"All Feathers and Coke Cans"

This post is going to be sad because I'm depressed, and I'm really mad I'm depressed, because I fought that really hard back in the teenage years, and it took a lot for me to stop being depressed. And now, in just a short span of time, everything (almost) has gone completely to shit, and I'm depressed again.

Let's go through the brief medical history of me: Last fall, I got mono. I had it for two and half months. I had to keep working because I had no way to pay my rent and bills otherwise. Working 40 hours a week with mono is not easy, and keeping up with classes is especially not easy. I had to drop several of them due to my sickness and take some incompletes. I did, however, get As in the ones I kept.

Last spring, I started having terrible headaches and double vision in February. It was not meningitis (yay), but it took two months after lots of testing to get an appointment with the neurologist to figure out what it was: a two-month migraine. I got some meds to keep the headaches in check, but by then it was June, and the semester was over. Yep, you guessed it, I had to drop more classes. Have you ever tried to go to class with a migraine? It's impossible, and mine last a damn long time.

In the summer, my mono relapsed, and I had to take about five weeks off of work. The good news is I was able to stick with my two summer classes and pull straight As. Woot! But then I also found out I was on financial aid probation because of my last two sick semesters (they only look at pass rate - not GPA - and Ws and Is count against attempted hours).

So then I entered this fall semester ready to work my ass off. And I started OK. I aced my first few tests, except for my ridiculously hard ACSI 4200 test, which I think you have to BE the text book to understand. And then something BAD happened...

The migraines came back near the beginning of the semester, so they changed my medication to 40 mg instead of 30. Well, that made me sleep through my alarm for six hours, but 30 mg alone meant I'd have a migraine every day, and for the two weeks following Fall Break, I had a migraine every morning for at least four hours, sometimes longer. Yeah, try that and go to tap dance. So on Halloween I went back and they fixed me - added a new prescription that I was going to start taking as soon as I could get it filled (which wouldn't be until that Thursday, so don't think that's related to the next disaster).

And then, on Nov. 2 (a Wednesday), I woke up with the most excruciating pain I've ever felt. And it hasn't gotten better since. No amount of ultrasounds and CT scans and limited bloodwork has shown anything, so they're going in - via laparoscope - on Tuesday morning to solve the burning question: Why the fuck is Wendy's ovary in pain?!

Meanwhile, I'm struggling to keep up in my classes, and I just found out today that for at least one class, that's not possible. Now let's revisit that financial aid probation thing. Translation: It's definitely possible that I'll lose my financial aid. Can I appeal it? Yes. Will it work? God, I hope so.

Other things I might lose: My job (I'm reminded of this constantly - it's been on the line since I first had to call out when I was up all night on narcs trying not to die and praying that I would); my sanity (if it's not already gone - the jury is still out on that one); school (if I lose the aid, I can't afford it, because being out of work so long with sickness had made my savings account completely nonexistent).

That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger...and might lead to a disease being named after me. Neat!

At least I've managed to keep myself surrounded by decent people. It makes the everyday hell slightly rosier.

I'm debating going back to therapy. I'm not sure what good it would do, but I do think I'd feel a hell of a lot better if I could talk to somebody about how frustrating it is to spend your whole life working toward something to have it all ripped away from you when you're within a year of having it. Well, that about sums it up. And I saved some money.

I just feel so lost right now. There was a point when I had everything together, and now it's just unraveling, rather quickly, like Weezer's sweater. Undone. How poetic.

Currently Feeling: Depressed
Currently Listening To: Too Much Chatter in the Office

I can't be this pensive without a Song of the Day, especially because there hasn't been one in a while. Naturally, my depressing music is limited to such things as Counting Crows and Radiohead. So, instead of one song, here's some Counting Crows excerpts, because Adam Duritz is awesome.

