A Song Meme...I'm Bored

I felt like doing something fun after that last depressing post, so this is just to amuse myself, and possibly you, as well. Do it if you want; ignore it if you want. I'm not much into tagging. You know the drill - set your music player to shuffle and answer the questions. I usually add song quotations that I think fit the category - just for fun. And to pass the time. Here goes!

Will I get far in life?
Peaceful Easy Feeling - The Eagles

"I want to sleep with you in the desert tonight." Sweet! I'll at least make it to the desert.

How do my friends see me?
Pink - Aerosmith

"Pink as the bing on your cherry." Well, I do wear a lot of cherry things.

Where will I get married?
I Love This Bar - Toby Keith

"If you get too drunk just sleep out in your car." Yep, I did that at Michelle and Jason's wedding. The booze will be aplenty at my wedding.

What is my best friend’s theme song?
Brothers in Arms - Dire Straits

"I've witnessed your suffering / As the battles raged higher / And though they did hurt me so bad / In the fear and alarm/ You did not desert me / My brothers in arms" This one fits Leslie best. It's a great song, used in my favorite episode of the West Wing.

What is the story of my life?
Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy

"I never want to see you unhappy / I thought you'd want the same for me / Goodbye, my almost lover / Goodbye my hopeless dream / I'm trying not to think about you / Can't you just let me be?" This is perfect. This is my life. To rip off Scrubs, if my heart could write songs, they'd sound like this.

What was high school like?
American Soldier - Toby Keith

"I'm real good under pressure, being all that I can be / I can't call in sick on Mondays when they weekend's been too strong" - Kind of a stretch, but I love this song. Actually, "I will always do what's right" fits as well.

How can I get ahead in life?
One Headlight - The Wallflowers

"There's got to be something better than in the middle" - I fell in love with this song at Governor's School. We used to listen to Bringing Down the Horse while doing laundry and shooting pool.

What is the best thing about me?
Drift Away - Dobie Gray

"And when my mind is free / You know a melody can move me" - That's right, friends. Give me the beat, boys, and free my soul.

How is today going to be?
Every Rose Has Its Thorn - Poison

"Though it's been a while now / I can still feel so much pain" I hope that's why this song came up. Today is my mom's wedding. Maybe it's an homage to divorce.

What is in store for this weekend?
Standing Still - Jewel

"Am I standing still?" Maybe I'm going to do physical therapy.

What song describes my parents?
Stranger on the Shore - Acker Bilk

No lyrics, just beautiful oboe sounds. That's fitting - both of my parents were music majors.

My grandparents?
Miami - Counting Crows

"It just gets hard to believe / That God sent this angel to watch over me" Aww. My grandparents have been married 51 years.

How is my life going?
Glasgow Love Theme - Craig Armstrong

Another instrumental. For Love Actually fans, it's the song that plays when Juliet watches the wedding video. I think it's suitable to my life. The song has such a longing to it. I adore it, and it will play at my wedding, as soon as I find someone crazy enough to marry me. Any takers? I'm getting desperate here.

What song will they play at my funeral?
Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton

"Would you know my name / If I saw you in heaven?" Yay! They better play this song at my funeral, or I'm going to have to come back and haunt some people.

How does the world see me?
Love Story - Taylor Swift

"Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone / I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run / You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess" I guess the world knows of my aspirations at marrying Prince William.

Will I have a happy life?
Help Somebody - Van Zant

"Don't get too high on the bottle / And get right with the man / Fight your fights, find your grace / And all the things that you can't change / And help somebody if you can" I adore this song. I believe it's important to give to others. "If you want to hear God laugh tell Him your plans" works as well.

What do my friends really think of me?
Laid - James

"But she only comes when she's on top" In my defense, this song didn't give me a lot to work with. It's a good song, though, and the James version is way better than the remake.

Do people secretly lust after me?
Why Don't You and I - Santana and Chad Kroeger

"Everytime I try to talk to you / I get tongue-tied / Turns out everything I say to you / Comes out wrong and never comes out right / So I'll say why don't you and I get together / And take on the world and be together forever" I forgot about this song! How fitting.

How can I make myself happy?
Cliffs of Dover - Eric Johnson

Yet another instrumental. I love this song, and while I know very little about guitar, I know that Eric Johnson is one of the top guitarists in the world. This song does make me happy when I listen to it, or when I play it on Guitar Hero III Legends of Rock. I should make this my ring tone.

What should I do with my life?
I Hear the Bells - Mike Doughty

"Let's go make out up in the balcony" Why not? I've got time. Of course, getting to the balcony is the hard part.

Will I ever have children?
Angel from Montgomery - Bonnie Raitt and John Prine

"I am an old woman named after my mother" I guess that's a yes? This is my favorite version of this song.

What is some good advice?
Rest Stop - Matchbox 20

"So I thought, hell, if it's over / I had better end it quick or I could lose my nerve" Sure, why not. Break-up advice is good advice.

What is my signature dancing song?
Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead

"It wears me out / It wears me out" This isn't a good dancing song, but it is a damn good song.

