If You Search for "Hooker"...

...apparently you end up here. So all you Johns out there looking for a pretty woman on Technorati: Go fuck yourself. Or not. I really don't care if you get off.

Isn't that odd? Maybe not. Maybe hookers actually blog about their nightly encounters in hopes that some poor schmuck will stumble upon them on some idle Internet search, sitting in front of his computer with a loose white T-shirt and stained plaid boxers, surrounded by Playboy and Maxim.

My syntax is a mess up there. Pay no attention to that chasm between the pronoun and the antecedent.

And this, oh ye searchers for Internet hookers, is why I will never sleep with you. I critique my own grammar on my blog, and you're frantically googling "antecedent."

I like being smart.

A Moderately Uplifting Post

Well, good news: I can pay for school! Thanks to all who offered support, both moral and financial. I owe a debt of gratitude to Joel, Lexi and Kammi, who chipped in to help me pay my debt to the school and my debt to my sister. It really means a lot.

My parents have inevitably gotten themselves involved in sending e-mails to the school, which is all fun because now e-mails from the school are going back to me, my parents, and even my sister. WTF?!

I've got to hand it to them - it's really a nice existence being under the delusion that higher-ups actually care. The head financial aid guy was helpful, although he actually told my parents I should work fewer hours. Right, and I'll just get evicted and live in the library. That's a capitol plan!

How is it that when nothing is your fault, everything is your fault? I'm not flawless by any means, but I can trace all this back to Fall 2004, when I was diagnosed with mono.

Now I'm finding myself doing things and considering things I never thought I would in order to get money for school in fall. What has happened to me?

And, just for the hell of it: This is just a friendly reminder that I am not a hooker or a stripper, so please stop with the assumptions. And if in some alternate reality I were, you wouldn't be able to afford me.

"I'm thirsty anyway, so bring on the rain"

First off, thanks to everyone who has offered encouragement and condolences. "Everyone" largely includes people I've never actually met - you've all been much more supportive than I would have imagine, and certainly more so than most of the people I actually know. I guess I could ponder that, but I don't much feel like it right now.

I've talked to my dad, who told me not to worry because we'd work something out. However, even he, I think, realizes my options are limited, if they even exist. Today he sent me an e-mail that said: "Life sucks sometimes, huh?"

I've haven't talked to my mom yet. Mostly, I'm worried that she'll blame me, and I feel like shit enough as it is without any help from outside sources.

I still have to pay for the class I'm in now even though I won't be able to get credit for it if I haven't paid by Friday because I'll be dropped. And, no, I can't sell my book back, because I have no frickin' clue where the receipt is, assuming they'd even take it back this late, which I'm sure they won't.

Have you ever thought you had nothing else to lose, and then you've lost something? Have you ever thought you couldn't possibly cry any more tears, and yet they keep coming? Have you ever asked someone to stay the night with you because you're afraid of what you'll do if you're alone? And that's just this week.

I don't know what to do. I can't even being to wrap my brain around what I can possibly do. I guess it could be conceived as giving up, but I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of struggling. I just want everything to stop, to be over. But it doesn't stop. It never stops. And this is what my life is going to be like from now on: debt and misery.

So, like I said, bring on the rain.

Cancel Those Flowers

Well, I've canceled my colposcopy. Before you get all freaking out on me, hear me out. I have to drop out of school. Ergo, I don't have insurance. I also don't have enough credit to get a private loan (thanks, in part, to all those medical bills in my name that I was erroneously led to believe were being paid). So I'm really fucked right now. And because I'm really fucked, I'm not going to do whatever it is they were going to do that would result in them telling me my cells are precancerous and nothing to worry about. See, I did all that right now, and it didn't cost me a penny.

Well, the school suspended my aid on May 16, one day after my first summer class started. You can see my frustration here. Not only was I not notified, but I was told I would be able to get a loan, AND now I'm fairly certain I'm stuck paying for this class regardless of whether or not I drop it. I'm still waiting to hear from them for sure, but that's what they led me to believe.

I have a few plans of how to raise the money, but they're either illegal or involve stripping, neither of which is appealing.