"You’ve been waiting a long time
To fall down on your knees
Cut your hands
Cut yourself until you bleed
Fall asleep next to me" - Black and Blue

"It seems like the daylight is coming
And no one is watching but me
But I don’t mind the dark
Discovering the day
Cause the night is a beautiful bright blue and gray" - Goodnight LA

"I may take a holiday in Spain
Leave my wings behind me
Drink my worries down the drain
And fly away to somewhere new" - Holiday in Spain

"For all the things I'm losing
I might as well resign myself to try and make a change
And I'm going down to Hollywood
They're gonna make a movie from the things
That they find crawling round my brain" - I Wish I Was A Girl

"There’s a girl in the basement coming out of her shell
And there are people who will say they knew me so well
I may not go to heaven..
I hope you go to hell!" - St. Robinson and His Cadillac Dream

"You could do better for yourself but not me
So please stay and keep me company.
All the while thinking this is the good luck
He stays with her most of the time
It takes time to make these machines work
And people are so unkind" - Good Luck

"So she takes her pills
Careful and round
One of these days she's gonna throw the whole
Bottle down
But she's trying to be a good girl
Give 'em what they want
But Margery's dreaming of..." - Another Horsedreamer's Blues

All the Cool Kids Have Laparoscopic Surgery

Yes, I'm officially a cool kid now. Surgery is next Tuesday morning. Woohoo. My mom's taking off that day to come up here and drive me to and from the hospital and all that jazz. Let's hope this helps them find out what's wrong with me, because I'm really getting sick of this crap.

So Monday I'm having all of my pre-op stuff. They're doing some lab work and testing and whatnot. Then, I get to wake up early Tuesday and go get a scope put in me so the gyno can look around and hopefully see something wrong that's easily fixable.

What can you do? Well, calling would be nice. I don't know how long my recovery is supposed to last. And company is always welcome.

Pseudo-Post

Well, Thanksgiving is over, and now it's only a few weeks until my birthday. Woot! So, to pass the time because I still feel bad and get to see my doctor again tomorrow, here's more about me than you ever wanted to know.

And, yes, I realize this is a blogging cop-out, and I'll actually blog tomorrow once I see my gyno and my neurologist.

YOU:

Your gender: female
Straight/gay/bi?: depends if Nicole Kidman is involved
Wearing right now?: jeans, socks, shoes, Little Mermaid T-shirt, sweatshirt
Single?: I don't know...
Want to be?: I'm content
Birthday? December 20, 1982
Age you wish you were: I guess 23
Your height: 5'5"
The color of your eyes: light brown with copper flecks
The color of your hair: naturally dark brown but at the moment it's dyed blonde
Nails: natural
Piercings?: 9
Tattoos?: 1
Favorite place to shop?: Victoria's Secret
Favorite article of clothing?: my cherry tank top
Are you trendy?: I don't try to be
Sunglasses?: I love sunglasses!
Car?: red 97 Saturn SL named Katie2
Pets?: 2 cats at my parents' house: Macavity and Mistofolees; at my house in Murfreesboro: 1 parakeet: Buffy, and 1 ball python: Salazar
Siblings?: Misty - 24
5 things you're addicted to?: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, chocolate, sleep, caffeine, and quite possibly sex


DO YOU:

Smoke?: Only when I'm on fire
Do drugs?: No
Read the newspaper?: Sometimes
Pray?: I meditate
Talk to strangers who IM you?: depends on my mood
Take walks in the rain?: Not on purpose, but sometimes I have to
Drive?: Yes
Like to drive fast?: Yes
Wear make-up?: No very often
Have a secret?: Not really...there are things I don't tell everyone, but every secret about me I've told at least one person

HAVE YOU EVER:

Hurt yourself?: Yes
Been out of the country?: Yes
Been in love?: Yes
Done drugs?: Yeah, but I didn't like it
Gone skinny dipping?: No, but I want to
Had a surgery?: Yes, several
Ran away from home?: I tried as a kid
Played strip poker?: Nope
Gotten beaten up?: No
Been picked on?: Yes
Been on stage?: Yes
Slept outdoors?: Yes
Thought about suicide?: Yes, but I'd never do it
Pulled an all-nighter?: Yep
If yes, what is your record?: Close to two days I think
Talked on the phone all night? Nope
Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?: Yes, I'm really good at it
Slept all day? Yes
Killed someone? No
Made out with a stranger?: Yeah
Had sex with a stranger?: Hell no
Kissed the same sex?: Yes
Done anything sexual with the same sex?: Not other than kissing, but it's on my list of things to do before I die
Been betrayed?: Sure
Broken the law?: Yes
Met a famous person?: Yes
Been on radio/TV.?: Yes
Been in a mosh-pit?: Nope
Had a nervous breakdown?: Yes
Been criticized about your sexual performance?: Hell no
Had a dream that kept coming back?: Yes
Shoe brand?: I don't know
What are you normally wearing to school/work?: Whatever's clean
Wear hats?: Sometimes
Judge other people by their clothing? I try not to judge others
Had a threesome?: Nope

