Tagged by Lindsey via NiT

Lindsey tagged me. I can't resist when Lindsey tags me, because she's not an arbitrary tagger. Also, this will help me with last year's resolution to blog more than JR, which I think I've succeeded in doing. We didn't really discuss stakes, but I'm hoping I can get something cool out of being the more frequent blogger.

So, here is the Seven Deadly Meme. OK, I made up the name. Big deal.

Seven Things To Do Before I Die:
1) Dance in the rain
2) Get married and start a family
3) Cruise the Mediterranean
4) Write a book
5) Pay off my credit card
6) Graduate from college
7) Buy my BMW or my Corvette

Seven Things I Cannot Do:
1) Walk and drink hot chocolate at the same time
2) Wake up without an alarm clock
3) Go to bed before 2 a.m.
4) Play a bar game decently (pool, darts)
5) Understand males
6) Drive a stick shift
7) Graduate in December 2006 as planned

Seven Things That Attract Me To...Blogging
1) Writing my thoughts instead of keeping them in
2) Reading the blogs of people I know
3) Comments (the good kind)
4) Having a site meter
5) Realizing people on different continents read my blog
6) Clever post titles
7) Being snarky

Seven Things I Say Most Often
1) Fuck
2) Clearly
3) That's funny - you didn't think of it
4) Expletive
5) I
6) Me
7) Bills

Seven Books That I Love
1) Catch-22
2) GUT Symmetries
3) The Passion
4) Written on the Body
5) Harry Potter
6) The Hours
7) The Tao Is Silent

Seven Movies That I Watch Over and Over Again
1) Kill Bill Vol. 2
2) Star Wars (original trilogy)
3) The Shawshank Redemption
4) Office Space
5) Swingers
6) Top Gun
7) Pirates of the Caribbean

Seven People I Want To Join In Too
Uhhh...no. Lindsey. I tag Lindsey. And anyone else who cares. But mostly Lindsey.

Better Late Than Never

That holds true for periods AND Tolstoy Tuesday, so this is just in response to the latter.

"Untitled"

Nights in black satin
Hiding the present
Running from the past
Avoiding the future
Under the glow
Of a black light
That only illuminates
Disappointment

If you've been keeping up with my blog lately, I'm sure you've noticed the ridiculous comment war that's plagued Tabula Rasa. No, I can't delete it. At least, not from any computer that I'm able to use. Sigh. Just ignore it - I'm sure it'll eventually go away.

Brandy is Awesome had a birthday yesterday! Unfortunately, I missed the party on account of not finding it and my phone hates me. Lovely. I ended up at the SigEp house (imagine that) and had some drinks to celebrate. Just because I wasn't with her on her birthday doesn't mean I can't celebrate it.

Bambi is in town, which is definitely the highlight of my week thus far (though I'm sure keg stands at the party would've ranked right up there had I been there). Tonight we're doing something that involves lots of drinking and ringing in the new year. Should be a night to forget in an alcoholic haze.

Happy New Year to everyone out there, and check out Nashville Is Talking. Lindsey is guest blogging for the weekend.

The Best Virtual Present Ever OR Pardon Me While I Bend over for the Financial Aid Office

So Lindsey did some virtual shopping, and I got a virtual gift! Check out this barista action figure:

Now, what to virtually get Lindsey? This may take some time, but one day, I will post a present.

I got home on Christmas Eve to discover MTSU had sent me a lovely letter stating my financial aid has been suspended.

Well, Merry Christmas to you, too, you sons of bitches. Everyone I know has been all, "They can't do that to you! You were sick! You had surgery!"

Well, they can, and they did.

However, if I had circumstances beyond my control (like, I don't know, having uterine lining lasered off the outside of my uterus), I can appeal it on January 12. If they deny my appeal, I have a whole day - until January 13 - to pay them the minimum balance, which is about $1300. So, if you see me dancing seductively on a street light pole in my new black bra, give me a freakin' tip. It's for a good cause.

The DoD Won't Let Me Be

I take back my disappointed from earlier. It was a good birthday. And a happy 27th anniversary to my parents today!

Mostly I've just been hanging out and working - both important activities.

I missed Tolstoy Tuesday - I'll post that later.

This was my first birthday since joining the Facebook, and I got a slew of wall posts, most of which read something like this: "Get ripped for me;" "Get drunk for me;" "Use a designated driver;" and one "Get laid."

So I figured I HAD to post lest everyone think I died of alocohol poisoning.

Sadly, the DoD thinks my blog is unfit for JR's reading. I'm more than amused by this.

Last night I went to Jim's to BEAT ROBERT AT DARTS! Sorry, if you ever saw me play you'd see how that's a big deal. Granted, he spotted me one on each, but it's still an impressive feat for me. So while we're there some Jackass would not SHUT THE HELL UP. He kept talking and talking and telling shitty jokes about women and I was tempted to throw a dart at him and be all, "Whoops, it slipped. It must be because I have a vagina and therefore can't play darts." He eventually left and restored order to the universe.

It was recently pointed out to me that I have a good situation right now. I'm inclined to agree. This is mainly because, as I said before, I'm label free. It was almost a conversation, but being as though it was a man, almost a conversation is more than enough.

I'm working tonight and tomorrow, and then I'm off Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Woot!

Thanks to those who remembered my birthday. It was swell!

Tonight's agenda: Work (closing), shoot some pool, drink some drinks, see what happens. Always a promising venture.

Age 22: Volume 2

Thanks to my family for calling to wish me a Happy Birthday Eve. How's this for cute: When I was a kid (around 8 I think), it occurred to me that December is full of Eves (Christmas, New Year's), and that because my birthday was in December, it should have an Eve, too. And then it just stuck that December 19 is my Birthday Eve.

Back to the blogging wrap-up.

July
"Fire. Even more amusing when you've been drinking." from You Can't Spell "Stripper" without "Pie"

"Tanya: How do you turn this fan on?
Me: Rub it." from You Can't Spell "Stripper" without "Pie"
Note: It might not have been Tanya who said it, but I can't remember who did. Any of you girls want to help me out here?

"MattAnderson: "You do NOT have mutant powers."
Me: "How do you know? When have you ever seen me not be a mutant?" from Sometimes You're Not in The Mood for Vehicular Homicide

"Wendy is like watching an explosion at a cotton candy factory, at which small children with balloons and baby sheep were having a field trip." Sometimes You're Not in The Mood for Vehicular Homicide

Click here for some revelations on the type of men who are wrong for me: Pimp My Mac

Click here for my reaction to Roberts' appointment: Aftershock

And the blog of the month...
They Don't Make 'em Like That Anymore

August
"It's like the one we just did, but this time they all have the same job: sacrificial victims." from 21 Classmates - 3 Classmates + Sacrifice = Fun!

"These three characters ought to get together sometime and run people off the road." from Revenge of the Stick

Click here for 100 things about me: All The Cool Kids Are Doing It"

Click here for my relationship advice (this applies mostly to males): For Half of My Favorite Cheese

And the blog of the month...
I Didn't Buy Drunken Bitch Insurance

September
Click here for some personal goals/wish list: "It seems like the daylight is coming and no one is watching but me"

And the blog of the month...
The Botched Execution of a Non-Plan OR Our Failed Attempt at Petty Larceny

October
"Wendy: If you were me, what would you do?
Manda: I would ask.
Wendy: OK, if you were me and you didn't ask.
Manda: I would wait in a terrible quagmire of not knowing like you will." from "Have fun in your quagmire"

Click here to see the scary bruise I got at the Catholic school girl party: Why I Should Stop Drinking

And the blog of the month...
But It's a Good Pain

November
Blog of the month:
You Want Me to Put That Where?

December
That's still happening, so I can't decide yet.

Now, I know this is a pressing question for you all: Will I get what I want for my birthday? I want one of two things, and one of them probably won't happen unless the gods smile upon me in the next five hours. Sigh. I suppose there's always next year.

What else do I want? To get on a plane and never come back. That won't happen either, but the wanderlust is starting to get to me. I miss New York.

Age 22: Volume 1

In less than 24 hours it will be my birthday, and the thought of being 23 kind of freaks me out. So walk with me while I take a moment to reflect the past year of my life. I originally planned to do a month-by-month breakdown, but instead, I've picked my favorite blog(s) per month and/or favorite quotations from my blogs. Enjoy revisiting my uncanny wit. Or at least my attempt at it. Here's the first half of my year at 22.

January
"Good news - we've just distinguished between bastard and illegitimate children." from Attention Brainiacs: It's Time to Breed More

"Today I discovered that I cannot walk and drink hot chocolate at the same time. How embarassing." from Matt-Who? No, that's lame.

And the blog of the month...
Aidan Sign My Bra! Oh Shit, Someone Stole It!

February
"I have given her the extremely important responsibility of bringing me back a cheesy souvenir from San Francisco. I'm talking really cheesy, like a box of Rice-A-Roni made to look like a cable car and wrapped in a rainbow-colored gay pride shirt." from "My unrivaled awesomeness!"

"Matt and I ate air freshener.

I only ate it because Nick said, "It says, 'Tastes like candy. Eat all of it at once.'" Matt, however, ate it because he's an idiot." from Mmm...Tangy!