I know what you're thinking: Why don't your parents cosign for you?

Are you kidding me? They're living in separate rooms in the house, hardly speaking to each other, and this is all money-related. They don't have money. They don't have the credit to cosign for me, hence why I got stuck with a piece of shit, air conditioner-free Saturn instead of a new(er) car last year - they told me then that they weren't able to cosign for me.

Estimated graduation date: Yikes. I don't want to try to suss that out. I'll be missing that oh-so-important prerequisite AGAIN this year, making it at least two years to graduate whenever I get back.

In case you don't recall, my professor (oh let's just call him Dr. Khaliq) failed me last fall WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL HAVING SURGERY. Yes, he's an asshole. I asked for an incomplete, which he wouldn't give me. I ended up with a W, which I thought was just him being a decent human being, but no. That was an error. It was changed to an F later.

I violently dislike that man. And MTSU. And let's just throw Siddy Mac in there for kicks, too. I dislike most of MTSU, except for the following people: Ron, Jack, Dr. Kholodnyi, Dr. Barlow, Dr. Fowler, Angela, Paco, Dr. Hollman, Porter, and...no that pretty much sums it up. Oh yeah. Greek Life. And Jackie. And though I haven't had her yet, I've had some helpful chats with Dr. Green. They're swell!

If anyone knows how I can get $1176 quickly and legally, I'm open to suggestions.

Hey, let's do a feast!

Appetizer
What is the last thing you had to have repaired?
My psyche.

Soup
If someone gave you $2,000 with the stipulation that you had to spend half of it on yourself and give the rest to charity, where would you spend the $1,000 and which charity would receive your remaining $1,000?
This is an easy one: school and the American Cancer Society.

Salad
What is one of your favorite songs from the 1980s?
"Your Latest Trick" by Dire Straits

Main Course
You enter a pet store. Which section do you go to first?
Where they keep the frozen mice to feed Salazar. Hey, you asked.

Dessert
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how athletic are you?
I'm athletic, but not really built. I'm toned, and I dance and do Pilates, both of which require a great deal of strength and muscle control, but I'm not sporty athletic. I'd give me a 7.

Well, @%$^*&!

Yeah, remember how MTSU lost my form? Well, now something worse has happened: My financial aid is lost, too.

Yes, I'm aware I'm supposed to get a letter. I didn't.

When I registered for summer classes, the system said I was on financial aid probation for the summer. No big, right? Just pass my summer classes, which is easy because I'm all about some summer class.

Then I got online today and noticed an e-mail stating my loan had finally been sent to the school (OK, the word "finally" was added by yours truly). I signed on to PipelineMT and checked my account, which still didn't show the money. Thinking it was odd, I decided to check my holds.

FINANCIAL AID SUSPENSION SUMMER 2006

WTF?! When did this little change occur? Why wasn't I notified? And, more importantly, HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO PAY FOR SCHOOL?!

I've sent an angry e-mail to the financial aid powers that be, and I plan to go there after my test tomorrow, but here's probably how it's going to go down (please, hold all cries of joy until I've left and returned with a weapon):

1) They'll realize it's a misunderstanding. Seriously, why was I allowed to apply for aid if I didn't qualify? I really hope that appeal deadline hasn't passed - they're supposed to send you that information when they send you the letter that says you've lost your aid. I'm also not to keen on appealing, as getting all those medical records AGAIN will cost me another $50 or so.

2) I'll have to drop out of school for a while, possibly permanently. I'll work at Starbucks until I'm 35, at which point I'll probably put a bullet in my head, because I'll end up in a loveless marriage with absolutely nothing, and I'm sure by then my family will have deteriorated to nothing.

So that's it. I'd cry but I'm in the business lab and don't feel like drawing attention to myself. I've also quit going to therapy (I'm too poor for that), and I'm not going to the shrink, and that little colposcopy thing is seeming more and more like a bad idea...

Send liquor. It's going to be a long few days.

OK, I Cave AND On My Own

OK, to all the people who insisted I let the friendly gynecologist tell me I don't have cancer in a very expensive way, I cave.

