Ode to Me

It's my birthday! I'm 24! Yikes!

I have lots to catch up on, but here's the skinny:

R.I.P. Salazar (died Dec. 14, 2006). You were a bitchin' pet.

The next day, I got very sick. I kept getting sicker. Sunday the fever came. I thought I had lost all hope for a disease-free birthday when the nice doctor at the walk-in clinic gave me this MIRACLE SHOT of drug joy! Now I'm all better. Creepy how fast that worked.

Thanks in advance to all of you who will remember my birthday, and no hard feelings to those of you caught up in the holiday madness who will forget.

A Feast on Both Your Houses!

Appetizer
Do you believe there is intelligent life on other planets?
I'm not convinced there's intelligent life on this planet, though I admit it's likely. Thinking that this one spinning ball of gravitational crap is all there is in an endless universe is a little self-centered, even for me.

Soup
iWhat is one thing you said you'd never do, but you eventually did?
Get a tattoo. I used to say that I'd only get one if I could have anesthesia, but I'd never trust a tattoo artist to administer anesthesia, so I'd never get a tattoo. I now have two.

Salad
Who is the teacher that influenced you the most in school?
Probably Mrs. Stephens. She never let me settle for less than the best I could do.

Main Course
If you could trade places with anyone for one day, who would it be and why?
That chick Prince William is dating. Spending a day with the heir to the throne with a British accent wouldn't be half bad.

Dessert
What is your favorite dish to prepare?
Homemade fried chicken, with green beans, mashed potatoes, biscuits, and cherry cobbler for dessert.

The Silver Lining

I'm getting $500 this Thursday to cover my down payment. Starbucks has this CUP Fund thing that is for partners who experience financial needs beyond their means due to circumstances beyond their control. Actually, I donate $3 from every paycheck to the CUP Fund, and I'm glad. Even when things are bad, I always figure there's someone out there who could use that $3 more than I could.

Now, I am that person. I faxed my application today, explaining my ridiculous car situation. They called back within two hours.

And that, my friends, is why I woke up at 3:15 this morning to go to work in Manchester. It's nice to respect your employer.

We Interrupt This Car Payment to Bring You An Eviction

Woohoo! In the endless cycle of suck that is my life, I got a little notice on my door today. As you probably recall, I have this cat who is a complete bastard, and this cat likes to wreak havoc on my apartment while I'm at work. Or at the store. Or doing laundry. Pretty much whenever I'm not there.

He is especially good at terrorizing the place right before the people come to spray for bugs or something, as they tend to do.

Well, this cat bastard is causing unsanitary conditions. No shit! That's why I keep calling him a bastard. As soon as a clean up after his bastard self, he goes and terrorizes something else, or pees on my bed, or rips up the garbage and drags it all across the apartment. Then I clean up after him. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Anyway, I have been trying to get rid of this cat for at least a month. I can't seem to get in touch with anyone at any humane society, and if I do, they're not taking cats.

I have two weeks. Two weeks to get rid of the bastard cat, at which point I'll be able to clean my apartment (again), but this time it will stay clean.

Otherwise, I'm getting evicted.

Fuck. This. Shit.

For those who are just tuning in, this is me giving up. This is me losing all hope and any type of control. I am officially declaring myself a failure at all things that don't involve racking up debt or overusing the word "bastard."

And, just for those wondering, of course I always pay my rent on time.

So let's recap: I'm buying a car (yay), I might be getting evicted (not yay), and I have a cat to get rid of.

Fuck. This. Shit. Again.

Feastless Friday

So there's no feast for a while. I haven't done a meme or survey of any kind, so I'm yankin' this one off of Jess's page. It feels good to be back online.

1. Do you drink milk?
No. I hate milk. It's weird and disgusting that humans are the only animal that drinks milk after infancy and drinks another animal's milk, especially milk made for an animal with four stomach chambers.

2. Do you prefer apple or orange juice?
Orange juice with no pulp, preferable mixed with some type of tasty liquor and grenadine.

3. Do your computer speakers plug into the back of your computer or your monitor?
This is Dan's computer. It's somehow connected to this stereo thing, so all the computer sounds come out of that. Isn't that cool? I have no idea how that happens...

4. How many clocks are in your house?
My apartment has one bedroom and three clocks. I like clocks.

5. How about the room your in right now?
Dan's room has one clock, but the computer and my cell phone also state the correct time. His clock is five minutes fast. It always makes me panic.