What do I think my current theme song is?
Talk Dirty to Me - Poison

"Baby, we'll be / At the drive-in / In the old man's ford / Behind the bushes / Until I'm screamin' for more / Down the basement / Lock the cellar door / And baby / Talk dirty to me" I love this song. I'd say "Hard Candy" by Counting Crows is my theme song, but this has potential.

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
White Horse - Taylor Swift

"I'm not a princess / This ain't a fairy tale / I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet / Lead her up the stairwell / This ain't a Hollywood / This is a small town / I was a dreamer before you went and let me down / Now it's too late for you and your white horse / To come around" Apparently, everyone thinks I'm a lovesick princess wannabe. All kidding aside, though, this song is fitting as well. Freaky how these things work.

What type of men/women do you like?
Wild Horses - The Sundays

"You know I can't let you / Slide through my hands" Yes, I like the Rolling Stones version as well, but this is the one that popped up on shuffle. This song will also be at my wedding. Dear Lord, the princess songs do fit me. I'll be coming back to reality any day now...

What did you think of this meme?
Little Black Backpack - Stroke 9

"And this shouldn't concern you, except that / Just don't expect to get your bloody black backpack back" Another song I forgot about.

Resolved OR Year in Review

It's that time of year when we all choose the New Year's resolution that we will inevitably break. I'm aiming high for 2009, because I'm quite certain it can't possibly suck as bad as 2008. Or 2007 - what a terrible disaster of a year that was.

This year, I'm keeping it simple: I want my 23" waist back. Yes, this is shallow. I'm OK with that, though. I've been in bed since June 1, and I can't do cardio. I don't use my legs very much, and my body has morphed into an unrecognizable mushy flesh thing. Yes, I'm aware most people don't even notice, but I do. You really don't want to look at my ass, people - there's some mighty unappealing cellulite.

So, in 2009, I will get better. And when that happens, I'm going back to handstand push-ups, Pilates, exercise bikes and ankle weights when I do laundry. I'm going to get in shape - preferably not round.

But don't be fooled, my friends - I'm not changing my diet. I will still eat more bacon than a reasonable person would. I will still not eat veggies, unless, of course, they are cooked in bacon. I will not eat salad or drink diet anything. I will do things the way I always have - burning more calories than I take in until I'm back to 108, and doing cardio until I burn the fat.

There is a down side, though: I'm quite certain my breasts will go down a cup size or two (hopefully not two) once I get to fat-burning. Sigh. I guess it's one of life's conundrums.

Looking back over 2008, a lot has happened to me. In March, I left Chattanooga to move back to Hendersonville. It was a hard decision, because to me it was like admitting failure - again! I should backtrack to say I had to drop out of college a few years ago when the money ran dry. That was life failure No. 1. No. 2 is not being able to make it in another city. In my defense, however, the circumstances were beyond extenuating: parents' divorce, grandmother's heart attack and stroke, Josh's death - the icing on the cake. I was barely making it, and when Josh died, I shut down. I was unable to function. I still cry on Sept. 22. I don't think I'll ever be able to work that day.

Anyway, back to my failures. I left Chattanooga in search of greener pastures, after having stepped down from Store Manager to Assistant Store Manager due to my inability to give my partners the attention they need and deserve from a manager. It was the right decision, but it was hard, and so 2008 marked my return to ASM status. It actually happened Black Friday of 2007, but holiday is kind of a blur anyway.

I stayed on Vicki's futon until my apartment was ready, and I was there a whole week before I got sick. My sister and friends unpacked my stuff, and I set up shop in the bed. No TV, no Internet...just me and my thoughts. And 500 MENSA sudoku puzzles, which I aced!

Now, here I am, collecting long-term disability while the doctors scratch their heads and my physical therapist says such nonsensical things as "You don't need to be in bed." Right. Because I had a good day at physical therapy, meaning I walk 1/13 of a mile! And it only took 20-25 minutes. And then I went home and cried because the pain was unbearable.

Christmas was a bad day as well. Had I been insured (my COBRA paperwork has not been processed yet), I would have been in the hospital. Instead, I cried in bed for two hours, took extra muscle relaxers, and braved the family gathering.

Some good things happened, too. I got really good at Guitar Hero. Seriously, I play on expert, and it isn't hard for me. Jackson turned one, so I drugged up and went to the party. It was fun! Leslie survived her first year, so we had dinner as the first meeting of the Widows and Cripples Club! I sewed many things, which I am still doing, and with any luck, you'll all good your Christmas cards by Valentine's Day.

Both of my parents got engaged this year, and in an hour, my mom is getting married. So all was not lost, but I feel like part of me is. And now, before I depress us all, I'm signing off.

A Meltdown of the Non-Nuclear Variety

Six months ago I wouldn't have believed I'd be here, in bed, 11 days from my birthday. And all I want for my birthday is peace of mind, not to sound like I'm ripping off Boston or anything. Christmas list, as I told my family, "Money to pay all those bills Vanderbilt likes to keep sending me." Oh, and electric, phone, and car insurance, and my now expired tags, and my debt payment, and January rent because I sure as hell won't have that when the new year rolls around.