I'm having the colposcopy June 9 at 1:20 p.m., so you people better call me or send strippers DVDs, puzzlebooks and candy. I'm not really into flowers, unless they're velvet Southern Belle Roses. Bonus points if you splurge for that!

I started class Monday, and as soon as I'm done typing this, I'm going to get the $100 book for it. Woot! Yeah, that's fake enthusiasm there.

So MTSU LOST my loan request sheet, and I had to fill it out again, so I don't have my money yet. I've been told it'll be in by the end of the week. If no, heads will roll. And possibly rock.

I've been moving into my new place, and I'm officially out of the old one now. I spent a good deal of yesterday cleaning and whatnot. Now I have lots of shit to unpack. Volunteers are welcome. You will be paid with your choice of Jack Daniel's, Jagermeister or Buttershots.

I have my own place now, and it's nice but kind of surreal. I'll go in depth with this later. It's been christened, too. I know you all think that means I fornicated all over the place, but it was an old-fashioned christening, complete with breaking champagne bottles. OK, I might be lying about that one. I'll try to be better about updating this.

"If I Had A Boat"

MEREDITH'S APARTMENT, TENN: Wow. I've been neglecting my little corner of the Internet for a while, but with good reason: There is no Internet access:( Oh, crap, I used an emoticon - I'm really missing being online.

So here I am, typing away at Meredith's, doing some laundry (everyone loves clean clothes) and trying to think of how I can sum up the last week or so without being so verbose as to scare you all off after a few paragraphs.

First off, for those who were concerned, thank you. My sister gave me a blank check. I'm paying her back this weekend. It's nice to have family.

I've been moving, packing up and whatnot. It's an odd thing, putting yourself into boxes. I've never moved by myself. In the past, I've had friends, boyfriends, and family come around to help, and we've just loaded up the truck and moved everything in one trip. This week, I've been bringing over boxes at a time. It's odd, yet strangely endearing. Does anyone else get that?

Here are a few things I've learned:

1) I have ENTIRELY too many pairs of shoes. They won't even all fit in one box, and these are only the ones I have here. I have many more pairs in Hendersonville.

2) I have a lot of coats, too. In fact, those wouldn't all fit in one box, and, like the shoes, I have many more coats in Hendersonville.

3) Working at Starbucks ensures free access to all the boxes and newspapers I could imagine. At least I'm saving cost on that.

4) Trying to move while working 9 straight days, including overtime, is STUPID.

5) Did I mention I have a lot of shoes and coats?

Wednesday night, Meredith worked for me so I could have some time off. I decided to spend it going out on the houseboat with Travis (not T-Money). I hadn't seen him in a long time (I'd ballpark it at two years).

We just hung out, did some catfish fishing, and got really hungry, eating a pint of ice cream and 80 cookies. It was a blast.

I just found out that my summer books will cost around $400, and the one I need on Monday is $100. So maybe I won't be paying my sister in full just yet.

My savings account now sits at $11 and some change. Don't you wish YOU had $11 in savings? Hell, that's about 4 gallons of gas. Woot!

On the agenda for the rest of the day:

1) Finish packing, even if it kills me.

2) Balance checkbook. Cry over how poor I am. Smile when I remember I'm getting a bonus at work, and I'm up for a raise in July.

3) Finish laundry.

4) Move as much as I can to my new place so that tomorrow I'm just moving furniture and unpacking.

5) Track down Cox to give him my spare key.

6) Do some Pilates. My arms are not as impressive as they were last week.

7) Eat. Really, I should.

I promise I'll be better about this in the future. The 24-hour lab on campus reopens Monday. Until then, stay classy.

I Hope Someone I Know Is Reading This

Ideally, my sister. See, of all the people I know, she's the most financially stable. So here is my open plea, to all who will listen, as I type in the business lab on campus from a computer that has keys that stick. It's impossible to type fast on this damned thing.

Dear Loved One,

Do you remember a time when I was working two jobs and taking a full load of classes? Of course you do - I only stopped the second job this semester. When I mentioned wanting to only work one job, I was told that I'd be helped out financially if I needed it.