6. How often do you check your email?
Now I check it a few times a day. If I'm not at Dan's, I don't check it.

7. Do you live by yourself?
I pay rent for a single apartment. I haven't slept there in about a month, but I do pay rent.

8. What's the most you've ever won on a scratcher?
I think three dollars.

9. What's the nearest food to you right now?
Some candy in the living room.

11. Do you know what a plecostamous is?
Apparently it's a creature that eats Question 10.

12. Have you ever watched a sunrise rise over the ocean?
No, but I've watched it set over the ocean.

13. How many messages are in your inbox/outbox on your phone?
Text messages inbox: 61; outbox: 25

14. Do you prefer wooden or mechanical pencils?
Mechanical

15. What's on your feet right now?
My purple "Feel Better" socks from Emily:) and my tennis shoes

16. Do you have one best friend, or a lot of good friends?
I have a best friend and also many good friends.

17. Snapple or SoBe?
I haven't had Snapple or SoBe in at least five years, so I'm not going to answer this one.

18. Where do you buy birthday/Christmas cards?
I usually don't buy cards. When I do, it's generally from Wal-Mart or a grocery store.

19. What's your take on "puppy love"?
It's a song in Love Actually.

20. Do you enjoy breaking hearts?
I can't imagine anyone does.

21. What date/time was the last text you recieved?
2 hours ago

22. When's the last time you sent a text?
4 minutes after the last one I received

23. What was your favorite childhood tv show?
Full House

24. What's your favorite planet, besides this one?
Tattoine

25. Does anything special happen for you on March 15th?
Yes, each year I re-enact the death of Caesar, speaking only Latin for 24 straight hours. Or maybe I don't. But I generally make it a point to tell people it's the Ides of March.

26. If you could get back in touch with one person you've lost touch with, who would it be?
Cadence. Cadence is fun!

27. What type of internet connection do you use?
It's Comcastic!

28. Do you vote for city-related issues?
If it's on the ballot of a presidential or senatorial election, yes.

29. Do you say 'ya'll', 'you guys', 'dudes', or something else when addressing more than one friend at a time?
Kids. I call groups of people "kids." Even when they're all older than I am.

30. Would you want marijuana legalized if it meant alcohol would be illegal?
Fuck no!

31. Have you ever been to the Vatican?
No, but I think it'd be cool.

32. Have you ever waved at someone who was waving at you, only to realize they were waving at someone else?
Yes

33. What did you do?
Seeing as though they weren't waving at me, no one noticed, so I went about my day.

34. How many remote controls are in your house, and what are they for?
My apartment has two: TV and DVD player, neither of which I can use. Dan's has a lot. You can even open the DVD player with the remote, which is the epitome of lazy. But we do it anyway.

35. Do you mainly use your house phone or your cell phone?
I don't have a house phone.

36. How many 2005 calenders are in your house?
I don't think I have any. Dan has a desk one. I have a datebook on my phone, and a planner.

37. Do you take baths or showers?
Mostly showers, but I enjoy the occasional bubble bath.

38. Do you take quizzes in magazines?
No, but my sister does, and it's fun to read them.

40. Do you buy bananas when they're green so they won't go bad as fast?
I don't like bananas.

41. Do you do anything for a bad sunburn?
I have this prescription silver sulfate burn cream stuff that's awesome.

42. Do use mouthwash? If so, what kind?
Green Listerine after flossing.

43. What noises reach your ears right now?
The electrical buzz of a computer, and the clicking of my typing.

44. Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon?
I've never been west of the Mississippi, except for Wisconsin, which is too far north to count.

45. Have you ever been to a national park (i.e. Yellowstone, Yosemite, etc)?
The Smokies

46. How old are your parents?
My mom just turned 48, my dad is 49

47. Does anyone have the keys to your heart?
I don't even have keys to my own car. Which is another way of saying I refuse to answer such a cheesy question.

48. Have you ever had to run for your life?
Yes, there were stampeding horses. It was frightening. Thankfully, I made it.

49. Is there an empty place in your heart?
Sounds like a surgical problem. I hope not.

50. Have you ever been to a family reunion?
Nope, and I'm never going.

51. Have you ever scraped a pipe?
Nope

52. Do you prepare soup in the microwave or on the stove?
Stove

53. Is it sunny out right now?
Yes, and it's 75 degrees!

54. Do you have a catnip plant in your house?
Nope

55. Do you use surge protectors?
I'm sure Dan does.

56. Do you pay attention to the stock market?
Only SBUX

57. Do you take precautions against contracting West Nile Virus?
Yes, I don't get bitten by infected mosquitoes.

58. Do you meditate?
Not as much as I'd like to.

59. If your lover cheated on you and profusely apologized, would you accept them back into your life?
I really can't adequately answer this question without being in the situation. I'm pretty sure I'd make his life miserable for a while afterward.

