Monday, August 16, 2004

Falling in Love is Hard on the Knees, Falling out of Love is Dramatic

I've had an interesting few days, and that's putting it mildly.

First off, I'm living a day ahead of everyone else. For some reason, I keep thinking it's a day later than what it really is. I'm living in the future. That's because I'm much more advanced than most people.

I had a great two days off from work, and by great I mean I spent most of them with the Tina and other such great people I don't get to see on a regular basis. I didn't stick around Hendersonville on my days off - I actually went to Murfreesboro. I had much fun. Looking forward to more fun.

Then, last night and tonight, I've been doing something I never thought I'd do - fall out of love. And, in all honesty, it's not as difficult or traumatic as I had expected. It was a quick fall. Now, if I were clever, I'd make some kind of reference to Paradise Lost, but I'm not really in a literary mood.

Right now I'm enjoying a snack of peanut butter (there's not much to eat here). My mouth is sticky, but it's delicious. Satisfies my constant need to add even more protein to my diet.

Speaking of satisfying needs, there's nothing like playing a murdering lunatic in an XBOX game to help blow off some steam, which now I can do thanks to Clarke and his generous donation to my goal to be evil (at least, in an rpg). Clarke has allowed me to borrow his XBOX and my favorite game so I can kill all kinds of things. Thanks, Clarke. You're a pal.

I finally bought my Buddha incense burner, so now I can ignite things in peace. It should be big fun.

So this falling out of love thing - I'll explain this later. Right now, suffice it to say that I've been spending a great deal of time talking to someone, and this someone has brought to light some rather interesting things. This is of course only a segue into what is sure to be even more drama because nothing in life is simple, which I guess is why it's interesting. At any rate, I used to have this image of someone, and now I see that I was terribly wrong. And that's devastating, and not just because I don't like being wrong.

You think you know a person. I guess no one every really knows anyone. But I know me pretty well, and I'm through crying. I've cried way too much, and I don't like it, and I'm through with it. I've gone from hurt to sad to confused to destroyed to hopeful to destroyed to angry to confused again all in about a week, and frankly, I'm emotioned out.

1 comment:

Tina said...

I hear you girl it is hard to deal with love and falling out of love! Seems very easy when you are pissed at the person but eventually the pissed offness will go away and then there are feelings to deal with again.....Me& Nate. I try my hardest to hate him and yet I can't...thought I do feel better seeing him suffer and become jelous around me but I haven't even seen that since Ozz fest (so now I'm mopping once again)! Men I hate how they make you feel..on top of the world one min then back at the bottom the next! ARG!!!!!