And the blog of the month...
ERICA and Wendy go to Bad Cracker Barrel

March
Blog of the month...
Erica Checked Out My Rack

April
"After work, Thomas, Kristen, and I went to Chili's for food and drinks for Thomas and Me (those of legal age). Wow. I just realized I capitalized the word "me." How incredibly vain. I'd delete it, but it's amusing." from He Might Be British

And the blog of the month...
Excuse Me While I Remove the Stick from Your Ass and Beat You with It

May
"Why the fuck does Krystal have salads? No one ever thinks: 'Gee, I'm really drunk. Let's go to Krysal and get some salads!'" from Perhaps A Salad from Krystal Will Delay The Impending Stroke

"Of course, it came with all the proper warnings to keep me from accidentally suffocating myself in a fit of glee. 'This bag is not a toy.' No shit! I have yet, in my 22 1/2 years of existence (sans womb time), come across a bag that was a toy. Why would I think that this one bag on this bathroom contraption is, in fact, the first bag toy ever?" from This Bag Is Not a Toy...But This Lightsaber Is!

And the blog of the month...
Congratulations on Your Deflowering

June
Check this out for my purposefully bad fanfic for Manda: You've Been Bamboozled!

And the blog of the month...
My Mouth Had An Orgasm; I Had A Panic Attack

Volume 2 will cover July through December.

It recently occurred to me that this has been the most difficult year of my life to date. The things I had to deal with at age 22 were some of the most trying times I've experienced, and I'm happy to say that I made it. I'm OK. I head into the eve of my 23rd birthday with the confidence to know that I am a strong person, despite what I sometimes think, and that my struggles have contributed to that. More on this later...I need to sleep, because, with any luck, once I wake up I'll be up all night.

OK, Enough with the Cryptic

I'm over this cryptic bullshit way to blog without actually blogging lest someone read it and read into it. First off, who reads into my blogs? Me, naturally, but that's just my nature - to read into things and to be overly concerned with myself. Reading into my own blogs just suits me. But that's neither here nor there.

So I like somebody. No shit, right? It's oh-so-obvious. I should add a little background here: I really don't want to like anyone. It's not because I don't think he's a great guy or anything, it's just that in my experience these annoying little emotion things just tend to fuck things up, and I'm not OK with that. I've also had a busy semester and really didn't have time for anyone else. Do I have time now? I don't know. But as Nick said, when it's worth it, you make time. So that's it. Quagmire revealed. At least somewhat.

So what do I want? I don't know. I'm content now. I have some kind of something that I don't label nor do I feel the need to. I like not having expectations. I'm able to enjoy myself without all the relationship bullshit that's so particular if you don't do it just right everything goes to hell. So there's no pressure. Would I oppose more? No. But I'm not going to press it, because it's working for me now. The game plan is to just let it ride.

Wow. It's off my chest now. I feel better already.

Now if I could just cure this damn insomnia.

In other news, Salazar was shedding his skin, which explains why he was being such a pissant. He's better now. I fed him today, so he'll be in rat heaven until Tuesday.

Currently feeling: Optimistic
Currently listening to: Brad Paisley, "Mud on the Tires"

A Question Mark, More Question Than Mark

I love that title, so I wanted to use it, and oh well if it doesn't go with the blog.

Quagmire update: I took care of part of that today, so now I'm no longer hyperextending myself. I feel good about it, too. I've known it was the right thing today for a few weeks, and I know I'll sleep better. And now I'm no longer juggling, and I'm quite content with that. I'm little - there's not that much of me.

Now there's just that other thing...question...mark.

Congrats to all you people who actually graduated today. I envy you.

Rules of Engagement

It just occurred to me that I've been so wrapped up in trying to finish the semester that I forgot to blog about something: Travis is engaged. And not to me.

Pretty much anyone who knew me from the time I was 9 through high school knew who Travis was. So last week I found out he's engaged. Good for him. I'm not that bothered by it because he totally isn't my type anymore. He's not tall enough for one thing. I like my men tall.

But he was my first first love. There are degrees to this: There's the first love, the first love once you were old enough to truly understand love, and then there's the first time you fell in love. The last one is already married, by the way. Again, not to me.

Recently I found a lot of people on facebook who I used to go to church with. That's been weird to say the least. Just as always, their apathy makes me want to beat them with hymn books. But I don't, because attacking church folk just seems wrong.

Travis and I used to be great friends - I've known him my entire life. There are actually pictures of us together when we were both still in diapers. But, like so many friends, we drifted apart, but not until I got these annoying emotions that plagued me for about six years.

During that time, we grew apart. I became a different person, as did he. Clearly, we were wrong for each other - I have no doubt about that now. And, as a wise person once told me, "The right thing at the wrong time is still the wrong thing."

You know you're getting old when you have a married ex and have dated two divorced men. Naturally, the church people are all married or well on their way. I, however, do not believe that I need a significant other to validate my position in the world.

I can't sleep. When you read the time of this post, I didn't get up early - I'm just up really late.

Travis, of course, prompts another song: "Champagne High" by Sister Hazel.

I wasn't looking for a lifetime with you
And I never thought it would hurt just to hear
"I do" and "I do"
And I do a number on myself
And all that I thought to be
And you'll be the one
That just left me undone
By my own, hesitation

Bridge
and for the million hours that we were
well I'll smile and remember it all
then I'll turn and go
while your story's completed mine is a long way from done.

Chorus
Well I'm on a champagne high
Where will I be when I stop wondering why
On a champagne high
I'd toast to the future but that'd be a lie
On a champagne high, high

Spring turned to summer
But then winter turned to mean
The distance seemed right
At the time it was best - to leave
And to leave behind
What I once thought was fine And so real - to me
And while I'm still gone
On the quest for my song
I'm at your - celebration

Bridge & Chorus

Your wagon's been hitched to a star
Well now he'll be your thing that's new
Yeah what little I have you can borrow
'Cause I'm old and I'm blue...

Bridge

Well I'm on a champagne high (so high)
Where will I be when I stop wondering why
On a champagne high (so high)
Toast to the future but that'd be a lie
On a champagne high
Where will I be when I stop wondering why
On a champagne high...high...
So high so high you left me undone
so high, so high you left me undone...

"Whatever You Do Today, You'll Have to Sleep with Tonight"

I think I can sleep with what I've done, and I feel good about what I'm about to do.

Shit. I just figured something out. I just realized why something might have happened, and I violently dislike it. Shitdamnhellfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. OK, I might be better now.

After formal last night, I had some fun on the Party Bus. There were stripper poles! And I made $6 in tips that night from the girls and their dates. Just for dancing on the pole. Bink's boyfriend even asked her if I was a stipper because "She's got stripper moves from hell." So, I think that's a compliment? I'm going to take it that way. Also, on the bus, Bobby pinned Tanya (in a fraternity way, not in a sex way), so I'm really glad everyone insisted that I go, because I would've hated to have missed that.

My doctor's going to be mad at me for my shenanigans last night. But it was so worth it. And I just won't tell him.

Anyway, the after party kicked some serious ass, so thanks to the girls for insisting I go instead of just drinking at the SigEp house, and thanks to Robert for letting me drag him along.

I have Saturday off! I'm so excited and have no idea what to do with myself, but you can count on me sleeping until at least 2 and most likely 3.

I've discovered a lot about myself since, at the risk of sounding melodramatic, a good part of my world caved in, and that is that I can't be left alone with my thoughts for days on end. I get far too pensive, and I just wish I could turn my brain off sometimes. Then again, I'm sure I'd miss the overanalyzing and freaking out over stupid shit.

Maybe not.

I think I'm going to go for a drive in a bit. That seems to be the best way to handle it when I've got too much on my mind. I got more grades today, and while I'm excited that I got a W when I thought I was getting an F, I also got an F where I was supposed to get a W. So, yeah, all that walking across campus to bring my form to the withdrawal office after having it signed by the head of the department on a day I cried the whole way to school because I was in so much pain was all for naught. Motherfucker.

So, yeah, shitty grades but mostly incompletes for me this semester. And I'll graduate in December 2007 most likely now. Yikes. And that's only my school problems - I don't even want to go there with my other problems, especially the aforementioned quagmire that gives rise to interpretations that vary from really good to sub-par. The solution, of course, is to stop interpreting. I can sleep with that.

And now, the much anticipated song of the day: "Mr. Brightside" by the Killers.

I'm coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his—chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

I’m coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his—chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibi
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

I never...
I never...
I never...

Creative Juice Overflow

I made the right decision about my final: My professor gave me a W. Woot!

I found some writing I did this summer. I'm hoping to have a book someday, so these fragments may coalesce at some point. I favor the stream-of-consciousness approach paired with dialogue, so that's the style, for the most part. Most of this would be the narration, should I actually follow this through. I've left it alone for a while - the random bursts of creativity don't come as often as they used to. I think I've just been preoccupied with everything else. These are in no particular order and are unedited (read very rough draft).

*******************

Me: Summer has always been my favorite time of year.
You: Why?
Me:It’s always hot.
You:It isn’t always hot.
Me: It’s humid enough to feel hot. I’ve never cared for the cold.
You: I don’t mind it. What else have you never cared for?

I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I didn’t. I sipped the coconut concoction you’d made earlier in the afternoon.

You: Something’s missing.
Me: A little paper umbrella?
You: Yes, and a cherry skewered by a small plastic sword.

Fitting that you would say that.

Me: There are no more cherries.

