What A McGyp

So I went to the McDonald's by my house today, and they were out of barbecue sauce. What is the world coming to? I had to have chipotle barbecue instead. Someday, Bush will give a speech on this saying it was all worth it.

I'm off to Stampede's with Laurie. I have to play nice with the reality TV stars. I'm deeply shamed that our culture has reality TV stars, but it should be big fun. I'm not going to stay long, though, because I have to get back and tend to sorority business.

I talked to Stacie today. She had a girl: Riley Lynn. We're all going to get together sometime (my crew from Madison Blockbuster, sans the insufferable "boss" who tries to fuck the customers run the store). Memories. Well, if I don't leave soon, I'll be more than the fashionably late I intended to be.

Woke up This Morning, Got Yourself A Degree

It's official now: I'm going to graduate.

Granted, this won't happen until December 2006, but I'm not sure even then I'll be ready to join the ranks of those who have gone before me, heading out to join the real world with college degrees only to be shunned by the man because, hey, everyone has a college degree.

I'm quite apprehensive about this. I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with leaving school forever. I'm contemplating grad school right now. Hell, I've always wanted to get a doctorate in something.

Saturday, Michelle and Jason got married, but that's not the story here. That night, at the reception, I had three beers. Keep in mind I don't usually drink beer, so I'm not sure what my beer tolerance is just yet. After my rapid beer drinking (I beat my mom!), it came to my attention that one of Mike's relatives/friends (I'm not sure) had some whiskey.

I had a cup of Jack Daniel's. Not Jack and Coke. Not even Jack and ice. Just Jack. Yeah. That was a bad idea.

"Beer before liquor, never sicker."

I didn't do that on purpose. Had I known liquor would be available, I wouldn't have had any beer.

My dad took me out to Mike's truck, where I spent about 3 hours lying down with one foot on the floor of the truck at all times. He and my mom continued the receptioning, and my dad drove me home when it was all over around 1:15 a.m.

When I got home, my mom kept trying to give me Alka-Seltzer, but I opted to stay up watching The Sopranos until 4 a.m., when I was finally sober enough to sleep without fear of hangover.

I'm often amazed at how cool my parents are. They were just like, "It's OK - it's happened to all of us."

You Don't Always Get What Lindsay Lohan Wants

So much has happened since I last blogged. I can't wait to fill everyone in!

First off, I was finally successful in my attempt to join the group "Ann Coulter Is My Goddess" on facebook. Now, she is, in no way, my goddess, but I really enjoy joining groups for no apparent reason, and because I signed Manderson up for it, I joined myself. By the way, that "myself" was not an incorrect use - it should read as an intensive pronoun, like "I myself joined," but due to my syntax, I guess it's reflective. Come on, Manda, help me out here - I haven't had this shit in years. But I did feel to need to explain that I didn't screw it up. Now you know.

Tina went home for the weekend, and I inherited the cat. She gets mad when she's left, and she just meows her pretty little head off. So, when I got home today, I let her engage in one of her favorite activities - getting in my way while I type. She accepted my offer and got cat hair all over me.

Last night, I had some quality hang-out time with Patrick. We had some food and some drinks and then some more drinks. We drove to Franklin for no apparent reason before making an equally unmotivated trip to Nashville. After following a cab, we were disappointed to discover the cab was only going to the TigerMarket to fill up. So we went to Wall Street to have some more drinks. They were good. Patrick then told a REALLY bad joke, which I vowed to keep out of the blog because, frankly, I have an image to uphold here, and I can't have you people thinking all my friends tell lame jokes.

I went to Accounting today, after some debate, and she let us leave after half an hour. What joy! It's nice to know that she wants to leave just as badly as we do.

My dad and I are going to get my car tomorrow. I'm so excited! I miss my CDs. I guess I'll have to clean the damn thing out sometime this weekend.

Michelle and Jason are getting married Saturday. Patrick and I discussed the ridiculous wedding syndrome that's taken our generation by storm. He then brought up something very scary: What if your kids are just average? Well, I'd like to think my kids will be undoubtedly brilliant. So that's my answer.

Apparently, Lindsay Lohan went apeshit over the placement of her song in that Herbie movie. I've got some news for her skinny ass: It's best you learn now that you can't always get what you want. That way, when you're a washed-up has-been when you're 26, you won't be so surprised that no one really cares about what you want. Ah, life lessons. They must be so hard for celebrities.

Oh, and hold on to your property, kids, because thanks to the Supreme Court, it can be seized against your will for building shit.

Praise The Lord And Pass The Ben & Jerry's

I'm blogging. I really have nothing to blog about, but I'm blogging nonetheless.

I'm hungry. Last night, Tina, Brian, and I played Halo 2 and ate Ben & Jerry's. Of course, I inhaled mine, and, well, that was 12 hours ago, so I'm starved now.

It wasn't really playing Halo 2 so much as Tina and I trying to frantically hide from the wrath of Brian, who got his hands on a sniper rifle and picked us off like that guy in the tower in Saving Private Ryan. Of course, Brian didn't blow up, and sorry if I spoiled that movie for someone. I mean, it came out in like '99, so you should've seen it already.

I think the night checkout woman at Kroger must think I'm crazy. I always go in at ridiculous hours, and I always buy weird shit like ice cream or bacon or something.

Tomorrow's trash day, something Tina and I often forget. Maybe blogging about it now will ensure that I remember later. We'll see.

Jon quit today. I mean, hell, we don't need a news designer, right? Argh. Sometimes I just want to say, "Well...fuck." And, you know, I say that, and I feel better.

My accounting test got postponed until Monday, which is great, because I can avoid doing it longer. That's always good news.

Tina bought me a cherry bra and matching thong. Bitchin! The better news? Who knew my boobs had gone up a cup size? Thanks to the powers that be for making the breasts larger - they appreciate it.

Song of the day (yes, there is one!): "The Difference" by Matchbox 20.

