I've Just Been Diagnosed with a Lindsey Complex

...and the only cure is more cowbell. Please, someone had to have gotten that.

Tonight we had a celebration for Khall's new job with the AP - they're associated!

In the midst of the debauchery, I thought it would be a great idea to call Lindsey sometime around 2:30 a.m. to tell her what I'd just discovered: I have a Lindsey Complex.

It's true. Every day I read her blog and think, "Wow. I'm such a self-centered asshole." Then I keep reading and marvel at her way with words. Yet again, thoughts come to mind: "Lindsey is so much better than me," and "I should be more like Lindsey."

So, tonight, I offer my tribute to Lindsey. It also comes with a disclaimer: Don't worry, Lindsey, this isn't a half-assed attempt to get in your pants. It's just a friendly reminder that, you know, you're better than most people.

Here are a few reasons why Lindsey is better than most people and why we should all strive to be more like Lindsey (provided, of course, that we maintain some sense of self).

*Lindsey hired me as a copy editor, promoting me from smart-ass columnist to smart-ass columnist and style dictator.

I remember when I handed in my style quiz. She said, "Wow, you marked some shit up." That's right. I marked some shit up.

*When Patrick was editor and he gave us a style quiz (no books allowed), Lindsey and I tied for first place, finding all but two errors. Yes, my friends, Lindsey knows her style and grammar, and frankly, that matters to me.

*Lindsey can design damn near anything and do it better than damn near anyone.

Ask to see some of her stuff if you don't believe me. It's Quark-tastic. OK, pretend like I didn't type that. Let's move on...

*Lindsey named one of her ferrets Gonzo. That's just cool.

*Lindsey let me read her copy of The Passion, a fabulous Jeanette Winterson book. Lindsey has great taste in books, so anything she likes is a must-read.

*Lindsey is a great writer, and I don't just mean newspaper articles. She has a natural talent that cannot be taught.

*Lindsey reads my blog and leaves the occasional comment so I know she stopped by. I'm OK with that. I also get referrals from her blog, so thanks for linking me.

Well, I could keep going, but I fear a restraining order would follow. Lindsey, the remaining Sidelines kids miss you. We think of you often, and sometimes just sit around talking about your greatness. I swear - that's actually happened.

Here's hoping Memphis is treating you well, and if not, you will always have a home in the Boro.

Aww...tear.