But we have an abundance of swords.

*******************

I had been training my brain to think in those terms for as long as I can remember. Even in high school, it took me a while to warm up to the notion of infinity. Negative infinity was worse. I suppose this way of viewing the world in absolutes contributed in some fashion to my skepticism of love. Only numbers are forever, and perhaps the universe - at least as far as we're concerned. I'm not sure we could handle it if the universe were finite. Besides, Descartes was usually my companion. Dead, he was better company than most men.

*******************

I tell you "I love you" and it fits. It is as if you've been waiting your whole life for it, and perhaps you have. You seem to think it means something great, as though nothing will ever go wrong again. Perhaps it won't, but I have my doubts. I'm not even certain I know what it means. My experience has taught me that what I think is love now may not be my definition of love in a year. I don't change my mind, but my heart acts on its own accord.

I used to walk outside in the dark because I could. I used to lie on my back and stare at the sky and wonder all sorts of ridiculous things. How big is it? Does it go on forever? Or does it eventually stop, and if it does, is God on the other side? And if I could just get close enough, could I touch a star? I imagine I'd only burn myself. Anything worth touching has the capacity to burn.

*******************

The bills were cheaper this month. So was the talk. Sometimes I think I should have my own language. I imagine that's a child's game. It seems perfectly sensible to me. The English vocabulary frustrates me to no end. When was the last time you were completely satisfied with a word?

*******************

I prefer the dark, as my pale complexion indicates. In the dark, I'm alert. When it's dark, I can make better use of my time. Sunshine can be an awful distraction in July. My eyes are dark. it's much easier for them to adjust to darkness.

There's a certain famililarity with darkness. Also a certain uncertainty. In daylight there are no surprises, but in the dark, something could always happen.

*******************

Somewhere along the line people lost the notion - and value - of one. We moved from being people to being almost complete. The concept of "better half" became far too literal, and men and women alike scrambled to find the rest of themselves hidden in a member of the opposite sex. I'm sure Jerry Maguire wasn't the first to utter "You complete me."

He didn't complete me. I was complete before him, and I was no less of a person in his absence. It would be more accurate to say he complemented me. We were good on our own, like vodka and orange juice, but together, we were much more effective. He was intoxicating, and I'm sure he'd say I was good with breakfast.

*******************

I think that's a good stopping point.

"Billie Jean Is Not My Lover"

I left myself logged in to MySpace tonight while making potatoes. Check out what Tina did to my space! Beware of messages from me between 1:20 a.m. and 1:50 a.m.

Today was terrible. I woke up...wait - that's a lie! I didn't even wake up. I did, however, toss and turn in bed until 6:07 a.m., when my alarm went off. OK, moving on, I got out of bed with severe pain. I guess it's from the surgery. I cried all the way to school and was more than annoyed when the doctor's office put me on hold. I'm supposed to call back if it's still there in a day. He said it might just be healing. Let's hope so.

After much debate, I've decided not to go to my final in three hours. Here is why:

1) I'm so over trying to track down this damn professor to find out what to do about class. I'm equally over his unwillingness to cut me a break. Granted, I'm not asking for a handout here. I just wanted to get an incomplete or, I don't know, maybe to just KNOW what assignments I'd missed so I could do them. But apparently that's asking too much.

2) I can't pass it. There are assignments that I need to do, and although I asked what they were, all I was told was that they were from the book. However, it's a TEXTBOOK - it's full of assignments. What am I supposed to do - finish everything in the damn book in hopes that some of them will be the ones he assigned? He also said that I wouldn't have time to finish them by Wednesday, so clearly, I'm fucked. These things are 30 percent of the grade.

3) Which leads me to my next point: It is mathetmatically impossible for me to pass. Why, then, should I sleep for two hours and torture myself for four (final and make-up test) if it's all for naught anyway? I'm afraid this seems like I'm giving up, and in a way I am, but I'm only giving up because it's impossible, not improbable.
(Side note: The head of the math department signed off of my drop form today, so thanks to her and my adviser for understanding and not failing me)

So I've decided not to go. I think it's the best decision. And if tomorrow morning is anything like this morning was, I'll be on my way to the see the doctor anyway.

I'm going back to work Wednesday, something that weirds me out a little. I've been gone a week and a half (unpaid, of course), so getting into the swing of things will be...traumatic at best. I'm kidding. I'm sure it'll be a blast.

Dear lord I want a drink. Any takers? The more you drink, the better I look! And the more I drink, the better you look. Isn't it neat how that works?

Oh, yeah, the title: The song is stuck in my head - it has no relevance to the blog. Although I did enjoy the last time I heard it. Do you know what happened? Well, one of you does, and the rest of you can just suss it out on your own.

Currently feeling: Relieved that I've made a decision and worried that it will come back to bite me in the ass

This Ain't No Anna Karenina, But I Guess It'll Do

OK, I'm going to try something new, or at least something new to me.

Amber, Lindsey, and Cox are into this Tolstoy Tuesday thing. From what I've gathered, it's poetry blogging on Tuesdays. This excites me. Perhaps it's my Lindsey Complex, or my constant quest to be a mindless sheep (that was my sarcastic typing), but I think it's just that I like the idea, and reading Amber's blog made me realize how much better life was just having her witty comments in the background. So, without further ado, my Tolstoy Tuesday virginity is being torn away like a cheap thong. Amber, this one's for you, though I'm sure it won't compare to yours.

"Finals Week"

Showing up in pajamas
after a sleepless night;
punching numbers on my calculator.
Somehow I don't think
a drawing of a crossbow
was the answer to number 19.

This One Is Worth Reading

OK, I caved and decided to actually post. I'm in a lot of pain today. I was trying to make it without painkillers because I know I won't be able to take them tomorrow, but I had to take one. Now I'm starting to get a migraine, and I've been out of migraine medicine a while because I'm too poor to refill my prescription, so that's not good.

I have a make-up test tomorrow in a class that I've already been told will be nearly impossible for me to pass due to all this bullshit. Here's the kicker: This class is a prerequisite for pretty much everything else in my major. If I don't get the credit now, I'll have to wait until NEXT FALL (when I had planned to graduate) to take it. Ergo, all of my scheduling shifts a CALENDAR YEAR, and now I'm probably looking at a December 2007 graduation date, which means I will have been in college SIX AND A HALF YEARS! Naturally, I'm sure I'll go insane by then and have to be carried away in a little white coat. WHY DOES MY LIFE HAVE TO SUCK LIKE THIS?! I'm very depressed about it, although I've done a semi-decent job of hiding it. But every time I start to think about it, it makes me so mad and sad and frustrated that I don't even know what to feel. Thanks to the MTSU Math Department, and especially to my professor, for fucking me so hard. I like it hard. And shame on them, because I'm not supposed to do that until December 20 - doctor's orders due to the surgery.

At least my sense of humor is relatively intact.

Moving on, I'm in a terrible quagmire of not knowing, as Manda would say. And I'm far too into myself to think of asking, although it's not so much a matter of being into myself as a) avoiding hearing bad things and b) thinking I'm too cool for that. So, yeah, quagmire. Nice.

Things are tolerable now, but I'm sure it'll all blow up in my face in some dramatic and violent fashion if I don't do something soon. And here's the kicker, to quote Jeanette Winterson: "What you risk reveals what you value." So clearly I value it too much to risk it, although I'm not even sure what "it" is or even if there is an "it" in question, for that matter. I think I also avoid asking because whatever is going on is working for me, and I'm pretty much content with whatever. If things remain as they are, I would be OK with that. If something progressed, I could handle that, too.

Is this vague enough for you readers? I mean, I'm happy to elaborate if you ask, but some things I don't want to share with the whole Internet, only my close circle of people who know me.

I'm really tired of fighting this wave of emotion I can't seem to escape. The health issues, the school issues that came from the health issues, my financial aid (chalk that up to health issues, too), my aunt's marital problems (nope, not related to my health), my own personal quagmire, the job I'm not sure I'll still have much longer - it's all coming together in a terrible way, and, just as things come together, things also fall apart, and I can see it starting.

Part of me just wants to let it collapse. It just seems like it's all out of my hands now anyway, and there's no point in trying to fight it. I should just accept that I'm a failure. This whole college thing - maybe it's just not the right time for me. Maybe I should take some time off - I've debated it. There are a few things that keep me going when I want to quit: 1) I don't want to disappoint my family; 2) I don't want to disappoint myself (anymore, that is - I excel at disappointing myself; 3) I don't want to disappoint the sorority. At the end of the day, it's nice to have a group of girls who are my family here, and I'd do anything for any of them, and they've already shown they'd do the same for me.

It recently occurred to me that I've spent a good deal of my life dealing with situations I never thought I'd find myself in. I suppose I should say that makes me strong or something, but, really, it's just worn me down, made me hard, made me something I don't like.

Don't get me wrong - I have my moments. Many times I fully enjoy being me. Sometimes I can just let go, put everything else aside, cram too many people into Tina's bed and watch porn on Robert's laptop, then stay up until 6:30 a.m. watching Top Gun, wake up at 4 p.m., and eat chocolate for breakfast in bed. Incredible.

But not every day starts with Hershey's King Size, and I've found that it's getting harder and harder for me to find the good times. I'm tired of fighting. It didn't help at all with the class I need. It might not help with my financial aid. And I'd like to think I'm worth fighting for, but I've clearly shown that I'm not.

