all, one has to recognize the importance of the First Amendment, and showing any support of that ensures that you'll be forever known as a liberal, regardless of your other political views left-wing nut.

On the contrary, if every liberal person had a big stick up the ass and a chip on the shoulder, as is evident these kids do, maybe they would lean a little more to the right. It's probably the only way they can walk without that stick getting in the way.

6 comments:

Manda said...

I <3s you, Wendy... I <3s you a lot...

Laurie said...

Haha you are so funny Wendy! I heart you! BTW what do you want for Initiation...what I was going to get you fell through which makes me sad...now I dunno what to get you at all!!! Help! Hehe Love you! Laurie

TVonthefritz said...

Get 'em, girl!

theogeo said...

Hey, I dropped your letter in the mail today, so it should make it in plenty of time. Good luck!

russell said...

Wow you should relax. Right now you are writing for a college newspaper. After this experience, youll never be anyone again. Just enjoy it for what it is now. But I read sidelines and all I see anymore is liberal liberal liberal. All except anthony davis, the only writer who seems to provide a consistent balance, when he does write. I do enjoy your articles though, you seem to steer towards more interesting topics, I could care less if you write what you think of the war on terror. I fought in it, I have more knowledge on the realities we face than you(or any of your fellow writers) could ever dream of having. Simply because I didnt depend on cnn or fox to tell me what was going on. I saw it with my own eyes. As for liberal media bias, you own the TV, we conservatives own the radio. Im content with that. Its a good balance.The only bias is the one we use when we watch the news. Keep writing good articles. I enjoy them.

Anonymous said...

You suck. Your writing sucks. Your opinions suck. Good luck getting a job writing classifieds for the "Thrify Nickel."