BELIEFS:

Believe in life on other planets?: It's not impossible
Miracles?: Yes
Astrology?: To an extent
Magic?: I'd have to see some good magic
God?: Yes
Satan?: Yes
Ghosts?: Yes
Luck? Yes
Love at first sight?: Yes
Yin and Yang?: Yes
Witches?: Nope
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: Yes
Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: I wish I believed it
Do you wish on stars?: Not anymore, unless it's a shooting star
Believe in the most?: Not absolutes

LOVE:

Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: I found it odd
Do you remember your "first love"?: Yes
Still love him/her?: Not in that way
Do you consider your first love a mistake?: No
What do you find romantic?: Candles
Turn-on?: Arms and back
Turn-off?: bad kissing
Do you base your judgement on looks alone: no
Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy?: Nope
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?: Not really
Regrets?: Not really
Do you wanna get married?: I want a wedding, but I'm too young for a marriage right now
How often do you have sexual fantasies about an ex?: Never
Do you think the preferred sex finds you good looking? Some do I guess
What are the best things about the preferred sex?: Nice arms
What's the last present someone gave you?: Tina gave me a snake! Woot!
Are you in love?: With the snake? No, that would just be weird

FRIENDS:

Best Friend?: Leslie
Shortest?: Vanessa
Tallest?: Zac probably
Prettiest?: My sister
Handsomest: Wow, if I've EVER heard a loaded question...
You tell all you secrets to?: JR
Trust the most?: Leslie, JR, Tina
Talk to on the phone the most?: Probably my dad
IM the most?: Robert
Shop the most with?: Tina (Wal-Mart, Kroger, etc.)
You eat the most with?: Leslie and Tina

FAVORITES:

Food?: Chocolate and steak
State?: Tennessee
Person?: My immediate family
Color?: Black, blue
Feeling?: Satisfaction
Number?: 17
Song?: "Your Latest Trick" by Dire Straits
Band/Singer?: Counting Crows
Movie?: The Shawshank Redemption
Actor/Actress?: Dustin Hoffman, Nicole Kidman
Magazine?: Cosmo
Book?: Catch-22
Room in your house?: Bedroom
Job you ever had?: Jumping on a bed in a music video when I was 12
Place to go on vacation?: Disney World, NYC
Web site?: Facebook, MySpace, Fark, etc.
TV Show?: Buffy
Drink?: Mountain Dew, Malibu and Coke


WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON:

That you laughed at?: Katie - she said something funny on IM
That laughed at you?: Frodo, reiterating the night of debauchery that he was there for and I don't remember
That turned you on? Let's just keep this one to myself
You went shopping with? I don't remember that last time I went shopping
To disappoint you?: I don't remember
To ask you out?: I guess Zac
To make you cry?: My ovaries
To brighten up your day?: Robert and Frodo, letting me play some Soul Calibur II
That you thought about? Clearly Robert and Frodo, as they were the answer to the last question
You saw a movie with?: Zac (Harry Potter)
You talked to on the phone?: Brianna
You talked to through IM?: Katie
You saw?: Tina
You turned down? Many MySpace people

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU:

Smiled?: Today
Laughed?: Today
Cried?: Yesterday (in pain)
Bought something?: Today at Sonic
Danced?: Wow, it's been a while since I've been able to dance
Were sarcastic?: All the time
Hugged someone?: Today
Talked to an ex?: A few months ago
Watched your fave movie?: A few months ago
Talked on the phone? Today
Listened to the radio?: A few days ago
Watched TV?: Yesterday
Went out?: Friday night
Helped someone?: I help people at work a lot
Sang?: Today
Got drunk?: Drank last night; got drunk on Robert's birthday
Had sex?: Yeah, that's just for me, too - but it was damn good!

