Why I will never marry a woman or why I hate all men

I've booked my plane ticket to NYC, so all is right in the world. I can't afford to drink in New York, but I won't let a little thing like that get in the way. When I take my vacation, pity be on those who interrupt my galavanting around Manhattan drunk at 3 in the morning, staring at the lights in Times Square and oohing and ahhing and overusing the word "pretty."

Cadence is quite sick, so I went over to his house Friday night. Joe and his girlfriend Heidi were there as well, and it all got more than weird when Joe's crazy ex-wife Laura made her cameo banging on the door. Cadence, in what I'm sure was a good intention gone horribly awry, had the bright idea to try to hide Heidi from Laura. Now, a normal way to hide someone is something to the effect of "go hide in Joe's room" or "hide under this blanket." Instead, the way of hiding was "come sit with me and if she says anything to you, say 'I'm with Cadence.'"

Well, seeing a young attractive thing sitting on the arm of his chair with his arm kind of around her was more than I was prepared to stomach, so I said something like "I think I need to leave." Naturally, nobody noticed this "I'm about to make an abrupt exit" warning, so said exit came across very abrupt. Everyone was whispering, I guess because nobody wanted anyone else to hear what they were saying, so I think he whispered my name as I was leaving. But I didn't fancy getting into it in front of Heidi (whom I had just met), and I sure as hell wasn't going to stick around for the shit hitting the fan that always tends to follow Laura on her many rampages to the house.

I managed to get my car out of the garage (I'm freakishly strong I've been told), then I sat in it, listened to depressing music, and did that sort of loud crying that you think only happens in overdramatic movies (think Diane Keaton in "Something's Gotta Give"). I then impulsively drove to the gas station, filled up my tank, and came back after I noticed Laura was not around.

I sat in my car staring at my knife for a while, then re-entered the house, mainly because I didn't want to freak out Heidi, and because I'd rather feel out of place there than at home somewhere else.

I did a lot of staring into space and/or at my knife for the rest of the evening until I fell asleep around 3:30 or so. Cadence never woke me up, so I slept until work woke me up around 1 p.m., because it's obviously not in God's plan for me to get a night of uninterrupted sleep.