Factoring in my incredible ego and pride, you must no doubt assume that I would never ask for money unless I truly needed it. Haven't I been financially independent for years now? Haven't I proved that I'm a responsible adult here?

I'm working overtime this week, so I've got money, I just don't HAVE it yet. I need it by this Friday, and I won't have it until next Friday. I'm not even asking for money here, just a loan. A week advance, if you will. Just a couple hundred to ensure my two rent checks this month don't bounce. Really, is that asking so much?

You'll be happy to know I don't waste my money on things like food and water. I live on Pop-Tarts, which are tasty and cheap. I drink whatever I can get free from work. I do Pilates to ensure my unhealthy diet doesn't fuck up my abs. I make ends meet.

I haven't refilled my migraine prescription in a few weeks. I haven't refilled my allergy prescription in a few months. I cancelled all four of my mental health appointments last week because I can't pay for them, including two with the psychiatrist, because, let's not kid ourselves: I can't afford the happy pills they want to give me.

Am I completely broke? Kind of. You see, I do have money coming in in the forseeable future. I'll have a nice paycheck next week, and once my financial aid comes in, I'll be able to replenish my savings account and maybe make a sizable dent in that damn credit card bill that keeps getting higher and higher every month. I'll also get some of my deposit money back from my current house.

But, until then, I'm broke. I'm more than broke - I'm completely shattered. And I haven't even factored in the medical bills that keep coming to my parents' house, because, clearly, they're not getting paid. Seriously, though, what are they going to do, repo my uterus? I don't have any assets. Thank God nothing is in my name.

~Wendy

Yes, despite my better judgement, I'll wake up tomorrow, call my dad and sister, and hope to get that loan. I'm more likely to ask my sister, because I know she has it to spare.

"How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life"

Well, let's recap the past few days in a nutshell.

Thursday: Robert Earl Keen concert with my dad (front row, baby!), meeting up with the guys at the Boundary, heading over to South Street, being Robert's DD.

Friday: Meetings, dance show, hanging with Bambi and the guys, having a few drinks.

Saturday: Being awoken by loud door pounding for the SigEp cleaning day, lunch with Bambi, watched the draft before work, work, yadda yadda yadda (you really DON'T want to know, but I've never been so mad in my entire life), shaking from anger for an hour, texting a few random people at 6 a.m. (sorry if I woke you up), finally sleep.

Sunday: Woke up, told someone, "I violently dislike you" (I did at the time), went home to change for work, came back and got mildly violent, work, had a beer, watched Arrested Development.

Monday: Woke up, worked, went to Hickory Hollow and Best Buy, bought the CD from which the title comes, watched more Arrested Development while eating lots of bread, went to work to vill out an availability form (and really just to drive), went to BAS lab, typed this stuff.

And now, another late feast. Really, my eating schedule is whack.

Appetizer
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how polite are you?
I'd say I'm around a 9 or 10. I'm nice. Unless I'm violently disliking you at the moment.

Soup
What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud?
The Big Lebowski. I love that movie.

Salad
Who is your favorite cartoon character?
Doug Funnie. I love Doug.

Main Course
Tell about the funniest teacher you ever had.
That's a tough one between Jack and Dr. Taylor. I'll go with Jack because I have him now. He's one of the philosophy professors, and I have this great memory of him one day going, "Why are you here?" and then answering with "No, really, what the fuck are you doing here? Go away." He's always entertaining.

Dessert
Complete this sentence: I strongly believe that ______________________.
My credit card bill is really high. Seriously, that's all I can come up with right now.

Friday's Feast - Internet-free Edition

Yes, I'm neglecting the blog, but I don't have Internet right now. I present a very delayed Friday's Feast.

Appetizer
List 3 things you keep putting off.
1) Refilling my migraine medication
2) Packing
3) My credit card bill

Soup
What do you feel is your greatest responsibility?
Trying to stay healthy physically and mentally

Salad
If you could have starred in any movie, which one would you have wanted to be in and why?
This is a tough one. I'd like to pick something Oscar-worthy, but I think it would have been really cool to play the lead in Underworld. Kate Beckinsale trained so that she wouldn't blink when she shot guns, which is a natural reaction. And here you though Keanu did it to look cool. Really, he just couldn't keep from blinking.

