Keeping up with the Joneses

It seems fitting that someone searched for this Web site and clicked my blog today. Why? Because yet another peon of the jolly old sheriff came a-knockin' this morning, even earlier than last week's wake-up call.

I kid. This guy actually sounded nice, from what I could decipher in my half-awake state at 7:13 a.m., four minutes before my clock went off. Don't you hate that? Four minutes of sleep, stolen from me viciously as The Tina answered and informed the man that we are still the only residents of this lovely abode, and can they please stop bothering us at such ungodly hours? She didn't put it like that (I probably would have, which is why I'm not the ungodly-hour door answerer), but she did give them the landlord info so they could check it out. He assured us they won't be back.

I plan to paper the door with printouts of the Web site and notices reading "Welcome to the Home of Only Wendy and Tina and No One Wanted by the Rutherford County Sheriff...Please Come Back at Noon" just in case they're lying. If they come at 6 a.m. next week, I will be very angry.

Hey, if any of those fine folk are reading this, the crackhead neighbors are gone, too. I don't know where - they just kind of stopped coming back. Their dog disappeared about a month or so before they did - I imagine they traded it for some blow, but this is all wild speculation with no basis. I just want to avoid an early-a.m. knock about those people, too, while I'm posting disclaimers.

Who in the hell teaches law enforcement to knock so damn loudly? I mean, I can sleep through it, but The Tina's room is in the back of the house, and it woke her up. That's just nuts! Thank God my REM cycles are borderline-comatose. I imagine if they came on a day she wasn't home, they'd shoot the damn door open.