60. Do you eat carbs?
Yes, too many of them.

61. If you could be one animal for the rest of your life, what would you pick?
A human. Wait! I already am one!

62. Are you the kinda person who will search the entire room for the remote because you don't wanna change it on the TV?
Nope

63. Has your insurance gone up because of something on your DMV record?
I have a speeding ticket

64. Have you ever gone to work/school drunk?
Nope

65. Is it all about YOU?
Yeah, it really is, even when it's not. I'm working on that though.

66. Are you allergic to any insect bites?
Not that I know of.

67. Are you allergic to any kind of food/medicine?
Sulfa drugs

68. Have you ever swam in Lake Tahoe?
Nope, and I've never swum in it either.

69. If you could hug one person right now, who would it be?
Dan (awww). It's only been two hours.

70. Are you in debt?
Wow. Am I in debt? Only about 30 grand right now, but I'm about to add to that with a car.

71. When you say "often" do you pronounce the "T" or leave it silent?
I leave it silent.

72. If you could have a plane ticket to anywhere right now, where would you go?
Greece. I get two tickets, right? I don't want to go to Greece alone. If it were just me, I'd take Hawaii, so I could see Jessie.

74. How many pairs of socks do you own?
Wow. I can't count that high. I can tell you I have fewer than 10 pairs of normal white socks.

75. How often do you do laundry?
I usually have to wash work clothes once a week, and I generally need to wash socks and thongs about that often. Dan did laundry while I was at work last night, so I don't have to do it this week.

76. What do you think of Arnold Schwarzenegger?
He was good in Eraser.

77. Do you own your own car, pink slip and all?
Hahahahaha! I don't even have anything to qualify as "my car" right now. I'm about to buy one. Right now, I'm driving my mom's car. It owns me.

78. Has anyone ever given you jewelery on Christmas?
Yes, my parents gave me diamond earrings. I have several things from my parents, from rings and necklaces to belly button rings.

79. Do you count down the days till anything?
Christmas, my birthday, my next day off, vacation...pretty much everything. I even count down the hours until I get off work.

I'll Think I'll Run out of Gas on the Way to Boston, Because I Can't Marry a Lesbian

Last night, I got my mom's oil changed and got her a new air filter, all of which cost $70.99, which I think is nuts. So today I checked my bank account online to see TWO CHARGES PENDING FOR $70.99!

I'm aware that this freak thing happens every now and then, but really, why is it on my account? I called customer service, but it may be a day before they can fix it. My bank can't do anything until it posts, at which time I can dispute the second charge.

So, my friends, tonight my account will most likely overdraw, leading to inevitable overdraft charges that I shouldn't have to pay because this is clearly not my fault. And, by the time they straighten it out, my paycheck will already be pending, and a sizable chunk of that will be used up in these overdraft charges.

And I, my friends, will run out of gas sometime on Thursday. But fear not - I have a blanket in my mom's car, and I guess I'll bring a change of clothes or something because, you know, I'm obviously going to have to sleep there.

I hate banks. And debit cards. And credit cards. And pretty much anything having to do with money. Except money. I like money.

Let's have a shoutout to Michael, whose words of encouragement I value greatly. Michael - YOU ROCK. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OK, that was the shout. Out.

Tennessee: What the fuck?!

I heard this song while driving home from work the other night, and it seemed to fit me. So here's your song of the sporadic moment: "Boston" by Augustana.

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...
Boston... where no one knows my name...

You Are Here. Your Comfort Zone Is Way the Fuck over There.

Let's have a little blog time devoted to the comfort zone.

I don't think I'm the kind of person who really is overly concerned with things. I'm not the most laid-back person by any means, but I'm certainly no crisis waiting to happen either. I think I'm somewhere in the middle.

So let's focus on the kinds of things that take me out of my comfort zone. I should note that I've been out of it for a while. It's unpleasant.

Item Numero Uno: People speaking foreign languages around me. I didn't take Spanish. I didn't take French. I didn't take anything anyone still speaks. So don't have a conversation around me in another language. It's just rude.

Item Number the Second: People I don't know en masse. This includes people I've met only a few times. If I don't know you, then you don't know me. And if you don't know me, then you're undoubtedly assessing me, ranking me by your own scale from "too fucked up to function" to "I need to have more friends like this." I don't like trying to impress people, and I really don't like feeling that I have to try to impress people.