Slow dancing on the boulevard
In the quiet moments while the city’s still dark
Sleepwalking through the summer rain and the tired spaces
You could hear her name when she was warm and tender
And you held her arms around you
There was nothing but her love and affection
She was crazy for you
Now she's part of something that you lost

[Chorus]

And for all you know
This could be
The difference between what you need
And what you wanna be
Yeah, what you wanna be

Night swimming in her diamond dress
Making small circles move across the surface
Stand watching from the steady shore
Feeling wide open and waiting for
Something warm and tender
Now she's moving further from you
There was nothing that could make it easy on you
Every step you take reminds you that she's walking wrong

[Chorus]

Yeah, for all you know
This could be
The difference between what you need
And what you want

Every word you never said
Echoes down your empty hallway
And everything that was your world
Just came down

Day breaking on the boulevard
Feel the sun warming up your second hand heart
Light swimming right across your face
And you think maybe someday, yeah
Maybe someday

[Chorus]

For all you know
Yeah, this could be
The difference between what you need
And what you want

Yeah, for all you know
For all you know
Yeah, for all that you know
This is what you wanna be
Girl, what you wanna be

Technology Versus The Ocean

Manda let me borrow Running with Scissors today with one stipulation: I cannot break the spine.

I've never read a book without doing this, most likely because I've never tried. I'm quite apprehensive about it, but I'm sure I'll be successful. As long as I never stop thinking about how I'm holding the book.

I was online earlier, post doctor visit, and I got to chat with Platonic Anna and Becky. Ah, the Internet, bridging the gaps caused by big oceans.

It's actually fascinated, and because Lindsey has been blogging about getting into the actual human world instead of the cyberworld, I will take this time to make a shameless plea:

Please, Lindsey! Stay in the cyberworld. Every day I read your blog (even though you don't update it daily all the time). I dig the new blog look, by the way. If not for the cyberworld, there would be no blog. So, while it's nice to want to get out and enjoy the Memphisness of Memphis, you'll eventually just see that it's, well, Memphis. It's just a metropolis of American capitalist blah blah blah, and it's judging you. The Pyramid is judging you. I'm not judging you. The cyberworld isn't judging you.

Wow, I'm apparently a closet conspiracy theorist. That's good to know. At governor's school when I was 16, we had a 20-minute conversation on the reality of oceans. They aren't real. You aren't real. Your blog isn't real. And that hot little redhead? She's not real either. Your pain is real, though. And so is your shame.

Nice to know I can always fall back on my philosophy minor. I'm kidding. However, I'm fairly certain my degree will NEVER be real.

If This Were An Earthquake, I'd Be Relieved

Well, in the grand tradition of Greekdom, I got the semester grade point averages of the sorority, and the collective GPAs of all Greek organizations. See title of the blog. If you don't get it, you probably didn't make the Dean's List.

So that's about it. I'm going back to the doctor tomorrow to ask why the hell my muscles are on the verge of spazzing out. And to get a referral to an ear, nose, and throat doctor. No more steroids. Steroids are bad, and they always dissolve midway down my throat. They're not tasty.

Check out Teen Girl Squad!

I'm going to try to do stuff to my room. Of course, that never works, and I usually just end up reading or sleeping or something equally lackluster. But the motivation is there.

Steroids, "Pier Pressure," and Happy Birthday to My Celebrity Girlfriend

Thursday I went back to the doctor because my glands were still huge, and they gave me steroids and ordered me not to work. That's all good and well until bill time, but I'll worry about that later. They also said my mono relapsed, but I have my doubts and refused a blood test on account of not liking having bloodwork done. That was a good enough reason for them, because regardless of the results, they would've given me the steroids anyway, and as they put it, "We don't want to torture you."

Until I go back this week, that is, when I'm sure I won't be able to stave off the blood-taking. Did I use that word correctly? I've never actually typed it before.

Afterward, I headed home for my extended weekend. I ate lots of ice cream, watched a lot of movies and spent some quality time with season one of Arrested Development, which Tina and I watched about half of tonight.

I've finished day four of steroids, and I must say I'm feeling it. My muscles are kind of twitchy, so I'm guessing my body's all "Why did the drugs stop? Bring us more drugs!" I feel your pain, Jose Canseco. I feel your pain.

Alas, I can never have a career in Major League Baseball, so I'm glad I'll someday have a degree to fall back on. Maybe I could play AAA.

After watching the "Pier Pressure" episode, I'm convinced Arrested Development has some of the greatest writers on the planet.

As it is officially June 20, I'd like to wish a very happy 38th birthday to the woman who would be my celebrity girlfriend if I were famous and we were both lesbians, Academy Award Winner Nicole Kidman. Wow, I should be her publicist.

You hear that, Nic? Hire me! I'll keep you readers posted on how that job search goes. Maybe she'll offer me assistant. I'm young, fresh, and hell, I work for Starbucks, so I'm great at fetching coffee.

We had a successful yet stressful production last week with half the computers out of commission because of possible water damage. Jon's car broke down, so, you know, what's a production if I don't have to design something? Maybe I should take some design class, you know, just in case.

I'm off work until Sunday, which should give me some good resting time, not to mention more time to sit around and hate economics, which I did for about a half hour today while attempting homework. I did some accounting, though, so I felt productive. I still have to finish econ, but I'm trying to avoid it at all costs.

Before I sign off with the song of the day ("Something Stupid" - a remake the birthday girl did with Robbie Williams), don't worry, Nicole, you don't look a day past 30. And did you get the Birthday Girl reference? Yeah, one of her movies. I should so work for her.

I know I stand in line, until you think you have the time
To spend an evening with me
And if we go someplace to dance, I know that there's a chance
You won't be leaving with me

And afterwards we drop into a quiet little place
And have a drink or two
And then I go and spoil it all, by saying something stupid
Like: "I love you"

I can see it in your eyes, that you despise the same old lies
You heard the night before
And though it's just a line to you, for me it's true
It never seemed so right before

I practice every day to find some clever lines to say
To make the meaning come through
But then I think I'll wait until the evening gets late
And I'm alone with you

The time is right your perfume fills my head, the stars get red
And oh the night's so blue
And then I go and spoil it all, by saying something stupid
Like: "I love you"
("I love you, I love you,...")

I See Your Two Tonsils, And I'll Raise You An Ectomy OR For Safer Sex, Just Remove Headboard

No, this does not mean I've jumped on the trendy bandwagon that is Texas Hold 'Em. I don't dislike the game, but I'd much rather play blackjack. Double down!

Tuesday morning I woke up to find my throat was so swollen I could barely swallow. Yikes! The weird thing - I'm not sick. Not even remotely. Other than the occasional headache, I feel normal. But my glands are freakin' huge! Or maybe it's my lymph nodes. I'm not sure if the swollen things secrete or not, and that's the difference between lymph and gland. But I digress.

I got to work just in time to be sent on my merry way. That was a nice surprise. Thanks to Rosa and Tracie for not forcing me to work with large tonsils.