Main Course
What is an expectation you had as a child about being an adult and, now that you are grown up, you realize you were wrong?
That I would get married at age 20. What the hell was I thinking?

Dessert
When was the last time you had your car serviced?
I had the radiator replaced last summer. I don't take it anywhere for oil changes.

I'm Going to Try This My Way

I had a weird day. On my way to work, the car in front of me spun out across three lanes of traffic and ended up beyond the shoulder in the grass off 24. Yes, I stopped and made sure she was OK. I was really shaken up by the whole thing - I can't imagine how she was feeling.

While I was pulling pastries at work, there was a fight (fists and all) in the Chili's parking lot between a screaming, cursing woman and some man who apparently stole her car. In Smyrna. At Chili's. Yes, I think it's odd, too. I hate that I missed it, because it was quite a scene from what I hear. The chick got arrested (onlookers agree she clearly started it), and the man sped off in her SUV. What a world.

I came to a decision on my way to work, one that I'm sure will be unpopular to some. I've opted to refuse medical treatment about my Pap smear. On my way to work I got a call about a late bill from some past MRI or CT or something, and it's not the first time. I know my parents have problems, and I know most, if not all, are money related. I can't help but think that all of my medical bills sure aren't helping.

I can't watch my family fall apart. I'm 53 miles away, and it's tearing me apart at this distance. My therapy is going to cost me, and I KNOW there's something up with my head. I'm not all gung-ho about having some scope all in my cervix when it's probably going to yield nothing.

Statistically, I don't have cervical cancer. Most of the time, abnormal Paps aren't because of cancer. I'm going with the numbers on this one. I haven't had cancer yet, and they sure have tested me enough.

I know the argument: What if it's cancer?

OK, first off, I wasn't allowed to speak in hypothetical terms while growing up. I think that did me some good. Second, cervical cancer would take a damn long time to kill me, and I'd show other symptoms eventually, and, truth be told, I'm not sure I'd want to know. I'd rather think I were healthy.

No, I don't have a death wish. But, lately, I don't have too much to get all excited about rolling out of bed for, so I'm paralyzed with not caring. A colposcopy is expensive. Paps every three months are expensive. I did better handling my aunt's cancer than I did handling my dad leaving. My parents' situation is mostly beyond my control, but I can at least avoid adding more debt. I'll take my chances.

Pilates: Crucify the Fat!

I've decided to leap head-first into the realm of the inappropriate with that title.

I had Pilates to day, and it kicked my ass. I think I grabbed 3-pound weights instead of 2-pound weights, which doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but after the intermediate ab series and the leg series, my body was screaming that I'd forsaken it. I also got applauded for returning to class (I'd been lost in doctor appointments and therapy for the past few weeks).

I should add that a few nights ago I prayed, for the first time in a while. It kind of boiled down to having no one else to talk to, but it wasn't a last resort. I made my peace with God. And I cried a little.

The home front is still tense: My mom and dad aren't speaking yet. No word on how all that will pan out, but I still talk to them both. My dad is more concerned with my health lately.

I get to have Pap smears every three months now. I can't wait. Serioualy, what's my gyno's obsession with my uterus and it's surround parts? I mean, I get that that's his job, but, really, it's odd.

This just in: I'm intelligent. At least, according to my therapist I am. She commented on my using humor as a defense mechanism and said that was a sign of intelligence, as it is often considered the highest level of defense. Neat!

And you thought my "your mom" jokes were just inappropriate. Your mom's in MENSA! OK, I'm done now. And sorry for the sporadic blogging - I'm Internetless at the moment.

"I need you to hold on to while this part of me is dying" OR "Did daddies really never go away?"

As promised, the depressing brooding post. I'll try to keep the teenagerish moments to a minimum, but no promises. And, in order to read on, you must swear on whatever you think is holy that this blog will not be discussed among non-readers. I just need to get this out in the open.