Seriously. If this gets any worse they're going to write a bloody Broadway musical about it. And if I don't stop watching Hell's Kitchen, people are going to start thinking I'm British. That is, if I ever saw people, which I don't.

That's depressing, by the way. I don't recommend being a hermit. I guess if I were Thomas Pynchon I could live without social interaction, but I'm not, and I can't. I am, however, going to dig into Gravity's Rainbow once Christmas is over and I can stop sewing 8 hours a day. It sure does make the time fly, though, and yesterday, I mastered my first French knot stitch! Sweet! That's been giving me trouble for the past 12 years. I can't wait to tell my mom!

(seconds later)

I just did, via a text message! I'm also working on some new dessert recipes. It's a little frustrating, however, as I can't actually get to my kitchen and test any of them. In my head, they are fabulous and tasty!

I'm using some vacation time to get some pay, but that sucks because I really need a vacation. And, yes, I'm aware that I'm not doing any actual work now, but I need a change of scenery. Hell, put me on bedrest in the Caymans, or even Cuba. At least health care is free there.

In the Spirit of Thanksgiving

It's that time of year when it's time to give credit where credit is due. After being bedridden for 5 1/2 months, I've watched a lot of TV. In fact, I'm currently engrossed in a Trading Spouses marathon. It's a real eye opener.

Growing up, I don't think I really knew how good I had it. I had two parents who loved me and always put my needs ahead of theirs. I had a big bedroom, my own bathroom, a walk-in closet, and a car I didn't have to pay for. I got a job because I wanted one, but I didn't have to. My parents never made me do anything they let me decide how I wanted to spend my free time. They supported me when I was a gymnast, they supported me when I was an actress, and they supported me during everything in between.

Now, it's hard for me sometimes. I have trouble seeing the silver lining, but I've been doing my best. Most days, I'm good at it. My health coach (yes, I'm serious) called Sunday, and we talked for about an hour. She said I was in the best spirits of anyone she'd talked to all week, and, as she put it, "and you're there in agony." I guess I'm using the blog to remind myself of the good things, because I had a bit of a meltdown last night. Being completely dependent on other people and lying in bed all day is a lot harder than it sounds.

As I told my health coach, I can't keep this pain from affecting my body, but I can keep it from affecting my personality and my psyche. I have a roof over my head. Somehow every day, despite being unable to get to the kitchen, I get fed. I can pay my living expenses, for the most part, and I'm doing a dandy job of avoiding those pesky collection calls for all of the medical bills that I intend to pay eventually. But this is a recession ... and I'm not convinced it won't be a depression of sorts. I'm not getting paid in full, and I sure do buy a lot of pills. I'm doing my best.

I have a great family to help. My sister comes over sometimes to bring me lunch, and we usually end up watching a movie or something. My grandparents have come to visit and bring food. Both aunts have helped transport me to doctor visits, and Beth did some cleaning and decorating. My uncles have helped out, too. My mom and Mike have been by, and I've even gotten to see my Dad and Laura a few times.

I have the best friends in the world. Dan stays with me and keeps me fed and entertained with board games and video games. Michael brings food, and her kids and magical husband. We have a good time together, and she's a great cook. Leslie brings food and cute offspring. Every time I see Jackson I can't help but smile. He is by far the happiest child I have ever seen. He is always smiling and laughing. It's like he already knows how many people love him. My woman Vicki comes over to make me Hamburger Helper and rock out with me on Guitar Hero and Rock Band.

I've been able to help out at the high school, going up there for an hour or two to help with the play during dress rehearsal or do improvs with the Theatre I classes. It's a good way to pass time and feel like a productive member of society. I can't stay long, and I have to up the meds, but it helps. During dress rehearsal, I got to read the part of the Cowardly Lion due to a family emergency that kept the actress cast in that role from being at rehearsal. It was fun to take that walk down memory lane.

So this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful to everyone who has supported me this year. To my family and friends, I am forever in your debt, and I will never be able to repay the kindness and support you have shown me. To my kick-ass doctor, Dr. Rickard - who is my favorite of all of my doctors - thank you for always listening to me and for being willing to spend a little extra time and thinking outside the proverbial box.

That is all for now. This episode has a lesbian couple that's trading a wife with a straight couple. Awesome! Sometimes TV is a good thing. Oh, I almost forgot: I am thankful for the Democrats winning in November! And I'm thankful I sold some of my stock before the market went to hell.

Hell Yeah to the Chief!

If I hadn't been completely and utterly unable to tear my eyes from the television, I would have blogged live during one of the greatest nights in recent memory. Actually, due to my meds, I don't have that many recent memories, so I'll go ahead and say it was one of the greatest nights of my life.

Tuesday morning I woke up, donned my Obama hoodie and VOTE hat (which had the Obama logo as the "O"), and headed to the polls. While waiting in line in unseasonally warm weather, a guy from a local pizza place brought pizza for people in line. How awesome! It took me two hours to get from outside the church to the table where the workers confirm your voting eligibility and give you that piece of paper that you have to take to the worker at the booth. However, after that, I got to go to the front of the line! Sweet! I didn't ask to go to the front of the line, mind you, because if I'd already waiting two hours, another 20 or 30 minute isn't really a big deal. But the kind lady wheeled me to the first available booth, where I cast my ballot for Obama!