Item Three: Church. Still. Just thought I'd throw that one out there. Did you like how I used the number 3, as if it were some obligatory reference to the trinity? Yeah, that wasn't an accident.

Item Four: Possibly the most insecure thing: my financial situation. I'm poor. I'm no longer government poor, but I am so indebted that there isn't a way out in at least five years, and that doesn't even count those student loans. That means every single paycheck I get in the next 60 MONTHS is already obligated to something else. And I STILL have to buy a car...

Why the sudden listing? Well, I love asking myself questions and answering them, so I'll jump right in here: I've been out of my comfort zone lately. I've felt out of place at work, I felt more than out of place last weekend, and the thought of adding a car payment to my already paper-thin budget makes me want to file bankruptcy and suffer the consequences. But I think 23 is too early for that milestone.

No, I don't think life is supposed to be easy. I don't think I should get everything I want at all times, and I don't think gas and food should be free.

But it shouldn't be this hard. There are some things in life people should never have to go through, and even more things you shouldn't have to face at least until your late 30s. So why me? What did I do?

I ask this because I do think I'm being punished. I don't steal, I don't lie, I don't sleep around, I don't do drugs. I don't even smoke.

But I'm not healthy. I'm healthier than I was, but I'm still only 85% or so. I don't have a degree. I'm almost 24, and I'm unmarried, no kids, and I haven't seen the ocean in six years. Sometimes I wonder if it's still there, or maybe it, too, is losing it's drive, contemplating it's existence, thinking maybe I'm not here.

I Didn't Make the Grade in 'Classy'

Well, I wasn't able to get my car, because, apparently, my credit is SO BAD that applying for a loan with my sister as a co-applicant...I WAS DENIED! Sigh. I hate my life.

Then I got to spend a terribly awkward weekend with Dan and his Vanderbilt friends. Yes, they've all graduated. Yes, they're all younger than I am. And, yes, they all thought Borat was "the best thing ever."

By the way, if you're thinking of seeing that movie, go ahead and stab yourself in the throat. Unless, of course, you're into misogyny and racism. Then it's right up your alley. Wow. At first I spelled that as "ally" - how embarassing.

At least I don't enjoy shitty movies.

So back to the awkward weekend: It was far too reminiscent of my brief hellacious stint at Emory, and while I didn't dislike these friends of his, I got the impression that they didn't particularly care for me. Perhaps it was the overuse of the word "classy."

Am I insane here? Somebody give me some insight. I'm aware that upon meeting people for the first time, you may not "get" their sense of humor or what-have-you, but aren't there general rules of etiquette that keep you from saying things like, "Our rule for dates is it's OK if we've met the person, so we're sorry we met Wendy last night," or "We're too classy to drink [what you drink]."

I mean, help me out here. Am I just nuts? Do I have unrealistic expectations for people? Or is this a legitimate cause of concern?

It's entirely possible that this is normal and acceptable communication in this circle of friends that I'm unfamiliar with, so I'm keeping an open mind. But I refuse to make trips to the liquor store to get port. I mean, there comes a point when you just need to take shots of Jack Daniels until you pass out. And that point is now.

And now I'm about to force Dan to watch both Kill Bill movies with me, because after this weekend, I need to watch some death. Lots of death.

On a Scale of 330 to 830, I Scored: Suck

Have you ever gone to the free credit report site?

My rating is classified as...

VERY POOR!

You know, very poor, kinda like me!

I am in the 2.9 percentile. Boy, would I love to meet those 2.9.

So, in conclusion, I really need to marry someone with good credit. I mean phenomenal credit. Or come into a large sum of cash.

Any takers?

Not Again...

Well, I woke up yesterday morning in severe pain. That's right, friends - the pain is back. Hopefully it's just some freak coincidence that it's the same kind of pain I had before. Right now I'm on antibiotics to kill all the diseases I don't have.

I found a car! I'm buying a 2002 Ford Focus...and it's a stick shift! And, yes, I'm aware I don't know how to drive one, but my dad is teaching me. I couldn't turn town the bitchin' gas mileage. It even still smells like a new car!

Here's a feast for your reading enjoyment.

Appetizer
Create a new candle scent.
Clean laundry. I love clean laundry smell.

Soup
Name one way you show affection to others.
I'm an ass-grabber...OK, not really. I'm big on hugging.

Salad
What is your favorite writing instrument?
Gel pens! I love gel pens, especially metallic ones.