I went to the ole Health Services, and Dr. Clark told me it was all because of my tonsils. That's right, folks, my tonsils are causing my glands and lymph nodes to swell and fluid to start buildling up in my ears. Yay!

Naturally, my thought is: So why do I still have them? Take them away! They just annoy me.

He said there's some question as to when to remove them in adults. Eh. I got a Z-pack, and if they're aren't better in a few days, I'm getting steroids-a-plenty (I'm allergic to other anti-inflammatories, as they contain sulfa).

At any rate, I've talked to my dad, and I'm thinking of just having them removed once my accounting class is over. By that time, I'll only have class on Monday and Wednesday nights, so I ought to be able to do a weekend surgery and be fine. Plus: Lots o' ice cream! Bonus!

Today I did something really stupid: I WORE THREE-INCH HEELS TO SCHOOL. What was I thinking? I know what I was thinking: These look great with this outfit. What I should have been thinking: Dear Lord, I have to walk all over campus and up and down several flights of stairs. For the first time in my life, I took the elevator in the Mass Comm Building. Yep, I rode up shamelessly to the second floor, when the office is located at the top of the stairs. As a side note: The elevator totally smelled like a box of crayons. What's that about?

Tina and I both have tickets to Platform 9 3/4, but Tina doesn't know it yet. For the Harry Potter impaired (aka People Not As Cool As I Am), that means we've reserved and paid for copies of the book. Well, actually, I paid for them. Aren't I a good Big Sis? She's gonna like FREAK OUT when she sees it, too. I love being nice.

A special shout-out to the fine people of MTSU, who, while intent on making it impossible for me to get the classes I need to graduate in a decent amount of time, have at least been kind enough to cut me a refund check of $1657.00. I put $1000 in savings - it'll come in handy when they keep cutting my hours at work and I have to use it to pay the bills.

Speaking of bills, we've been in the house since April 23, and we still haven't gotten a water bill. They haven't cut it off yet, so they must think someone is paying it. Sweet.

Kari reminded me that her wedding (featured in "I Cried At Six Flags Over Jesus" - see last August's archive) didn't have that damn butterfly song, either. Thanks, Kari! I appreciate your good taste in music, and while I remember thinking at your wedding, "Hey, it's not the butterfly song," it did escape me when I was typing the blog. My profound apologies. But your wedding blog had a better title, so that's something.

In the not-too-distant future, the Tina and I are going snake shopping. I've been browsing online retailers for satin sheets, and I'm going to get some soon. But I'm not going to spend my refund money all at once. I've only had one drink in the month of June, and that's unacceptable, so I'm going drinking at my first available opportunity.

Speaking of things I consume too much, here are a few items that damn headache book insists I give up COMPLETELY, and some (hopefully) witty anecdotes as to why I can't give them up.

Before I begin, the book mentions that orgasms can cause headaches. Listen up, ladies (and gents): REMOVE YOUR HEADBOARD. It will probably solve the problem.

1. Caffeine - What? Are these people kidding me? My caffeine headache is WAY worse than any "migraine," so if it's all the same to you, I'll just keep chugging my Mountain Dew. And, yes, I know at least they used to make that caffeine free, but without Coke, what the hell am I supposed to order at bars? Malibu and Sprite? Jack and Orange Juice? And, by the way, I work at Starbucks. Caffeine pays my bills! Well, it tries to, anyway. At least when I'm working, the caffeine is free.

2. Chocolate - What kind of fascism is this? Why the hell do you think I eat chocolate in the first place? I mean, it's delicious, it produces happy feelings in my brain, and it has...CAFFEINE! Pay attention, book man, I'm an addict here.

3. MSG - OK, you got me. I'll give up MSG. As far as I can tell, everything is advertised as "NO MSG!" so it shouldn't be too hard to cut that out of my daily diet of caffeine and chocolate.

4. Processed meats and fish - Processed? That sounds kind of shady. If the package says "processed" I won't be eatin' it. Unless it's pork. It's understood that pork is processed heavily - hell, I read The Jungle. I vividly remember it, actually. It was late, I read it all in one night, stayed up until 6 a.m., and was about to finally fall asleep when the smoke detector went apeshit because the battery was dying. Removing the battery didn't help - backup charge or something. I think we ripped it out of the wall. I probably did. My dad was out of town. Any fire marshalls reading this: Yes, it works now, and there were two other smoke detectors within 15 feet of that one, so if the place were ablaze, we'd have noticed. Anyway, it says no to bacon. I say no to saying no to bacon. Twice last week I had "snacks" that were just 8 strips of bacon. Don't fuck with my bacon!

5. Cheese and other dairy products - Did you even READ my ice cream blog? OK, I love cheese, too. I'll give up drinking milk. Hell, I did that 19 years ago, and I've been fine, because I have "other dairy products" - fuck this migraine diet.

6. Nuts - I assume this means peanuts, cashews, almonds, sunflower seeds - Wait! Seeds are OK! How about scrotum? Haha! You didn't think I would go there, did you? You were thinking "Surely she won't do THAT." Oh, come on, you were thinking it, too.

7. Alcohol and vinegar - Umm, no alcohol is not an option. I'm 22. When I'm 46 and my liver is hanging on by an act of God and a bit of intestine, then I'll consider it. Vinegar was never a part of my diet to begin with, and neither was the word "diet."

And that, my friends, is only a sampling of what I can't eat/drink/guzzle anymore. I wonder if the Tina bought seeds at the store. That sounds good right about now.

I got my accounting test back today, and I got a B! I was only two points away from an A - bitchin'! I really surprised myself by my lack of fucking it up. I deserve a celebratory sunflower seed or two or 50. Woot! I just found them - we always buy them in twos - one jar for each of us. I hope this second jar is for me. I'm sure it is, and if it's not, well, I bought her Harry Potter book 7, so she won't care.

In other news, my throat is still so big I can hardly swallow at times, and I don't think I'm swallowing in my sleep as much as I ought to. Maybe I'll call the doctor again tomorrow.

As always, I intended to work on my room today, and as always, I didn't. I did take out the trash though, and I bought A Home At The End Of The World by the same guy who wrote The Hours. I do love to read.

By the way, there will be no blog July 16 as I will be at Hogwarts (translation: reading Harry Potter). Please do not call me on that day, July 17 or July 18, as I could quite possibly kill you. I'll let you know when I'm done.

Oh, in actual news, Terry Schiavo's autopsy showed "severe brain damage." No shit. Whatever happened to resting in peace? When I die, keep my brain status out of the news, unless the following words are included: brilliant, impressive, amazing, etc. No bad-mouthing my dead brain, OK?