Bored with Too Many Leukocytes

Well, I woke up sick today. I'm a little better. The doctor says my white cell count has gone up, which is odd because it was normal Thursday. So I'm going to do this damn survey and wait to leave the office.

*section 1 - have you ever...

+ Cheated on someone?: Nope
+ Been Cheated on?: Not to my knowledge...
+ Fallen off the bed?: Yes
+ Broken someone's heart?: Yes

+ Had your heart broken?: Yes
+ Had a dream come true?: Yes
+ Done something you regret?: Yes, but not very often
+ Cheated on a test?: I helped my pledge class cheat on their tests

* section 2 - currently *

+ Wearing: Tennis shoes, my Dale Jr. socks, jeans with a rip at the back pocket, my flesh-colored thong with the rhinestone ring in the back, my white Victoria's Secret bra that gives me good cleavage, and a huge-ass gray sweatshirt so no one will notice the aforementioned cleavage
+ Like anyone?: Sure, I like lots of people.
+ Located?: Murfreesboro, more specifically, the Sidelines office
+ Chatting with?: No one - just waiting for my section to be done
+ Watching?: Nothing
+ Should REALLY be doing?: Actually, nothing. I've already done heads and cuts.

* section 3 - DO YOU

+ Brush your teeth?: Yeah, I'm kind of OCD about it.
+ Have any piercing: 8 in my ears and my bellybutton
+ Drive?: Yes, better than my sister.
+ Drink?: Yes, better than my sister.
+ Smoke?: Only when I'm on fire. Or really drunk. Or if they're Djarum blacks...
+ Got a cell?: Yes

* section 4 - the last person you... *

+ Hugged?: I don't know - probably Zac or Tina.
+ Kissed?: I don't know - probably Zac or Tina. I'm kidding - it was your mom.
+ IMed?: Robert
+ Talked on the phone to? Some Victoria's Secret people calling about the bill that my mailman keeps refusing to deliver to me because he's a bastard and no matter how many times I call the post office and go to the post office, they never give me that bill.
+ Yelled at?: I don't remember the last time I yelled...at least, not out of anger.

* section 5 - personal *

+ What do you want to be when you finish college?: 5'7"
+ What has been the best day of your life: I don't know - recently I've had some shitty days with goodness dispersed throughout - raise the roof Salazar!
+ What comes first in your life?: Fertilization...oh that's life in general...my life? Lately, it's been my health. Usually it's my loved ones, but they understand.
+ Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush?: Something like that, yes. I also have an open relationship on facebook with Megan - woot!
+ What are you most scared of?: Volcanoes, followed by being unsuccessful and dying either alone or too young. I'm not afraid of death though - just how I'm going to die, and not getting to live.
+ What do you usually think about before you go to bed? All the things I have to do and all the things I'd rather do.
+ Did you lose someone you really loved?: I'm 22 - of course I have.
+ Love your family?: Of course.
+ Are you a virgin?: No, but I waited until I was almost 22.

* section 6 - favorite *

+ Movie: The Shawshank Redemption
+ Song: "Your Latest Trick" by Dire Straits
+ Band: Counting Crows
+ Store: Victoria's Secret
+ Relative: My immediate family (mom, dad, sister)
+ Sport?: Football
+ To play: Football
+ Ice Cream Flavor: Chocolate swiss and double dark chocolate with lots of Oreos and a little bit of cookie dough from Marble Slab, mint chocolate chip, Ben & Jerry's chocolate therapy
+ Fruit: Green grapes
+ Day of the Week? Friday (it's usually payday)
+ Color: Black

* section 7 - do you *

+ Like to give hugs?: Yes
+ Like to walk in the rain?: If it's warm, light, and sunny
+ Prefer black or blue pens?: Black gel pens
+ Like to travel?: Yes
+ Sleep on your side, stomach or back?: side
+ Have a goldfish?: No
+ Ever have the falling dream?: Not since I was a small child
+ Have stuffed animals?: Yes

* section 8 - this or that *

+ Pierced nose or tongue?: No
+ Single or taken?: According to the electric company, I'm married to Tina.
+ MTV or BET?: MTV, but only for Pimp my Ride
+ 7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek?: Both when i was a teenager
+ Sugar or salt?: Both
+ Silver or gold?: Silver
+ Chocolate or flowers?: Chocolate or velvet roses
+ Color or Black-and-white photos?: Black-and-whites
+ M&Ms or Skittles?: Peanut Butter M&Ms
+ Stay up late or sleep in?: Both
+ Hot or cold?: Hot
+ Mustard or ketchup?: Ketchup
+ Spring or Fall?: Spring
+ Happy or sad?: Happy
+ Wonder or amazement?: Wonder
+ Mexican or Italian: Italian
+ Candy or Pop?: Candy...wait pop? Like Coke? I'm confused...