Main Course
If you were given $25 to spend anywhere online, from which site would you buy?
Victoria's Secret, although I probably couldn't buy much for $25. Maybe I'd hit up Godiva or something.

Dessert
Are you dressing up for Halloween? If so, what are you going to be?
If I'm well enough to go to a party, I'm going to be a pirate! If not, I'll be dressing up as a sick girl, complete with my Abercrombie hoodie and my sweat skirt - the best invention ever!

Does Anyone Want to Help Me Siphon Gas?

Well, friends, here I am, awake too early on my day off, about to head to Hendersonville for some quality car shopping time with mom. Special thanks to my sister for being my cosigner so that I can get an automobile that doesn't fuck up all the time.

I have $35 worth of gas in these unused cars. Anyone want to help me siphon it? Follow this link for some know-how.

I know I need a car, but the thought of EVEN MORE DEBT kind of makes me want to hurl. My student loan payments will be due soon, but I called them and will hopefully be able to get a forbearance. We shall see.

Well, what do you know: Another Feast!

Appetizer
What is your favorite beverage?
I have two: Mountain Dew and Malibu & Coke

Soup
Name 3 things that are on your computer desk at home or work.
Well, seeing as though I don't have one of these, let's just pick three things on Dan's computer desk: a Post-It with my work schedule (aww), a digital camera, and a very large Aladdin thermal mug about half full of change

Salad
On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being highest), how honest do you think you are?
I give me an 8, because while I don't lie, I can be passive-aggressive at times

Main Course
If you could change the name of one city in the world, what would you rename it and why?
I would change Murfreesboro to MTSU Parking Sucks, because, you know, it does. I know you all expected me to name a town after myself. Well, ha!

Dessert
What stresses you out? What calms you down?
Car problems stress me out, specifically getting broken down in methtown...ooh wait! I'd change Manchester to MethTown. Anyway, yeah, that stresses me out. What calms me down? Cool Water incense, the smell of cloves, and pretty much anything with lots of chocolate in it. And a candlelit bubble bath.

Two months until I'm 24. I'm so old.

This Is Getting Ridiculous

Guess what happened two miles from the store last night?

MY CAR BROKE DOWN!

This means that I've had a breaking down moment three times in three days.

This time was scarier, though, because I was on 24, with no lighting, on the shoulder of Deliverance country. Yikes!

Not sure what to do now - both cars I drive are out of comission, and, as my mom put it, "We're out of cars."

I need a car. For that I need either a) a decent sum of money or b) a co-signer.

I'm open to suggestions.

Currently listening to: Not a damn thing
Currently feeling: Hopeless

"Piece of Shit Car" - Not the Adam Sandler Song

Well, what a joyous few days I've had. I wish there were some HTML code for sarcasm.

Actually, I've had a mix of days.

Wednesday, I had a run-in with the Devil. How in the hell, in all the bars in the greater Nashville area, do I end up at the same bar as the Devil? I mean, is this some kind of cruel karmic joke that I don't get because I'm still too traumatized to be in the same zip code as this person, let alone the same room? But I digress...

Friday, the car wouldn't start. I've been driving my dad's since my wouldn't start a few weeks ago. Well, shit. So now the red car, which used to be my car and is now my dad's, won't start. Guess what it needs? A battery! Well, hot damn! So I call my dad, who comes over to Dan's so we can get a new battery and then...TRY TO INSTALL IT!

This wouldn't normally be a blog-worthy task, but there's this metal mount thing over the battery, and it won't move! The screws are so happy to be holding my dead battery in place that they won't even budge - and my dad's a big guy. So, with some help from a hammer, screwdriver, and some vice grips, my dad proceeds to BREAK IT! I mean he literally tore the metal apart so we could lift it to replace the battery. This whole process took several hours, and I had to miss work.

Then, whilst driving home this afternoon, the transmission starts acting weird. I was stopping off at SmyrnaBux and had to gun the gas to get it to go into reverse, and then it started slipping. Now, I've known this transmission needed to be replaced for a while (Misty drove it for 120,000 miles and never serviced it), and I had planned to do it last year, but then the radiator was all fucked, so I had to replace that. I even asked for a transmission service for Christmas, but it wasn't meant to be. Well, wouldn't you know it, I'm in traffic on West End and BAM! The fucking car DIES at a red light. It took me a few times to get it started again, and I turned into the first parking lot and called Dan, and then my dad, because the damn thing won't shift.

SO THE TRANSMISSION IS GOING OUT!!!!

