Saturday, December 17, 2005

Rules of Engagement

It just occurred to me that I've been so wrapped up in trying to finish the semester that I forgot to blog about something: Travis is engaged. And not to me.

Pretty much anyone who knew me from the time I was 9 through high school knew who Travis was. So last week I found out he's engaged. Good for him. I'm not that bothered by it because he totally isn't my type anymore. He's not tall enough for one thing. I like my men tall.

But he was my first first love. There are degrees to this: There's the first love, the first love once you were old enough to truly understand love, and then there's the first time you fell in love. The last one is already married, by the way. Again, not to me.

Recently I found a lot of people on facebook who I used to go to church with. That's been weird to say the least. Just as always, their apathy makes me want to beat them with hymn books. But I don't, because attacking church folk just seems wrong.

Travis and I used to be great friends - I've known him my entire life. There are actually pictures of us together when we were both still in diapers. But, like so many friends, we drifted apart, but not until I got these annoying emotions that plagued me for about six years.

During that time, we grew apart. I became a different person, as did he. Clearly, we were wrong for each other - I have no doubt about that now. And, as a wise person once told me, "The right thing at the wrong time is still the wrong thing."

You know you're getting old when you have a married ex and have dated two divorced men. Naturally, the church people are all married or well on their way. I, however, do not believe that I need a significant other to validate my position in the world.

I can't sleep. When you read the time of this post, I didn't get up early - I'm just up really late.

Travis, of course, prompts another song: "Champagne High" by Sister Hazel.

I wasn't looking for a lifetime with you
And I never thought it would hurt just to hear
"I do" and "I do"
And I do a number on myself
And all that I thought to be
And you'll be the one
That just left me undone
By my own, hesitation

and for the million hours that we were
well I'll smile and remember it all
then I'll turn and go
while your story's completed mine is a long way from done.

Well I'm on a champagne high
Where will I be when I stop wondering why
On a champagne high
I'd toast to the future but that'd be a lie
On a champagne high, high

Spring turned to summer
But then winter turned to mean
The distance seemed right
At the time it was best - to leave
And to leave behind
What I once thought was fine And so real - to me
And while I'm still gone
On the quest for my song
I'm at your - celebration

Bridge & Chorus

Your wagon's been hitched to a star
Well now he'll be your thing that's new
Yeah what little I have you can borrow
'Cause I'm old and I'm blue...


Well I'm on a champagne high (so high)
Where will I be when I stop wondering why
On a champagne high (so high)
Toast to the future but that'd be a lie
On a champagne high
Where will I be when I stop wondering why
On a champagne high...high...
So high so high you left me undone
so high, so high you left me undone...

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