After some regrouping at the apartment, I went to pick up my cookie cakes. One was a domino cookie with "Obama 08" in blue and white icing, and the other was a chocolate chip cookie with "Jan. 20th 2008" in blue and white icing. Then I got some cheap, but surprisingly good, champagne. After Jeopardy, it was time to watch the country turn blue.

After we had secured Pennsylvania and Ohio, it was time for cookie cake celebrations! The champagne, of course, had to wait until polls closed in the West, ensuring a glorious landslide victory for Obama/Biden! I kept randomly outbursting things like, "We did it!" the rest of the night and most of today. I don't think I'll stop doing that for a while.

McCain gave a great speech, despite a few at his rally booing Obama. Why can't these people get a clue? McCain is a class act, and I believe his speech was sincere. As much as I dislike his politics, and as much as I am disgusted by the way his campaign was run, I do have tremendous respect for him. I know he has done good for this country. I know he believes in America as much as Obama does. I know he will be instrumental in uniting the parties after Obama is sworn in. The people at the rallies who have come to think that booing the President-Elect and shouting hateful things is acceptable behavior are doing McCain and the Republican Party a tremendous disservice.

As a side note, watching Palin was thoroughly enjoyable. She looked like a bad soap actress who just lost a Daytime Emmy and is trying to look happy for the winner. I think she thought they were going to win. I think she really thought she was going to be the Vice President and then the President. I think she really thought she was going to run the Senate! Go back to Alaska where they still like you. She gave a decent interview about needing unity, but I didn't believe her. She didn't seem to believe the words she was saying.

Now let's get to Obama's speech. I know I'm not the only one who teared up. I have never been prouder of this nation than that moment. His speech was incredible. I cheered, I toasted his upcoming term, and I felt that for the first time this century, we're on the right track. Last night meant so much, and it's not just because we finally reach a milestone by electing a black man. We came together and with a resounding voice we told the nation, and the world, that eight years is enough! We are ready, willing, and finally able to bring about some great changes, to make America live up to its ideology.

And then I couldn't help but feel saddened that during this monumental occasion, our President-Elect had to give his acceptance speech behind bullet-proof glass. We've come so far, but we have so far to go. But at least now, I am hopeful.

And, finally, California: What the fuck?! Prop. 8? Really?!

I have great concerns with all of this legislation about who can get married. What's next, banning interracial marriages? Banning marriages against socio-economic lines? Of course not. That sounds ludicrous. I feel about gay marriage the same way I feel about abortion: If you're against it, don't do it. Seems like a pretty easy thing to me. If you want a theocracy, so live in Vatican City. Try as you might, you cannot instill morality through legislation. And, to all you skeptical right-wingers, especially the evangelicals, you're missing the silver lining: gay divorce! If half of marriages end in divorce, what sanctity is there to protect?

"Sanctity of marriage" is a figment of someone's imagination. If it were true, there wouldn't be divorce. Granted, some people who enter into marriage believe in the sanctity of marriage, and that's fine. I myself plan only to marry once, and I plan to marry a man, but what is right for me isn't necessarily right for everyone else. Not everyone sees marriage in the same way. Not everyone sees a religious tie to marriage. Some people get married at City Hall. If you are a church, you are seperate from the government, and if you only want to marry heterosexual couples, I guess that's your prerogative. But don't let it ooze into the legislation.

"Just a Small Town Girl, Livin' in a Lonely World"

Well, I'd be lying if I said I felt good today, but I had a blast yesterday during my brief foray into mainstream society, if you can call my friends mainstream, and I certainly wouldn't.

The day started with me trying in vain the change my eyebrow ring to a captive bead ring, but I couldn't get the damn bead in. I should probably ask my sister how she managed to do it back when she had her eyebrow pierced. Yes, friends of mine, my sister once had her eyebrow pierced. When I couldn't get the hoop in, I opted for a funky curly ring.

I donned a cute dress, tights, and my Mary Janes, and got all dolled up for the day. I even wore make-up! This was a huge deal for me, as I can count on one hand the number of times I've worn something other than sweats and pajamas over the past five months.

First stop: Kari's baby shower. When I wheeld into the house, I squealed with delight when I saw not only my Little Sister Kari, cute as a button, and Melissa, who we later discovered is my Great-Grand Little, but also Laurie, my adopted little. At the baby shower, I totally dominated baby games! It came with the awesome joy of giving Kari more baby gifts! I enjoyed reading the backs of the packages in my game show host voice.

After the shower, it was time to trek from Murfreesboro to the Old Hickory Country Club in the Hermitage area. I wheeled next to Amber for the ceremony. Amber's hair had grown out and was totally cute. I really think she could pull off just about any hair style. I also finally got to meet Cox's girlfriend Alana, who is super cool. It was a lovely reunion with Patrick, Loren, Lindsey, Amber, Cox, Alana, JR, Alan, Nick, Kristin, and Lonnie - and, of course, the happy couple whom I will hereafter refer to as Amanderson - Manderson and Amanda. If I forgot anybody, I'm sorry, but, as I'm sure you noticed, I was on a LOT of drugs.