I'd make the font bigger, but there isn't a large enough font to convey my anger/humiliation/overall shitty luck.

On the plus side, I got Mannix back for a bit, but of course, it has only a quarter tank of gas, and I'd just filled up the red death machine an hour earlier.

I'm Ba-ack! OR Dress Me for Halloween

I know, I know, I know. I'm a very bad blogger. I shall spank myself later.

So here I am, chilling at Dan's whilst he's at work. Engineering. That's right - my boyfriend's an engineer. I'm such a grown-up!

I have lots to unravel for you, but I don't feel like doing it in one blog, and I'm quite certain none of you wants to read it, so here's a poll: What should I be for Halloween?

And the choices are...

A. Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy
B. Some kind of sexy cop
C. Some kind of sexy pirate
D. Bloodrayne

And, just for kicks, here's the most recent feast:

Appetizer
Name a song you know by heart.
"The Music of the Night" from The Phantom of the Opera. Actually, I'm quite certain I know that whole show by heart.

Soup
What will you absolutely not do in front of another person?
Shave. I know, I'm weird.

Salad
How often do you use mouthwash and what kind do you like?
Spearmint Listerine, or whatever the green one is. I like to use it after flossing.

Main Course
Finish this sentence: I am embarrassed when...
I lose a game or something in front of other people. I don't like this feast - it makes me sound all shallow. And makes me use phrases like "all shallow."

Dessert
What was the last food you craved?
Chocolate. When is it ever not chocolate?

The Concussion Blog

So I haven't blogged in a while. I have no Internet. And I really don't know why I'm blogging now because I have a mild concussion. I hit my head. With a migraine.

Now I know what it's like to be stupid. I keep saying stupid things, I don't have complete function of my brain, because I can't seem to grasp addition and counting as well as I used to. But it is kind of fun being a complete spaz for a day.

I'm getting a catten tomorrow! Soon after, I'll get some Internet, and then it'll be go time!

The Best Week Ever (Not the TV Show)

Yes, my friends, after much bad karma and bad luck, I have had the best week I have had in several years, despite the fact that I didn't get paid. More on that later.

Monday I was off. That was nice. Tuesday I had District Panel, which is a pre-panel. Panel is Starbucks' way of promoting for MIT (manager in training). You go before a panel of higher-ups, and they interview you for 45 minutes or so. If you pass, you get promoted. My District Panel went really well - apparently everyone was talking about how well at did at the District Meeting the next day. It went so well that they sent me to the real panel - Region Panel - on Thursday.

Thursday night, during our Friends and Family, Lavonne, our DM, called out, "Everybody stop what you're doing right now!" Naturally, everyone did, and then she said, "We all need to congratulate Wendy on her promotion!" And there were cheers, and we were merry.

What does this mean? Well, for starters, I get a hefty pay raise. It will probably be about double what I make now. I'll be on salary, but I'll also get overtime. I get to go to the district meetings and be on the conference call and maybe, in a year or so, I'll be managing a store.

I'm also getting my car back!

Remember back when Mannix died? Well, my dad got a new job (first and second interviews the same day as mine, actually), so he needs a car. My mom decided it would be cheaper to resurrect Mannix than to buy a new car. I asked for it back. She resisted. I asked my dad, and he said he didn't care, and that means...

NEXT WEEK I'LL HAVE AIR CONDITIONER! AND MY 10-DISC CD CHANGER, AND A FUNCTIONING SUN ROOF!

I took my driver's test in that car. I love it! Even though the windows still leave about half an inch open if you roll them all the way up.

Oh yeah - not getting paid. During the last pay period, I was working out of three different stores. I only got paid for the 8 hours I worked in Smyrna, and I freaked out because rent is due. I called my manager at 6 p.m. (4 in Seattle, thank God). They are over-nighting me a check. They offered to do a cash advance, but I didn't want to leave the store with a lot of cash last night - it was after midnight. So all is well.

"Are you still dating that girl?"

No, I'm not, to answer the weirdest question I was asked Saturday. In fact, I'm not entirely sure who "that girl" is, and the time that we allegedly dated escapes me, but, to be all formal and answer, I am not still dating this imaginary girl.

I'm also not dating the beautiful bass player from the Hendersonville Starbucks. He's gay, much to my surprise, as well as the surprise and utter amusement of Michael, who broke the news to me in a fit of laughter. The Michael - she's a kidder. Yes, it's a she.

I'm not dating your mother, either, but I might be using her for sex.

OK, so I'm sorry. I've been neglecting you, and it's because I've been really busy. I even missed my yearly Kevin Spacey celebration (I think he's a really good actor).