I went home last weekend, only it wasn't home anymore. My sister was kind of in a weird mood, and my mom was at the race, and my dad wasn't home. My mom came back. At about 9:15 that night, she told me what had happened: My dad had been gone since Wednesday.

Anyone who knows me knows how close my dad and I are. We talk on the phone pretty much every day. We e-mail each other, we drink Jack Daniel's together, we hang out. He'd come by and left notes saying he was OK, but he wasn't there. They'd had an argument, and he left. I know my dad - he and I are a lot alike. When we're upset, we like to take ourselves away from the situation until we can be objective about it, so I know why he left.

My mom and sister hadn't heard from him other than the note he left, and, of course, they asked when I'd heard from him last, which was earlier that day. In fact, I'd talked to him every day that week, and I understand why he didn't mention anything, because he knows all I've been going through and probably didn't want me to worry about something else I couldn't do anything about.

Seeing my mom like that was hard, seeing my sister like that was hard, and not seeing my dad Saturday was hard. He came home Sunday while I was at work, but he and my mom hadn't talked yet - he's giving her space. My sister isn't really talking to him, either. I, naturally, went upstairs to the bonus room to watch TV with him Sunday night. He told me about everything, which I appreciated. It still doesn't feel right, though.

I have this place in Murfreesboro where I have some shit. I have this place in Hendersonville where I have some shit. But I don't have a comfortable, safe place anymore. I don't really have a home.

Cooter Scopin'

It's official: I had an abnormal Pap smear. I kind of figured that out when they called me instead of sending me the card in the mail telling me everything in the nether regions was fine and dandy. I'm not fine, and I'm sure as hell not dandy.

It's sad that I've been preparing myself for this for as long as I knew what a Pap was, yet I still wasn't ready for it. I think I said something like, "Oh, fuck." That sounds like something I'd say.

I'll soon be scheduling a colposcopy or something equally hard to spell and pronounce, and then my gyno, who is already far too familiar with my uterus due to that pesky surgery a few months ago, will go diggin' around with a scope. I'm hoping it's still something they'd determine precancerous and not cancerous, but one can only dream.

I explained all this to my therapist, who noted that every time I come in, I tell her all these terrible things that have happened to me (really - it's ridiculous; it gets worse and worse every week, and I always think I can't top it, but I do), and I do so with little or no emotion. I told her it was the simple matter of if I let myself actually feel everything, I'd never stop.

Then, Saturday night, everything went to hell. More on that later.

I'm Not Homeless and I Don't Have Lymphoma!

Well, aren't those two gems of knowledge enough to brighten your day?

Today, I had one of my first good days in a few weeks. I woke up, took care of some stuff, found an apartment, and had a Blizzard.

My apartment is a really cool one-bedroom that reminds me a lot of the one my sister had her last year of college. I'm really excited. Here's the other thing: I might get a kitten. Of course, there is a catch - I can't take her yet (pet deposit stuff), and she needs to be somewhere for the next two weeks until I can. So, any of you out there want to board a sweet little kitten for two weeks? I'm going to call the vet at home to see how much it would cost to board her there and get her her shots.

Oh, and the surgeon doesn't think I have lymphoma! I'm supposed to go back in a few months to have another CT, but at least they didn't cut me open and biopsy me right there.

The next blog will be dedicated to this one. Anyone care to guess what it will be about?

Happy 21st Emily!

Breaking and Entering the Legal Way

I locked myself out of my house today.

I was trying to get to work early to start tips because we had to work the Hendersonville store tonight, and I wanted to make sure I was done with time to spare before we left.

I went outside, locking the door behind me, to get in my car to leave for work when I realized I had no keys.

I called my boss and explained my idiocy (she was in Murfreesboro picking up Missouri for work - the person, not the state) and that I might need a ride, and she said she'd call when she was done getting Missouri.

I then remembered that my bedroom window was unlocked - if only this were last year, when we first moved in and had no screens on our windows. Alas, I went next door and explained the situation to my neighbors, who were happy to laugh at help me.

She got a dinner knife, we pried off the screen, and then I raised the window and climbed into my bedroom. About that time my boss called, and I told her I wouldn't need a ride because I'd just broken into my house.