It's not that I think I'm a bad person...I'm just not as good as I could be, or as I used to be.

The point of all this: I could really use a friend right now...or two...or seven. It seems that the older I get, the farther away the people I'm closest to get. Leslie's in Kansas, JR's on another continent, my other high school friends are scattered about the country, and my core college group has started the great disperse as well. This isn't to say that my friends here aren't great, because they are. I'm definitely blessed in that respect. But it's the people who not only know WHO I am but know WHY I am who I am that I'm missing. Leslie's been my best friend since fourth grade - it's hard to compete with that.

It doesn't help that my entire extended family is wrapped up in what is likely to end in divorce for my aunt, which is sad in many ways and is also something we don't know how to deal with - there is no divorce on my mom's side of the family. It's disheartening, as it always is, to realize that sometimes love isn't enough. I feel bad that I haven't cried for her yet, but I need to cry for me, first, and I'll do that as soon as I have the time.

What I need (and want) right now is for someone to hold me, let me cry, lie to me and tell me everything is going to be OK, and that I'll be OK, too. I guess that's the difference in being loved and feeling loved. I know that I'm loved, and I don't like to think of myself as someone who ever needs anything, especially to be taken care of, but it is nice to break down and have someone hold you up. That actually happened to me a few weeks ago, and it was definitely reassuring.

I apologize for the length of this post - I just started, and it all came out. It needed to. For those out there who care (and I know you do, or you wouldn't have made it this far), some words of reassurance or encouragement will go a long way.

Currently feeling: Far too introspective for my own good
Currently listening to: Deafening silence

Potent Quotables

This was inspired by Amy.

Instead of actually posting, this will just be an homage to the brilliant comedians who make me laugh in hopes that they, too, will make you laugh.

From Mitch Hedberg

"I hate dreaming because when you want to sleep, you want to sleep. Dreaming is work. Next thing you know, I have to build a go cart with my ex-landlord."

"I want to get a job as someone who names kitchen appliances. Toaster, refrigerator, blender....all you do is say what the shit does, and add 'er.' I wanna work for the Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute. Hey, what does that do? It keeps shit fresh. Well that's a fresher....I'm going on break."

"You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast."

"I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy."

"A minibar is a machine that makes everything expensive. When I take something out of the minibar, I always fathom that I'll go and replace it before they check it off, but they make that stuff impossible to replace. I go to the store and ask, 'Do you have coke in a glass harmonica? ...Do you have individually wrapped cashews?'"

"Someone handed me a picture and said, 'This is a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture of you is when you were younger. '...Here's a picture of me when I'm older.' Where'd you get that camera man?"

"I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. 'Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide...'"

"I wrote a letter to my dad - I wrote, 'I really enjoy being here,' but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it so i crossed it out and wrote, 'I rarely drive steamboats, dad - there's a lot of shit you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator.' This letter took a harsh turn right away..."

"I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get ahold of me they just say, 'Mitch,' and I say, 'what' and turn my head slightly..."

"Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right."

"An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an 'Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order' sign, just 'Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'"

"Every time I go and shave, I assume there is somebody else on the planet shaving as well, so I say, 'I'm gonna go shave too.'"

"I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before."

"You know they call corn-on-the-cob, 'corn-on-the-cob,' but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it corn, and every other type of corn, corn-off-the-cob. It's not like if someone cut off my arm they would call it 'Mitch,' and then re-attached it, and call it 'Mitch-all-together.'"

"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."

"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so, Yeah.'"

From George Carlin

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

"Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is an idiot?"

"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice?'"

"Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and occasionally peck someone's eye out."

"A crumb is a great thing: If you break a crumb in half you don't get two half-crumbs. Doesn't that violate some law of physics?"

"Commercials use sex to sell things. Why can't they use violence and bad language? Not all families are as 'functional' as the ones they show you onTV.
Mom: Eat your fuckin' cornflacks, ya cocksuker!
Son: Fuck you Ma.
Mom: Why you little creep!
SLAM! SMACK! POW!
Dad: Here son try this. It's new from Kelloggs.
Son: Holy shit, raisins!
Mom: Hey asshole! What're ya tryin' to do, spoil the kid?
Dad: Listen cunt, I'm tired of your meddlin'!
BLAM! POW! CRACK!
Son: Hey Dad, after you get finished punchin' Mom, gimme some more of that shit with the raisins it it, will ya?"

"What's all this stuff about motivation? I say, if you need motivation, you probably need more than motivation. You probably need chemical intervention or brain surgery. Actually, if you ask me, this country could do with a little less motivation. The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. "

That seems good enough for now.
Currently feeling: Way too tired to have slept until 4 p.m.
Currently listening to: Dane Cook's "The Nothing Fight"

Sloth: The Best Deadly Sin

Everyone around me is moving, and yet I'm standing still, mainly because I'm still sore from this surgery thing.

Fern called me yesterday. It wasn't the kind of call to ask how I was like my boss did. It was more, "Do you have a key to the building?" Yes, but it's not a Sidelines key - I got it from the office that makes keys on campus. "We're having some people here over the weekend." Well, that's swell. I just had a laser in close proximity to my uterus, so I don't really care who you're having over. I'll be back sometime this weekend, but I can't drive until I'm off painkillers. Thanks for playing interrupt my day of rest!

Cox is in DC, hopefully getting a kick-ass job and convincing Sonny to come back with him. I'm not so sure the latter will happen, but I can dream, right?

JR is preparing for civilian life, something he used to be really good at, and I have no doubt he'll be back to hitting on barely-legals in no time. Oh, JR, how you always make my life more interesting in fun - you know I love you.

Brandonian is in Memphis doing some job searching. He can fix anything, so I'm sure he'll have a job. If not, when I'm rich, I'll hire him to handle my personal computer problems and teach me cool photoshopping tricks. Woot!

Lindsey is...still Lindsey. But she commented on my blog and that made me happy!

The Sidelines kids are having a party thing tonight, but I can't go, because of being bedridden. That sucks. I'm going to miss the hell out of those people.

Last night I watched The Interpreter, and I was once again reminded of why I love Nicole Kidman so damned much.

Here are some cool things I've done to pass the time while I've been in bed:
1) I've been able to catch up on Pardon the Interruption, which is quite possibly my favorite show - definitely my favorite non-series show.
2) I've done a lot of crossword puzzles and things of that nature. I'm really good at knowing a three-letter word for "viper" (it's asp).
3) I've eaten a lot and had tons of Gatorade - just like the pros! Yep, I'm fully hydrated now.
4) I've watched lots of movies and Dead Like Me. I'm definitely embracing the "sloth" deadly sin.
5) I get to catch up on all the blogs from my dear friends scattered across the world.
6) I've been frantically trying to reach my professors, as I've been trying to do for a month or so. This is very frustrating and will most likely make me cry at some point.
7) I've balanced my checkbook and realized I'm at least still $300 short for bills this month, and that doesn't even include buying anyone anything for Christmas. This has already made me cry.
8) I've worried about my aunt and cousins. She and my uncle told them last night that they were having problems. It kind of makes me sick to my stomach, thinking of my aunt and those girls having to go through that.
9) I'm blogging from bed. How cool is that?

Finally, it's my uncle's birthday today. So, in honor of that, here's a poem (I wrote it myself):

Here's to a happy birthday
Today's your special day
Sign here, and here, initial here
Go on your merry way

You won't need these - they're just your keys
There's no need to come in
You don't live here anymore
A hotel's where you've been

We've packed an overnight bag
And we'll ship your mom your shit
And while you're exiting the house
Don't let the doorknob hit

Sharks with "Lasers" Minus the Sharks

So I had the surgery, and it was successful. My doctor found some endometriosis behind my uterus, so he lasered it off. Yes, it feels like I've been lasered, but I have many good painkillers so that I don't realize what's happened.

Now I'm bored, lying in my parents' bed, on this freaking dial-up connection, and I think it's quite possible my brain will explode if I do one more crossword puzzle.

My family's been calling a lot to check on me - awww. And thanks to the Sidelines kids for the lovely message you left me from the office - it made me smile:) Ahh! I used an emoticon - I must be on drugs.

In other news, there's trouble in paradise for the extended family. My aunt and uncle are having some problems, and he left the other night to stay in a hotel. My dad has lovingly renamed him "The Rat Bastard." They have two kids - ages 7 and 3 - and the 7-year-old can tell something is up. Sigh. I don't know what to do/feel about this - I was in their wedding!

Number of classes I won't be able to finish this semester: two definitely, three still up in the air, and one I'm going to have to bust my ass to do well on the final, but I think I can pass that one. Woot! Now it's time to call campus and harass these people who won't respond to my e-mails. I mean, my financial aid is on the line here - I'm not just e-mailing for the hell of it.

I'm supposed to recover in about a week or so, but I may try to go to the Titans game Sunday - I mean, if Drew Bennett knew I'd had surgery, I'm sure he's sign some shit for me! I can't have sex for two weeks - which happens to fall on my birthday! Happy Birthday to me!

Currently feeling: Like I've been sliced open and lasered
Currently listening to: Myself typing

Telegram to Misery: Company Says Fuck Off

Well, today I woke up in much pain. That wasn't fun for me. Now I'm hoping it goes away - it's fading a bit.

