Sunday, August 08, 2004

Something Old, Something New, Something's Really Really Screwed

Kari's wedding is Saturday, and while I'm very excited for her, I can't help but be reminded of how much I hate this whole wedding concept. Kari: Not your wedding. I'm very excited about your wedding. I'm referring to those family members who keep insisting I get married and soon before their kids are too old to be in my wedding.

Here are just a few reasons why I do not wish to get married:

1) I hate all men. It's true. My last whatever it was screwed me up so bad that I am absolutely never dating again. So all you men out there who want to marry me, tough. You can take it up with him. Use lots of profane words. Frankly, I'm tired of the heartache. Seven used to be my lucky number. Not so much. He was the seventh guy I ever dated or what-have-you. So I'm through. Now I pass my days loving someone who doesn't love me. It's exhausting.

2) I don't need to validate myself through a man. Especially because I do not hold men in general in very high regard, so why do I need one? I don't. I'm perfecting capable of spending enternity working, spending money on expensive cars, and watching movies all night.

3) If you get married, then you get harassed about when you're having kids. I don't have the hips for kids. I think I'll forgo that kid thing and just stay single and bitter. And no use adopting: A single and bitter woman shouldn't raise children.

4) While a wedding sounds like tons of fun, paying for one does not. I don't want to spend several thousand dollars on something I can do in Vegas with Elvis. And while you do get presents, I bet a lot of them suck.

5) As I eluded to before. I've already found someone. He doesn't want me. You know, because he's a man and therefore evil. Did I mention I'm undatable? Apparently I am, so spread the word. At any rate, when you find someone, there is no one else. Oh well. I tried.

So Kari, congratulations! I know you and Matt will be very happy. As for me, I'm taking the solo road. By the way, when are you having kids? Mwahahahaha!

4 comments:

TVonthefritz said...

The Bible says that you should get married. Oh yeah, I guess that we're not going to the Baha'i church this weekend, huh?

Anonymous said...

just wait for the sex drive to kick back up. then you'll both want a man and still hate men at the same time. should make for interesting times.

Matt

Tina said...

Wendy I agree with you men suck!!! I unlike you do wish to one day marry but i fear it will never happen b/c men are asshole!!!!! Oh well

Wendy said...

TV - Baha'i Church? So your spelling error shines light on the church thing - it sounded like some kind of Taco Bell meal - the Baha church. I actually went to school with many a Baha'i - we're quite good friends. I'll go to the Baha'i church with you sometime, but not sure if I can this weekend. Call me (you can get my number from Erica). But sometime, you have to go to a Buddhist temple with me. It'll be great fun contemplating our Buddha natures.