Song of the day: "The Ascent of Man" by REM. It's awesome - buy Around the Sun now!

So hesitation pulled me back
I'm stronger when I don't attract
In your eyes I'm a lamb without a rack
And I am getting confused
I'm a cactus trying to be a canoe
As you pan for ore
In the desert, floored
I say to you

That I could never imagine a place so beautiful
I could never steal your gold away.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah...

(I try to walk like a big wham bam
I came across like a battering ram
I try to float like a telegram sam
I'm trying to divine you.)

My book is called "The Ascent Of Man"
I marked your chapter with a catamaran
The accent's off
But I am what I am

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah...

(I try to walk like a big wham bam
I came across like a battering ram
I try to float like a telegram sam
I'm trying to divine you.)

I looked for you, it's my last grandstand
A motorscootered goat legged pan
Figure eighting in quicksand ...

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah...

(I try to walk like a big wham bam
I try to float like a telegram sam
I came across like a battering ram
I'm trying to divine you.)

(I try to walk like a big wham bam
I try to float like a telegram sam
I came across like a battering ram
I'm trying to divine you.)

So hesitation pulled me back
I'm so in love I don't attract
And with my hands tied I won't crack
('Cause in my mind I called you back.)

It's Not Just A Movie; It's An Event!

I am, of course, referring to my best friend's wedding.

Friday, after work and a nap, I went to Georgia for Leslie's wedding. It rained before and after, but not during, the ceremony. Yes, I cried the whole time, but it was a good cry.

She is now Leslie Reeves. Strange! She's married! Ahhhh!

I, however, am still not married. You know, in case you were wondering.

In other news, it continued to rain all over the office during the weekend. That was not fun.

I wager. I wasn't actually there - I was in Georgia.

I had to work Sunday night, but I got to close with Meredith and the Gregmeister, and then I bought Greg some beer for letting me borrow his accounting book so I didn't have to buy it. Woot!

Oh, great news about the wedding: This is the first wedding I've been to since "Butterfly Kisses" came out that didn't feature that freakin' song as the father-daughter dance. Thank God Leslie chose "My Girl" - awww!

I had to drive back in my halter dress and four-inch heels (prom shoes from junior year). Some jackass in an SUV bright-lighted me at one point (and, of course, I always speed, so it's not like I was driving slow...AND it was pouring down rain), so I flipped him off and shouted something to the effect of "Why don't you try driving in four-inch heels, motherfucker?"

Of course, he didn't hear me, as I was in my car, but it felt good to shout anyway.

Manderson's birthday is tomorrow! Neat!

In other, other news: Michael Jackson has been found NOT GUILTY - by an apparent jury of child molestors...who think there's nothing wrong with it. Don't fret, though - he can still be sued all over civil court. Won't that be fun?

Song of the day: "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" - Manderson's favorite Michael Jackson song! Yes, I wanted to use "Beat It" and "Bad," but this works, too.


Lovely Is The Feelin' Now
Fever, Temperatures Risin' Now
Power (Ah Power) Is The Force The Vow
That Makes It Happen It Asks No Questions Why (Ooh)
So Get Closer (Closer Now)
To My Body Now Just Love Me
'Til You Don't Know How (Ooh)

Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough

Touch Me And I Feel On Fire
Ain't Nothin' Like A Love Desire (Ooh)
I'm Melting (I'm Melting)
Like Hot Candle Wax Sensation (Ah Sensation)
Lovely Where We're At (Ooh)
So Let Love Take Us Through The Hours
I Won't Be Complanin'
'Cause This Is Love Power (Ooh)

Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
(Ooh)

Heartbreak Enemy Despise
Eternal (Ah Eternal)
Love Shines In My Eyes (Ooh)
So Let Love Take Us Through The Hours
I Won't Be Complanin' (No No)
'Cause Your Love Is Alright, Alright

Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough

Lovely Is The Feeling Now I Won't Be Complanin' (Ooh Ooh)
The Force Is Love Power

Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough

My Mouth Had An Orgasm; I Had A Panic Attack

Whilst chatting with JR last night, I got a ridiculous craving for Starbucks Java Chip ice cream.

It took a 40-minute excursion to both Wal-Marts to find it, but it was totally worth it. I swear, it's like a frozen orgasm for the tastebuds. Mmmm.

Today, I met with Gentry (new Greek Life director) for a bit, then I had class, and for the first time IN MY ENTIRE LIFE I understood accounting! I can't believe it! It was a joyous occasion for me, because Accounting I kicked my ass hard.

After getting out of class early, I went to the Sidelines office, and what did I find, you ask?

IT WAS RAINING IN THE OFFICE!

Wait, that's not good enough.

IT WAS RAINING IN THE OFFICE!!!!!!

There, that's better.

Now, I'm not referring to a small, drippy leak. Three ceiling tiles were letting the rain fall all over the .:flash and managing editor desks. All of our plaques got wet, too.

Well, naturally, I did what anyone else would do and freaked out. I started calling people while putting the tiny-ass trashbags over whatever I could. Finally, around 6 p.m., some maintenance guy showed up to cover stuff up. Of course, by this time, it had been monsooning for half an hour.

Yes, they're currently re-roofing the Mass Comm Building. NO, they're not doing it fast enough.

Could MORE things be fucked up right now? I probably shouldn't ask that.

Song of the day: "Have You Ever Seen the Rain?"

Someone told me long ago
There's a calm before the storm
I know
It's been coming for some time
When it's over so they say
It'll rain on a sunny day
I know
Shining down like water

I wanna know
Have you ever seen the rain?
I wanna know
Have you ever seen the rain?

Coming down on a sunny day
Yesterday and days before
Sun is cold and rain is hard
I know
It's been that way for all my time
Till forever on it goes
Through the circle fast and slow
I know
And it can't stop I wonder

I wanna know
Have you ever seen the rain?
I wanna know
Have you ever seen the rain?

I wanna know
Have you ever seen the rain?
I wanna know
Have you ever seen the rain?

Narc, Narc! Who's There?

Work has taken a turn for the MAJORLY WEIRD. However, because there are some things I know I shouldn't discuss on my blog lest someone read them, I can say no more. Feel free to e-mail me about it - that's where the title came from.

According to Manda, Hayden Christensen (new hot Darth Vader) and I should "rule the galaxy as too hot people who look good in black!" I'm OK with that.

Tina's bday was yesterday (June 8). She is 22. I'm still older. Mwahahahaha!