The air conditioning went out at my apartment a week ago, and I spent the better part of my afternoon and evening trying to convince myself that 87 degrees isn't really that hot.

I have district panel tomorrow, so I'll spend today - my only day off this week - freaking out about it, busying myself with such menial tasks as my resume and tidying the apartment.

Yesterday I enjoyed a lazy afternoon with Heather, during which we watched nearly the entire first season of Weeds. I had a dream about smoking pot from some homemade Survivoresque pipe constructed from feathers. I'm not sure how that worked, but it did.

I've managed to work out air conditioned transportation for my interview at the Belle Meade store tomorrow. I'm using my sister's car - she's in New Orleans for the week. I'm not supposed to tell my mom. I don't see how it matters, but I'm playing along.

I had some potentially bad news: Once school starts, I may not be able to be online for a while. I have no Internet at my apartment. Perhaps my wired friends will lend a hand.

Well, I'm off to check my 300 e-mails. Here's a feast for ya.

Appetizer
What's the funniest dream you can remember having?
The feather pot pipe was pretty entertaining.

Soup
If you were a dog, what breed would you be, and why?
I don't think I'd be a dog, and it's not a cop-out. I'm just not a dog person, and I know absolutely nothing about dogs, other than their needy, attention-starved nature and their uncanny ability to piss on the carpet. I'd be a puppy. Really any type of puppy would work.

Salad
Continue this sentence: "I get confused when..."
I take naps in the winter and wake up after sundown. It always takes me a second to figure out what day it is.

Main Course
Name two things that need to be done, but you are procrastinating in completing.
My resume and cleaning my kitchen. And laundry. OK, so I'm a procrastinator. I also need to feed Salazar.

Dessert
When was the last time you tried something new, and what was it?
Malibu and Dr. Pepper, at Heather's last Tuesday. It was tasty.

So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish OR Adeo Quod Gratiae pro Totus Piscis Piscis

By the way, if you translate that line back into English using some Web site, you get "To approach and thanks for whole fish."

Why the Latin? I'm glad you asked thought I was weird. It's in honor of my Governor's School roommate, Heather, with whom I had a delicious lunch and conversation Thursday. Let's break it down by comparing our lives (keep in mind she graduated high school in 2000, one year ahead of yours truly).

Heather went to Vanderbilt.
I spent one semester at Emory before I ran screaming to MTSU.

Heather has a boyfriend named Adam.
I have a boyfr...OK, I don't have a boyfriend. But I used to date an Adam. Midway through our courtship, he wanted to revert back to his first name, Dietrich, but I refused to go through the ordeal of explaining to everyone I know that my boyfriend wanted to be called something else. This, oddly, was not the demise of our relationship.

Heather teaches Latin.
I took Latin, but I really only paid attention about half the time. The rest of the time was spent tallying the number of times our teacher repeated various words and phrases.

Heather has a degree.
I have attempted enough hours for a degree.

I'm sure as time wears on, I'll have many more comparisons.

Guess what today is? Pay day! Also, it's Friday, and that means we need to feast on the past few weeks. This will hopefully make up for all the time I missed. I owe you Feasts 100 - 103.

Oh yeah. The title: I've officially left Smyrna and spent my first day at the new Manchester store. It's a nice store. I'm excited.

Feast 100

Appetizer
On average, approximately how many times per day do you yawn?
Probably only once or twice. I'm not as shallow a breather as I once was.

Soup
What was your most memorable school field trip?
I had a blast at the jail in second grade.

Salad
Fill in the blank: I was extremely __________________ this week.
Introspective. Right. As opposed to all those other weeks when I completely ignore myself. That's my sarcatstic typing. At any rate, I was introspective this week.

Main Course
Which color do you think of when you hear the word "soothing"?
A fountain...oh shit, that's not a color. I like of toothpaste green, like pale mint. I guess it reminds me of Aloe or something.

Dessert
What is something that, if you had to, you could save up the money to buy within one month?
A new toothbrush, and some work socks and pants.

Feast 101

Appetizer
When was the last time you visited a hospital?
I was in the Emergency Room a few weeks ago.

Soup
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how ambitious are you?
I think I vary between 8 and 9.5.

Salad
Make a sentence using the letters of a body part. (Example: (mouth) My other ukelele tings healthily.)
I'm going to choose everyone's favorite body part to scope out: Cervix. By the way, I had to backspace because I accidentally typed "boy part" - that would've been funny.
Could everyone resist violating innocent xylophones?