At the reception, we had a great time. The food was really good, and the booze was free! Props to Amanda's parents for footing the bill for the gorgeous wedding. Cox helped me wheelchair dance to "Build Me up Buttercup" and Patrick wheeled me to the dance floor during "Thriller," balancing me on my back two wheels. What a blast! I also did my pop-and-lock style arm ripple, and shook what I could like a Polaroid picture during "Hey ya."

However, what might be the most memorable part was the combination of belting/screaming "Don't Stop Believin,'" which I have now decided should be played at every wedding. We all stood in a circle - except for yours truly, of course, as I cannot stand - and if our goal was to be as loud as possible, we certainly succeeded.

I got home around 10 last night and woke up around 4 a.m., getting a healthy seven hours of sleep. No, my math is not wrong. The time changed last night. I got more sleep, and those of you boozing it up afterward got an extra hour of drinking time. Now, here I am, typing, in an unbelievable amount of pain, which I expected. I was tempted to leave early, but as I told Patrick, I'd still be hurting if I went home, and I wanted to stay with everyone as long as possible, because who knows when I'll see everyone again. I'm bummed I didn't make it to the post-wedding festivities, but I really needed to get out of the chair and lie down.

All in all, it was great fun. Congrats to Amanderson, who were positively lovely. Amanda was gorgeous, and she was also entertaining during the ceremony. They looked really relaxed, like they were enjoying themselves. It's quite refreshing because so many weddings are so tense.

Today's agenda, or lack thereof, is uneventful compared to yesterday. Right now, I'm just trying to recuperate.

"What's My Age Again?"

I was doing my civic duty of e-mailing my Congressman, Bart Gordon, and for some reason, I listed my age as 26. I noticed it and changed it, but I'm a bit disturbed that I forgot how old I was. I'm also having trouble counting. I'm going to be sure to mention this to my awesome doctor, because hopefully this side effect is temporary, as I've read. Otherwise, we've got a problem.

Socialism Is Not a Four-Letter Word ... But Bank Is

The latest attempt to get us all running for the hills seems to be a feather in McCarthy's cap. Didn't we learn our lesson last time? I wasn't even born yet, and I still got it. What is this, Red Scare Part Pi? Or is throwing around the word "socialism" all willy nilly the new black? I thought Obama was the new black. What is it, people? Are we supposed to be scared of Obama because he's black or red? I'm going to remain unaffraid. After all, it is Halloween time. I'm saving all of my fear for zombies and goblins.

Why are people so afraid of the word socialism? I get the negative connotation from the USSR and the Cuban Missile Crisis and all that, but it's over now. Actually, it was over a while ago. Please, stop me before I break out into, "We Didn't Start the Fire."

All kidding aside, socialism isn't all bad. Actually, it's quite good, when applied correctly. Let's break it down:

social: a good word with a good connotation. Social services aren't scary; school socials aren't scary; Social Security is a little scary, but that's mainly the security part.

ism: a suffix, and no suffix is scary. Now, if it were called "socialdeathism" I could see where the fear factor comes into play, but lots of isms are just dandy, including the one and only capitalism, not to mention monotheism.

socialism: stop you Commies!

I just don't get it.

Am I the only here who finds it ironic that we barely had time to breathe once the $700 billion bailout was passed before we started hearing about how scary socialism is? I'm concerned about this precedent - our government being able to socialize what it wants to socialize, which inevitably will be who is padding the pockets of Capitol Hill.

This brings me to McCain wanting to buy housing loans. This is ludicrous. I know this was a terrible thing, but I'm an intelligent person, and as an intelligent person, as badly as I want a Lamborghini, I'm not going to buy one because I can't afford it. I don't care if someone tells me I can. I know I can't, so I'm not buying a Lamborghini, and I automatically distrust anyone thinking I even qualify to buy one in the first place.

When it came time to buy my car, I bought a reliable one that was going to last at least as long as I have to make the payments. Oh, how I love my affordable Nissan Sentra. I also understand that making such a purchase, I take a risk (in this case, an assumption) of this item losing value over the time that I own it. I certainly don't think the government should buy my car loan and then refinance my car just because it's worth less now that I wanted it to be, or because I took a payment that I knew I couldn't afford.

We need to do more than just bailouts. We need to regulate and educate. I've never bought a house before. Odds are, when it's time to buy one, I'm not going to know what to expect. Wouldn't it be nice if, someone along the lines of my 18 years of schooling, someone might have mentioned some of these key life lessons? I thank my lucky stars for all of the insurance classes I took. At least I know a thing or two about estate planning, car insurance, homeowner's insurance, and the like.

I know this is a huge clusterfuck. I know my stock is losing value everyday, and I'm losing money everyday. Stock is an investment. I took a risk. The consequences are mine and mine alone. You'd think right-wingers would share my viewpoint about this, seeing as how it's always them versus the big bad government. I guess things change when it's their money and livelihood at stake.