Econ was surprisingly cool today. My professor rocks, even if Micro is the bain of my existence, and I'm pretty sure accounting made me its bitch today.

Song of the day: "The Kids" by Eminem when he subs on South Park. Awesome. Cartman's stuff is in parentheses. The Mr. Mackey stuff sounds like Eminem, too, but I haven't seen it so I can't be sure. Anyway, download it, it's funny.

[Mr. Mackey] (Eric Cartman)
And everyone should get along..
Okay children quiet down, quiet down
Children I'd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the day
His name is Mr. Shady
Children quiet down please
Brian don't throw that (SHUT UP!)
Mr. Shady will be your new substitute
while Mr. Kaniff is out with pneumonia (HE'S GOT AIDS!)
Good luck Mr. Shady

[Eminem]
Hi there little boys and girls (FUCK YOU!)
Today we're gonna to learn how to poison squirrels
But first, I'd like you to meet my friend Bob (Huh?)
Say hi Bob! ("Hi Bob") Bob's 30 and still lives with his mom
and he don't got a job, cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot
but his twelve-year old brother looks up to him an awful lot
And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot
and wait in the parkin lot for waitresses off the clock
when it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog
Drag 'em in the woods and go straight to the chopping blocks (AHH!)
And even if they escaped and they got the cops
the ladies would all be so afraid, they would drop the charge
'til one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job
when she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk
But Stacey knew it was Bob and said knock it off
But Bob wouldn't knock it off cause he's crazy and off his rocker
Crazier than Slim Shady is off the vodka
You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a "Dr."
He grabbed Stace' by the legs as chopped it off her
and dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her
But ever since the day Stacey went off to wander
they never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner
And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana,
and what it might do to you
So see if the squirrels want any - it's bad for you

[Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)]

See children, drugs are bahhhd (c'mon)
and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (ask him man)
and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (that's right)
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)
So kids say no to drugs (that's right)
So you don't act like everyone else does (uh-huh)
Then there's really nothin else to say (sing along)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?

[Eminem]
My penis is the size of a peanut, have you seen it?
FUCK NO you ain't seen it, it's the size of a peanut (Huh?)
Speakin of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels?
Ecstasy is the worst drug in the world
If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it
Kids two hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid
and spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back
So don't get attached, it'll attack every bone in your back
Meet Zach, twenty-one years old
After hangin out with some friends at a frat party, he gets bold
and decides to try five, when he's bribed by five guys
and peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it
Suddenly, he starts to convulse and his pulse goes into hyperdrive
and his eyes roll back in his skull {*blblblblblb*}
His back starts tah - look like the McDonald's Arches
He's on Donald's carpet, layin horizontal barfin {*BLEH*}
And everyone in the apartment starts laughin at him
"Hey Adam, Zach is a jackass, look at him!"
cause they took it too, so they think it's funny
So they're laughing at basically nothing except maybe wasting his money
Meanwhile, Zach's in a coma, the action is over
and his back and his shoulders hunched up like he's practicin yoga
And that's the story of Zach, the ecstasy maniac
So don't even feed that to squirrels class, cause it's bad for you

[Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)]

See children, drugs are bahhhd (that's right)
and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (that's right)
and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (you can)
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)
So kids say no to drugs (smoke crack)
So you don't act like everyone else does (that's right)
And there's really nothin else to say (but umm)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?

[Eminem]
And last but not least, one of the most humungous
problems among young people today, is fungus
It grows from cow manure, they pick it out, wipe it off,
bag it up, and you put it right in your mouth and chew it
Yum yum! Then you start to see some dumb stuff
And everything slows down when you eat some of 'em..
And sometimes you see things that aren't there (Like what?)
Like fat woman in G-strings with orange hair
(Mr. Shady what's a G-string?) It's yarn Claire
Women stick 'em up their behinds, go out and wear 'em (Huh?)
And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms
Whoops, did I say magic mushrooms? I meant fungus
Ya tongue gets, all swoll up like a cow's tongue (How come?)
cause it comes from a cow's dung (Gross!!)
See drugs are bad, it's a common fact
But your mom and dad, know that's all that I'm good at (Oh!)
But don't be me, cause if you grow up and you go and O.D.
They're gonna come for me and I'ma have to grow a goatee
and get a disguise and hide, cause it'll be my fault
So don't do drugs, and do exactly as I don't,
cause I'm bad for you

[Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)]

See children, drugs are bahhhd (uh-huh)
and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (put that down)
and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (you can ask)
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (and she will)
So kids say no to drugs (say no)
So you don't act like everyone else does (like I do)
And there's really nothin else to say (that's right)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?

[Mr. Mackey] (Eric Cartman)
Come on children, clap along (SHUT UP!)
Sing along children (Suck my motherfuckin dick!)
Drugs are just bad, drugs are just bad (South Park is gonna sue me!)
So don't do drugs (Suck my motherfuckin penis!)
so there'll be more for me (Hippie! God damnit!)
(Mushrooms killed Kenny! *fart* Ewww, ahhh!)
(So, fucked up, right now..)

Boba Fett Gets Eaten By A Fuckin' Vagina

Manda said the title just now. Follow the link for some clever writing about my rise to power, something about the POWER of the Dark Side, and a reference to some Vietnamese man-eating vagina. Can you find it? I dare you!

You've Been Bamboozled!

Manda inspired me today. So without further ado, here goes:

Dear Manda's Blog,

Hi! How r u? I'm good. I've been working on my fanfic lately. I will be the best fanficker in the world. Here is a sample I wrote about u.

It was a dark and stormy night when the clones attacked.

Manda, decked out in her favorite black Converse shoes, screamed in fright and took cover in a nearby building.

The AnThONys came out of the woodwork, foaming at the mouth in their lust for flesh.

But not in a sex way. The AnThONys just liked to eat flesh. It was their food of choice.

Manda was near panicking when suddenly Obi-Wan Kenobi came swooping in on a power cord, scooping her up in his manly arms and taking a lightsaber to the AnThONys.

"Oh, Obi-Wan, you're my hero!" Manda exclaimed, panting tiredly and clutching Ewan McGregor's Obi-Wan's hot torso.

"You saved me from the evil clones! How can I repay you?"

But Obi-Wan was a noble Jedi, and was also kind of gay, so he didn't yearn for her flesh.

"I prefer to be sexually frustrated," he replied. "And you're not really my type. I have a meeting with Mace Windu now. May the Force be with you."

And that is the story of how Obi-Wan came out. The end.