My mom is coming tomorrow and Tuesday for my pre-op and surgery. Yay mom! It's good to have people around who care.

Random nice thing that makes me smile: Being told, in the middle of a complete mental breakdown, that I'm a good person. It restores my faith in myself.

I've been letting myself down a lot lately. I have theories as to why, but most of them involve me being over-analytical and over-critical of myself. There's nothing wrong with me (other than the health stuff, maybe), so why do I think everything bad is my fault? And why can't I just accept and love myself for who I am? Sometimes I can, but it depends. Why do I let it be conditional?

Because of all this crap that's been fucking with my head lately, I've been terrible company. Insert regret here. I try not to regret things, but I don't know what else to do. I imagine feeling sorry for myself isn't the way to go, but I have a few good things going in an otherwise fucked-up existence, and I'd like to keep those intact, and I'm afraid I'm on track to letting it all go to hell.

So now what do I do? Damage control? I'm not even sure if there is any damage to control. Perhaps I should stop being such a pessimistic bitch and try to enjoy my last two surgery-free days. Yes, that sounds like a better plan.

I talked to my dad the other day, and he made me feel a lot better by saying I shouldn't worry about this semester because it was out of my control. He's right. I knew it, but it helps to hear someone else say it.

I should probably stop being so preoccupied with what I should do and just do what I want to do. That is my mantra, after all. I'm done waiting for my life to just happen to me - I'd rather just go out and live it. Will I take my own advice? I hope so, but I know me too well to think that I won't worry about it. Why can't I stop worrying about stupid shit? It's because I care - I know that - but that's about all I know.

Naturally, I've opted to do the girl thing and overdose on chocolate - I made a chocolate mousse pie with Oreo crust, and I'm not going to be satisfied until I polish it off completely.

And now, because I'm over my bad mood funk, I'm going to list a few things I like about being me, just, if for no other reason, than to cheer me up, because I'm determined to go back to being in a normal mood instead of being the pensive bitch from hell.

1) I have a surprisingly normal and healthy relationship with my parents and sister.

2) Lots of people love me. I know this because people are actually concerned when they hear of my health shit and all that. And I bet even more people think I have a great personality.

3) I'm smart. I did way better at drunken Trivial Pursuit than I should have.

4) Some people find me attractive, and I'm OK with that.

5) I'm able to eat whatever I want and maintain a ridiculously good figure. This is, of course, unfair by all laws of nature, but I love it. I mean, I've never even eaten a salad...ever!

6) Most of the time, it's pretty fuckin' spectacular to be me, if for no other reason than I surround mysef with some pretty fuckin' spectacular people.

The Icing on the Cake

I saw the Devil, too. How perfect.

"All Feathers and Coke Cans"

This post is going to be sad because I'm depressed, and I'm really mad I'm depressed, because I fought that really hard back in the teenage years, and it took a lot for me to stop being depressed. And now, in just a short span of time, everything (almost) has gone completely to shit, and I'm depressed again.

Let's go through the brief medical history of me: Last fall, I got mono. I had it for two and half months. I had to keep working because I had no way to pay my rent and bills otherwise. Working 40 hours a week with mono is not easy, and keeping up with classes is especially not easy. I had to drop several of them due to my sickness and take some incompletes. I did, however, get As in the ones I kept.

Last spring, I started having terrible headaches and double vision in February. It was not meningitis (yay), but it took two months after lots of testing to get an appointment with the neurologist to figure out what it was: a two-month migraine. I got some meds to keep the headaches in check, but by then it was June, and the semester was over. Yep, you guessed it, I had to drop more classes. Have you ever tried to go to class with a migraine? It's impossible, and mine last a damn long time.

In the summer, my mono relapsed, and I had to take about five weeks off of work. The good news is I was able to stick with my two summer classes and pull straight As. Woot! But then I also found out I was on financial aid probation because of my last two sick semesters (they only look at pass rate - not GPA - and Ws and Is count against attempted hours).

So then I entered this fall semester ready to work my ass off. And I started OK. I aced my first few tests, except for my ridiculously hard ACSI 4200 test, which I think you have to BE the text book to understand. And then something BAD happened...

The migraines came back near the beginning of the semester, so they changed my medication to 40 mg instead of 30. Well, that made me sleep through my alarm for six hours, but 30 mg alone meant I'd have a migraine every day, and for the two weeks following Fall Break, I had a migraine every morning for at least four hours, sometimes longer. Yeah, try that and go to tap dance. So on Halloween I went back and they fixed me - added a new prescription that I was going to start taking as soon as I could get it filled (which wouldn't be until that Thursday, so don't think that's related to the next disaster).

And then, on Nov. 2 (a Wednesday), I woke up with the most excruciating pain I've ever felt. And it hasn't gotten better since. No amount of ultrasounds and CT scans and limited bloodwork has shown anything, so they're going in - via laparoscope - on Tuesday morning to solve the burning question: Why the fuck is Wendy's ovary in pain?!

Meanwhile, I'm struggling to keep up in my classes, and I just found out today that for at least one class, that's not possible. Now let's revisit that financial aid probation thing. Translation: It's definitely possible that I'll lose my financial aid. Can I appeal it? Yes. Will it work? God, I hope so.

Other things I might lose: My job (I'm reminded of this constantly - it's been on the line since I first had to call out when I was up all night on narcs trying not to die and praying that I would); my sanity (if it's not already gone - the jury is still out on that one); school (if I lose the aid, I can't afford it, because being out of work so long with sickness had made my savings account completely nonexistent).

That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger...and might lead to a disease being named after me. Neat!

At least I've managed to keep myself surrounded by decent people. It makes the everyday hell slightly rosier.

I'm debating going back to therapy. I'm not sure what good it would do, but I do think I'd feel a hell of a lot better if I could talk to somebody about how frustrating it is to spend your whole life working toward something to have it all ripped away from you when you're within a year of having it. Well, that about sums it up. And I saved some money.

I just feel so lost right now. There was a point when I had everything together, and now it's just unraveling, rather quickly, like Weezer's sweater. Undone. How poetic.

Currently Feeling: Depressed
Currently Listening To: Too Much Chatter in the Office

I can't be this pensive without a Song of the Day, especially because there hasn't been one in a while. Naturally, my depressing music is limited to such things as Counting Crows and Radiohead. So, instead of one song, here's some Counting Crows excerpts, because Adam Duritz is awesome.

"You’ve been waiting a long time
To fall down on your knees
Cut your hands
Cut yourself until you bleed
Fall asleep next to me" - Black and Blue

"It seems like the daylight is coming
And no one is watching but me
But I don’t mind the dark
Discovering the day
Cause the night is a beautiful bright blue and gray" - Goodnight LA

"I may take a holiday in Spain
Leave my wings behind me
Drink my worries down the drain
And fly away to somewhere new" - Holiday in Spain

"For all the things I'm losing
I might as well resign myself to try and make a change
And I'm going down to Hollywood
They're gonna make a movie from the things
That they find crawling round my brain" - I Wish I Was A Girl

"There’s a girl in the basement coming out of her shell
And there are people who will say they knew me so well
I may not go to heaven..
I hope you go to hell!" - St. Robinson and His Cadillac Dream

"You could do better for yourself but not me
So please stay and keep me company.
All the while thinking this is the good luck
He stays with her most of the time
It takes time to make these machines work
And people are so unkind" - Good Luck

"So she takes her pills
Careful and round
One of these days she's gonna throw the whole
Bottle down
But she's trying to be a good girl
Give 'em what they want
But Margery's dreaming of..." - Another Horsedreamer's Blues

All the Cool Kids Have Laparoscopic Surgery

Yes, I'm officially a cool kid now. Surgery is next Tuesday morning. Woohoo. My mom's taking off that day to come up here and drive me to and from the hospital and all that jazz. Let's hope this helps them find out what's wrong with me, because I'm really getting sick of this crap.

So Monday I'm having all of my pre-op stuff. They're doing some lab work and testing and whatnot. Then, I get to wake up early Tuesday and go get a scope put in me so the gyno can look around and hopefully see something wrong that's easily fixable.

What can you do? Well, calling would be nice. I don't know how long my recovery is supposed to last. And company is always welcome.

Pseudo-Post

Well, Thanksgiving is over, and now it's only a few weeks until my birthday. Woot! So, to pass the time because I still feel bad and get to see my doctor again tomorrow, here's more about me than you ever wanted to know.

And, yes, I realize this is a blogging cop-out, and I'll actually blog tomorrow once I see my gyno and my neurologist.