My Fellow Tennesseans, Stop Acting Like Douchebags

While watching The Colbert Report tonight, I learned that an East Tennessee man named his daughter Sarah McCain Palin Ciptak. As if this isn't asinine enough, he did it without discussing it with his wife. You know, the woman who gave birth to the kid! He claims he did it because he can't contribute to the campaign financially. He actually wasn't going to name the damn kid John McCain, but apparently he had enough sense not to do that.

I'm a big supporter of the Obama/Biden ticket, but I'm not going to go around naming children after them. Maybe a fish or something, if I really felt like it, but certainly not a child. My political views will never be more important than my children. And for those wanting to make the abortion argument, I'll go ahead and stop you. Pro-choice does not mean pro-abortion, much like pro-life does not mean pro-stay-of-execution. OK, bad example, but you get the point I'm making.

I didn't think anything could top the baby story, but then I read about a thwarted attempt to kill Obama. The culprits? Two neo-Nazi skinheads who were arrested in Bells, Tenn. Apparently, these jackasses (I've never met them, but I'm OK labeling them) had a plan to kill 88 people, Obama being the final target. And they had wardrobe plans: white tuxedos and tophats. I guess that's in case we didn't immediately get the obvious reason why two white supremecists would want to kill a black man.

So, all snarky jokes aside, I'm actually going to make a point here.

STOP THE FEAR-MONGERING!

Seriously. This is getting out of control. I realize most people who are voting Republican actually believe in John McCain. Good. That's why you vote. I don't agree with you, but I still think you should vote. I don't think all Republicans are racists, and I don't think all McCain supporters are racists.

However, I do think the Republican Party has fallen by the wayside in this election, reverting to the fear tactic a few too many times. And I have to say I was glad when John McCain finally stood up and told those people at his rally that Obama is a good guy, and people don't have to be afraid of him. Should it have come as a response to a question from the audience? No, he should've started the rally with it. Both he and Palin should have stated at the beginning of each rally, after that first cry of "kill him," that such remarks do not reflect what the party stands for.

The point is, we shouldn't have to be telling people this. And I'm sure people across the board are going to be up in arms over this. Now, before you start reading to much into this, no, I'm not insinuating that GOP rallies have anything to do with this attempt. Obviously, these guys were going to plan something regardless of what else was said.

And keeping along those lines, anyone who says Obama is going to get assassinated if he is elected is just narrow-minded and uninformed. Sure, there may be more threats, or, at least, threats from different groups. But the President of the United States is granted the same Secret Service protecting regardless of race, and I have faith that the men in women who protected Bush, Clinton, Bush, Reagan, Carter, and Ford will do the same for the next President.

It's time we, as a country, just took a deep breath and relaxed a little. The election is next week. If you are really passionate about a candidate, do what I do and volunteer. When I call people for Obama, I certainly don't say anything negative about John McCain or Sarah Palin. I don't insinuate that we all need to duck and cover if they win. I don't even mention them. I'm quite certain that in the 145 calls I've made already, I haven't even said either of their names. And I doubt I'm going to say either of their names in any of the calls I'm going to make this week, unless I happen upon someone who doesn't know who is running for President. That's what campaigning should be.

A Few Things That Are Pissing Me Off: Republican Edition

I've been camped out in bed for months now, so chances are, if it's on TV, I've seen it. All of this campaigning has really got me thinking, which, of course, means I'm voting Obama/Biden. The McCain campaign has gone from bad to worse, and instead of opting to bow out gracefully, he's going to end up being dragged away kicking and screaming.

Let's start with Joe the Plumber, a man who is neither a Joe nor a (licensed) plumber. McCain is staking his campaign on this man he has admittedly never met. This latest batch of ads has a barrage of people saying, "I'm Joe the Plumber." No, you are not! Joe the Plumber isn't even Joe the Plumber! You're Rita the Republican or Peter the Pro-Lifer. All of this is reminiscent of those "I am Tiger Woods" commercials. The difference is, people want to be Tiger Woods. He's a role model, a public figure, a successful athlete. He's not some schmuck who owes back taxes and got dragged into the campaign against his will. McCain is hoping we will just ignore this, I guess, and keep buying into this false everyday hero nonsense. He might as well start harping about Puff the Magic Dragon. It sure sounds like someone in the McCain camp did just that.

Moving on, let's address McCain's friends. According to McCain, anyone who owns a television is his friend. I like to call things of this nature "security phrases" - things we say repeatedly, usually without realizing it, in order to reassure ourselves and return to our comfort zones. I know, Barack has one, too, but didn't you read the title? This is the Republican edition. I'll get into the Democrats, later, because we've got issues, too. When McCain doesn't know what he's saying, or when he's afraid that just saying it is going to sound, well, idiotic, he throws in "my friends." I guess he wants to elicit a response along the lines of, "Awww, McCain is my friend! Who cares what he stands for? He's my friend!" I've got news for you - McCain is not your friend. He's a politician. He's playing the game, trying to get votes, just like anyone else who's ever run for President.