Main Course
If you were to start a club, what would the subject matter be, and what would you name it?
I'd start a Buffy club I guess, and I'd name it Staked, and the "t" would look like a cross.

Dessert
What color is the carpet/flooring in your home?
Beige.

Feast 102

Appetizer
Name one thing nice that you could do for someone else today.
I'm not going to see anyone else today, except for Salazar. I'll take him out of the cage and play with him, provided he's not still moody like he was last night. If that doesn't work, I guess I'll just pay a bill. That tends to please people.

Soup
When was the last time you were frightened by the weather?
Today. I was driving home from Manchester and the wind was blowing my car out of the lane. I called my dad to get a weather update.

Salad
What would you say is the most useful website or blog that you visit?
Google.

Main Course
Who was your favorite singer/group when you were a child?
Either Exile or The New Kids on the Block. Or Tiffany. I loved her.

Dessert
Do you have any rituals? If so, what are they?
Yes. On the third day of every month, I sacrifice a virgin. It's a little messy. OK, I do have one I actually do: Every time I count in at work, I face all the bills in the safe, in all the tills (if I open or close), and I count all the clips. I'm a little Rain Man-ish when it comes to money.

And finally, Feast 103.

Appetizer
Fill in the blanks: I ____________ when I _____________.
I take off my bra when I get home in the summer. It's usually the first thing I do because my car is so hot.

Soup
Name something you use to make your home smell good.
Incense, usually China Rain.

Salad
If you could receive a coupon in the mail for 50% off any product, what would you want it to be for?
A new car.

Main Course
Besides sleeping, what do you spend the majority of the hours of your typical day doing?
Working.

Dessert
What can you hear right now while answering these questions?
The hum of computers, and my click-clack typing on this godforsaken keyboard.

Separation Anxiety OR Mutant Cicadas Beware

I turned in my store and safe keys today. Weird. I'm going to Manchester on Friday, and we open two weeks after that. It's all a little strange, and I never thought it'd be so hard and exciting to change stores.

Friday I did something I never thought I'd do - I drank to feel better. It's odd when you realize you still have the ability to scare yourself. I'm not really sure what to make of it. I'm trying not to think too hard about it.

I've also tried not to think too hard about how dangerously close the poverty line and I are. I'm trying not to think.

I had a battle with a mutant cicada last night! And by "battle" I mean "refusing to enter my apartment and calling my manly man friends to kill it."

Seriously, this bug was freaky. And now it's dead.

I'm seriously considering changing my major and becoming an oncologist. More on this later.

I'm seriously overusing the word seriously. Seriously.

I'll be interesting later, but for now, let's have a song of the day: "How to Save a Life" by the Fray.

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life

"I like what she said, but not what it means"

So I've been looking 'round the Internet for something not depressing, and I found an interesting meme that looks fun, so, you know, sorry if it sucks, but did you really want to read more whining? I didn't think so. I'm also adding a line or two of lyrics, just for kicks.

Choose a band/artist and answer ONLY IN SONG TITLES by that band (you pick your own band or artist)

Artist/band: Counting Crows (my favorite band - I can't wait to see them in August!)

Are you male or female: I Wish I Was a Girl
For all the things I'm losing
I might as well resign myself to try and make a change
And I'm going down to Hollywood
They're gonna make a movie
From the things that they find crawling round my brain

Describe yourself: A Murder of One
I've been watching you for hours
It's been years since we were born
We were perfect when we started
I've been wondering where we've gone

How do some people feel about you: Love and Addiction
This picture you see is nothing like the one I wanted painted of me

How do you feel about yourself: Butterfly in Reverse
And everything that hurts you
Gets stuffed up inside you
Like butterflies with wings
And other perfect things

Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: If I Could Give All My Love (or Richard Manuel Is Dead)
You were sleeping next to me
But I knew that you'd be gone

Describe where you want to be: Goin' Down to New York Town
Well I feel just like a freight train baby, running out of steam
I wanna go on down to New York town, but I'm stuck in between
And I could stay on here at home alone and have myself to thank
But I just made a billion dollars, and I don't wanna put it in the bank

Describe what you want to be: A Mona Lisa
All I want to say
Is everything's all right and I'm OK

Describe how you live: She Don't Want Nobody Near
She don't want no one around
Cause she don't want anybody to see
What she looks like when she's down
Cause that's a really sad place to be

Describe how you love: We're Only Love
We're only love, at it's best or worst

Share a few words of wisdom: Shallow Days
I like what she said, but not what it means