YOU:

Your gender: female
Straight/gay/bi?: depends if Nicole Kidman is involved
Wearing right now?: jeans, socks, shoes, Little Mermaid T-shirt, sweatshirt
Single?: I don't know...
Want to be?: I'm content
Birthday? December 20, 1982
Age you wish you were: I guess 23
Your height: 5'5"
The color of your eyes: light brown with copper flecks
The color of your hair: naturally dark brown but at the moment it's dyed blonde
Nails: natural
Piercings?: 9
Tattoos?: 1
Favorite place to shop?: Victoria's Secret
Favorite article of clothing?: my cherry tank top
Are you trendy?: I don't try to be
Sunglasses?: I love sunglasses!
Car?: red 97 Saturn SL named Katie2
Pets?: 2 cats at my parents' house: Macavity and Mistofolees; at my house in Murfreesboro: 1 parakeet: Buffy, and 1 ball python: Salazar
Siblings?: Misty - 24
5 things you're addicted to?: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, chocolate, sleep, caffeine, and quite possibly sex


DO YOU:

Smoke?: Only when I'm on fire
Do drugs?: No
Read the newspaper?: Sometimes
Pray?: I meditate
Talk to strangers who IM you?: depends on my mood
Take walks in the rain?: Not on purpose, but sometimes I have to
Drive?: Yes
Like to drive fast?: Yes
Wear make-up?: No very often
Have a secret?: Not really...there are things I don't tell everyone, but every secret about me I've told at least one person

HAVE YOU EVER:

Hurt yourself?: Yes
Been out of the country?: Yes
Been in love?: Yes
Done drugs?: Yeah, but I didn't like it
Gone skinny dipping?: No, but I want to
Had a surgery?: Yes, several
Ran away from home?: I tried as a kid
Played strip poker?: Nope
Gotten beaten up?: No
Been picked on?: Yes
Been on stage?: Yes
Slept outdoors?: Yes
Thought about suicide?: Yes, but I'd never do it
Pulled an all-nighter?: Yep
If yes, what is your record?: Close to two days I think
Talked on the phone all night? Nope
Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?: Yes, I'm really good at it
Slept all day? Yes
Killed someone? No
Made out with a stranger?: Yeah
Had sex with a stranger?: Hell no
Kissed the same sex?: Yes
Done anything sexual with the same sex?: Not other than kissing, but it's on my list of things to do before I die
Been betrayed?: Sure
Broken the law?: Yes
Met a famous person?: Yes
Been on radio/TV.?: Yes
Been in a mosh-pit?: Nope
Had a nervous breakdown?: Yes
Been criticized about your sexual performance?: Hell no
Had a dream that kept coming back?: Yes
Shoe brand?: I don't know
What are you normally wearing to school/work?: Whatever's clean
Wear hats?: Sometimes
Judge other people by their clothing? I try not to judge others
Had a threesome?: Nope

BELIEFS:

Believe in life on other planets?: It's not impossible
Miracles?: Yes
Astrology?: To an extent
Magic?: I'd have to see some good magic
God?: Yes
Satan?: Yes
Ghosts?: Yes
Luck? Yes
Love at first sight?: Yes
Yin and Yang?: Yes
Witches?: Nope
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: Yes
Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: I wish I believed it
Do you wish on stars?: Not anymore, unless it's a shooting star
Believe in the most?: Not absolutes

LOVE:

Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: I found it odd
Do you remember your "first love"?: Yes
Still love him/her?: Not in that way
Do you consider your first love a mistake?: No
What do you find romantic?: Candles
Turn-on?: Arms and back
Turn-off?: bad kissing
Do you base your judgement on looks alone: no
Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy?: Nope
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?: Not really
Regrets?: Not really
Do you wanna get married?: I want a wedding, but I'm too young for a marriage right now
How often do you have sexual fantasies about an ex?: Never
Do you think the preferred sex finds you good looking? Some do I guess
What are the best things about the preferred sex?: Nice arms
What's the last present someone gave you?: Tina gave me a snake! Woot!
Are you in love?: With the snake? No, that would just be weird

FRIENDS:

Best Friend?: Leslie
Shortest?: Vanessa
Tallest?: Zac probably
Prettiest?: My sister
Handsomest: Wow, if I've EVER heard a loaded question...
You tell all you secrets to?: JR
Trust the most?: Leslie, JR, Tina
Talk to on the phone the most?: Probably my dad
IM the most?: Robert
Shop the most with?: Tina (Wal-Mart, Kroger, etc.)
You eat the most with?: Leslie and Tina

FAVORITES:

Food?: Chocolate and steak
State?: Tennessee
Person?: My immediate family
Color?: Black, blue
Feeling?: Satisfaction
Number?: 17
Song?: "Your Latest Trick" by Dire Straits
Band/Singer?: Counting Crows
Movie?: The Shawshank Redemption
Actor/Actress?: Dustin Hoffman, Nicole Kidman
Magazine?: Cosmo
Book?: Catch-22
Room in your house?: Bedroom
Job you ever had?: Jumping on a bed in a music video when I was 12
Place to go on vacation?: Disney World, NYC
Web site?: Facebook, MySpace, Fark, etc.
TV Show?: Buffy
Drink?: Mountain Dew, Malibu and Coke


WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON:

That you laughed at?: Katie - she said something funny on IM
That laughed at you?: Frodo, reiterating the night of debauchery that he was there for and I don't remember
That turned you on? Let's just keep this one to myself
You went shopping with? I don't remember that last time I went shopping
To disappoint you?: I don't remember
To ask you out?: I guess Zac
To make you cry?: My ovaries
To brighten up your day?: Robert and Frodo, letting me play some Soul Calibur II
That you thought about? Clearly Robert and Frodo, as they were the answer to the last question
You saw a movie with?: Zac (Harry Potter)
You talked to on the phone?: Brianna
You talked to through IM?: Katie
You saw?: Tina
You turned down? Many MySpace people

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU:

Smiled?: Today
Laughed?: Today
Cried?: Yesterday (in pain)
Bought something?: Today at Sonic
Danced?: Wow, it's been a while since I've been able to dance
Were sarcastic?: All the time
Hugged someone?: Today
Talked to an ex?: A few months ago
Watched your fave movie?: A few months ago
Talked on the phone? Today
Listened to the radio?: A few days ago
Watched TV?: Yesterday
Went out?: Friday night
Helped someone?: I help people at work a lot
Sang?: Today
Got drunk?: Drank last night; got drunk on Robert's birthday
Had sex?: Yeah, that's just for me, too - but it was damn good!

Bored with Too Many Leukocytes

Well, I woke up sick today. I'm a little better. The doctor says my white cell count has gone up, which is odd because it was normal Thursday. So I'm going to do this damn survey and wait to leave the office.

*section 1 - have you ever...

+ Cheated on someone?: Nope
+ Been Cheated on?: Not to my knowledge...
+ Fallen off the bed?: Yes
+ Broken someone's heart?: Yes

+ Had your heart broken?: Yes
+ Had a dream come true?: Yes
+ Done something you regret?: Yes, but not very often
+ Cheated on a test?: I helped my pledge class cheat on their tests

* section 2 - currently *

+ Wearing: Tennis shoes, my Dale Jr. socks, jeans with a rip at the back pocket, my flesh-colored thong with the rhinestone ring in the back, my white Victoria's Secret bra that gives me good cleavage, and a huge-ass gray sweatshirt so no one will notice the aforementioned cleavage
+ Like anyone?: Sure, I like lots of people.
+ Located?: Murfreesboro, more specifically, the Sidelines office
+ Chatting with?: No one - just waiting for my section to be done
+ Watching?: Nothing
+ Should REALLY be doing?: Actually, nothing. I've already done heads and cuts.

* section 3 - DO YOU

+ Brush your teeth?: Yeah, I'm kind of OCD about it.
+ Have any piercing: 8 in my ears and my bellybutton
+ Drive?: Yes, better than my sister.
+ Drink?: Yes, better than my sister.
+ Smoke?: Only when I'm on fire. Or really drunk. Or if they're Djarum blacks...
+ Got a cell?: Yes

* section 4 - the last person you... *

+ Hugged?: I don't know - probably Zac or Tina.
+ Kissed?: I don't know - probably Zac or Tina. I'm kidding - it was your mom.
+ IMed?: Robert
+ Talked on the phone to? Some Victoria's Secret people calling about the bill that my mailman keeps refusing to deliver to me because he's a bastard and no matter how many times I call the post office and go to the post office, they never give me that bill.
+ Yelled at?: I don't remember the last time I yelled...at least, not out of anger.

* section 5 - personal *

+ What do you want to be when you finish college?: 5'7"
+ What has been the best day of your life: I don't know - recently I've had some shitty days with goodness dispersed throughout - raise the roof Salazar!
+ What comes first in your life?: Fertilization...oh that's life in general...my life? Lately, it's been my health. Usually it's my loved ones, but they understand.
+ Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush?: Something like that, yes. I also have an open relationship on facebook with Megan - woot!
+ What are you most scared of?: Volcanoes, followed by being unsuccessful and dying either alone or too young. I'm not afraid of death though - just how I'm going to die, and not getting to live.
+ What do you usually think about before you go to bed? All the things I have to do and all the things I'd rather do.
+ Did you lose someone you really loved?: I'm 22 - of course I have.
+ Love your family?: Of course.
+ Are you a virgin?: No, but I waited until I was almost 22.