Yes, I swear it was that bad on purpose.

"High" Court Just Says No

First off, I will never again refer to the Supreme Court as the "high" court. It's anything but. What a bunch of fascism.

So for those of you who are unaware, here's the lowdown: The Supreme Court ruled Monday 6-3 that federal authorities (ahem, NARCS) can prosecute people who smoke marijuana to help with the pain of some diseases. Keep in mind, this pot-smoking is completely doctor-approved.

Well, those robed law interpreters say that the federal anti-getting high laws supercede the state doctor-approved tokin' laws.

Before we know it, they're gonna pull all the good painkillers out of the pharmacies, too. Why take those big bad narcotics for pain when you can just be a law-abiding sufferer?

In other news, last night we had a LATE production - I didn't leave the office until 1 a.m. Naturally, Murphy's Law takes precedent over Wendy's production schedule, but don't tell the Supreme Court that - they might overrule it.

I went to the neurologist today, and I saw a nurse practioner who told me I have migraines. She gave me a headache book. I may or may not read it.

So apparently, my first migraine lasted two months. Now, that sounds a little whack to me, but I'm not the almost-doctor she is, so I guess I can't judge her diagnosis. Well, I shouldn't. I still might.

Last night, Manda, Matthew, and I headed to IHOP for some international pancake fun. It was an enjoyable experience, and good times were had by all.

What song could be more appropriate than Toby Keith's "I'll Never Smoke Weed With Willie Again" as today's pick? I can't think of anything better.

I always heard that his herb was top shelf
I just could not wait to find out for myself
Don't knock it 'til you tried it, Well I tried it my friend
And I'll never smoke weed with Willie again

I learned a hard lesson in a small Texas town
He fired up a fat boy and passed him around
The last words that I spoke before they tucked me in
Was "I'll never smoke weed with Willie again"

I'll never smoke weed with Willie again
My partie's all over before it begins
You can pour me some old Whiskey River my friend
But I'll never smoke weed with Willie again

I hopped on his old bus, the Honey Suckle Rose
The party was Vegas it was after the show.
Alone in the front lounge with just me and him,
With one parting puff grim creeper set in.

I'll never smoke weed with Willie again
My partie's all over before it begins
You can pour me some old Whiskey River my friend
But I'll never smoke weed with Willie again

Now we're passing the guitar and telling good jokes
I know ones a-comin' cause I'm smelling smoke
No I do not partake, I just let it pass by
With a smile on my face and a great contact high

I'll never smoke weed with Willie again
My partie's all over before it begins
You can pour me some old Whiskey River my friend
But I'll never smoke weed with Willie again

In the fetal position with drool on my chin
I messed up and smoked weed with Willie again

Charge That to Accounts Fuckable, Deeper Throat

Today I enjoyed one of my favorite pasttimes, fucking with Matt's facebook. Logged in as Matt, I joined Raider Republicans and Ann Coulter Is My Goddess.

Well, Matt said the Ann Coulter thing was pretty interesting, so I attempted to join it myself. I couldn't! It would not let me join the group. I kinda feel cheated, like I'm not getting my full facebook experience if I can't join groups I don't want to belong to.

During some fun production banter, Matt mentioned printing something along the lines of "Wendy said..." to which I immediately replied "I'd be an anonymous source, like Deep Throat 2. Deeper Throat!"

Insert hilarious laughter here.

I then said "Charge that to accounts fuckable." All in all, it was a good experience.

I had class today, and both of them got out early. Good times! Wow, I never thought I'd refer to accounting and microeconomics as "good times" - I am deeply shamed.

I got some sweet tips today. That's always a good thing. I dig being unpoor.

Song of the day: "The Dreaming Tree" by Dave Matthews Band.

Standing here
The old man said to me,
"Long before these crowded streets
Here stood my dreaming tree."
Below it he would sit
For hours at a time
Now progress takes away
What forever took to find
And now he's falling hard
He feels the falling dark
How he longs to be
Beneath his dreaming tree

Conquered fear to climb
A moment froze in time
When the girl who first he kissed
Promised him she'd be his
Remembered mother's words
There beneath the tree
"No matter what the world
You'll always be my baby."
"Mommy come quick,
The dreaming tree has died."
The air is growing thick
A fear he cannot hide
The dreaming tree has died

Oh, have you no pity?
This thing I do
I do not deny it
All through this smile
As crooked as danger
I do not deny
I know in my mind
I would leave you now
If I had the strength to
I would leave you up
To your own devices
Will you not talk?
Can you take pity?
I don't ask much
But won't you speak, please?

From the start
She knew she had it made
Easy up 'til then
For sure she'd make the grade
Adorers came in hordes
To lay down in her wake
Gave it all she had
But treasures slowly fade
Now she's falling hard
Feels the fall of dark
How did this fall apart?
She drinks to fill it up
A smile of sweetest flowers
Wilted so and soured
Black tears stain the cheeks
That once were so admired
She thinks when she was small
There on her father's knee
How he had promised her,
"You'll always be my baby."
"Daddy come quick,
The dreaming tree has died
I can't find my way home
There is no place to hide
The dreaming tree has died."

Oh, if I had the strength to
I would leave you up
To your own devices
Will you not talk?
Can you take pity?
I don't ask much
But won't you speak, please?

Take me back, take me back, take me back...

Save me please.

This Blog Brought to You by The Color Yellow, Yellow's Boyfriend, And Yellow's Girlfriend

Your Passion is Yellow

You're a total sexual shape shifter. You possess a complex sex drive and are very adaptable. Of all the colors, you are the most likely to be bisexual. While you the most passionate, you are very open minded.

What Color Is Your Passion?

The lack of verb at the end bothers me more than the bisexual part. Is that weird? I'm a grammar snob. And if my girlfriend has to look like little miss plastic in the picture, I'll pass, thanks.

You Are a Snarky Blogger!

You've got a razor sharp wit that bloggers are secretly scared of. And that's why they read your posts as often as they can!

What kind of blogger are you?

Can't I just be the hot anime chick? I'm OK with that.

Your Inner European is Irish!

Sprited and boisterous! You drink everyone under the table.

Who's Your Inner European?

Damn right I do. Then I wake them up to do shots.

So enough of that. Work has become some kind of sauna (it's ridiculously hot in there). I mean, all I do is sweat. It's awful. At least I can have free iced tea.

It's nice to know I'm an Irish witty bisexual. Worse things have happened. I will say this: Although I'm a big fan of men, I'd make an exception for Nicole Kidman or Sarah Michelle Gellar. And probably Natalie Portman, you know, if she asked all nice.