*section 9- what do you think about... *

+ Abortion: I try not to judge those who have to make hard decisions.
+ Suicide: A permanent solution to a temporary problem.
+ Smoking: Tobacco-flavored cancer.
+ Eating disorders: I blame a lot of those on the unrealistic expectations of how people should look to be considered "attractive."
+ Summer: I wish it could always be summer. And that my car had air conditioning.
+ Tattoos: I love mine.

Goodbye Andy, Hello Salazar!

What an eventful weekend.

First off, as of now, I have the top three most read items on the Sidelines Web site, with my lead story having 377 and my other two having 96 and 97 reads. And it's only 3:24 a.m.

So, Andy Mac was finally fired - about damn time. Woot!

Initiation was this weekend, and I am happy to say that I didn't die or pass out or anything. However, I know I pushed myself too much, and I'm pretty sure I'll feel close to death again later today.

Today, The Tina bought me my present - my snake, Salazar. He's a ball python. I can't wait to put him on my head or neck or something. Alas, he's digesting now.

I haven't been sleeping well lately because I've been having pain and nausea every night, causing me to wake every hour. That's not fun in case you were wondering.

I haven't had any violating doctor experiences since the last blog, so all is well in that regard. However, I did almost collapse at work a few times Friday night and had to be held up so I didn't crash down and get a head injury. Special thanks to the night crew for making cheating death a little easier.

To those who are far away from me and don't see me regularly: No, I'm not dying, at least, not any more rapidly than I was before, which probably puts my death a good 50 or so years away. Unless those doctors aren't telling me something.

I finally saw the new Harry Potter movie tonight. Thanks to Lindsey for making me notice all the homoerotic stuff. I, too, was weirded out by the bathtub thing.

Is it wrong that I find Fred and George attractive? I think it's the accents and shaggy hair.

Here's to Brother Robert

Happy 21st birthday to Robert!

Too bad I don't remember it all.

To the complete stranger who kept buying me shots: When I said "anything but tequila" I didn't mean "everything but tequila."

Thanks to whoever put me in bed. That was nice. I woke up/came to at 6:30 a.m. thinking, "Oh good, I'm in bed. Why the hell am I still wearing my boots?"

The pain is way worse today. I'm just going to go to work and wait to die.

You STILL Want Me to Put That THERE?!

Yes. It's exactly what you're thinking. Two pelvic ultrasounds in the month of November.

Seriously, next time they're going to have to buy me dinner or at least say I look pretty or give me a cheesy pickup line.

"You know what would look good on you? This sheet. You know what would look good in you? This camera."

I'm going to stop with that.

I Make CT Scans Fun OR Just Another Reason Why I Should Not Be Allowed in Public

I had my CT scan today. I had a good yesterday - I was in less pain that is. I did pass out three times. Worse things have happened. It was all better last night though.

Then I go to my scan and right before I have it the woman noticed my navel ring (handcuff, of course) and said I had to take it out for the scan.

"I have metal on my underwear, too," says I.

(Insert puzzled look from technician here)

"I have a little metal zipper on my thong."

Yep, nothing like a thong-free CT scan to start the day off right.

So my doctor said I have two cysts in my ovary, but I shouldn't worry about it. Who's worried? I've only been bedridden since Nov. 2. I wasn't planning on worrying until, like, tomorrow. My parents are beyond worried.

However, they did tell me that I don't have a tumor or cancer! Woohoo! (I kind of suspected this, as I figured if they suspected it, I would've been warned. Is that how it works? Maybe I should ask someone.)

Doctor's newest diagnosis: pulled rectus abdominis.

