Wednesday, August 04, 2004

More proof they're coming to take me away, ha ha

I broke my worry stone.

I didn't even think that was possible, but sure enough, I worried about a fourth of it off.

I bet it has something to do with working every single day this week. That's right - I have worked or am working on both of my off days this week: Monday and Wednesday. Total number of hours if I don't go over my scheduled time each day: 54.5.

I spent a great deal of last night lying in bed with incense and candles reading Chuang Tzu. It was quite relaxing. Tonight after work, Leslie and I took a late-night trip to Steak 'n' Shake before embarking on the wonderful world of Wal-Mart in search of more incense and other such things we think we needed. Alas, Wal-Mart had no incense, but we did manage to spend a collective $90 or so on non-incense.

Debbie (my boss) has agreed to order Cherry Coke. This is quite exciting, because I'm sick of regular Coke and Dr. Pepper every day. Dusty, Susan and I have committed to buying Cherry Coke on our shifts.

I've decided I want a long-distance relationship right now. Mainly for two reasons: 1) I don't want to have to call myself single; 2) Absence makes the heart grow less annoyed at all the day-to-day crap that's hard to deal with after a few weeks of non-stop contact. I'd like for someone to call me once a week and have a conversation that goes something like "Hi. I love you. I miss you." "Good. Keep missing me. You're good at it."

Now, I must say that I rarely get tired of people, and this last statement has nothing to do with my last "or something" but rather about men in general. My last "or something" was fan-fucking-tastic, which of course meant it had to end because the powers that be wish me to be miserable and unhappy. Attention whoever is in charge: It's working.

Having said that, here's a special want ad I've composed which I will never print anywhere because I'm not that lonely...yet.

"Single female seeking male companion to do whatever I want and constantly reassure me that I'm the greatest of God's creations and the world itself would stop revolving if I weren't in it. Must be willing to listen to incessant bitching for no apparent reason, and must be able to notice even the slightest change in hairstyle or bodily appearance. Should drive a vehicle that costs more than the average person's salary. Must not freak out at hearing phrases such as 'My uterus hurts' during that time of the month. Speaking of that time, anything said during that time is automatically pardoned due to temporary insanity, and anything said at any other point in our blissful relationship is fair game to be brought up during an argument held during that time, which I will inevitably win. Preferably hot. Ideally, out of my league. IQs less than 130 need not apply."

I mean, if I'm going to be delusional and think there are decent men out there just waiting for me, I'm at least going to go all-out delusional; none of this realistic "it could actually happen" shit.

By the way, whoever came up with the asinine notion of adding an apostrophe to the plural forms of words like DVDs and IQs (DVD's, IQ's) and decades (1980's) should really be tarred, feathered and run out of town. Apostrophes show ownership.

Correct: An apostrophe's purpose is to show ownership. I use apostrophes only when necessary.
Blasphemous to the English language: In the 1990's, I bought some DVD's because they were on sale. They were laid out on special table's of the for-sale item's. I filled three shopping cart's full of electronic's. I then punched myself in the face for being such an idiot.

1 comment:

Tina said...

I can't believe you broke your worry stone!!!! I'll buy you a new one b4 friday :) I think I might need one too lol. We get stressed out to easy! Maybe it is b/c we create it on ourselves.