* section 6 - favorite *

+ Movie: The Shawshank Redemption
+ Song: "Your Latest Trick" by Dire Straits
+ Band: Counting Crows
+ Store: Victoria's Secret
+ Relative: My immediate family (mom, dad, sister)
+ Sport?: Football
+ To play: Football
+ Ice Cream Flavor: Chocolate swiss and double dark chocolate with lots of Oreos and a little bit of cookie dough from Marble Slab, mint chocolate chip, Ben & Jerry's chocolate therapy
+ Fruit: Green grapes
+ Day of the Week? Friday (it's usually payday)
+ Color: Black

* section 7 - do you *

+ Like to give hugs?: Yes
+ Like to walk in the rain?: If it's warm, light, and sunny
+ Prefer black or blue pens?: Black gel pens
+ Like to travel?: Yes
+ Sleep on your side, stomach or back?: side
+ Have a goldfish?: No
+ Ever have the falling dream?: Not since I was a small child
+ Have stuffed animals?: Yes

* section 8 - this or that *

+ Pierced nose or tongue?: No
+ Single or taken?: According to the electric company, I'm married to Tina.
+ MTV or BET?: MTV, but only for Pimp my Ride
+ 7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek?: Both when i was a teenager
+ Sugar or salt?: Both
+ Silver or gold?: Silver
+ Chocolate or flowers?: Chocolate or velvet roses
+ Color or Black-and-white photos?: Black-and-whites
+ M&Ms or Skittles?: Peanut Butter M&Ms
+ Stay up late or sleep in?: Both
+ Hot or cold?: Hot
+ Mustard or ketchup?: Ketchup
+ Spring or Fall?: Spring
+ Happy or sad?: Happy
+ Wonder or amazement?: Wonder
+ Mexican or Italian: Italian
+ Candy or Pop?: Candy...wait pop? Like Coke? I'm confused...

*section 9- what do you think about... *

+ Abortion: I try not to judge those who have to make hard decisions.
+ Suicide: A permanent solution to a temporary problem.
+ Smoking: Tobacco-flavored cancer.
+ Eating disorders: I blame a lot of those on the unrealistic expectations of how people should look to be considered "attractive."
+ Summer: I wish it could always be summer. And that my car had air conditioning.
+ Tattoos: I love mine.

Goodbye Andy, Hello Salazar!

What an eventful weekend.

First off, as of now, I have the top three most read items on the Sidelines Web site, with my lead story having 377 and my other two having 96 and 97 reads. And it's only 3:24 a.m.

So, Andy Mac was finally fired - about damn time. Woot!

Initiation was this weekend, and I am happy to say that I didn't die or pass out or anything. However, I know I pushed myself too much, and I'm pretty sure I'll feel close to death again later today.

Today, The Tina bought me my present - my snake, Salazar. He's a ball python. I can't wait to put him on my head or neck or something. Alas, he's digesting now.

I haven't been sleeping well lately because I've been having pain and nausea every night, causing me to wake every hour. That's not fun in case you were wondering.

I haven't had any violating doctor experiences since the last blog, so all is well in that regard. However, I did almost collapse at work a few times Friday night and had to be held up so I didn't crash down and get a head injury. Special thanks to the night crew for making cheating death a little easier.

To those who are far away from me and don't see me regularly: No, I'm not dying, at least, not any more rapidly than I was before, which probably puts my death a good 50 or so years away. Unless those doctors aren't telling me something.

I finally saw the new Harry Potter movie tonight. Thanks to Lindsey for making me notice all the homoerotic stuff. I, too, was weirded out by the bathtub thing.

Is it wrong that I find Fred and George attractive? I think it's the accents and shaggy hair.

Here's to Brother Robert

Happy 21st birthday to Robert!

Too bad I don't remember it all.

To the complete stranger who kept buying me shots: When I said "anything but tequila" I didn't mean "everything but tequila."

Thanks to whoever put me in bed. That was nice. I woke up/came to at 6:30 a.m. thinking, "Oh good, I'm in bed. Why the hell am I still wearing my boots?"

The pain is way worse today. I'm just going to go to work and wait to die.

You STILL Want Me to Put That THERE?!

Yes. It's exactly what you're thinking. Two pelvic ultrasounds in the month of November.

Seriously, next time they're going to have to buy me dinner or at least say I look pretty or give me a cheesy pickup line.

"You know what would look good on you? This sheet. You know what would look good in you? This camera."

I'm going to stop with that.

I Make CT Scans Fun OR Just Another Reason Why I Should Not Be Allowed in Public

I had my CT scan today. I had a good yesterday - I was in less pain that is. I did pass out three times. Worse things have happened. It was all better last night though.

Then I go to my scan and right before I have it the woman noticed my navel ring (handcuff, of course) and said I had to take it out for the scan.

"I have metal on my underwear, too," says I.

(Insert puzzled look from technician here)

"I have a little metal zipper on my thong."

Yep, nothing like a thong-free CT scan to start the day off right.

So my doctor said I have two cysts in my ovary, but I shouldn't worry about it. Who's worried? I've only been bedridden since Nov. 2. I wasn't planning on worrying until, like, tomorrow. My parents are beyond worried.

However, they did tell me that I don't have a tumor or cancer! Woohoo! (I kind of suspected this, as I figured if they suspected it, I would've been warned. Is that how it works? Maybe I should ask someone.)

Doctor's newest diagnosis: pulled rectus abdominis.

How in the hell did I pull a muscle in my sleep? I don't understand how I went to bed fine on Nov. 1 and woke up feeling like I was going to die and kind of hoping it would happen on Nov. 2. I've had a lot of pulled muscles in my day, and this is not what they feel like.

Let's recap the health in the past few weeks.

Number of cysts I've been told I have:
1 (when I first saw the doctor)
0 (none present during ultrasound Nov. 7)
3 (2 present plus 1 ruptured as of Nov. 15)

Number of CT technicians who have seen my sheer black zipper thong:
1 (I just felt like adding that for dramatic effect)

Number of prescriptions I've had:
Antibiotics: 2
Anti-inflammatories: 2
Narcotic painkillers: 1
Muscle relaxers: 1
Allergy pills: 1

Number of prescriptions I already had:
Allergy pills: 1
Headache pills: 2
Nasal spray: 1

Number of months that tube in my ear has been partially block despite all these allergy pills, anti-inflammatories, and steriods:
5

Here's the kicker...

Number of times I've had a needle in me during all this:
0
Now, I hate bloodwork, but that seems fucked up. I'm guessing at this point, it's time to start checking out my blood. I'm sure it's pretty happy with all the drugs they're giving me.

StarFucked Up

Well, the doctor has ordered me not to work at least through next Tuesday. Yeah. So yesterday I went to work (it was payday AND a bank holiday - lovely) an hour before I was supposed to so I could call people to work for me this weekend.

Well, that didn't work. No one could work for me Friday. No one could work for me tonight. Special thanks to Vince for picking up my Sunday. You deserve the overtime, my friend.

So last night I said that my doctor told me not to work (I had a note) and that I was on narcotics. You'd think that would be enough to send my drugged-up ass home, but nope. I had to work. I got to leave at 10:30, but I still had to work.

Now I feel even worse. The pain is worse. I have all these weird neurological/central nervous system symptoms that have developed recently, too, although we're hoping they're just drug side effects. A girl can dream, right?

So now I don't know what to do about tonight. I'm supposed to train someone (on narcotics, of course, if I do go in), but I'm also ordered not to work. Also, you're not supposed to work under the influence of anything, including prescription narcotics. Of course I know this, which is why I made sure to tell them I was on the strong pills.

The sorority is all gung-ho about me staying in bed doing nothing. They've gone a little overboard by insisting that I'll die if I go to work, because I'm fairly certain that I'd be in the hospital if there were any risk of death. You know, hospitals are like the elephant graveyards.

I just don't want my last words to be something lame like, "I have a tall extra extra caramel caramel Frappuccino for Brittany!"

Spending My Life in a Narcotic Haze

I've been in bed pretty much since Sunday. I got worse today (Wednesday), and I'm supposed to work Thursday. This can't possibly end well.

My head feels weird - like the pressure is off or something. And my neck is really sore and stiff, and it hurts like a bitch when I move it. I also started seeing double the other night. Tonight I saw stars, which is much prettier, yet still freaky.

The pain in my left side got worse, but my ultrasound showed that my ovary at least looks normal now. My legs feel weird, too, like how they feel when I've been taking steroids for a week, but I haven't. I think I have been on anti-inflammatories, though. I'm not sure - I'm on everything. I have a purse full of six or so prescriptions and another three or four by my bed.

Most recent doctor's diagnosis: bladder infection
Wendy's diagnosis of doctor: bullshit

This is so more than a bladder infection. Granted, that was probably caused by cyst fluid leakage, which also caused the nausea, but if they cyst is gone, and there's no more leaking, why do I still feel like shit?

You know what would cure this?

Sex.

I'm kidding. But I was reminded today that I recently had my one year anniversary of losing my virginity, so happy Nov. 7 to all you kids who chose the same day I did to give away a part of yourself you can never get back.

At least with No. 2, I put a lot more thought into it, not to mention I had much higher standards, and the sex was a lot better. But I digress.

You're right, JR, I am the most sexually frustrated person you know. Also quite possibly the most sexually frustrated person I know. Definitely the most medicated person I know.

I also feel feverish, but I'm not running a fever. It's all quite bizarre. But I figure if it was anything that would kill me or require surgery they would've caught it already. I guess I'm just supposed to be annoyed by it.

I'm Engaged!

Tina's been playing the Sims 2 lately, and apparently you can buy celebrities for that, so naturally, she bought me Johnny Depp.

And yesterday, Sim Johnny Depp proposed to Sim Wendy! Oh, it was wonderful - she called me into the room to watch. So my Sim self, who is really hot by the way, is now engaged to Sim Johnny, who is also really hot.

The real Wendy is still on that doctor-mandated bed rest stuff. And lots of pills.

You Want Me to Put That Where?