I'm disturbed that all one needs to break into my house is a dinner knife.

Surveying the Damage OR What Really Matters

I went home. My house was OK. My mom, dad and sister were OK. I haven't spoken to my aunts, uncles and cousins yet (my phone died, and all the lines there were still kind of touch-and-go), but my grandparents said they're fine, too. It looks like the Caldwell/Wilee/Jones/Irons clan survived.

I got home early Saturday morning - around 6:30 a.m. - but I couldn't sleep. My heart was beating so hard in my chest that it hurt. I'm not sure what to make of that, but I finally dozed for a bit.

I spent most of the daylight driving around town looking at all the destruction, first with my dad and then with my mom. I told my dad about the biopsy thing, and he assured me it's probably nothing.

I saw houses missing entire stories, roofs ripped off, twisted metal in the median of the road, telephone poles missing the top half which we later saw in the median, a lack of telephone poles with only dangling wires, a mobile home on its side pushed against the side of a building, huge oak trees lying down, cars looking as though they'd been in trash compactors, cars upside down, cars on top of other cars, big empty spaces where things used to be, a house completely moved off its foundation. Driving toward 109, roads were completely blocked, and looking beyond the "Road Closed" signs, we saw nothing but heaps of debris and twisted metal where houses used to be.

And all this was after many hours of cleanup efforts. Before I got to the car lot, there had been cars in trees and cars dropped on the Vol State lawn. This is all down the road a few miles from my house.

It's hard to imagine something this terrible, and it definitely puts things into perspective. I'm glad I got to spend the day with my family, and I feel very fortunate that my loved ones somehow managed to avoid being hit by all this. Cable is still out for many, and some friends of ours have been told not to expect power for four more days.

It's hard to imagine how close I became to losing someone - my dad got out of Gallatin half an hour before it hit.

Not in Kansas Anymore

Then why the fuck are there so many tornadoes?

OK, cursing Mother Nature aside, let's get serious: There was a big line of deadly storms ripping apart Sumner County whilst I was at work in the safety that is Smyrna, where the hail was small and unimpressive, as I told my DM who called to make sure we and the store hadn't been blown across I-24.

Murfreesboro got tennis-ball-sized hail, something that sounds large, scary and detrimental to vehicles. I'm glad I missed it.

Just before my shift started, my sister called me to warn tornadoes were coming. That was helpful as it came right before the aforementioned hail, but it also let me know she was OK.

We had a radio going the entire time, and I kept hearing all these dreadful things about dead people in Gallatin. My parents' house is close to Gallatin (Hvegas natives probably know this already), and hearing of the storms made me more than uneasy, especially when the phones went straight to voice mail. I deduced the lines were destroyed or all busy. Either way, I couldn't reach anyone. It certainly didn't help that my cell phone was temporarily unable to receive incoming calls.

So now, here I am, 4:42 a.m., blogging about the storm I'm about to go investigate. I'm heading to Hendersonville to my parents' house (I hope it's there - it seemed sturdy enough when we bought it), and I'll probably spend all day tomorrow calling my aunts, uncles and cousins, or however long it takes to reach them. We all live in different parts of Hvegas.

Thanks to all those who called/texted/e-mailed to ask about my family, including some Murfreesboro Starbucks folk. I'm glad that everyone I've heard from it doing well.

I sure hope the Bush Administration isn't involved in this cleanup effort. OK, I had to do some kind of joke to lighten the mood.

Long Night and I'm Hungry

Well, I never thought last night would end. But then it did. Here's the stuff I can tell you mere mortals: spent the whole day on the phone (really, my battery died and it usually lasts at least three days), had ritual, talked to Tanya, got home circa 5 a.m., called my dad, talked to my dad until about 6:15, went to bed, woke up too early, lather rinse repeat. More on this later. Let's eat!

Appetizer
Name a trait you share with your parents or your children.
I am an arrogant card player, just like my father. And I really like liquor, just like my father. I apparently look like my mom.

