"But I did not shoot the deputy"

Yes, the fucking sheriff came again. I opened the door with an exasperated, "HE DOESN'T LIVE HERE!"

"Who don't live here?"

Yes, they have impeccable grammar.

"Yancey, or whoever you're looking for."

"We're looking for Jocelyn."

That's new - now you're harassing me about someone else I don't know. Lovely.

"We are the ONLY people who live here. We have lived here since April 22. We have already given you our landlord's information three times. Who do I have to call to get this to stop?"

"We'll try to get you off the list."

TRY HARDER!

So I called to make a complaint. Here's how that went down. First, I got transferred about three times until I was finally in the warrant section, where everyone is always so cheerful. I explained the situation, and the lady asked for the last name. I gave her mine, and she replied with, "No, the one on the warrant."

"I don't know - I don't even know these people! They just happened to live here before I did. I have the address - can't you use that?"

"No, I have to have the last name. Can you get the last name?"

"Oh, I'm sure they'll come back in a day or two." Click.

Fuck you, Truman Jones.

This really needs to stop. I'm running out of sheriff-related blog titles.

And now, on to today's feast.

Appetizer
How would you describe your personal comfort zone?
This is an interesting one. In one word, familiar.

Soup
What is your favorite tree?
I'm a fan of the Bradford Pears or whatever the hell blooms all over my subdivision, and, of course, the Sugar Maple. Oh, wait: Christmas Tree!

Salad
List 3 foods you'd like to include in your dinner plans for tonight.
Medium rare rib-eye, chocolate mousse pie with Oreo crust, corn grilled in bacon and butter. I'm probably having all that tomorrow night, so I guess it can wait.

Main Course
What is the best advice you've ever been given, but didn't heed?
Live each day as though it were your last. I know it's cheesy, but if I did that, I'd never get anything done.

Dessert
On a scale of 1-10 (10 being highest), how much attention do you feel comfortable receiving from others?
It depends on the nature of the attention. I give me a 10 on positive attention and a 1 on negative attention. At least I'll admit it.

Guess what, everyone? I FINALLY finished biology! I just took my last two tests, so that incomplete is about to be a grade. Let's hope it's a good one.