I have class now. Ugh. I'm anti summer class, but if I don't finish accounting and economics, I'll never graduate. Sigh.

I have to be at work tomorrow to do tips at noon, and then I'm off for three days. I'm mostly just going to sit around and think of all the money people who aren't me are making.

I have a neurologist appointment this week. I need to get my CAT scan to bring. Let's hope that doesn't cost anything, because I'm broke. I'm sure they'll just bill my parents.

OK, I'm going to play with my phone some more finally unpack my room.

First, because there's no song, the infamous gold (which is like shiny yellow - see how I brought it all around again?) bikini. Keep in mind I'd been washing cars in the hot sun for a few hours, so I'm a little really really sweaty.

Crazy Hooker And The Pussy

Leslie called me this morning (or maybe it was afternoon, but I was sleeping so it's morning to me) to say she is definitely getting married June 11, so I'll be on my way to Georgia next weekend. Woohoo!

Last night, Brandy Is Awesome took care of the dead bird. Destiny was, of course, meowing her head off and insisting I give her even more attention. For some reason, I came up with the idea that we (Destiny and I) should form a band, and the name just rolled off my tongue: Crazy Hooker and the Pussy.

Maybe we'd cover this song: "Laid" by James.

This bed is on fire
With passionate love
The neighbours complain about the noises above
But she only comes when she’s on top

My therapist said not to see you no more
She said you’re like a disease without any cure
She said I’m so obsessed that I’m becoming a bore, oh no
Ah, you think you’re so pretty

Caught your hand inside the till
Slammed your fingers in the door
Fought with kitchen knives and skewers
Dressed me up in womens clothes
Messed around with gender roles
Dye my eyes and call me pretty

Moved out of the house, so you moved next door
I locked you out, you cut a hole in the wall
I found you sleeping next to me, I thought I was alone
You’re driving me crazy, when are you coming home

Sleeping with Destiny OR Did I Say You Could Die? OR Even More Proof I Have A Vagina

Yesterday I had to work (no surprise there). I finally got to sleep around 5:30 a.m., and JR IMed me (straight to da new cell phone) at 6 a.m., so I half-coherently chatted with him for a few minutes. Then I went back to bed, woke up around 9 and went to the sorority car wash of fun.

Tina went home for the weekend, and Destiny quickly took over my bed. She's all attention-deprived because I had the car wash and work all day, so she keeps reminding me by running her head into my hand at every available opportunity. Yes, Destiny is Tina's baby cat. I love this cat, but sometimes I just want to type in peace.

Today started out as a pretty routine busy day: I woke up earlier than I wanted, gave fresh water to the chinchilla and the birds, and kissed the cat goodbye. All in a day's work.

After the car wash, I came back for a quick 15-minute power nap, which was a BAD idea because I got a sunscreen-sweat combo on my pillowcases, so now I'm washing my sheets. I needed to do that anyway because I brought my red sheets from home, so it's all good. I also DIDN'T burn! I'm slightly less pale, but it's only visible when you can see my tan lines. At least I have tan lines.

Work was surprisingly awesome tonight, which probably had a lot to do with my closing crew: T-Money, the Gregmeister, and Michael. We also had Lisa until 9, so it was all good in the Smyrna Starbucks today. We were really slow at the end, but the night still went by relatively quickly. Neat.

After work, I came home for a nice night of laundry and organizing the endless amount of STUFF I have. Well, I get home to discover Spike (one of the parakeets) is dead in the bottom of the cage.

That's right - the bird up and died for no apparent reason while I was at work. Of course, I called the Tina to find out what to do about this dead bird thing. Now, I have to preface this by listing just a few of the things that don't bother me at all:
*Spiders
*Snakes
*Flesh wounds
*"Your mom" jokes
*Violent explosions

However, I'm really girly about some things, and I just don't have what it takes to dispose of a dead parakeet. Naturally, I called Brandy Is Awesome, who has agreed to come over later to take care of the bird. Thanks Brandy Is Awesome - I knew there was a reason I called you that.

We ran out of Chantico at work today, which gave me the chance to go to the Bell Road store to get some from Nick. We discussed how many hours he has (42) versus how many hours I have (17). Yes, my friends, you may soon be finding me on your local street corner with this sign: "Starving College Student. Will Work for Books."

Hopefully that's all I'll be at the street corner for. Starbucks, if you're reading this, GIVE ME MORE HOURS! Or at least a raise.

This Just In: I'm A Sexy Brazilian

In my quest to be more like Manda, I decided to have some fun at the blogthing Web site. Enjoy.

Your Sexy Brazilian Name Is

Keila Melo

What's Your Sexy Brazilian Name?

I got a new phone today. It's fun. I've been playing with it for about 3 hours now, and it's still not old. If you know me, I'll soon be taking pictures of you with my new toy, so please look your best. We don't want anyone looking all shitty on my new phone.

OK, so this could not be more accurate. In fact, there's a good chance I've said this before. I know I've thought it many times.

Your Star Wars Pickup Line

"In time, you will call me.....Master."

What's Your Star Wars Pickup Line?

And now, what you've all been waiting for: How liberal or conservative am I? Well, I know I lost some points due to my fascination with guns, but check out my ethics. Yeah, baby!

Your Political Profile

Overall: 30% Conservative, 70% Liberal

Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

I definitely have misgivings about posting that. One day It'll bite me in the ass, I just know it.

The song of the day is a flashback to yesteryear: "Time after Time" by Cyndi Lauper.

Lying in my bed, I hear the clock ticks, and think of you
Caught up in circles, confusion is nothing new
Flash back, warm night, almost left behind
Suitcase of memories...
Time after

Sometimes you picture me, I'm walking too far ahead
You're callin' to me, I can't hear what you've said
You said, "Go slow, I fall behind"
The second hand unwinds...

If you're lost, you can look and you will find me,
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting,
Time after time

I turn, my picture fades, and darkness has turned to grey
Watching through windows, you're wondering if I'm okay
Secrets, stolen, from deep inside,
The drum beats out of time...

If you're lost, you can look and you will find me,
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting,
Time after time

If you're lost, you can look and you will find me,
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting,
Time after time

Time after time...

Why Don't We Drink Coffee And Screw?

Today is the two-month mark since I've had sex, so all you people out there who think I'm fucking up a storm are gravely mistaken.

I have, however, been fucked.

