I'm All out of Funny

It's April Fools production night, and that can only mean one thing: I'm all out of funny.

Not only that, but I'm also running low on witty.

I'm like a keg at a frat party.

After pumping the last bit of humor out of myself, I'm ready to blog about my night.

Tomorrow's issue will be grand, and it's nice that I don't have to bother putting it on the Web site. All I have to post is .:flash, which will take about 15 minutes at the most.

I've made arrangements with my landlord to stay in my apartment until Sunday, allowing my dad, Mike, and I plenty of time to move out and clean up. Nice!

I've been in the office all damned day. Good for me. I've eaten pizza and at least five pieces of cookie cake. Good for the body, good for the soul.

Oh, and Erica didn't check out my rack today, but I'm about to force her to see my zipper bellybutton ring. She's already seen it, and is unimpressed.

Erica Checked Out My Rack

She totally did. After a brief phone conversation with her, I came into the office in my favorite shirt (my cherry tank top). The cherries are located kind of upward of my breasts, which apparently is clothing talk for "Check out my rack."

Well, I immediately called her out on it, to which she replied that the cherries were just calling to her to look, to which I replied they were calling to everyone, not just her.

And that's the story of the day Erica checked out my rack. At least, the day that I know of. I have a few good breast shirts, so I'm sure there are more occasions I'm unaware of.

It's a bit more lackluster than the title suggests, but it's amusing nonetheless.

And now I'm off to Dairy Queen for me and Colby, because I'm a putz.

Actually, it's because it's Colby's birthday, and I'm the best copy editor ever!

Wow. It's been a while since anyone's stroked my ego. I almost forgot what it felt like.

Adendum: When I told Erica of the title, she replied with an overly-enthusiastic "I love it!"

"My rack, or the title?" I inquired.

She suggested I change to title to something involving how my rack jumped out at her, but I'm not really into that.

For Closure, Just Click SEND

Tonight after staff meeting, I went to Camino Real with Nick, Nona, Matt, and Emily for some good eats.

We had a lovely dinner discussion about breakups, including what is and is not OK when breaking up with someone.

With the exception of Nick no-last-name, we agreed that breaking up via Post-It note ala Sex and the City is not the way to go about breakin up. However, Nick asserts that e-mail breakups are totally OK.

Emily, Nona, and I were quick to chime in that women need closure and cannot get it from an e-mail breakup, thus e-mail breakups are bad.

Nick, however, didn't care. I imagine he's probably broken a few hearts via e-mail before, but I didn't ask.

I'm No Elle Woods, But This Is Definitely a Bruiser

It's my two-week bruisiversary. Yes, it's been two weeks since the StoneCrest Emergency Room people stuck a very large needle halfway up my arm. Ouch. Yes, it hurt as bad as it sounds, if not worse.

So we're all updating our blogs here in the Sidelines office. It's much more appealing than actual work.

Check out Joey here!

And word is Colby blogged about me a few days ago. His birthday is tomorrow. Send him many e-mails.

In other news, I updated my photo on myspace and the facebook to one of me at a sorority party, and now I've gotten two myspace messages from guys who would "love to chat."

Yeah. Do I look that dumb? OK, maybe I do, but rest assured that I am not. How about this. You write me a paragraph free of grammatical errors, and I'll decide whether or not you're worthy to chat. Sound fair? Did I mention I'm a horrible bitch?

OK, enough of that tirade. I half missed Arrested Development last night because I was reading pages. Sigh.

Well, that's all for now. I have nothing else to say. Oh, yes I do. Joey is still awesome!

Facebook This!

So I discovered the facebook yesterday. Wow. Now I'm connected to all these people I knew in high school. It's quite strange.

It all started when the Sidelines kids peer pressured me into joining. Now I can't stop! So if I don't blog for a while, at least check me out on the facebook and see how many friends I have.

I am still awesome.

I Don't Have Meningitis!

So I haven't blogged in a while, mainly because last Monday I had a lovely trip to the doctor that went a little something like this:
DR: "Is this the worst headache of your life?"
ME: "Yes."
DR: "Do you have any neck pain?"
ME: "Yes."
DR: "Have you had any blurred or double vision?"
ME: "Yes."
DR: "Do you have a friend who can take you to the emergency room?"

So I went. They did a cat scan, took five vials of blood and damn near gave me a heart attack until they told me they don't think I have meningitis and they weren't going to do a spinal tap.

The verdict is that I have a virus that makes it feel like my brain is banging against my skull. Translation: They have no clue, but I'm not dying.

Now I'm starting to see stars, though, so I'm going back tomorrow. Oh fun.

How the Intimidator, the Gregmeister, Firecracker and Travis roll

So I guess Travis needs to come up with a nickname for himself. I'm obviously Firecracker, Greg is the Gregmeister (who lives like across the street from me) and Sarah is the Intimidator. After a CRAZY Saturday night at work, we all went to Greg's for some good fun drinking games.

Yes, I went through a whole bottle of amaretto, save the one shot I let someone buy off me for $2. I know you think I got ripped off, but the bottle was a gift, so I really turned a profit.

After drinking until 6 am, spending part of the evening in a cowboy hat and the other part in Sarah's "bitchin' sunglasses," I woke up at 9:20 because I had to work at 10. That was really as bad as it sounds. It's quite possible I was still drunk, or at least had alcohol in my system, when I woke up. In point of fact, judging by my driving, I was. Either that or really tired. But no one thinks you'd be drunk at 9:30 Sunday morning, so I guess the cops just thought I was a terrible driver. And they may be right.

Travis had to work at 11, and Greg came in at 4. Travis said we should all do that again soon, but Greg replied with a very funny "I don't think we should EVER do that again." So maybe next time we won't contemplate staying up until 6 a.m. so we can buy alochol again.

But that's the way we roll in Smyrna.