Now I'd like to talk about taxes and spending, two things Republicans love talking about. I don't know who can be dumb enough to think that, in the current disaster that is our economy, we can keep going at our current rate without raising taxes. We're going to have to cut spending, and if we can't cut enough of it, get out your checkbooks, folks, it's time to ante up. If you don't want to pay taxes, you're living in the wrong country. Taxes pay for all those things we take for granted, like roads, police officers, fire departments, and other such service we've become so accustomed to having. If we didn't have taxes, we'd have no one to uphold all those laws we like to pass, and we'd have no one to pass them. Think of it as a giant homeowners' association or a Sam's Club. You've got to pay your membership fees to enjoy the perks. I suppose if you want to forgo police officers and just hope civil unrest doesn't happen, maybe we can discuss this tax issue again. Until then, it's time to start acting like an adult. You can't always get what you want, but you shouldn't be bitching for getting what you need.

Finally, I'm going to spend a few minutes on Palin. Granted, there could be a whole blog about this, so I'm only going to hit the highlights. First, sorry GOP, but I don't vote for a candidate because of gender, and neither will Hillary supporters. That ship has sailed. We've had eight years of dealing with a complete imbecile in the White House, and we aren't going to pass the torch to another administration that doesn't have even the slightest chance of not completely running this country further into the ground.

Running Palin on the notion that "she's just like me" is stupid. For starters, Palin is nothing like me, other than perhaps we have the same natural hair color, and we are both female, but she is far from a feminist. She sets women back decades with her complete incompetence. Who can't name a newspaper she reads daily? Who goes into an interview without having the slightest clue what the Bush Doctrine is? Who accepts a position for a job when she doesn't even know what that job is, which she said back in July.

Second, even if she were just like me, that certainly doesn't qualify her to be Vice President or President. I want someone better than me, and I'm certainly not the bottom of the genetic barrel. I want an active progressive, someone who isn't afraid to stand up for what is unpopular when it is right. I want someone with a terminal degree, or at least a couple of degrees. I want someone respected by more than just the state that elected her, and I want someone willing to talk about more than just that state. I want someone who keeps up-to-date on world affairs. I want a leader, not a power-hungry governor who uses her special needs child to get votes. That is shameful. She is shameful, and it's time we sent a clear message that to be President of this country, you need to be a little more qualified than Palin or Joe the Plumber.

That's all for this edition of "A Few Things That Are Pissing Me Off." Stay tuned for more - I'm sure I'll think of something.

Socialism 1, Capitalism 0

Here I am, laid up in bed as usual, passing the time by watching On Demand on my new cable! It helps to break up the monotony. I'm also making good progress on my Christmas ornaments.

My disability has been denied, and I have to appeal it, which is all OK except that if they deny my appeal, I lose my job, and I won't even be able to blame that on the Bush Administration. What a sad day for me! I'm sure they'll approve it because I've told them I have two doctor appointments this week, one of them being the Vanderbilt Pain Clinic, so I'm confident they will provide documentation that I'm a bedridden medical mystery.

So the bailout passed, despite my pleading e-mail to Bart Gordon begging him not to vote for it. I can't even begin to describe how much this sickens me. I have my own debt, thank you very much, and I've worked hard to find a way to pay it off. I certainly am not equipped to pay for someone else's debt, and I certainly don't think the Wall Street idiots who created this debacle should get a check to reward their incompetence. This is capitalism, and as much as I find it flawed, this is the point: businesses that don't fit the needs of the consumers go under. Adapt, or shut down.

Speaking of the evils of capitalism, when are we going to socialize health care? Come on, people, I have medical bills out the ass. My first ER visit was nearly $8000! I have insurance, so my portion is considerably less, but it's still more than I have when I'm not able to work. Sigh.

Here are my thoughts on the VP debate: Was Palin running for Homecoming Queen? Who winks four times in a debate on serious issues? She didn't even answer the questions! I'm not surprised. As for Biden, I want to have his babies.

That is all for now. I'll update this more now that I have Internet!

OK, I'm Drawing the Line on Palin and Republicans

Seriously, people, what the fuck? That's all I can think to say. I watched the Palin interview yesterday, and it was the most amateur, frightening thing ever. So I just have to rant about this because if I keep it all inside my head will explode.

You can see Russia from parts of Alaska?! Who the hell cares?! That doesn't qualify you to HAVE THE NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES, or, as Palin would say, NUCULAR launch codes. You know who else pronounces it that way? Homer Simpson!

Ever since McCain announced his running mate, I was apalled, and not just because I'm so liberal I'm almost a socialist, but because I'm a woman. I am an intelligent woman, and I am shocked (although I shouldn't be) that Republicans, whom I don't hold in high regard as a group to begin with, would stoop to this level as to nominate a practially fascist woman in hopes that the rest of us are so utterly stupid that we're going to vote for an unqualified moron because she's a woman, too.

I'd like to say that I have complete and total respect for women, or men for that matter, who devote their time to raising a family. However, when you're gunning for the second highest position of power in the nation, running as a "hockey mom" is ridiculous. A "hockey mom" can't be VP, and it has nothing to do with her gender or the number of kids she's had. It has everything to do with thinking that marketing yourself as a "hockey mom" is going to get you votes and make you appear credible.