I woke up this morning with, yes, more of the terrible pain that persisted all weekend. As a side note, thanks to Robert for keeping me company while I was on narcotics and in terrible pain Saturday night/Sunday morning. You can be my wing man anytime!

Anyway, back to Monday. I woke up with terrible pain. I then woke Tina up for some ER fun, and away we went. After giving them the rundown of what my other doctors visits yielded last week, I was ready for...

MORE PREGNANCY TESTS.

Yes, while I had one last Wednesday and haven't had sex since, they still need to give me a pregnancy test.

So here's the weird thing: I had a bladder infection. Yeah, I'm not pregnant still, but the infection is new. It's apparently from cyst fluid leakage or I don't know. Anyway, that was new.

Of course, before they told me this, they had to ultrasound me to look for more cysts.

Well, apparently the bladder is involved in checkin' out the ovaries, because the dude couldn't see them because they'd just had me empty my bladder for the not-pregnant test.

He said I had two options:

1) Look at the ovaries from the inside, where I would, as he said, "put it in like a tampon"

2) Go back, drink liquid, wait about an hour, possibly start an IV (I immediately freaked out at the thought of a needle going in me), and then maybe do the inserting camera thing anyway

Well, after the unexpected pelvic exam Friday where they felt my ovary and asked if it hurt, I was pretty much up for anything that would help.

I plan to use this scenario as leverage when my parents bitch about the hospital bill.

Number of health care professionals who have seen the inside of my vagina in the past week: 4, if you count the female nurses who have to be in the room as well to make sure nothing bad happens

Number of people I've had sex with: 2

Something is seriously wrong with those numbers.

How Green Was My Valley

There are a lot of reasons why I cannot actually type everything I want to right here, but suffice it to say that something is, well, weird.

I haven't blogged lately. Mostly I've been on lots of pills, and I've been having a pretty involved week or so, and that's before you factor in my PMS and the ruptured cyst in my left ovary. So all in all, thank your lucky stars you aren't me.

We didn't get paid Monday. I have $10 to last me until Friday, and I don't think it'll work. We'll see. I had to get into my savings account to pay my rent, and now that has only $50 in it. Yikes. So things are bleak in the world of Wendy's finances.

If any of the following people were here right now, I think I'd feel better: Lindsey, because she just seems to know everything; Kristin, because she listens, and we're "hard-core bitches" or whatever it was I said; Cox, because rum and OJ is mighty good, but I just can't do it without Cox; Patrick, because he's objective yet makes me think I'm right, and we have much fun drinking together; JR, because he's been on another continent for entirely too long; Robert, because dancing around the SigEp house just doesn't seem that weird with him (translation: he makes me laugh, and I could use a laugh right now); Leslie, because I miss the hell out of her and it's hard to girl-talk without your best friend; Zac, because there's always ice cream, and he's really tall, and, you know, somehow that's comforting (that goes for Robert and JR as well); ERICA, because if she gets all caps, she must be good.

More on all of this later, but to all those listed above: WOOT! I Heart You!

"Starting Today I'm Someone I'd Be Proud to Know"

Actually, that started Monday.

It's no secret that a big part of my life has been consumed with the ever-growing problems at Sidelines. Monday, I refused to lie down and be someone's bitch, and for that, I'm proud of myself.

It takes a lot to fight off the kind of authority that wants to oppress, control, and berate you, but it's for those very reasons you must fight it. Tonight, I took another step by forwarding some communication to university officials.

Next week, I'll do more. Tomorrow, I'll be attending a meeting with staff members and the adviser, assuming I'm having no ovarian problems: Yesterday I ruptured an ovarian cyst, which is quite painful, I must say.

Happy birthday to my mom!

And, finally, from Voltaire: "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."

Because I'm Bored...

*26 Questions That You Think No One Will Ever Ask You*

1.When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at? My stomach, if it's visible. If not, my eyes or my rack, depending on my mood/outfit.
2.How much cash do you have on you? $21
3.What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"? Rest
4.Favorite flower? White rose
5.Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? the MTSU Business Office baby
6.What is your main ring tone on your phone? "Explosive" by Bond (string quartet)
7.What shirt are you wearing? My Phi Chi formal shirt from May 2002
8.Do you "label" yourself, could you? I'm an intellectual elitist and a grammar snob
9.Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing? Nike...and that's not a question, so no question mark is needed.
10.Bright or Dark Room? dark
11.What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? Tina is my lil sis and one of my best friends!
12.Ever "spilled the beans"? I'm sure at some point in my life I have.
13.What were you doing at midnight last night? Your mom. Oh wait, that was the night before. I was...ummm...reading Descartes' Error or The Tao Is Silent
14.What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say? "How much was the first nite"
15.Do you ever click on "Pop Ups" or Banners? Not on purpose
16.What's a saying that you say a lot? Your mom, fuck, that's funny - you didn't think of it
17.Who told you they loved you last? Tina, and that was Saturday
18.What happened to number 18? Bingo!
19.How Many Drugs Have You Done In The Past Three Days? None, not even alcohol...OK, Allegra D
20.How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? Any picture I've taken since that formal I brought AGR Chris...so...since 2003
21.Favorite age you have been so far? I'm diggin' 22
22.Your worst enemy? FERN!!!! Or my alarm clock
23.What is your current desktop picture? Some Mac blueness
24.What was the last thing you said to someone? I told the photo editor I needed a volleyball picture
25.If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a major regret? I try not to have regrets - I think I'd take the million.
26.Do you love/like someone? Yep

"Have fun in your quagmire"

I haven't been blogging lately, mostly because I've been too busy enjoying my life. It's a good thing.

I'm dreading tonight's meeting. Yikes!

Here's what happened with Manda today:
Wendy: If you were me, what would you do?
Manda: I would ask.
Wendy: OK, if you were me and you didn't ask.
Manda: I would wait in a terrible quagmire of not knowing like you will.

Oh, Manda, how right you are.

Current mood: Aside from dreading the upcoming evening and it's stress, I'm still on boy high from last night. Bitchin'.

And Then There Were Two...

My life is weird. Very very weird. That's all I've got.

Dodging Bullets One Coin Toss at a Time

I went to take a test this morning, one I wasn't even remotely prepared for, nor did I have any idea how to prepare for it. So I get to class and what should happen but this:

"I'm going to flip a coin four times. The number of heads I get is the number of people to a group."

Wha?! God bless you! I knew those sacrifices to the God of Statistics would pay off!

Suffice it to say that without my group, the test would've made me its bitch. Instead, I survived and got away with my slacking yet again. Someday I'll learn my lesson.

Maybe tomorrow! I have two tests (one in each of the classes I have tomorrow), so there's still a good chance I'll fuck something up before the week is over. The good news is I at least won't find out about it until after Fall Break. I can panic Wednesday.

It has occurred to me that I'm really FUCKED, and not in the good way. I know, I know, Manda, you fucked my mom in the good way. Now let's get back to ME.

Example the First: I'm behind in my classes, and it's midterms!

Example the Second: I have no forseeable free time to catch up.

Example the Third: I've grown to hate the one job that used to relax me.

Example the Fourth: The other job is just something I do to pay the bills. It's fun, but the shiny newness wore off long ago.

Example the Fifth: Football Sunday. As shallow as it sounds, I really enjoy spending my Sundays watching football. It's kind of been my thing. At the end of a long work week and school week, I really need to just scream at my television for a few hours. I have no more football Sundays! It's one of the few things that still relaxes me.

Example the Sixth: My savings account might as well be nonexistent.

Example the Seventh: It's quite possible I will never again drive an air-conditioned vehicle.

Example the Eighth: WTF?! The Yankees are out?! A-Rod, you let me down! Yes, I realize this is old news, but the shock hasn't worn off yet.

Example the Ninth: I'm still trying to finish my room. At least I've made progress.

That's right, my friends - it never rains hard enough.

But, you know, not to be a total downer, some aspects of my life are pretty bitchin'. And those I keep to myself, because even when your life is an open blog, you do need something to hang out to that's just yours, lest you start thinking you're a reality TV star.

There shouldn't even exist such a phrase as "reality TV star."

Tonight I did some much needed unwinding with ice cream and ESPN. Add some liquor and a recliner, and it's just what heaven is like. Or any fraternity house.

Song of the Day: Toby Keith's "I Love This Bar"

We got winners, we got losers
Chain smokers and boozers
And we got yuppies, we got bikers
We got thirsty hitchhikers
And the girls next door dress up like movie stars

Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, I love this bar

We got cowboys, we got truckers
Broken-hearted foons and suckers
And we got hustlers, we got fighters
Early birds and all-nighters
And the veterans talk about their battle scars

Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar

[Chorus:]
I love this bar
It's my kind of place
Just walkin' through the front door
Puts a big smile on my face
It ain't too far, come as you are
Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar

I've seen short skirts, we got high-techs
Blue-collared boys and rednecks
And we got lovers, lots of lookers
I've even seen dancing girls and hookers
And we like to drink our beer from a mason jar

Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar
O, Yes I do

I like my truck (I like my truck)
I like my girlfriend (I like my girlfriend)
I like to take her out to dinner
I like a movie now and then

But I love this bar
It's my kind of place
Just trollin' around the on dance floor
Puts a big smile on my face
No cover charge, come as you are
Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar
Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm I just love this old bar