Soup
List 3 qualities of a good leader, in your opinion.
Steadfast, good listener, decision making

Salad
Who is your favorite television chef?
Emeril Lagasse - BAM!

Main Course
Share a story about a gift you received from someone you love.
When I graduated high school, my parents gave me part of my gift the night before. It was the Armani statue I'd been looking to buy since I was a freshman, but I was too poor. I screamed when I saw it, and I know my dad did that. Usually my mom does the gift shopping, but this was my dad's doing.

Dessert
How do you react under pressure?
Depends on the pressure and the situation. In general, I do the best with what I have, which is all that can be expected really.

You, Too, Can Blog in German OR You Knnen also in German blogging

This summer, I will take: Insurance company enterprises (only two weeks, thank God, and then is complete my insurance person under age), fundamental German I and fundamental Germans II (hell, possibly I will persons under age in it, also - I have time).

Straight ones for the hell of it, I translate this blog into German, then back to English. I hope that it is readable. None I not. I hope that you cannot represent out, what the Bumsen I meant. The collecting main is in the Italics at the lower surface.

To I (about NEVER) graduate, have I two degrees - a Bakkalaureus of the arts in philosophy with a person under age either on Mathe or German (leans me me toward to the German - I should even educate itself) and a Bakkalaureus of the sciences in Mathe with a concentration in the actuarial science. I cannot wait, in order to see, how translates.

The bad messages are I are in the category of all summers, but the good messages are not I are getanes long after noon each day. I preserve quite much work of precloses and close and avoid still that nerve-killing opening shift I since last May do not have do had.

That is quite, kids - into straight short weeks unite, reach I this one year's marking, there I the memory have open had. Woot! I am surprised, if woot translates.

My Gynäkologe decided, means chest ultrasonic more rüber to send to the surgeon, whom I see the following week. He said that, because I already see him for mine "shotty lymph nodes" - that by the way doctor discussion for "lots increased lymph nodes" actual it could examine my lump out in addition. Why not? Let us my complete verfluchten body straight biopsieren. Any leg fabric would like to take everyone?

I had to set up a plan with those doctors to payment, but I am not also ensured. What will they do? Repo my Gebärmutter?

Largest thing said to me all day (during my basin examination - always loads from the fun, promises I): „Easing it simply itself; do not press. “together this is after it laughed short up lent at me for giving sex for. Now does it ask me to relax straight if somewhat is inside there? Yeah is fair it a reaction. I had to suffocate laughters at this point.

This summer, I'll be taking: Insurance Company Operations (only two weeks, thank God, and then my insurance minor is complete), Elementary German I and Elementary German II (hell, maybe I'll minor in it, too - I've got time).

Just for the hell of it, I'm translating this blog into German, then back to English. I hope it's readable. No I don't. I hope you can't figure out what the fuck I meant. The original will be in italics at the bottom.

By the time I graduate (circa NEVER), I'll have two degrees - a Bachelor of Arts in philosophy with a minor in either math or German (I'm leaning toward German - I should educate myself even more) and a Bachelor of Science in Math with a concentration in actuarial science. I can't wait to see how that translates.

The bad news is I'll be in class all summer, but the good news is I'll be done not long after noon each day. I can pretty much work precloses and closes and still avoid that pesky opening shift I haven't had to do since last May.

That's right, kids - in just a few short weeks, I will reach that one-year mark since I've had to open the store. Woot! I wonder if woot translates.

My gynecologist decided to send my breast ultrasound over to the surgeon I'm seeing next week. He said that because I'm already seeing him for my "shotty lymph nodes" - which, by the way, is doctor talk for "lots of enlarged lymph nodes" - he might as well check out my lump. Why not? Let's just biopsy my whole damn body. Anyone want to take some leg tissue?

I had to set up a payment plan with those doctors, but I'm not too worried. What are they going to do? Repo my uterus?

Greatest thing said to me all day (during my pelvic exam - always loads of fun, I promise): "Just relax; don't squeeze." This is shortly after he laughed at me for giving up sex for Lent. Now he's telling me to just relax when something is in there? Yeah, it's just a reaction. I had to stifle laughter at that point.