How in the hell did I pull a muscle in my sleep? I don't understand how I went to bed fine on Nov. 1 and woke up feeling like I was going to die and kind of hoping it would happen on Nov. 2. I've had a lot of pulled muscles in my day, and this is not what they feel like.

Let's recap the health in the past few weeks.

Number of cysts I've been told I have:
1 (when I first saw the doctor)
0 (none present during ultrasound Nov. 7)
3 (2 present plus 1 ruptured as of Nov. 15)

Number of CT technicians who have seen my sheer black zipper thong:
1 (I just felt like adding that for dramatic effect)

Number of prescriptions I've had:
Antibiotics: 2
Anti-inflammatories: 2
Narcotic painkillers: 1
Muscle relaxers: 1
Allergy pills: 1

Number of prescriptions I already had:
Allergy pills: 1
Headache pills: 2
Nasal spray: 1

Number of months that tube in my ear has been partially block despite all these allergy pills, anti-inflammatories, and steriods:
5

Here's the kicker...

Number of times I've had a needle in me during all this:
0
Now, I hate bloodwork, but that seems fucked up. I'm guessing at this point, it's time to start checking out my blood. I'm sure it's pretty happy with all the drugs they're giving me.

StarFucked Up

Well, the doctor has ordered me not to work at least through next Tuesday. Yeah. So yesterday I went to work (it was payday AND a bank holiday - lovely) an hour before I was supposed to so I could call people to work for me this weekend.

Well, that didn't work. No one could work for me Friday. No one could work for me tonight. Special thanks to Vince for picking up my Sunday. You deserve the overtime, my friend.

So last night I said that my doctor told me not to work (I had a note) and that I was on narcotics. You'd think that would be enough to send my drugged-up ass home, but nope. I had to work. I got to leave at 10:30, but I still had to work.

Now I feel even worse. The pain is worse. I have all these weird neurological/central nervous system symptoms that have developed recently, too, although we're hoping they're just drug side effects. A girl can dream, right?

So now I don't know what to do about tonight. I'm supposed to train someone (on narcotics, of course, if I do go in), but I'm also ordered not to work. Also, you're not supposed to work under the influence of anything, including prescription narcotics. Of course I know this, which is why I made sure to tell them I was on the strong pills.

The sorority is all gung-ho about me staying in bed doing nothing. They've gone a little overboard by insisting that I'll die if I go to work, because I'm fairly certain that I'd be in the hospital if there were any risk of death. You know, hospitals are like the elephant graveyards.

I just don't want my last words to be something lame like, "I have a tall extra extra caramel caramel Frappuccino for Brittany!"

Spending My Life in a Narcotic Haze

I've been in bed pretty much since Sunday. I got worse today (Wednesday), and I'm supposed to work Thursday. This can't possibly end well.

My head feels weird - like the pressure is off or something. And my neck is really sore and stiff, and it hurts like a bitch when I move it. I also started seeing double the other night. Tonight I saw stars, which is much prettier, yet still freaky.

The pain in my left side got worse, but my ultrasound showed that my ovary at least looks normal now. My legs feel weird, too, like how they feel when I've been taking steroids for a week, but I haven't. I think I have been on anti-inflammatories, though. I'm not sure - I'm on everything. I have a purse full of six or so prescriptions and another three or four by my bed.

Most recent doctor's diagnosis: bladder infection
Wendy's diagnosis of doctor: bullshit

This is so more than a bladder infection. Granted, that was probably caused by cyst fluid leakage, which also caused the nausea, but if they cyst is gone, and there's no more leaking, why do I still feel like shit?

You know what would cure this?

Sex.

I'm kidding. But I was reminded today that I recently had my one year anniversary of losing my virginity, so happy Nov. 7 to all you kids who chose the same day I did to give away a part of yourself you can never get back.

At least with No. 2, I put a lot more thought into it, not to mention I had much higher standards, and the sex was a lot better. But I digress.

You're right, JR, I am the most sexually frustrated person you know. Also quite possibly the most sexually frustrated person I know. Definitely the most medicated person I know.

I also feel feverish, but I'm not running a fever. It's all quite bizarre. But I figure if it was anything that would kill me or require surgery they would've caught it already. I guess I'm just supposed to be annoyed by it.