That's right, my friend, yours truly has been bent over and rammed by a company that didn't even have the common courtesy to buy me dinner or rub my neck first. Actually, we used to get free dinner every payday, but not anymore. So I guess they bought me dinner, but there's a statute of limitations between dinner-buying and fucking, and that time limit went flying by about a month ago.

So I can't pay my bills. At all. Not even close. Thank God I'm getting paid to take summer class, or I'd be fucked like, I dunno, who gets fucked a lot? Paris Hilton? Probably. That seems like as good a guess as any.

Anyway, I'm hoping that after two more months I'll be well on my way to fuckery again. Is that a word? Probably not. Oh well.

Last night I had a dream about Lindsey's blog. Today I woke up, and, naturally, had to check it, only to find a title so clever it could have rivaled my own: [You suck, Dick]. Well done, Lindsey. Those of us with good senses of humor thank you.

Katie is having a Sugar and Spice party next Friday, and I'm going to buy Liquid Love I think. Mmmmm - tasty and useful, all at the same time! Anyway, I just typed sugarandspice.com, and I swear these are the headings: "Free Porn" "Sex Toys" "Paris Hilton." So the reference earlier was justified. I'm so amused.

I went to Sonic to get a chocolate cream pie shake, and I didn't even get a straw! What fascists!

I had an interesting discussion with Brandonian today. Here's what happened, paraphrased but almost accurate. You know, like Fox News. Ooh! Snap!

Brandonian: That's a nice shirt. Is it Catwoman?
Me: I don't know. It just is.
Brandonian: Well, it has the kind of S&M look to pass for Batman.
Me: Thanks. I want my clothing to say "I like to hurt people."

Going back to my Fox News comment, I have to admit something TERRIBLE happened today. Whilst in the Sidelines office having an editorial board meeting, I had a conservative moment.

Someone: You can't keep politicians from being corrupt.
Me: You can shoot them! Put a bullet in his head and tell me if he doesn't stop taking bribes. (pause) Oh no! Make me stop! Hit me!
Manda: Slap her!
Me: Slap me! (holding out hand)
Matt: (slaps Wendy's hand)

I can't say I let the Republican in me out, because there is no Republican in me. I then redeemed myself with this comment about term limits:

Me: If we didn't have them, we might have four more years of Bush. Who here wants four more years of Bush. (pause, no one raises a hand) Somewhere in Texas, one guy just said "Aye."
All: (laughter)

Matt left himself logged in on facebook again, so I happily wrote all kinds of nice things on my wall under his name. He never learns.

Last night at work, I was talking to Vince about how much I despise accounting. Here's yet another paraphrase:

Vince: You're not going to be an accountant, right?
Me: No. I hate it, mostly because I suck at it. Accounts payable, accounts receivable, accounts fuckable. It's all the same to me.

See, Wendy's accounting is fun!

Thanks to Lindsey for putting a band name generator on JR's blog. Let's come up with a few fun band names for accountants:
Diverse Accounts and the Blonde Afro
Accounts Rabid
Accounts of the Suffering

OK, that's enough for one day. Hopefully, there aren't any accountants out there reading this to find a happenin' name for their band. If there are, I'd go with the first one. Everyone loves a blonde afro.

Instead of a song today, here's an excerpt from a great online cartoon. Just another way to saying "Thanks for helping me waste time when I ought to be doing something productive."

"It's a fuckin' pack of matches! Wheeee matches! Fire on a stick!" - Foamy

It Hurts When I Swallow

Deep Throat's identity was revealed today, something I've been looking forward to for quite some time.

Sadly, my Kissinger guess was far off-base at best, but it's cooler that it's a former FBI agent.

I hope someone thinks to ask him what it's like to be named after a blowjob porn. Is blowjob one word? I think so. Maybe I should consult the fine people of the Associated Press.

In other news, work SUCKED like Linda Lovelace. Yeah, that's right. I went for the Deep Throat joke. Don't you wish you were so clever?

I have 17 hours next week at work. Yeah. I'm glad I don't have to do pesky things like eat, pay bills, and put gas in my car. Wait - I do. Fuck.

I didn't get off work until 12:27 a.m. I'm only scheduled until 11:45 p.m. The bright side: more hours! Aye me, sad hours seem long. I hope somebody got that.

Song of the day: I've been DYING without all my Counting Crows CDs, which had still better be in Mannix in Franklin or I'm going to have to start offing people. Anyway, my favorite Counting Crows song ever is "Anna Begins" - I play it for everyone who rides with me (except for now, obviously, because I don't have it on CD - argh!). This is a song that to me represents a point in life that everyone comes to, and Adam Duritz is quite possible the greatest lyricist on the entire planet.

My friend assures me "it's all or nothing"
I am not worried- I am not overly concerned
My friend implores me " for one time only,
make an exception." I am not not worried
Wrap her up in a package of lies
Send her off to a coconut island
I am not worried - I am not overly concerned
with the status of my emotions
"oh", She says, "you're changing."
But we're always changing
It does not bother me to say this isn't love
Because if you don't want to talk about it then it isn't love
and I guess I'm going to have to live with that
but, I'm sure there's something in a shade of gray
or something in between
and I can always change my name if that's what you mean

My friend assures me "it's all or nothing`
But I am not really worried
I am not overly concerned
You try to tell yourself the things you try tell yourself to make
yourself forget
to make yourself forget
I am not worried
"If it's love" she said, "then we're gonna have to think about the
consequences"
cause she can't stop shaking and I can't stop touching her and.....

This time when kindness falls like rain
it washes her away and Anna begins to change her mind
"these seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering
for days" she says.
And I'm not ready for this sort of thing

But I'm not gonna break
And I'm not going to worry about it anymore
I'm not gonna bend. And I'm not gonna break and
I'm not gonna worry about it anymore
It seems like I should say "as long as this is love..."
But it's not all that easy so maybe I should just
snap her up in a butterfly net-
Pin her down on a photograph album
I am not worried
I've done this sort of thing before
But then I start to think about the consequences
Because I don't get no sleep in a quiet room and...

The time when kindness falls like rain
it washes me away and Anna begins change my mind
And every time she sneezes I believe it's love
and oh lord.... I'm not ready for this sort of thing
She's talking in her sleep-it's keeping me awake
And Anna begins to toss and turn
And every word is nonsense but I understand and
oh lord. I m not ready for this sort of thing
Her kindness bangs a gong
It's moving me along and Anna begins to fade away
It's chasing me away. She dissappears, and oh lord I'm not ready for this sort of thing