Palin is so far out of her league that the interview was painful to watch. I had to keep pausing it to go on a tangent rant about how ridiculous the whole thing is. And I am making a pledge, right here for everyone to see: If we lose the White House and Congress this November, I'm out. Fuck this place, I'm going to Canada or Europe. I am not going to sit idly by while my freedoms are slowly chiseled away until all that's left is a statue that resembles a CEO bathing is his own riches, stepping on the heads of anyone around him and having the nerve to call it gumption.

There is a good chance that, if elected, Dick Cheney will not survive his first term, and that isn't even taking into account the quick aging and stress that comes with being POTUS. So I ask you, why in the hell would you want this woman to be President? It would be a huge setback for women, because she would just fuck it up, and then women wouldn't have a shot at the White House for 100 years.

I'm also tired of hearing this nonsense of liberals being snobs and elitists. Did you sleep through history? Do you know who founded this country? Let me give you a quick refresher: It was the wealthy, rich men! They were the snobby elitists of their time. Hell, they thought only they should be able to vote. But they did come up with a few good things, like the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights. And who has the nerve to call a man raised by a single mom an elitist just because he doesn't buy into your warped ideology?

Republicans are elitist, too. They think the upper 1% shouldn't have to have to pitch in a little bit extra when April 15 rolls around. They think corporations should have carte blanche. They love money so much I'm surprised there isn't an altar they go to every week just for the purpose of reveling in the idea of riches. They think anyone who opposes the war is unpatriotic and does not support the troops. Hell, I support the troops so much I want them to come home to their wives and children before one more becomes the victim or a roadside bomb. That's something you don't get over. Wrapping your elitism in a flag and calling it patriotism is the equivalent of me putting on a Colts jersey and saying I'm Peyton Manning - it doesn't fool anyone.

Back to Palin now. I almost feel sorry for this woman. McCain did her a great disservice by asking her to run without even properly vetting her first. Watching the interview, it was clear to me that no one even bothered to prep this woman. Sit up straight. Know the Bush Doctrine. When you're going to claim you're ready to be President, you might want to pick up a newspaper that was published in the last 7 years so you don't come across as a complete moron.

Someone needs to at least give this former beauty queen a refresher course in posture, and I don't mean walking around in heels with a book on your head. Just sit/stand up straight. It's not that hard. Hopefully, one of these campaign masterminds is at least going to give her a few lines that aren't so obviously forced into her brain before the debates, and maybe they should mention that repeating the same thing over and over just lets everyone know that no one gave you any other response to that question.

If Palin doesn't get her act together before the debates, it's going to be like shooting fish in a barrel. Or wolves from a plane.

I've Learned Something New

I saw my Vanderbilt doctor today, who told me something I'd never heard before: endometriosis can be clear. What?! This explains so much. He referred me to the Chief OB-GYN guy at Vanderbilt, and I see him on Wednesday. Odds are, he'll do another laparoscopy and magnify everything, looking for the clear stuff. Here's hoping that works out.

I'm Feeling Extra Neurotic Today

No more excuses - I'm going to blog regularly now. I mean, what else do I have to do, aside from having scopes shoved into every orifice I have? So let's go back a week or so and discuss THE REALLY STUPID THING I DID.

OK, I realize this is kind of vague, because yours truly does a lot of stupid things, but this one is up there. So I posted a note on Facebook, and I tagged someone, but I only tagged that someone because I thought I could make the note invisible to all but said person. I even set the note setting to only be read by the tagged individual. However, because Facebook and bad things happen to me, EVERYONE read it.

It wasn't that personal per se, but if I had intended it to be read by all I wouldn't have tagged my recently married ex, because, you know, that's tacky, and I may be neurotic and narcissistic, but I am NOT tacky (at least, not on purpose).

Well, as soon as I got a comment on it, I panicked and went to the note to untag, but it'd already been done. Now, I feel really bad about this, but we did date 2 1/2 years, so he already knows I'm neurotic, so I'm sure it wasn't that surprising. And I know he'll never in a million years read anything I've ever written again, but if anyone could get the word out that I feel like an asshole, it'd be appreciated.

Tomorrow marks 70 days in bed! Maybe I should have a party for myself. I'm bored. I hurt all the time. Everything hurts. And on top of this medical mystery that is my pain, I hurt in my heart, and while I do have chest pains, that's not what I mean.

Tuesday I get to have a cystoscopy. That means that Dr. Jackson is going to stick a scope in my bladder, and while I've been assured it won't hurt, I have my doubts. I hurt when there aren't any scopes in my bladder, so I can't imagine this will be pleasant. They also aren't going to sedate me, and that's just mean. That's the best thing about that colonoscopy: fentanyl, the drug of drugs.

Lately I've been in a funk. I don't think this is my fault at all. Anyone going on 10 weeks in bed is going to be in a funk. If I'm not back at work by August 24, I'm going to lose my insurance, which is so not what I need right now. So in this funk I've come to the conclusion that no one will ever love me, and I will die alone. Joy.

Currently listening to: "Romeo and Juliet" by Dire Straits
Currently Feeling: Listless