I'm Engaged!

Tina's been playing the Sims 2 lately, and apparently you can buy celebrities for that, so naturally, she bought me Johnny Depp.

And yesterday, Sim Johnny Depp proposed to Sim Wendy! Oh, it was wonderful - she called me into the room to watch. So my Sim self, who is really hot by the way, is now engaged to Sim Johnny, who is also really hot.

The real Wendy is still on that doctor-mandated bed rest stuff. And lots of pills.

You Want Me to Put That Where?

I woke up this morning with, yes, more of the terrible pain that persisted all weekend. As a side note, thanks to Robert for keeping me company while I was on narcotics and in terrible pain Saturday night/Sunday morning. You can be my wing man anytime!

Anyway, back to Monday. I woke up with terrible pain. I then woke Tina up for some ER fun, and away we went. After giving them the rundown of what my other doctors visits yielded last week, I was ready for...

MORE PREGNANCY TESTS.

Yes, while I had one last Wednesday and haven't had sex since, they still need to give me a pregnancy test.

So here's the weird thing: I had a bladder infection. Yeah, I'm not pregnant still, but the infection is new. It's apparently from cyst fluid leakage or I don't know. Anyway, that was new.

Of course, before they told me this, they had to ultrasound me to look for more cysts.

Well, apparently the bladder is involved in checkin' out the ovaries, because the dude couldn't see them because they'd just had me empty my bladder for the not-pregnant test.

He said I had two options:

1) Look at the ovaries from the inside, where I would, as he said, "put it in like a tampon"

2) Go back, drink liquid, wait about an hour, possibly start an IV (I immediately freaked out at the thought of a needle going in me), and then maybe do the inserting camera thing anyway

Well, after the unexpected pelvic exam Friday where they felt my ovary and asked if it hurt, I was pretty much up for anything that would help.

I plan to use this scenario as leverage when my parents bitch about the hospital bill.

Number of health care professionals who have seen the inside of my vagina in the past week: 4, if you count the female nurses who have to be in the room as well to make sure nothing bad happens

Number of people I've had sex with: 2

Something is seriously wrong with those numbers.

How Green Was My Valley

There are a lot of reasons why I cannot actually type everything I want to right here, but suffice it to say that something is, well, weird.

I haven't blogged lately. Mostly I've been on lots of pills, and I've been having a pretty involved week or so, and that's before you factor in my PMS and the ruptured cyst in my left ovary. So all in all, thank your lucky stars you aren't me.

We didn't get paid Monday. I have $10 to last me until Friday, and I don't think it'll work. We'll see. I had to get into my savings account to pay my rent, and now that has only $50 in it. Yikes. So things are bleak in the world of Wendy's finances.

If any of the following people were here right now, I think I'd feel better: Lindsey, because she just seems to know everything; Kristin, because she listens, and we're "hard-core bitches" or whatever it was I said; Cox, because rum and OJ is mighty good, but I just can't do it without Cox; Patrick, because he's objective yet makes me think I'm right, and we have much fun drinking together; JR, because he's been on another continent for entirely too long; Robert, because dancing around the SigEp house just doesn't seem that weird with him (translation: he makes me laugh, and I could use a laugh right now); Leslie, because I miss the hell out of her and it's hard to girl-talk without your best friend; Zac, because there's always ice cream, and he's really tall, and, you know, somehow that's comforting (that goes for Robert and JR as well); ERICA, because if she gets all caps, she must be good.

More on all of this later, but to all those listed above: WOOT! I Heart You!

"Starting Today I'm Someone I'd Be Proud to Know"

Actually, that started Monday.

It's no secret that a big part of my life has been consumed with the ever-growing problems at Sidelines. Monday, I refused to lie down and be someone's bitch, and for that, I'm proud of myself.

It takes a lot to fight off the kind of authority that wants to oppress, control, and berate you, but it's for those very reasons you must fight it. Tonight, I took another step by forwarding some communication to university officials.

Next week, I'll do more. Tomorrow, I'll be attending a meeting with staff members and the adviser, assuming I'm having no ovarian problems: Yesterday I ruptured an ovarian cyst, which is quite painful, I must say.

Happy birthday to my mom!

And, finally, from Voltaire: "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."